by Donya Lynne
"Your blood. It tastes…I mean…" Ari started to back away, a look of shock on his face. "I know you’re a mixed-blood, but I…I just assumed your mix was human." He frowned, looking almost hurt. "But…you’re dreck." He spat the word out like it was dirty.
Suddenly, Sev sobered, blinking and shaking off the effects of Ari’s venom. "Wait, no –"
"You’re a goddamn dreck, Sev?" Ari backed further away, headed for the door. "When were you going to tell me? Huh? When? Fuck, Sev!"
"Wait, Ari. No." Sev fought through the last of the haze and reached for his mate.
Ari yanked himself away, practically flinging himself against the door as he fumbled with the handle. "I can't…I need to…fuck!" He glanced back at Sev, looking hurt and confused. "I can't believe you didn't tell me." Ari's glare was accusatory.
Clearly, Sev had fucked up by not telling him sooner, but he hadn't known how. He had been scared of Ari's reaction, and apparently he had been right to be worried with the way Ari was practically clawing through the door to get away from him. Finally, the door swung open and Ari shot outside.
"Ari, stop. Please!" What had he done? God, he had fucked up monumentally. He should have told Ari last night. Before they had gotten so involved. But, yeah right. When had they really even had an opportunity to discuss it? They had been too busy falling in love with each other, and Sev hadn't been thinking about much else other than holding and feeling Ari against him.
Ari practically flew off the porch, his voice full of pain as he barked over his shoulder, "Don’t touch me, Sev. Just don't fucking touch me right now. You should have told me, damn you!"
Sev’s heart broke at Ari’s vicious tone, and pain broke out in his chest like a hundred tiny nails had exploded from the center and sprayed out to pierce his flesh. Clutching his chest, his knees gave out from the sudden burst of pain – the suffering – and he crumpled to the floor like slack rope. Anguish tormented him. "Please, Ari."
Ari reached his car. As he opened the driver's side door, he turned and looked at Sev. Confusion and pain crossed his features, and he gasped for air, hesitating just long enough that Sev thought he might come back inside. But he frowned and shook his head as if he was arguing with himself then hurried and got behind the wheel.
"NO! Ari! God, don’t leave. I love you! I love you, damn it!" The pain in his chest now radiated through his limbs and he fell forward on the floor. "You’re my mate!" He yelled out the last right before Ari shut his door and started the engine.
As Ari backed out of the driveway, Sev rolled onto his back and cried out in pain. Then his eyes flew to the clock. It was almost time for sunrise. Ari would never make it home in time.
"NOOO!"
* * *
As Ari hit the gas, he finally let his tears fall.
He was shocked more than angry. Well, no, he was angry, too. And hurt. Sev should have told him what he was. Sev should have admitted up front that he was half dreck instead of letting Ari assume he was a human mix. What the hell? How had this happened? How had he gotten involved with someone who was half dreck?
Fuck!
Tears streamed Ari’s face as he raced past the stop sign at the end of Sev's street. No other cars were out this early, so it wasn't like anyone was going to crash into him to jolt him back to his senses, even though he was tempting fate to do just that.
He swiped the back of his hand over his eyes and cheeks to wipe the tears away, but he still couldn’t see for shit through the blur.
Sev was a dreck? A goddamn dreck?! How the fuck? When? How? Shit!
But as shocking as that was, what hurt Ari even more was that Sev had lied to him. Well, maybe not lied, because they had never talked about Sev's background. But damn it, Sev should have told him right from the start he was half dreck. If he cared about him even just a little, he should have told him.
The pain he had felt earlier in the evening returned, only this time it was worse. Way worse. As in someone-kill-me worse. The piercing ache gripped his chest so tightly he didn’t think he would be able to continue breathing. Immediately, the pain lowered and lanced his stomach then spread upward to squeeze his head as if it was in a giant fist. Then everything in his melon went haywire like his shit was bouncing around inside his skull. He imagined this was what it would feel like to have Shaquille O’Neal use his head as a basketball.
Ari slammed on the brakes and opened his door, gasping for air as he flopped out onto all fours in the middle of the street to dry heave a whole lot of nothing but net as imaginary Shaq slam-dunked him. Fuck! What the hell was happening to him? It wasn’t Sev’s blood making him feel this way. Dreck blood couldn’t hurt vampires. And, besides, he had felt this pain earlier after what had happened with Io back at AKM. True, this was way worse than how he had felt after hurting Sev, but at the core, the pain was the same.
He rocked back and leaned against the side of his car while he wrapped his arms around his torso to try and dampen the pain.
Sev, Sev, Sev. Sev was a dreck, or at least partially a dreck. Why hadn't Sev told him? It hurt that Sev had kept it a secret from him. Didn't he trust him? Couldn't Sev be honest with him? After he had poured out his own secrets to Sev about his family and about himself, Sev hadn't been able to do the same in return?
Fresh tears streamed his face, and he clamped a hand over his chest and bent his head forward as he sobbed. It felt like his heart was being torn apart. He was in love with the enemy. He was in love with the goddamn enemy.
Suddenly, he stopped rocking himself as he realized what he had just thought. Was he in love with Sev? He searched his heart, seeing the truth that, yes, he was, wasn't he? And then he realized what Sev had yelled to him just before he beat feet. I love you, damn it! You’re my mate! Sev’s words echoed in Ari’s ears.
You’re my mate!
Ari blinked hard, replaying the memory yet again.
You’re my mate!
Sev had looked tortured as he cried out to Ari. Tortured and in agony.
Ari hesitated and frowned, looking down. What was happening here? Realization began to fully dawn on him, his face softening as his gaze searched the shadows in disbelief, as if he could find something in the darkness that would explain all that was happening.
He and Sev were in the grasp of the suffering, weren't they? Shit. The suffering was what Micah had gone through after Jackson left him over two months ago. Before Micah had found Sam. The suffering was a condition that attacked a mated male when his mate either left him or died. The mating bond didn't like to be severed once it selected a partner, and the suffering was its way of lashing out when that occurred to ensure the mated pair stayed together. But if he and Sev were experiencing the suffering, that would mean that they…oh God. They had mated each other.
Ari banged his head back against his car. God, he was stupid. How could he have been so blind? The constant hard-on, the ever-present need to have sex with Sev, the aches, the pains, the way his heart clenched earlier when he had hurt Sev and Sev had been angry with him. Suddenly it all made sense.
You're my mate! Sev had said. Sev already knew. How hadn't Ari seen it when apparently Sev had?
Because you were blinded by your fear of everyone finding out you're gay, you dumbass.
Ari groaned. Fuuuuuuck. He was such an idiot. He had just blown up and jumped to conclusions about Sev and how he should have told him the truth about being dreck, and yet here Ari was, unable to do the same about his homosexuality.
He pulled his knees up and stretched his arms out over them and bowed his head in shame. What a hypocrite he was. Here he was holding Sev to a standard he, himself, couldn't even live up to.
No wonder Sev hadn't told him about his dreck blood. He was probably scared shitless at what kind of reaction he would get. Fear most likely motivated Sev to keep the truth a secret. Fear of how he would be treated. Fear of Ari's reaction. And wasn't that why Ari kept his own secrets about being gay? Fear?
Yet Ari had just proven that
Sev had reason to be concerned. He had flown off the handle, accusing Sev of lying and withholding the truth. And yet, Ari couldn't even tell his parents or Io the truth about himself.
He had fucked up. Badly.
There weren't many half-drecks who announced what they were, and for good reason. Vampires who were discovered to have dreck blood ended up being forsaken by both drecks and vampires. They were ostracized. Cast-outs from both sides. Stuck in a no man's land where nobody wanted them. Hell, being half dreck was way worse than being gay. It was a curse. No wonder Sev kept his mouth shut.
"Idiot. I'm such an idiot!" Ari chastised himself. He of all people should have understood Sev's concerns and fear. Ari, who felt like a reject for his own reasons, should have appreciated the situation. Wouldn't Ari want someone to cut him some slack and understand his reasons for not disclosing his own truth? Wouldn't he want his parents, Io, and everyone else to accept him and let him live his own life without fear of retaliation and retribution? Didn't Sev deserve the same from him?
Yes, he did. And not just because it was becoming clear that Sev was his life mate. Sev deserved it for the simple reason that he was a person like everyone else.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid fuck." Ari chastised himself again and flopped his head back, banging it against the side of the car as he looked up at the sky.
The first light of dawn shone in the east and his skin prickled. He had dallied too long. He would never make it home before sunrise. But his house wasn’t where he wanted to be right now, anyway, was it? His home – his real home – was back in the other direction. Going to where he lived would only serve as torture, because he wouldn't be with the male he loved. He wouldn't be with Severin. Yes, there was only one place he wanted to be, wasn't there? Only one true home for him. Just one.
After jumping back into his car, he turned around and sped back to Sev’s house. When he pulled into the driveway, he saw that Sev was still lying on the floor in the foyer. The door was still open, and Sev's body was curled on its side as he gripped himself tightly. He was shivering so violently Ari could see it from his car.
Was he shaking from the cold early morning air or something more biological? Was Sev locked into the misery of the suffering as Ari had been just a few minutes ago, feeling the effects of their separation from one another on a level beyond agony?
Ari stared at Sev, hurting inside for the pain he had caused him. Damn, but that was his mate in there. Half-dreck or not, Sev was his mate, goddamn it. Ari was still too stunned to really comprehend it.
He looked back at Sev, who didn’t seem aware that Ari had returned. Shit, this was bad. Ari knew that all-too-well after what he had just experienced. But once he had made the decision to return, the pain had dissipated and his body had eased. It was just one more sign that he had, indeed, figured out what was happening. He really had mated Severin. He had found the one he had been made for – the one his soul had chosen above all others to fit perfectly with. His mate. Severin. And Sev was hurting right now. It was Ari's duty as his mate to make Sev's pain go away and take care of him.
Ari got out of his car and went inside then quietly closed the door before kneeling down behind Sev’s shivering body. Sev was sobbing uncontrollably, not even aware that Ari was there.
Tears formed in Ari’s eyes as he lifted his hand to his mouth. God, how could he make this right? What had he done? He had caused Sev to hurt like this. Ari's other half was in agony because of him. He wasn't supposed to hurt his other half. This was the one person in the entire universe Ari had been made to be with, and hurting him felt like a crime.
Ari had never thought this day would come. All the women he had been with in hopes of finding his mate, and all along, his mate had been a male. A sense of wonder and fascination swept over him, followed instantly by love. Overwhelming, life-changing, I-need-him-in-my-life-or-I'll-die love.
"I love you, too," he finally said on a whisper, placing his palm on Sev's shoulder. He needed Sev to look at him. He needed Sev to see he wasn't mad, anymore, and that he understood.
Sev's head jerked around and he froze, searching Ari's face.
Ari bit back his own emotions. "I love you, too. You're my mate, too, Sev." He bit the inside of his lip to keep from choking up. "I'm so sorry for how I reacted."
Crystal blue eyes that sparkled with tears blinked several times, almost as if Sev wanted to make sure Ari was really there. Then suddenly, Sev lurched upright into a sitting position and reached for Ari and pulled him in hard and held him so tightly it was if they shared the same body.
"You came back. Oh my God, you came back. I thought I'd lost you."
Ari gripped Sev securely, fisting his hands into the back of his shirt so that the fabric bunched up under his curled fingers. He wasn't willing to let go of him now that he realized he had found his one true match. "I'm so sorry. So goddamn sorry, Sev. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"And I never meant to lie to you." Sev buried his face against Ari's neck.
"You didn't lie to me."
"But I never told you, which is the same thing. I should have told you. I should have been honest."
"No." Ari pressed his cheek to the top of Sev's head. "No, Sev. It's not your fault. I understand why you didn't say anything. Me, of all people…I should have known better than to accuse you of keeping secrets."
Sev pulled back, looking confused. "What do you mean?"
Ari leaned forward, not wanting even this tiny distance between them. "Well, look at me, Sev. I can't even admit to my own family and my best friend that I'm gay. Who am I to judge you for not admitting you're half dreck?" He shook his head. "The repercussions of that secret getting out are way worse than if people find out I'm gay."
"You mean…" Sev's brow furrowed as if he wasn't sure what Ari was saying. "You're okay with me being half dreck?"
Ari grinned and pulled Sev close again so that he could rest his forehead against Sev's. He closed his eyes and breathed in Sev's clean, masculine scent. This was all his now, wasn't it? This male in his arms and the way he smelled and felt. Sev was all his. "Yes, Sev. God, yes. You're my mate. My mate." He smiled as he repeated it, his whole face lifting as he kept his eyes closed and just reveled in the moment. "My mate…God, you're my mate." He sounded almost relieved.
"Yes, Ari." Sev kept his voice soft, almost as if he, too, was savoring the moment. "We're mates." His hands skimmed slowly down and up Ari's back. "I wasn't sure how long it would take before you realized it."
"You could have told me." Ari opened his eyes and looked into Sev's, their foreheads still pressed together.
"I wanted you to figure it out on your own, babe."
Babe. Ari loved Sev's nickname for him.
"Well, it took me a while, but I finally did."
They remained on the floor, holding each other, touching, feeling, and enjoying the closeness.
"I was going to tell you, Ari." Pain edged Sev's eyes. "I promise. I was going to tell you about my dreck bloodline. I just didn't know how. And I was scared."
Ari nodded and took Sev's hand. "Tell me about it. I know scared, Sev. Look at me. I'm scared shitless to come out to my parents. And to Io. I had no right to accuse you of holding out on me. None. It kills me that I hurt you. All I can do is beg forgiveness."
Sev pulled him in again, wrapping him up in the most wondrous feeling of love he had ever felt. "No question, Ari. I forgive you. I love you. You're everything to me."
"I never want to hurt you again."
"Me, neither."
But Ari knew that it was inevitable that as they grew within this new dynamic and learned more about each other, they could and probably would hurt each other's feelings again. It was just the nature of how vampires mated. The biological pull to mate with another didn't always allow for a lot of get-to-know-you up front. So, the newly-mated pair oftentimes had to figure shit out as they went. There would be a lot of trial-and-error, but the mating link would never sever and they would always be bound t
o each other, no matter what happened.
* * *
Sev hardly dared to breathe or make a sound. All he could do was stare in awe at Ari. Finally, Ari had acknowledged what Sev had suspected all along. Ari felt it, too. He felt the link growing between them, binding them together. Sure, he had known it would only be a matter of time before Ari realized they were mates, but he hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. And certainly not like this.
"Say it again?" A smile spread over Sev's face.
"What? That I never want to hurt you?" Ari grinned quizzically at him.
Sev laughed shortly. "No. That you're my mate."
Ari chuckled at him. "You're so goofy."
"Just say it." Sev leaned closer, smiling from ear to ear. "Please."
The corners of Ari’s mouth turned up as he rolled his eyes. "I’ve mated you, you big oaf." His gaze grew tender. "And I love you." Ari's eyes ranged over his face, down to his chest, his hands, then back up to his eyes. It looked almost as if Ari still couldn't believe it himself and was seeing Sev with brand new eyes. "You're my mate, and I love you."
"Am I crazy for loving how that sounds coming out of your mouth?"
Ari shook his head. "No. Because I love how it sounds coming out of my mouth, too."
Oh, God. Just the way Ari said it, along with the look on his face as he did, set Sev's insides on fire. Finally, it had happened. He had found his soul mate, and he had been found, as well. Some vampires went their whole lives without finding their mate. But that wouldn't be him.
"I love you so much, Ari." Sev caressed Ari's cheek.
What would their teammates think if they could see them huddled together on the floor of his foyer, declaring their love for one another? Not that he cared, but he sort of liked the idea of showing Ari off. He wanted to walk in to AKM tomorrow, hand-in-hand with Ari. He wanted to kiss him in front of the team before they left for their separate patrols. Then kiss him again as they met back up after their shift.
But until Ari was able to open up and come clean with everyone else, that was a fantasy that would remain just that: A fantasy.