by Sadie Grubor
"No!" He shouted back. "I will not get out! You have this all confused, I made sure that you got the birth control pills!"
"What?" I spit out, not believing a word coming from his lips.
He sighed.
"Look, I talked to Dr. Johnson after your appointment to ensure that no one, especially my family, found out that you were taking birth control." He sighed heavily. "I know that I should have told you that, but I just needed to keep it from my family and public knowledge."
"What are you talking about?" I growled.
"I called to make sure that it was all kept a secret so that my family wouldn't freak out and so that our clients, who are counting on the Iverson's to keep AIS, weren't aware that we were not 'trying' for the heir." He got on his knees next to my bed.
"I swear to you, Lilli, I did not change your pills or give you some fucking drug. I just...I was scared to deal with my uncle, my family, and the clients." He grabbed my right hand and refused to let go of it. Placing his forehead on my hand he continued.
"I would never do that to you, Lilli. I love you. Can't you see how in love I am with you?"
My breath caught.
He loved me? He chooses now to tell me that he loves me! Was it just a ploy for him to use?
I sighed and threw my head back.
"I don't know whether I should believe you or not, Aidan. I really just don't know." Then I remembered that he didn't answer me about Becca. "What about Becca?" I eyed him.
He exhaled heavily.
"Becca and I...well...we, um, had a fling."
"When?" I snapped.
His eyes came up to mine quickly.
"No, no, no...before you. She got slightly...attached to me and even broke into my apartment, as well as my grandfather's...erm...our home." I scowled at him. "We never pressed charges. My Uncle Henry and I are the only ones who know about it. The Ball was the first time I had seen her since then. I had hoped that she wouldn’t start...her um...tendencies again."
I pulled my hand away and rolled over to my side, away from him. "I need to be alone." I heard him shuffle out of the room.
"Lilli?" I looked up to Dr. Munthers with tears straining my face.
"I'm sorry that you had to witness—"
"Don't say another word." She smiled kindly. "However, I need to finish your examination. I can come back if you’d prefer?"
I shook my head.
"No, I want to get to my father."
She continued on with the scan and the other internal exams.
"Well, I would place you at roughly two months pregnant and doing very well." She smiled down on me. "I can discharge you. You need to start scheduling regular visits with your family doc...or, um...I'll provide you with a list of highly referred OB/GYN's in New York, okay?"
"Thank you," I wiped the tears from my face.
"A nurse will be in to discharge you soon." She got to the door and paused. "And don't be afraid to call me if you have any questions, okay?"
I nodded and smiled at her before she walked out of the room.
Mentally exhausted, I rolled to my side and sobbed as everything ran through my head. Aidan's revelations made sense. But, at the same time, I just didn't know for sure if I could trust him. He says he loves me, but what if it is simply because now I hold the key to his precious AIS? I was too exhausted to think any more about it and drifted into blackness.
Dixon and Phoebe appeared in my room after I had been woken up by the nurse to be discharged. Dixon had the wheelchair and Phoebe was gathering my bags. I hadn't seen or heard from Aidan and, honestly, I preferred it this way, for now.
Once I was in the chair, Dixon wheeled me to my father. He still had a small blue tint to his lips, but that was normal. I remembered from last time. I stood, overcome with wanting to just be a small girl again, I climbed into the bed and laid on my dad, crying into his chest.
"Whhhatssss wronng?" His raspy voice pulled me from my grief.
"Oh, daddy, don't talk. Just rest." I cupped his cheek with my hand and smiled at him.
He started to open his mouth, but I stopped him.
"When you are better and we are home, okay?"
Though he looked at me with concern and annoyance, he complied. I laid back down on his chest and he moved a hand to my head. I squeezed onto him, hoping that I could draw strength from him.
Chapter Ten
Discovery
Lilli
I laid with Donald until I fell asleep, just like when I was a little girl. Millie’s voice woke me from my restless slumber. I groaned and rubbed the dried tears from my swollen eyes.
"Lilli?" She whispered and patted my arm.
"Hmm?" I sat up.
"Um…you have a visitor." I looked up at Millie and followed her gaze over my left shoulder.
There stood a disheveled Aidan. He looked as bad as I felt. I felt my face instantly harden.
"I don’t want to talk to you right now." I growled out low.
"Please, Lil…" I cut him off.
"Just go," I sighed out and rubbed my stiff neck.
"Lilli," I looked up at Millie who had a very motherly look on her face. "Go on now. Give the man a chance to speak." She raised a brow at me as if she were daring me to argue with her.
I huffed and got up, pushing past Aidan as I walked out of the hospital room door. I didn’t stop. I continued until I came across the waiting room that held the vending machines. Smiling at a couple who were seated with magazines, snacks, and a couple of pillows, I walked to the soda machine. After getting a bottle of root beer from the machine, I turned to face Aidan.
"Well?" I took another sip.
"Lilli, I didn’t…" he turned and looked at the couple who was trying to pretend that they weren’t listening to our conversation. “I didn’t do what you are thinking. I would never do that, ever. Why can’t you realize that?" Even in his hushed tone his voice was intense.
"I don’t think that you would, Aidan. It’s just…I mean, it’s just so convenient and, well, to be honest, I don’t know if I should or if I can trust you." I sighed and sat down. "Why didn’t you tell me before that you called the doctor about my prescription? Why couldn’t you be upfront about it when you did it? And, then, when I overheard you on the phone the other day. Now it just makes me wonder." I put my head in my hands. "Trust and belief is not something that I can give you right now."
"I’m sorry this happened. I’ve already placed calls and have people looking into everything. Plus, the hospital is making a report about the drug switch." I could hear the sadness in his voice. "I know that you are angry, but I am too."
I looked at him about to get defensive.
Was he trying to say that he was angry at me?
He saw the look on my face.
"Not with you, with me." Now I was confused. Before I could ask what he meant, he continued. "I should’ve been honest with you before all of this."
I shrugged.
"I guess it doesn’t really matter about the pills…" I broke off when I saw his face. "What?"
"I was talking about telling you that I love you." He turned his entire body to face me. "I am dead serious, Lilli, I love…"
I groaned loudly and stood up.
"What?" he asked, sounding a little annoyed.
"Just…just don’t say that." I closed my eyes and rubbed my closed lids.
"Why shouldn’t I say it? I mean it." He stood and his hands were on my upper arms tightly, pulling me closer to him.
I opened my eyes.
"You may think that you love me, Aidan, I don’t know, but you are not in love with me. We have an agreement and that is…"
"Will you please stop trying to discredit how I feel about you?" He wrapped his arms around my waist.
Pushing him away, I swallowed hard.
"Aidan, I don’t feel that way about you." I lied. "I knew and so did you, that this was just an arrangement. The newest development doesn’t change anything." I lied again and wiped away the s
olitary tear that escaped my traitorous eye.
"You’re lying," he spit out quickly. He sounded cocky, but there was a hint of anger and sadness to his voice. He sighed. "When we get home we are going to…" I cut him off.
"I am not going ho…to your house." I turned to look at him. He looked terrified.
"You—?"
"I am going to stay and take care of Donald, until he is better." I cleared up the misunderstanding. "I know that you need to get back to AIS, so I will be away for a while."
Aidan looked so sad that I almost wanted to comfort him, but I held strong. If I comforted him then I would simply crack into a million pieces. My father just had a heart transplant, I was hit by a freaking truck and I found out that I was pregnant, that I had been drugged to produce said pregnancy. And, the icing to top off the pregnancy cake, something that I am not even sure how I feel about, I was pregnant with twins. My emotions and my logical thinking were so wrapped up with each other that I couldn’t stand to be in my own skin. Confusion, sadness, shock, fear, and panic ripped through me in continuous waves. Trying to hold myself together was a full time job right now.
"I understand," was all Aidan said as he sat back down.
I took a deep breath and walked passed him. Once I was out of the waiting room, I found the closest bathroom. Lurching into the porcelain bowl, I emptied the contents of my stomach. I suddenly felt exhausted and drained.
After washing off my face and rinsing out my mouth, I walked back to my father’s room. Aidan was sitting in a corner chair looking disheveled and somber. I climbed into the reclining chair next to my father’s bed. The last thing I remember is feeling Aidan’s burning gaze.
Aidan returned to New York three days after our conversation, though he called and texted regularly. Donald was moved from Eastern Maine back to Winter Harbor hospital after a week. He spent two more weeks at Winter Harbor hospital before he being released into homecare.
Whoever labeled it ‘morning sickness’ was definitely a moronic male. I was sick morning, noon and night. I was barely able to hold down any type of solid food. At one point, Millie almost had a doctor put me on an IV. Thankfully that didn’t happen.
Phoebe and Dixon had left after spending a week in the hospital with me and Donald. Phoebe arrived in Winter Harbor when we took Donald home from the hospital. I was happy to have her back, along with the clothes that she brought for me. She was going to drive me to the hospital so that I could finally get the approval to stop using the damn air cast and have my head checked out, as well as for my OB checkup.
"So…" Phoebe kept her eyes on the road.
"What, Phoebe?" I sighed.
"Do you really think it was Aidan?" She sounded hesitant, as if she were worried that I would get mad at her for bringing him or the topic up.
"I don’t know," I growled. "We’ve been through this. I just…I don’t know if I can trust or believe him. I mean…Ahgghh!" I put my head back on the seat.
"I’m sorry," Phoebe said genuinely. "I don’t mean to be a pest, but, Lilli, you should have seen him!" She kept moving her eyes from the road to me and then back.
"Keep your eyes on the road." I instructed. "Seen him what?" I asked in a low tone.
"Oh my God, Lilli, when you were in the ICU and he got there it was like he was going to explode. He was functioning on pure adrenaline. And, then, when he found your room, he curled up in the bed with you and started sobbing."
I looked at her a little shocked.
"Jesus, if he isn’t in love with you then I don’t know what the hell you would call it." She was smiling wistfully. "I was going to go in the room with him, but when I got to the door and heard him, I felt like I was intruding."
"Well, I’m not saying that he doesn’t care about me, Phoebe—"
"Fuck caring, he loves you. The way he went off on the nurse who tried to kick him out of your room after visiting hours is just another confirmation." Phoebe was now starting to lecture me.
"He told off a nurse?" I started twisting my fingers around in my lap.
"Hell yeah he did. Dixon had to calm him down." She giggled. "He threatened to buy the hospital and then he could do what he wanted!" She laughed and I spit out a laugh as well.
"Okay, okay…I get that he has feelings for me, but I just…I don’t know." I stared out the window during the rest of the ride.
Phoebe, being so in tune with me from our years of friendship, knew that I needed to think.
He was going to be meeting us at the hospital today. He refused to miss the check up for my fracture, my head, and for the baby, well, babies.
It was still surreal to think that I was carrying two living beings in my small bump. Another surreal moment is when you step out of the shower and, for the first time, your reflection reveals that you are noticeably pregnant. Having grabbed a few pregnancy books from the store to read in the hospital, I had read that twins would cause me to show sooner than a single pregnancy. I had sighed at the thought when I read it and cried into a towel when I first noticed it.
I still hadn’t been able to connect with the pregnancy which made me feel guilty. There were women out there simply trying to conceive one child without any luck at all and here I am reluctantly pregnant with twins. I felt shitty for being so disconnected, but every time I thought about it I couldn’t get passed all the lies.
When Phoebe pulled into the parking lot I snapped out of my thoughts.
"You okay?" She asked as she drove around the parking garage next to the hospital.
"Yeah," I breathed out.
Once parked, we headed into the hospital. First stop was Dr. Sherman. When I stepped off of the elevator I was a little surprised by the sight of Aidan leaning against the wall.
He didn’t look like himself; dark circles under his eyes, stubble on his jaw and slumped shoulders. His eyes met mine and it was like clouds breaking away for the sun to shine through.
"Lilli," he smiled widely and walked over, quickly pulling me into his arms.
Phoebe giggled.
"I’ll wait out here for you." She sat down in a waiting chair and pulled a magazine out of her oversized bag.
Pulling out of his embrace, I turned to Phoebe. "You don’t have to stay out here. You can—"
"Get going. I’ll be here." She dismissed me without looking away from her Vogue magazine.
I took a deep breath and headed down the hospital corridor, Aidan close to my side.
"You look good."
"Thank you."
Aidan stopped in front of me and placed his hand on my stomach.
"Lilli…" his eyes came alive, "you can tell." He transformed before my eyes, back to the Aidan I first met.
"Um..yeah. With twins you start to show a little sooner." I shrugged and stood there uncomfortably. I wasn’t a big fan of people pointing out just how big I was getting. Phoebe was a fan though.
Aidan removed his hand. Before I could make a move to walk around him, he cupped my face and pressed his lips to mine.
"I love you," he whispered against my lips. It felt so good, so natural, to feel him against my lips. My hands had already found his shoulders before I realized it and pulled myself away.
"I’m going to be late for my appointment." I caught my breath and walked around him.
His fingers laced through mine as he caught up to me. I glanced over at him, there was a huge smile on his face as we walked toward the nurse’s desk. He was absolutely beautiful.
Once Doctor Sherman was finished, and gave me the clearance to not use the air cast, he sent us on our way to Doctor Munthers.
"Lilli, Aidan, it is good to see you again." She smiled as she entered the room.
"Hello," I said, sitting on the large padded table in the God awful hospital gown.
"So, how have you been feeling?" She looked at me.
"Oh, um, okay. I mean, the throwing up seems to have finally settled into just early afternoon or if I smell something disgusting." I shrugged and waited for the next
question, catching sight of Aidan in my peripheral vision. His brow was furrowed and the light in his eyes was gone again.
"Any complaints or questions?" She smiled at me.
"None that you can do anything about," I laughed.
"Okay, well let’s get this going then." She pulled on two latex gloves. "Can you lay back and bring your bottom to the edge of the table?" She asked as she pulled my legs into the stirrups. I did as she asked. Once she was done with the internal exam she threw the gloves away.
Still lying on my back, but no longer in the stirrups, she pulled back the gown and did the stomach measurements. I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to see Aidan staring at my stomach.
"Everything looks great," she smiled down to me as she fumbled around in the pocket of her white coat.
She pulled out a small gray box with a small piece attached to it, which looked like a microphone. Then I felt and heard the gel squeezed onto my abdomen before she placed the small piece to my stomach. She roamed around for a moment until the room filled with a whooshing sound.
"There’s one."
"One what?" Aidan said quickly.
Doctor Munthers smiled large.
"Heartbeat," she said with a small smirk.
My eyes widened at the sound. Aidan’s hand clasped mine. I squeezed as the room went silent.
"And there is the other," she announced as the whooshing and swooshing sound filled the room again. "They both sound very healthy and strong."
She pulled the small piece away, wiped my stomach off, and offered me a hand to sit up.
"Everything is looking great. Good job, mommy." She smiled warmly and I swallowed down the panic at being called a mommy.
I hadn't been prepared to be a mommy. And, right now, I wasn't sure what to do about Aidan and me. I don't believe he'd been the one to drug me, but I don't feel safe. Someone did this and not knowing who or why was forcing the distance between us to grow.
Would we ever be a normal couple? Could we achieve normal for our children?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Aidan
Brief phone conversations and text messages were all I could get from her. She would make excuses for me not to visit. And, though I could ignore her and just show up, I didn’t want to fight with her or argue, which is exactly what would happen.