by Harper Bliss
“I like you, Charlie Cross. Is that really so hard to comprehend?”
“Well, no, but, you see…” Charlie took a deep breath. She was sick of all this stammering. “I like you, too, but probably in a very different way than you, erm, like me.”
“I agree that the word ‘like’ can have various definitions in this context, but I’m also fairly certain that the way I like you isn’t that dissimilar to how you like me.”
Charlie broke out into the biggest smile.
“Come on.” Ava put her glass on the table. “Take off your shoes.”
“For real?” There was direct, and then there was extremely forward. Not that Ava had asked her to get naked, but they had to start somewhere.
“Let’s go onto the beach.” Ava rose and took off her shoes.
“Oh. Sure.” Charlie fumbled with her laces longer than she normally would, and by the time she got up, Ava had already walked down the wooden path leading to the ocean. She waited for Charlie where the path gave way to sand.
“No point in living here if all you’re going to do is watch the waves.” She held out her hand and Charlie took it. It was by far the most romantic moment of her life.
Hand-in-hand, they walked to the shore line. Darkness had almost completely settled, but there was a half-moon ahead and a smattering of stars. She could never see stars like that in WeHo.
The sand was cool between her toes, Ava’s hand was hot in hers, and Charlie employed all her mental strength to keep her warped mind from ruining this moment. She was on a stretch of deserted beach with Ava Castaneda, the water lapping at their feet, the moon casting an idyllic glow around them.
“What do you think, Charlie?”
“About what?”
They stopped walking, and the wind blew through Ava’s hair as she faced Charlie and reached for her other hand.
“Is this the perfect setting for our first kiss or can we do better?”
“We most certainly can not.” The words came out as an urgent whisper. Charlie was not a short woman, but with her endless model legs, Ava stood much taller than her.
Ava took a step toward her and a hint of her perfume wafted into Charlie’s nose. They brought their hands up, fingers intertwined. All Charlie saw was Ava’s face, her head slanting toward her, her full lips curved into a hint of smile.
When their lips met, Charlie felt as though she were floating above the sand. As though all her dreams were coming true in the instant their mouths found each other. The kiss was close-lipped for the first few seconds, until their mouths opened in unison, and Ava’s tongue slipped inside. Charlie didn’t pay attention to the warning signs flashing in her mind, and gave herself up entirely to the sensation of kissing Ava on a moonlit beach in Malibu.
Ava released her hold on Charlie’s fingers, dropping them to her side for a moment until Charlie put them on Ava’s waist and tugged her closer. With her tongue still invading Ava’s mouth, their lips, ever so slowly, parted for a break, and Ava made the same approving noises as when she ate a delicious dish.
Ava curved her arms around Charlie’s neck and pulled her even tighter against her. Their bodies met in a soft embrace, and their lips followed.
Charlie’s knees gave way a little the second time Ava’s tongue slipped its way inside her mouth. She folded her arms around Ava’s back and pressed the length of her body against her. Charlie’s pulse quickened at the extended body contact—Ava’s breasts pushed into hers, just above her nipples. The sea roared, and soon, Charlie grew as wet as the waves at her feet. But, her mind refused to stay out of it and simply enjoy this moment as pure pleasure—as the realization of a fantasy. What was Ava experiencing? Was her blood throbbing in her veins? Did she want to rip off Charlie’s clothes as much as Charlie wanted to let that dress slide off Ava?
It seemed highly unlikely.
Still, when they broke from their second lip-lock, a huge grin spread on Charlie’s lips. When she glanced at Ava, the same kind of smile reflected back at her.
“Do you want to go inside?” Ava asked.
“Sure,” Charlie said, although she was convinced it would break the spell. Because, perhaps, wrapped in darkness on this beach, surrounded by sand and ocean, they could have been equals for the few minutes their lips met, but once inside Ava’s house, everything would change. Charlie’s mind was already doing the changing.
Ava grabbed her hand again, and this time the contact shot through Charlie a million times stronger than before. Her body wanted to pull Ava to her, to press kiss after kiss onto her mouth, her nose, those cheekbones, and then lower. But Charlie’s mind would never allow that. Ava might have kissed her, but that didn’t make her a lesbian.
Ava dragged her toward the house. They quickly wiped their feet on a coarse door mat, before they tumbled into the kitchen, their bodies meeting again, as well as their lips.
Without a doubt, this date had exceeded all Charlie’s expectations. Ava had given her a loud and clear response to the question she had come here with. She wanted to take Charlie to bed. It couldn’t happen. Not without first acquiring a whole lot more knowledge about Ava’s motivations and past.
Ava traced her lips from Charlie’s mouth to her ear and whispered, “Do you want to stay?”
“God, I do.” Charlie moaned. Every cell in her body was saturated with desire. “But I can’t.”
“Why not?” Ava’s voice was a breathy groan in her ear.
“Because…” Charlie put some distance between them. “I barely know you.” Liz’s words flitted through her mind. Either Ava is very careful or just plain old straight. “And you’re not… into women.”
“When I do this,” Ava stepped closer again, bringing her hands to the back of Charlie’s head and letting her fingers roam through her hair, “does it really make you feel like I’m not into women?” Ava slid the tip of her tongue over the shell of Charlie’s ear. Heat crashed through Charlie. But her mind had always been much stronger than any desire.
“We have to stop now,” she said, her voice a bit louder than she wanted.
Ava pulled back with a brusque movement and didn’t say anything for a second, just regarded Charlie with those dark eyes. “I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away there.” She flashed Charlie a seductive smile. “We haven’t even had dessert yet.”
“I think I’d better go.” Charlie squared her shoulders. Her mind was winning more and more ground in the battle with her heart.
“Now? Oh, Charlie.” Ava cocked her head and raised her hand to just above her chest. “Look, I’m sorry. I came on too strong. It’s how I am sometimes. I wanted to kiss you, and I went for it without taking your feelings into consideration. You’re right. We barely know each other. But we can’t change that if you go.” She dropped her hand to her side. Sometime during their embrace, her dress had gotten wrinkled. “Stay.” It sounded more like a plea than anything else. “Let’s talk.”
“I’m sorry, Ava. I can’t. I—” What could Charlie possibly say next without sounding like the biggest fool? I’ve barely recovered from my previous relationship, and I have no idea how to cope with something as powerful as this going wrong? And, really, how could it not?
“Fine.” Something in Ava’s face changed. She probably wasn’t accustomed to rejection. “But you shouldn’t drive. You drank too much. I’ll call you a taxi.”
Charlie couldn’t argue with that. “Thanks,” she muttered. She wanted to apologize again, but Ava left the kitchen to find her phone.
Charlie retrieved her shoes. As she laced them up, her chest tightened. Was she really saying no to Ava Castaneda?
“Taxi will be here in ten minutes.” Ava appeared in the doorframe. “You might as well finish the wine.”
Charlie rose and walked over to Ava, but kept a safe distance. “Please believe me, this has nothing to do with you, Ava. This is all me. There are just certain… things… I—” Charlie got stuck. Her brain failed to produce any more valid words.
“It�
��s okay. You don’t have to explain.”
“I find you extremely attractive.” Charlie felt like a complete fool. She didn’t belong here, in this city where straight women hit on her. “I just…” But Charlie couldn’t explain the blockage in her heart, and the way her mind operated.
Ava poured them both some wine and pushed a glass in Charlie’s direction.
Charlie stared at it, unable to move. Had Jo really done such a number on her that it made her incapable of accepting Ava’s advances?
“I’ve had enough. I’ll go wait outside.” Apart from being paralyzed by the fear of having her heart broken all over again, Charlie was also mortified by how she’d allowed this evening to play out.
“There’s no need for that, Charlie.” The wattage of Ava’s smile had dimmed considerably.
“Thanks for dinner.” Charlie really needed to get away from Ava’s gaze.
“Pleasure,” Ava said and narrowed her eyes.
“I really need to go now,” Charlie took a step backward, then turned around and walked the short route through the house to the front door. After she let it fall shut behind her, she took a deep breath, adamant not to fall apart on Ava’s doorstep. She double-checked if her car was locked properly, and waited, the half-moon overhead nothing but a reminder of what had happened on the beach.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Please come with me,” Charlie pleaded.
“You can use my car service, but I really can’t, darling,” Nick said. “Jason and I are being interviewed by Vanity Fair.”
Charlie remembered now. He needed to prepare, so she probably shouldn’t take up too much of his time. “I… can’t go back there on my own.”
“Of course, you can,” Nick said, impatient. Hangers slid along racks in the background. “It will give you a chance to talk.”
“She hasn’t called you?” Charlie asked again.
“Nope.” Nick sighed. “Look, sweetie, don’t make too big a deal out of this, okay? I know how you are and how you can get lost in your head. From what you’ve told me, Ava likes you. Just be adult about it.” There was some fumbling on the other end of the line, and Charlie thought the connection had been lost until Nick said, “I really have to go. I’ll send a car over. Go now, before you blow things up more in your head.”
“Thanks, Nickie. Charm the pants off the VF lady.”
“You know me, dear,” he said and hung up.
Ten minutes later, a black town car pulled up outside of Charlie’s house. An hour later, they arrived at Ava’s. Charlie asked the driver not to tell Ava she was in the car with him. With a bit of luck, Ava would assume Charlie had sent someone to pick up her car, and she would stay inside her house.
By the time they reached the end of the driveway, her heart pounded relentlessly in her throat. To Charlie’s relief, the front door was closed and all was quiet around her red Mini Cooper. She’d bought it on a whim after first arriving. In New York, Charlie didn’t have a car, but living in LA required a person to have one if she didn’t want to spend half her life waiting for a taxi.
“Thanks,” Charlie said as she climbed out of the car. “No need to wait.” She had to wait for the town car to turn around and drive away before she could leave. She’d only just unlocked her car when a voice sounded behind her.
“Were you really going to sneak off?”
Charlie turned around. Ava wore jeans and a T-shirt and no makeup. In the Saturday morning light, she looked even more stunning than she had under the moon.
“No, no, of course not.” Charlie lied.
“Do you want to come in? Have you had breakfast?”
This was exactly why Charlie asked Nick to come with her. She could hardly run off twice in fewer than twenty-four hours.
“Sure, I’ll come in.” She tried to sound confident.
Once seated at the breakfast bar with a steaming mug of coffee in front of her, Charlie exhaled and tried to launch into an acceptable apology. “Look, Ava, I—”
“Before you say anything, Charlie, I owe you an apology. I came on too strong and overreacted when you didn’t reciprocate my advances. I was a bit crazy last night. I shouldn’t have let you walk out like that. You were clearly upset.”
At hearing this, Charlie was finally able to exhale fully and relax a bit more. She had practiced what she was going to say, repeating the words as if she were auditioning for a movie part—the one of uptight, zero-tolerance lesbian. She was in the right town for it.
“It was my fault entirely. I should have handled it better. I mean, you’re gorgeous. You are also a gracious host, an excellent chef, and a very kind woman. I was thrilled to be invited here again. And I, erm,” Charlie hesitated, “I greatly enjoyed our kiss on the beach.”
“But you have it in your head that I’m straight, and it freaked you out,” Ava said.
Charlie wouldn’t have put it that way, but it was accurate enough. She nodded. She was gearing up to say the words she hated to say, but they needed to be said to make this right. “Jo, my ex, left me for a man, and I’m still sort of recovering from that. Getting off with a straight woman is… not something I can do right now. No matter how gorgeous she is, how big my crush is, or how amazing a kisser she is.” Charlie shook her head. “I just can’t.”
“Why are you so convinced I’m straight?” Ava smiled.
“It doesn’t really matter if you’re straight or bisexual. It’s clear you’re not a lesbian. I can’t… put my heart on the line.”
“Just like that?” For some reason, Ava continued to smile. “I’m dismissed?”
“I understand your skepticism, and I’m very familiar with all the arguments against my reasoning, but I know what I need to do to protect myself from going through what I went through after Jo again. Even though it might cost me greatly.” Charlie was adamant about this, but it didn’t mean her curiosity hadn’t been piqued. “You don’t have to tell me, of course, but, erm, have you ever been in love with a woman before?”
Ava pondered this, gazing over the rim of her cup while doing so. “In love… I’m not sure.” She looked at Charlie. “I had a fling with Sandra, but we never quite managed to fall in love.”
“Sandra? She’s a lesbian?” Charlie hadn’t picked up that vibe at all, and Ava’s publicist hadn’t dropped the slightest of hints.
“Not openly.”
Charlie expelled a sigh. “What I’m looking for in a woman is really very straightforward. Someone out and proud and secure enough in her sexuality to not leave me for a man. Personally, I think my wish list is quite fair, but someone like Nick, for instance, never fails to give me a hard time about it. He claims I’m too rigid with my requirement that a woman be completely lesbian. He thinks I’m afraid and looking for excuses.”
“And already, even after only one kiss, you’re convinced that, if we were to embark on… something, I would leave you for a man in the end?” Ava narrowed her eyes. She didn’t say anything else.
“It’s certainly a possibility.” Charlie looked into the remains of her coffee. “And once it’s in my head, it’s there to stay.” She cut her glance to Ava. “Besides, why would someone like you be interested in someone like me?”
“What do you mean ‘someone like you’?” Ava put her mug down.
“You’re an ex-model. You’re on TV. You could have anyone you wanted, really.”
“But not you.” Ava made it sound like a statement, not a question. “I make my living by how I look, Charlie. I might have picked up some cooking and presenting skills along the way, but if I’m being truly honest, all the success I’ve had in my life is based on my appearance. You, on the other hand, have this amazing mind out of which the most beautiful sentences are born. I find that extremely attractive.” She slid off the stool she was sitting on. “I would like to show you something.”
Charlie followed Ava through the living room and into an adjoining room she hadn’t seen during her previous two visits. The entire space was lined with bookcases
, every shelf filled to the brim.
Ava crossed the room to a case near the window. “These are arranged alphabetically. This is where I keep the Cs.” She gestured with her hand to the middle shelf.
Charlie easily recognized the spines with her name printed on them. The heat of a blush crept up her neck.
“I don’t just own these, Charlie. I’ve read every single one of them. And yes, that includes the saucy ones. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a fan.” She pulled a book from the row. “I know it’s not very original, but I already told you Crying Rivers is my favorite.”
Charlie stared at the cover of her break-through novel. The one that put her on the map and made Hollywood take notice of her.
“I was going to ask you to sign it for me last night, but well, things turned out slightly differently than expected.”
“Did you expect to kiss me?” Charlie gained confidence from looking at her books—and from Ava’s display of fan-girl admiration.
“Not sure ‘expect’ is the right word, but I’d certainly thought about it.” Ava thumbed through the book. It looked as if it had been read numerous times, with the corners of several pages flipped back. “This is my favorite sentence of them all.” She inhaled, preparing to read out loud, but Charlie stopped her.
“Please. Don’t.”
“Really?” Ava glanced at her. “Okay,” she quickly agreed.
“I’ll sign it for you if you still want me to.”
“I would really appreciate that.”
Ava handed her the book. “Why don’t you take it home? Sign it for me in privacy and bring it back later.”
Charlie accepted it and nodded.
“I would love to get to know you better. This way, we have to see each other again.”
“You still want to be friends?”
“I promise not to throw you off guard with impromptu kisses on the beach.” Ava inched closer but didn’t touch. “Speaking of the beach… Do you want to stay and have a swim?”
The flush that had reached her neck earlier, headed to Charlie’s cheeks. “I don’t have my bathing suit with me.”