Just Claire

by Jean Ann Williams

  * * *

  * * *

  Noises jolted ClaireLee from sleep, and she bolted upright. Laddie was whining and sniffing on Mama’s bedroom doorjamb. Rising to investigate, she peered closer. Brownish stains, which smelled metallic. Her stomach lurched. Mama’s blood?

  Soft cries escaped from her lips, and Laddie continued to whine at her side. She whispered, “When’s this awful night going to end?”

  After dampening a towel, she got down on her knees and crawled and mopped the dried fluid. In the bedroom, she flipped on the light. Oh, Mama. Resolving to finish, she stripped the bed and threw the stained sheets in a hamper. She wanted Nana there to help. Nana and Old Papa would come, but they were home in Oregon, and the cabin was too far away. Not even a telephone. Why did Daddy move us here?

  As she washed and dried her shaky hands at the kitchen sink, the wind howled and the cabin creaked. Dark corners played mean tricks on her imagination. She pressed on her stomach. The knots there were growing into boulders. Glancing at the woodstove, she moved to check it.

  Upon inspection, ClaireLee found the fire needed feeding. Only bark chips and debris lay scattered in an empty wood box. Venturing outside in search for the log pile was not the answer. Not in the dark. Not by herself. Not without Mama. A shiver slid from her neck and spread through her back. The river and wind teamed together in a frenzy, sounding like a beast ready to gulp them—cabin and all.

  2

  IN MY HEART THERE RINGS A MELODY

  * * *

  Next morning, ClaireLee and her siblings slogged in ankle-deep snow. They had left the cabin many boot steps ago on their way to the new school. Now a stinging wind caused ClaireLee’s eyes to fill with moisture, and she blinked.

  Leaving their long driveway, they came to Pit Street, the main road through town. Lolly worked herself into a crying fit. “Mama, I need Mama.” She stumbled and fell sideways in the snow.

  ClaireLee grabbed Lolly by the cuff of her jacket and lifted her to her feet. “Stop your blubbering.” Lolly and I should head back to the cabin. Let the boys go to school. I’ll stay home with Lolly. She sighed deep within her chest and trudged on, though, holding Lolly’s mitten-wet hand.

  Yesterday, on the way to their new home, ClaireLee had spotted the school building. Figuring the trek would take no more than fifteen minutes, right then ClaireLee realized there were no other kids along the road. She slowed her pace. I hope we’re so late the principal won’t let us attend.

  “Please,” ClaireLee said, “I can’t stand your crying, Lolly.”

  Hiccupping, Lolly continued to sob.

  And then, Grayson was whining. “But, you said Mama’d be here.”

  Would these little kids never be quiet? Finally, Lolly’s crying slowed. ClaireLee said, “I’m not God, and so I don’t know what’s keeping Mama and Daddy.”

  Unplugging her thumb from her mouth, Lolly said, “Only God knows”—she shuddered a sigh—“huh, Sissy Pie?”

  “Right.” ClaireLee squeezed her little sister’s hand. “We have no phone, so I can’t call.” A knot as big as an acorn formed in her throat and ached. A question flew around in ClaireLee’s head. If Mama comes home while we’re gone—I should have left a note.

  “Finally.” Liam pointed. “There’s the school, and I better make friends here.”

  “Who cares?” Grayson said. “We need Mama more.”

  Snot dribbling, Lolly snorted on her fresh tears.

  Not able to take anymore of her sister’s sobbing, ClaireLee said, “Please, don’t cry.” She reached for Daddy’s hanky in her coat pocket and swiped the mucus from Lolly’s face. “It makes me sad.”

  Slowing her pace, Lolly sagged. “I sorry.”

  “Sorry too, baby.” ClaireLee gulped, but the knot in her throat bobbled. “I just know Mama will be home by the time we’re out of school.”

  “Don’t say it again about being sure.” Liam faced her. “You know nothing, ClaireLee Monteiro.”

  She glared at him, anger filling her face with warmth. What she wanted was to slap the top of his head.

  * * *

  * * *

  “Now listen.” ClaireLee reached the school steps. “You guys let me do the talking.”

  Deep inside the entryway, she knocked on a door with a “Principal Langley” sign. A woman’s voice beckoned. “Come in.”

  Reminding the kids to stay quiet, ClaireLee tapped a finger to her lips. Lolly wiped the streaks from her cheeks.

  ClaireLee opened the door and the principal lady said, “What do we have here?” She stood. “My name is Mrs. Langley. Come in, children.”

  They found seats, with ClaireLee closest to the principal. She set an I-don’t-care expression on her face: lips pressed, eyes glued on the woman. Although in truth, her stomach quivered like a bowl of butterscotch pudding.

  “Are you new here?” Mrs. Langley settled behind a huge oak desk and laced her fingers. “We are a small school, so I don’t remember seeing any of you before.”

  Gripping her hands in her lap, ClaireLee nodded. “Yes. We’re new.”

  “Okay.” Mrs. Langley spread her palms. “Did your parents already enroll you?”

  As the oldest, ClaireLee kept calm to answer the questions. She swallowed. “They didn’t have a chance.”

  Coming closer, Mrs. Langley said, “Where are your parents?”

  “Mama’s in a hospital,” Grayson said, “and we don’t know—”

  Placing a hand over his mouth, ClaireLee cleared her throat. “We moved here yesterday. Mama did a lot of hard work and ended up going into labor.” She gulped and gulped to clear her airway. “Then, she had the baby, and Daddy and Big Red took them to the hospital.” She squirmed. I’ll not tell the details. It’s none of her business.

  “Now I see.” Mrs. Langley’s eyes bore into ClaireLee’s own. “Big Red called me this morning, saying he had taken a woman and her newborn to the hospital early this morning. And he wasn’t certain when he would arrive here for work.”

  “Here?” ClaireLee frowned.

  “Yes, of course.” The principal beamed. “Big Red is my bus driver, swim teacher, and janitor.”

  “I didn’t know.” She sat straighter.

  “Does this mean your father is working on our new tunnel?” Mrs. Langley said.

  Everyone nodded.

  “We’ll get you enrolled.” Mrs. Langley explained a few things. “And later, your mother can come in and fill out the rest of the paperwork. She should bring the records with her from your other school. How does this sound?”

  “Fine.” ClaireLee tapped her fingers on her lunch pail. She steadied her breathing and said, “Just one thing.” Mrs. Langley’s brows rose. “Lolly, here, isn’t old enough for school.”

  “I did wonder.” The principal busied her hands with a file and retrieved the pen again. “How old are you, dear?”

  Lolly opened her mouth, but then closed it. ClaireLee nodded. “Three, Teacher,” Lolly said.

  Mrs. Langley studied Lolly, her lips tipped slightly. Long moments passed, and ClaireLee crossed her fingers in her lap. She hoped the principal would send them back to the cabin, where she could wait for Mama.

  “Close enough.” Mrs. Langley waved a hand. “One day at school is okay, considering the situation. She’ll stay in first grade.”

  “But, you see,” ClaireLee began, “Lolly needs to stay with me. She’s scared because of our parents being gone.”

  “I can’t allow it.” Mrs. Langley lowered her head. “She would fit better with the youngest students.”

  Lolly’s bottom lip trembled, and she piled onto ClaireLee’s lap. ClaireLee’s jaw muscles clamped, and then she spoke. “My sister needs to stay with me, or else I’m taking her to our cabin.”

  “You’re here now.” Mrs. Langley dipped her chin. “You need to stay.”

  Standing, ClaireLee’s knuckles clenched. Lolly slipped from her lap like water off a frog’s back. Wiggling her fingers, she said to Lolly, “
Come on, we’re leaving.”

  “Stop.” Mrs. Langley also stood. “You can’t, for you don’t have parental supervision, and once you stepped into my school, you’re my responsibility.”

  The tips of ClaireLee’s ears heated. “If she cries—”

  Puckering her lips before speaking, Mrs. Langley said, “We’ll manage if the time comes.”

  A stubborn digging in of her heels overtook ClaireLee. “Somebody better tell me.” Mrs. Langley’s eyes, ice-cold, pierced ClaireLee’s. Her grip on Lolly tightened. “No. I want her in my class.”

  “Please, Sissy Pie.” Lolly folded her hands.

  Ignoring them, Mrs. Langley took their names and ages.

  Everything is all wrong. ClaireLee stared hard at Liam, and he shrugged his shoulders. Grayson swung his legs back and forth, studying the floor. The end of it, though, was Daddy would expect her in school at a desk, especially with her struggle to learn arithmetic.

  After the principal finished the stack of paperwork, she ushered everyone from the office and motioned for them to follow.

  Exhaling her frustration, ClaireLee sauntered along an outdoor hallway, holding Lolly’s hand. “It’ll be okay, baby.” Lolly nodded her flushed cheeks. ClaireLee winked and said, “I’ll see you at first recess.”

  Liam waved for Lolly to follow. Wiping the last of her tears, Lolly hurried to her brothers and nestled between them. As they walked away, the boys grabbed her hands, and ClaireLee nodded her approval.

  The bell rang and students rushed from the playground. Mrs. Langley stopped a few yards from the two forming classroom lines. “Here’s your room, ClaireLee—grades fourth through sixth.” She pointed. “Your siblings will be next door in classes first through third. And now, I’ll speak with their teacher, Mrs. White.”

  When Mrs. Langley approached ClaireLee’s siblings, Lolly gave ClaireLee a once-again gloomy expression.

  The acorn in ClaireLee’s throat resurfaced while waving at Lolly and standing alone at the end of a string of students. Worry over Lolly made her eyes brim with tears. But to her rescue came a perfect ditty to ease her tension.

  In my heart there rings a truth, nothing else will ever do . . . She swiped at her damp cheeks with the flat of her palms before anyone saw her tears and just knew she was a baby.

  * * *

  * * *

  A wool pea jacket cut between ClaireLee and a boy in the line. Nervous, she counted from the bottom eight black buttons all the way to the collar. The girl wearing the coat was head and shoulders taller than her. Peacoat crinkled her nose, while ClaireLee squinted at the raised scar running from eye to chin.

  Cocking her one good brow, Peacoat sized up—or more like sized down—ClaireLee. Her voice boomed in the outside hallway. “Ya must be in fourth grade, so you take the right side in my classroom.”

  She pointed to herself. “I’m in sixth, so I’m on the left.”

  Rolling her eyes, ClaireLee disliked it when someone believed they knew all about her. Fourth grade, my eye. Besides, she had things to think on. Why hadn’t Mama and Daddy come home? She had watched for their station wagon on the short walk to school. Then, there was Lolly, and ClaireLee clutched the handle of her lunch box. Lolly will eat with me at lunch.

  Peacoat’s rude mouth interrupted ClaireLee’s mute conversation. “Hey, I’m talking to ya, squirt.”

  Without blinking a lash, ClaireLee glared at her.

  Her mouth open, Peacoat placed her hands on her hips. “Why ya gawkin’ at me?”

  “What does gawkin’ mean?”

  “You’re as tough as a banty rooster, ain’t ya?” Peacoat burst out laughing.

  ClaireLee’s lips parted, ready to tell her to mind her own bees-wax.

  The school bell rang, and she moved with the line behind Bossy Peacoat. I don’t need any more trouble. She gave the teacher a note from the principal. The teacher’s lips creased upward and soft folds of her skin crinkled.

  For no reason ClaireLee could understand, her heart softened. For the first time since Mama gripped her stomach with labor pains, ClaireLee’s shoulders eased. Expectant, she soaked in the unfamiliar surroundings of her new classroom.

  A bit too warm, the room smelled of dirty socks. Counting the students, ClaireLee came up with twenty-five, many of them boys. Colorful posters caught her attention on the opposite wall.

  The usual ones dotted the classroom walls—of Abe Lincoln and George Washington. Another poster of golden poppies, like the flowers ClaireLee had in the field back home, hung at eye level. Across the bottom in bold letters was written “California State Flower.” ClaireLee loved to pronounce her own state flower: mahonia, Oregon grape.

  Now, Teacher’s wavy hair bobbed as she read the note. Thinking she’d been dismissed, ClaireLee stepped toward an empty desk on the left side of the room. But, the teacher touched ClaireLee’s arm and pressed with a firm hand. “Welcome, I’m Mrs. Reed.”

  To ClaireLee’s bewilderment, Mrs. Reed placed a palm on ClaireLee’s shoulders and made her face the class. “Like many of our students,” Mrs. Reed said, “ClaireLee Monteiro is here for the school year while her father helps build the new tunnel.”

  Patting ClaireLee, Mrs. Reed pointed. “See this, Claire? This is a drawing of the finished tunnel and new road.” She walked over to a map next to the blackboard. “Soon, this road through the mountain will bring more traffic to our community. This is progress, and a grand welcome to the new decade of the 1960s.” Reaching out, she shook ClaireLee’s hand. “Welcome to Gallagher Springs Elementary, Miss Monteiro.”

  Weak in her knees from the dozens of eyes coming to their own conclusions about her, she said, “Thank you.”

  Mrs. Reed waggled a finger to the back of the room. “Belinda Cruz will escort you around the school until you’re familiar with our routine.”

  Rising to her feet, Bossy Peacoat crossed her arms. “We met.”

  “Good,” Mrs. Reed said. “Claire, take a seat here at the front. Let’s begin with ‘The Pledge of Allegiance’ followed by arithmetic.”

  Rising from their seats, everyone stood and placed a hand over their heart and recited.

  Quivering, ClaireLee remained standing at her empty desk, while voices drone on about the flag, one nation, and justice. She didn’t belong in a new school for she missed her old one and all her friends. Besides, Mama hadn’t been home to give ClaireLee the proper send-off before a long day. No hugs and kisses. No “I’ll sure miss you.”

  With Peacoat as her guide, ClaireLee wondered if the day could get any worse.

  3

  UNDER HIS WINGS

  * * *

  After the pledge, Mrs. Reed handed ClaireLee a sixth-grade arithmetic book. “Page twenty, Claire.”

  One good thing about this school, she liked the way her new teacher said just “Claire.” Yet, her thoughts would not, could not, stay with school. Mama. Baby. Daddy and Mama and the baby. Lolly. The poster of poppy flowers blurred like a rainy day, and she pressed her top teeth to her lower lip. I should be at the cabin waiting for Mama. Should have taken a chance of upsetting Daddy.

  She replayed the scene in her mind—poor Mama in the bed, before Daddy shooed ClaireLee out of the room. The grimace Mama wore as she moaned with birth pains, sweat beaded across her lined forehead. Now, blinking back more tears, ClaireLee decided to imagine the best—her mama resting in the hospital with the baby tucked in her arms. Mama’s guardian angel is with her.

  As the clock’s second hand ticked, Mrs. Reed worked with the fourth-grade side of the class. ClaireLee peeked to her right. One student with a stack of blonde curls wiggled her fingers in a wave, her face intent on ClaireLee’s. ClaireLee’s mouth twitched.

  Stack of Curls walked to the pencil sharpener. Returning, she pressed a folded paper on the page of ClaireLee’s book.

  ClaireLee covered the note with a hand. When Mrs. Reed took no notice, she unfolded it and read: DURING FIRST BREAK, FOLLOW ME TO THE PLAYGROUND AND MEET THE LAVENDER GIRL
S. Will I make friends on the first day? But what if I don’t care for them? What if they don’t like me? She shifted her shoulders and made a face.

  * * *

  * * *

  At the sound of the bell, someone grabbed ClaireLee from behind. “C’mon. I’m in charge of ya.” Belinda pulled her to the door, her grip more like a metal vise.

  Stack of Curls took hold of ClaireLee’s other hand. “Beat it, Cruz, she’s going with me.” She tugged on ClaireLee, and Belinda let go.

  In the outside hallway, ClaireLee clicked on her tongue. If Belinda’s scowl could form words, they would have roared and echoed.

  On the playground, Grayson waved, and Lolly ran to ClaireLee and hugged her. “Hi, Sissy Pie.”

  “How’s class?” She hugged her back.

  “I get to color.” Her eyes lit up like twinkling stars within a black sky.

  “Good.” ClaireLee planted a kiss on Lolly’s head. “Now go make friends.”

  Obeying, Lolly ran to a group of little kids, and ClaireLee released a soft breath. “My sister.” She searched the playground to check on her brothers. Grayson was playing kickball. Liam leaned against the swing-set pole, hands flying as he talked to another boy. It wasn’t hard to imagine the conversation by his dancing fingers. Bragging, definitely bragging.

  A creepy thought came to ClaireLee. What if one of the kids got hurt? Who would help them?

  Stack of Curls was saying something. She flipped a ringlet off her cheek. “I’m Wendy.”

  Remembering the note, ClaireLee pulled it from her coat pocket and waved it. “You have nice printing, Wendy.”