Release the Stars

by Harper Bliss

  By the time she got into the backseat of a taxi, Charlie was convinced she didn’t deserve the relief of a sedative or the all-forgiving embrace of easy sleep without first being called on her crap. She needed to be told off. She directed the driver to Nick and Jason’s house. When she stood in front of their door, she checked her watch. It was two in the morning. Nick wouldn’t be happy about being woken from his beauty sleep, but Jason would want her to come by when she was this distressed.

  Then there was the faintest hint of a drum beat, followed by a shriek of laughter. Were they still up? It was Saturday, after all. She hesitated. What kind of person barged in on friends while they were entertaining? And God knew who was at their house.

  Charlie checked her watch again. Rude or not, she didn’t want to go home. With a heavy heart, she rang the bell.

  Voices rose from the back of the house, and she heard the telltale sound of footfalls as someone approached. It sounded like high heels coming toward the door, and Charlie half-expected Nick to appear dressed in drag. An anticipatory smile started to form on her lips.

  The door swung open and Charlie’s smile faded.

  “Charlie!” Jo said.

  “Oh, God,” was all Charlie could utter.

  “Charlie, come in!” Jo was clearly drunk. “What time is it? You’re rather late to the party.” Jo pulled at Charlie’s arm, then noticed her suitcase. “Are you going somewhere?”

  “What is going on here?” Nick, in jeans and wrinkled shirt, came to the door. “Charlie?” He squinted while looking from Charlie to Jo, and then back to Charlie. “I won’t ask what you’re doing here. Just come in, will you?”

  Charlie stepped inside the house, which was now the last place she wanted to be. Jo was tipsy, but she still looked scrumptious in those tight jeans and that boat-neck top that bared her shoulder.

  “Why aren’t you in Dallas?” Nick said, as he led Charlie into the living room. Jason walked toward her and kissed her on the cheeks, but then—as if she still hadn’t sunk low enough that day—she noticed Christian sitting at the head of the table.

  “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been hiding, Charlie,” Jo said jovially, as though they were old acquaintances and not ex-lovers.

  Christian rose from his chair and approached Charlie, hand extended. “Charlie,” he said.

  Charlie looked at his hand as if it was a grenade someone had just pulled the pin out of. As far as worst nights of her life went, this one was quickly climbing the ranks, with the night after Jo had finally told her she was in love with Christian still firmly in the lead.

  Nick nudged her in the elbow and, still dazed, Charlie shook Christian’s hand.

  “This is a surprise,” Jason said. “Please, sit, Charlie. We’ve all had a bit too much, so excuse any raunchiness.”

  The sight of the four of them together, in the midst of an obviously joyous evening in each other’s company hit Charlie square in the chest. Jason using the word raunchiness, as Eric had earlier in reference to Ava, combined with unexpectedly seeing Jo and Christian together, crashed together in Charlie’s brain, to create a void of static and white noise. As if observing herself from a distance, she first noticed the way her legs failed her, followed by her core muscles refusing to hold her upright as her body crumpled in on itself, all while tears streamed down her cheeks.

  What sort of a mind-fuck was this, anyway? Would Eric be jumping out of a closet soon, point his finger at her and say, “Ha, ha. Gotcha!”

  “Charlie!” Nick rushed to her side and threw his arms around her. “Hey, come on. I’ve got you.” He guided her toward the guestroom down the hall and set her down on the bed. “It’s okay, Jase. I’ve got this.” Through her tears, Charlie made out Jason’s lanky figure standing by the door.

  “Charlie, honey. What happened to you?” Nick tilted Charlie’s head toward his shoulder and patted her hair.

  But Charlie couldn’t speak. The body parts responsible for speech weren’t working. Noises came from the living room. All Charlie could do was cry on Nick’s shoulder, loud, heaving sobs filled with self-pity.

  “We’ll talk tomorrow, honey.” Nick’s voice was too sweet. It didn’t match his public image. Beneath his cultivated cynicism, he was all kindness and concern for his friends. “You sleep here. Annie will keep you company. She’ll love it. You know how crazy she is about you.”

  Rather than leave, Nick sat with Charlie for what felt like hours. Apart from the careful clattering of dishes and the patter of excited paws in the hallway, the rest of the house was quiet. Jo and Christian must have left.

  “Do you want me to undress you?” Nick asked. This helped snap Charlie out of her morose state a bit.

  “What would the world have come to if I wanted that,” she said, but there was no laughter in her voice.

  “I’ll get your suitcase and some water, okay?”

  Charlie nodded. “Do you have any sleeping pills?”

  “Of course.” Nick opened the door a slit, and Annie ran into the room, yelping enthusiastically.

  “Come on, you silly dog,” Charlie said, and patted the spot next to her on the bed. “Hop on.”

  The dog kept on leaping up and down on her tiny legs; the bed was too high for her. She picked her up. “Hey you, with all your unconditional love. You could surely teach me a thing or two.” Charlie buried her nose in Annie’s soft fur.

  A knock on the door announced Nick’s arrival. He put a bottle of water on the nightstand and two pills next to it. He walked over to pet Annie and, wholly against Charlie’s expectations, plant a kiss on the top of Charlie’s head.

  “We’ll talk tomorrow. Sleep tight,” he said and gave Charlie’s shoulder one last squeeze before exiting the room, leaving the door ajar.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” Jason looked up from his iPad.

  “Let’s be honest here, Jase. She’s looked better.” Nick rose from his chair on the terrace where they were having a late breakfast. “Did you manage to get some sleep?” He pulled a chair out for Charlie, as if she were visiting a fancy restaurant. Next, he’d be putting a napkin in her lap.

  “The sleep of the drugged,” Charlie said.

  “We’re having some hair of the dog. No offense, my darling Annie.” He reached for Annie, who was still by Charlie’s side when she woke up, and deposited the dog in his lap. “Would you like a mimosa?”

  “Sure. Why not?” Charlie took the seat Nick had offered her. “Guys, I’m so sorry about last night. I couldn’t face going to my empty house, but, of course, I wouldn’t have come if I had known…”

  Jason poured her half a glass of champagne, then topped it off with freshly squeezed orange juice.

  “What happened?” Finally, the first hint of impatience in Nick’s voice. This didn’t irritate Charlie so much as make her feel at home.

  Charlie inhaled deeply, then sipped her mimosa. It hit her bloodstream hard, considering she hadn’t eaten anything since leaving Dallas. “I got into an, erm, argument with Ava. We broke up. It’s over. It’s my fault.”

  “Jesus, Charlie. For a woman who can write page upon page of the craziest lesbian drama, you’re being very sparse with your words today,” Nick said.

  Jason and Nick exchanged a glance.

  “Take your time, Charlie,” Jason, an angel Nick had somehow lured from heaven, said. “We have all day. Nick and I are here for you. You know that.”

  This almost made her well up again. Annie leaped off Jason’s lap and yelped at Charlie’s toes.

  Charlie did her best to explain about her encounter with Eric and the seeds of doubt he’d planted in her mind.

  “You just left her there? In the room?” Nick asked.

  “I know.” Even though Charlie was fully aware that what she had done was inexcusable and very hurtful, she couldn’t think of any conceivable way she could have stopped herself from doing it.

  “You do know that Eric was lying, right?” Nick’s gaze
on her intensified. He was getting ready to crucify her.

  Charlie stopped herself from asking if Nick knew about Eric and Ava hooking up while on location because it would set Nick off even more. And it didn’t matter anymore. “Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.” Instead of scolding further, he just sat there, shaking his head. “You’re my friend, but so is Ava, and so is Jo. When are you going to stop hurting my friends?”

  Charlie leaned back a bit in her chair. “Me hurt them? That’s not how all this started, Nickie.”

  Nick puffed out some air through his nose. “I’ve had enough of this, Charlie.” He steepled his fingers together. “I also have a plan.” He stood. “Jase, don’t let her leave. Tie her to the chair for all I care.” With that, he grabbed his phone off the table and headed inside.

  “You know what he’s like,” Jason said. “His sense of drama knows no bounds. I think that’s why he likes you so much.” Jason tried a smile.

  “What’s he going to do?” Charlie scratched her head.

  Jason shrugged. “I have no earthly idea.”

  “I might as well stay. I have nowhere to go, anyway.” Charlie drained the rest of her mimosa.

  Discreetly, Jason pushed a basket with two croissants in her direction. Charlie grabbed one and started nibbling at it.

  A few minutes later, Nick walked back out onto the terrace. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he announced. “Charlie, you’re going to shower and make yourself presentable. Trust me, you want to do this.” He gestured wildly with his hands. “After you’ve washed, Jason and I are going to the farmer’s market. You’re to wait here. I will not answer any questions. All I’m asking is that you trust me. I know trust is a big issue for you.” He stretched his arms wide as though to physically display just how big an issue he thought it to be. “I’m your friend. I only want what’s best for you. And I’m not the only one. Understood?” He sighed dramatically.

  If she hadn’t felt so foolish herself, Charlie would have wondered if Nick lived for moments like these. Regardless, she knew better than to argue with him. “Yes, Nickie.”

  “I will also call Ava and check up on her. I was as surprised as you were when she turned up at that auction, Charlie.” He hung his head in disbelief. “How could you possibly have screwed that up? She made such a bold statement that night.” He clasped his hands together. “Okay. In the shower you go.”

  “Can I finish my croissant first?” Charlie presented the pastry.

  “Yes, yes, of course you can. Just don’t dilly-dally.”

  * * *

  After a shower cut short by Nick banging on the bathroom door, Charlie slipped into the one set of clothes left in her carry-on—she hadn’t exactly packed for a lot of non-bedroom activities.

  When she emerged from the guest room, Nick stood by the front door, checking his watch. “The bell’s going to ring in about five minutes. Answer the door and please be polite. For once in your life, listen, Charlie.” He opened his arms. “Come here.”

  Charlie hadn’t been told what to do like this in a very long time. No one else could get away with it. She stepped into his embrace. He smelled the way he always did—clean and fresh. His beard scraped against Charlie’s cheek. “Text when you’re ready for us to come back, but take all the time you need.”

  Once they’d left, Charlie stared at the door for a few seconds. She wasn’t born yesterday. Nick had called Jo. Anyone other and Nick wouldn’t have required such a spectacle, but in a way, she was glad he had. It eased the nerves rising in her stomach, along with the fear she’d used as an excuse for putting off this inevitable moment for a very long time.

  When the bell rang, right on time, Charlie was still startled by it.

  She opened the door and looked at Jo standing in front of her.

  “Hey, Charlie,” she said. “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” Charlie stepped aside. It was strange letting Jo into Nick and Jason’s house, but she was glad to be on neutral territory to have this long-awaited conversation.

  While Charlie was in the shower, Nick and Jason had tidied up the kitchen. “Not sure what I can offer you to drink.” Charlie wiped her moist palms on her jeans. She hadn’t offered to hug or even exchange a brief kiss on the cheek with her ex.

  “I’ve got that covered.” From a large bag slung over her shoulder, Jo produced a bottle of red wine. “Alex Duffy gave it to me, so it must be good.”

  From the way her fingers fiddled with the neck of the bottle, Charlie concluded that Jo was nervous too.

  “Why don’t you take it into the garden, and I’ll be right out with two glasses.” Charlie wasn’t overly familiar with this kitchen, but she sure as hell knew where the wine glasses were located. She took the few moments alone to steel herself for what was to come. Listen, Nick had said. He was right, and she would do her best. What she wouldn’t do was inquire about Christian or feel sorry about stealing time from him and Jo being together.

  “It’s so lovely here,” Jo said when Charlie emerged from the house. She leaned her head back and basked in the midday sun. “I could get used to LA summers. And winters, I guess.” She straightened her neck. “Remember when our AC broke in the middle of the hottest August in decades?”

  How could Charlie ever forget? They’d just moved in together and the landlord had proved not very interested in maintaining his properties. She and Jo had slipped ice cubes into their bras and slept on top of the covers with all the windows open, the city noise a perfect soundtrack for those restless nights. “God, yes.” When Charlie poured the wine, her hands trembled.

  “Sorry for being such a lush last night.”

  “No need to apologize.” Charlie sat down opposite her ex for the first time since she’d begged her—as good as on her knees—not to leave her for Christian. They’d exchanged text messages, spoken on the phone, and written e-mails, but after that last afternoon in their loft, Charlie had never been able to work up the nerve to face Jo. She’d been too angry at first. Then, simply too devastated. Afterward, she’d packed her things and moved to LA

  “Just so you know, I was planning on getting in touch with you. It’s silly for us to be in the same city and not see each other,” Jo said. “I know you’ve had a hard time with… this, and I wanted to give you the space you so obviously needed.” She swirled the wine in her glass. Maybe it was a bit early in the day for her. It wasn’t for Charlie.

  “I wasn’t too pleased when Jason said you’d taken the job.” Charlie took a sip. The wine was full-bodied and pleasant on the palate. “But I know it was a silly reaction. Just like last night, but that was… different. Partially, at least.”

  “It must have been hard seeing me and Christian sitting in Nickie and Jase’s dining room like that. I’m sorry for what happened, although I don’t know the details.”

  Charlie took another gulp. “I screwed up.”

  “You don’t have to tell me, Charlie.” At last, Jo drank. “But, if you’re willing to listen, I would like to say a few things. Things I’ve been meaning to say for a long time but haven’t gotten a chance to.”

  Charlie fixed her gaze on a tree branch to the left of Jo’s face. It was hard to look directly at the woman who had broken her heart so thoroughly that Charlie had fled the city where they’d lived together. “Of course. Isn’t that why you’re here?”

  “I haven’t come here to argue or to open up old wounds. I’m simply here to talk and to tell you some things that, according to Nick, only I can tell you.”

  “Be my guest.” Charlie couldn’t keep a hint of sarcasm from creeping into her voice.

  Jo sucked her bottom lip into her mouth the way she always did. The gesture didn’t affect Charlie as much as she would have expected it to. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either.” She sat up a bit straighter in her chair. “Are you still so convinced that the only reason we broke up is because I fell in love with Christian?” Jo didn’t mince her words.

  Charlie shrugged as if it were just
a rhetorical question.

  “Charlie, come on.” Jo’s voice shot up a fraction. “I loved you for a very long time. Hell, I still love you, but you made it impossible for me to stay with you.”

  Charlie slumped in her chair.

  Jo took another sip of wine, then tilted her head to the side. “This is what you do, Charlie. Exactly what you’re doing right now.”

  “I’m not doing anything,” Charlie said. She couldn’t if she wanted to. All her muscles seemed to be suffering from a simultaneous cramp.

  “It’s hard to reason with nothing.”

  Charlie couldn’t look at Jo. She wished Annie was here to offer some light distraction, but Nick and Jason had taken her to the market with them.

  “Remember when we ran into Clara in Central Park, and all three of us went for a drink? You didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day, Charlie. You gave me nothing, except the most agonizing, disapproving silence. Like you were such a big martyr, simply because you’d had to see me interact with my ex for an hour or so. Like you’d made the biggest sacrifice of your life for me.”

  Charlie opened her mouth, ready to launch into a defensive reply, but thought better of it. There was obviously still something between you, Charlie wanted to say. Something that made me feel insignificant and terribly insecure.

  Jo shifted her weight in her chair and leaned over the table. “This is not the first time I’m telling you this, Charlie, so it shouldn’t come as a shock. You have so much going for you. You’re a terrific writer. I mean, look at you, living in Hollywood. You and I, we had some excellent times together, but sometimes I can’t help but think that what you really excel at is self-sabotage. At not allowing yourself to be happy.

  “The last year of our relationship, what you did more than anything was suck the joy out of everything for me. I didn’t want to come home to you in the evening. You were always on edge, always suspicious and throwing around completely unfounded paranoia. You were unhappy. And you took it out on me.”