by Lucy Vine
I think she’s probably right, but I have now got 174,898 “followers” – is that good? Lots of them are “Twittering” me asking me to do more “short stories”, so I have decided to continue with a whole “series” about Duncan James and his erotic tales with Svetlana and Wanda. Of course, I will keep sending them to you, although you can also “follow” me if you like!!! L.O.L. Although, do either of you know why people keep “Twittering” me about “Blue” and writing things like “One Love” and “All Rise”? I am getting that a lot.
Anyway, Lenny, see you on Saturday for “house viewing”. Candice and I are very much looking forward to seeing your new flat and we hope the sale “completes” quickly. Please do not think that means we are eager to get rid of you though. This will always be your home and you can stay as long as you would like.
I know I say this a lot, and I hope it doesn’t lose its meaning because of that, but I love you both very much. You are both brave and clever and you inspire me to try and be those things every day. Your mum would be so very proud of you, I know I am. I’m bursting with it.
All our love,
Dad and Candice
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Cc: Alan Knight
He means me. You’re still single and fat.
Enjoyed
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About the Author
Lucy Vine is a freelance journalist based in London, who regularly writes and edits for the likes of Grazia, Heat, Cosmo, Stylist and Marie Claire. She also writes a weekly newsy column for Grazia Daily. Fed up with seeing the happily-ever-afters in films, she decided to write her own and her debut, Hot Mess, is the result.
Follow her on Twitter @Lecv
Acknowledgements
Before I begin, imagine me crying like Gwyneth Paltrow accepting her Oscar, but much redder and wearing Winnie the Pooh pyjamas.
There we go. Scene set.
When I was little I used to hide in the loo for hours reading every book I could find, and now here I am, with my own book I can read when I’m hiding in the loo. It’s still completely surreal, and I am incredibly grateful to so many people. Firstly, to Katie Seaman at Orion, who made this entire thing happen and believed in me the whole time (even when I didn’t). Thank you so much. Thanks also to Elaine, Laura, Sarah, Loulou, Mark and everyone else at Orion for working so hard on the book. You’ve been wonderful. Thanks to my amazingly cool agent Diana Beaumont at Marjacq, who has been all things; agent, crisis manager, friend, wine provider.
Enormous thank you to my entire huge, amazing family for being so brilliant and supportive. Mum, Nigel, Dale, Lisa, Carey, Nick, Phil, Dad, Liz, Frankie, Charlotte, Ali, Flo, Sam, Leon, Charlie, other Mum Ros and especially to my twin sister, Becky, who was the only civilian I let read the draft, and was so fucking lovely about the whole thing. Also thanks to her three little ones, Boo, Tizz, Lollipop (who requested a co-author credit but seriously, your suggestions were all rubbish).
Thanks to all my amazing friends, who’ve been such cheerleaders too. Cookie, Fred, McHefferDoris, JD, Shell, Neil, The Legends; ClairBelle, Abi, Bell, and the other GFSC members; Ushman, Kate, Horse. Brilliant friends Daisy/Lucy, Wills, Ledge, Zoe, Rhi, Issy, Lynn, and the Paw Walkers. And just because I know it will freak him out, thanks also to my old A-Level English teacher, Mr Andrews.
And finally, thank you to all the fuckboys and all the nice boys I’ve met over the years, who helped inspire me. But, obviously, everything in this book is fiction, and if you spot yourself in here, you are an arrogant piece of shit and this is why I dumped you.
In summary: I REALLY, REALLY HOPE YOU DIDN’T HATE THIS BOOK.
Thanks.
Copyright
AN ORION EBOOK
First published in Great Britain in 2017 by Orion Books
Ebook first published in 2017 by Orion Books
Copyright © Lucy Vine 2017
The right of Lucy Vine to be identified as the author
of this work has been asserted in accordance with the
Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor to be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
All the characters in this book are fictitious,
and any resemblance to actual persons, living
or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 978 1 4091 7221 5
The Orion Publishing Group Ltd
Carmelite House, 50 Victoria Embankment
London EC4Y 0DZ
An Hachette UK company
www.orionbooks.co.uk