by Sandra Brown
"To help with supporting the child, before and after it's born."
"I earn a very good salary, in addition to the commission I make on each job. Thank you very much, but I don't need your money, Mr. MacKensie." Leaving her chair, she picked up the Alka-Seltzer-coated glass on the end table and made a beeline for the door across the room.
Taylor followed her. Her kitchen was alive with a jungle of plants. He had to swat aside a leaf as he went in. She was rinsing out the glass in a stainless-steel sink.
"Why do you bristle at everything I say?"
She swung around to face him. "Because I find everything you say offensive."
"Well, pardon me, ma'am, but I'm not quite myself today." His tone of voice bordered on loud. "Forgive me for pointing out that we're a little old to be caught 'in trouble' like a couple of teenagers. This didn't happen in the back of Dad's Ford after the prom."
"That's why I don't see why we can't be adult about it and stop throwing blame on each other."
"We can. But the idea of a baby is going to take some getting used to. You've had weeks to reckon with it. It's new to me. Don't expect me to be my normal, glib self today. I've suffered a shock."
"So have I!" she yelled back. "It's not your body that is going through all these changes, it's mine. Think about the adjustments I've had to make."
"I can appreciate that," he said, striving for calm.
"You have a damn funny way of showing it."
"I said I was sorry."
"Then stop making unflattering innuendos about my milking you for money, etcetera. I'm willing to live up to my obligation. Why aren't you? We share this responsibility equally. We were both on that couch. We both enjoyed it. It was a simultaneous—"
Horrified at what she heard herself saying, Ria turned her back on him again. Her cheeks were on fire.
She hadn't blushed before or since Christmas Eve. It seemed that she'd packed a lifetime of blushes away and saved them all for Taylor MacKensie.
Her heart was thudding. Her mouth was dry and her palms were wet. In her ears she heard a roar as loud as crashing waves. In fact, it felt as though they were ebbing and flowing through her burning earlobes.
It took a moment for her to collect herself. "All I meant is that I'm willing to assume responsibility for my actions that night," she said in a shaky voice. "It's not going to be easy for me to have a baby, but I am and that's that. You don't know me very well or you never could have thought I'd have an abortion." She shuddered.
"Why did you bother to tell me about the baby at all?"
She came around slowly, clearly mystified by his question. "You didn't want to know that you had fathered a child? I considered it my moral obligation to tell you."
"Your integrity is admirable."
"But you'd just as soon I hadn't involved you," she said with a humorless laugh. "Won't the ski bunny like it?"
"The ski bunny?"
"The woman who got ticked off when you didn't go on the ski trip with her."
"Lisa?"
Lisa. Ria had wondered later what Lisa would have thought of Taylor's Christmas Eve. Would she have been jealous? Or had she been making it with a ski instructor at the same time? Were they sophisticated enough to tell each other about their escapades? Had he regaled Lisa with a detailed account of their lovemaking, perhaps for the purpose of stimulating her?
The thought made Ria ill. She pressed one hand against her stomach and covered her mouth with the other.
Taylor jumped as if he'd been shot. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Something, dammit."
"Nothing!"
"You're green!"
She drew a deep breath through chalky lips. "I'm a little queasy, that's all."
"Sit down." He yanked a chair away from the table.
"I'm fine, really."
"Sit down." The order was issued in a terse, authoritarian voice that Ria was too weak and woozy to argue with. He pulled out a chair for himself and dropped down into it, plowing his hands through his hair and cursing. "Don't scare me like that again. Can I get you something?"
"No." She glanced up at him. He was glaring at her sternly. "All right. A cracker. That helps settle my stomach sometimes."
She told him where he could find a box of saltines in the pantry. He shook crumbs all over the table as he wrestled two crackers out of their cellophane package. The box fell to the floor when he bumped the edge of the table with his thigh as he sat back down. Nibbling the cracker, Ria began to laugh.
"What?" he grumbled.
"For a man who's so adept at uncorking champagne, you don't handle saltines very well."
He smiled with chagrin. "Well, I've had more practice with champagne than with pregnant ladies."
Ria sobered instantly. She dusted salt off her hands as she said softly, "I'm sure you have."
It surprised them both when he reached across the table and covered her hands with his. "Please don't take offense," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it."
She stared at his hand. It was a beautifully masculine hand. Blunt, well-trimmed fingernails. Her stomach experienced a sinking sensation when she remembered those very hands moving over her body, massaging the breasts that even now ached to be touched. Those fingertips had stroked the secret-most part of her body, lifting her toward ecstasy, taking and giving pleasure in equal quantity. At least she thought he'd taken pleasure in caressing her. She hoped so.
Discomfited by her thoughts, she brought her head up and looked straight into his blue eyes. "Did you tell Lisa about me?"
"Of course not." He abruptly withdrew his hand from hers.
"I don't think I could have stood that." She felt weepy, as she had in the last several weeks, and hoped to heaven she didn't burst into tears over the thought of him and Lisa having a good laugh at her expense.
"I'll confess to going out with a lot of women, but I'm not a complete jerk, Ria."
"I thought you might have used Christmas Eve to make Lisa jealous."
"Did you use it to make Guy jealous?"
"I don't play games like that."
"Neither do I."
She saw that he was telling her the truth. "I didn't tell anybody."
"You had to tell Guy when you told him about the baby."
"I wasn't specific about the date. I didn't name you. Are you still seeing her?"
"Lisa? Yes."
"What will she think of the situation?"
"It isn't any of her business."
Ria stared at him, aghast. "She may beg to differ."
"It isn't like that between us."
He'd felt free to take another woman to bed on Christmas Eve without having to grapple about it later with either his conscience or his steady lady friend. That typified more than anything what a casual, forgettable event their lovemaking had been for him. Ria's heart was aching around the edges, as though the border of her soul had been trespassed.
"Now that we've acknowledged our dual responsibility for this child," he said, "and eliminated abortion as an alternative, what do you suggest we do?"
Ria steadily held his gaze. "You're going to marry me, Mr. MacKensie."
* * *
CHAPTER THREE
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After a long, tense silence, he said, "Well, that answers that."
"I see no need to beat around the bush."
"Ms. Lavender, I doubt if you've ever beat around the bush." He left his chair and went to the refrigerator. Finding a beer inside, he opened it. "Since you've proposed, I feel at liberty to drink one of your beers."
"Help yourself."
"Thank you." He mockingly saluted her with the can, then sipped from it, eyeing her over the top of it. "Apparently our perspectives on Christmas Eve vary slightly."
"What do you mean?"
"By no stretch of the imagination were you forced, or even coerced. You were just as willing to stretch out naked on that fur coat as I was."
"You don't have to get v
ulgar."
"And you don't have to get sanctimonious."
"I only wanted you to understand what I expect from you."
He forcibly tamped down his temper and said in a more reasonable tone, "You think we should get married, huh? Give me one good reason."
"As you just said, we were both willing to…" She glanced away, then, not wanting him to mistake her embarrassment for weakness, looked him straight in the eye. "Why should I shoulder this responsibility alone?"
"Don't you read Good Housekeeping and Cosmopolitan? It's fashionable for single parents, men included, to rear children."
"I intend to rear the child alone."
He raised the beer can close to his face and studied it. "This must be strong stuff. For a minute there I thought you had proposed marriage, and then in the next breath said you planned to rear the baby by yourself."
"This isn't a joke!"
"You're damn right it's not. So would you please stop talking in riddles?" He slammed the can down on the countertop. "Which is it, Ria? Do we marry or do you remain a single mother?"
"Both. I don't care if we get an annulment the minute I leave the hospital. But my baby is going to be legitimate and have both parents there the day he's born."
"If you want an annulment immediately afterward, then why bother going through the formalities?"
She stared at him with incredulity. "Is that asking too much?"
"No, dammit. That's not what I meant." He pointed a finger toward her lap. "Do you think I'd turn my back on my child? Not care anything about him?"
"I don't know. I don't know you."
"Obviously not." He stopped shouting, threw his head back, and drew a deep breath. "I was only trying to understand why you think we should get married, when what you really want is to rear the child by yourself."
Ria left her chair and started fiddling with the blinds on the window. "Call it an old-fashioned quirk of mine."
"Like natural Christmas trees."
She glanced at him quickly over her shoulder. "Yes. Like that. Parents should be married when their child is born."
Taylor came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. He turned her around and tilted her head back. Ria held herself stiffly. This seemingly innocuous embrace was too reminiscent of when he had told her there was snow in her hair and then tilted her head back for their first kiss. He was wearing the same tender expression.
"Try again, Ria. Tell me why you want us to get married. Religious convictions?"
"Partially, but not entirely."
"Have you told your parents about the baby? Are they pressuring you?"
"No on both counts."
"Then why? This is the reason you came to my office today, isn't it? To ask me to marry you."
"To insist that you do."
"Don't you think I deserve to know the reason behind that insistence?" She tried to work herself out of his grasp, but he wouldn't allow it. "Tell me, Ria."
"It doesn't matter."
"The hell it doesn't."
"Look, Taylor, I know you don't love me. I don't love you. We're not 'in love.' I'm not sure we even like each other. What happened between us was purely physical. Spontaneous combustion of the glands. It was…" She wet her lips nervously. "Lust."
His eyes glowed hotly. "Agreed."
"And now we're paying for it."
"Maybe."
"But I don't think the child should have to."
"Nor do I."
"So for his sake—"
"Cut the crap," he interrupted impatiently. "Why should we get married?"
"I've already told—"
"Why?"
"Because I was born illegitimate."
Angrily pushing herself away from him, she stamped back into the living room. Feeling cornered, she spun around to face him when she heard his footsteps behind her. "There. Satisfied? I don't want my child to grow up with the stigma that I had."
"You seem to have turned out okay," he said quietly.
"Thanks to two wonderful people who adopted me. Don't worry, the mother of your child is not a psychopath. I don't have any life-threatening hang-ups. I grew up secure in the knowledge that I was loved and wanted by Robert and Frida Lavender."
"Some kids who are reared by their natural parents aren't that lucky."
"I know that," Ria said, wringing her hands. "I thank God for Mom and Dad." She drew a shuddering breath. "But I never got over knowing that someone didn't want me. Two people gave me away, discarded me, because I was a biological accident. They didn't want to make a baby together." She avoided looking at him. "Just as we didn't."
Taylor crossed the room and took her hand. Dragging her along behind him, he moved to the couch and pulled her down beside him. "You look exhausted. Sit down."
"I mean it, Taylor." There was a desperate edge to her voice. "I won't do that to my baby."
"I hear you."
Now that the truth was out, Ria let her guard down. She laid her head on the back of the couch. She pulled in one of those insufficient deep breaths and let it out slowly, willing her body to relax.
As it did nearly every evening now, a drowsiness stole over her. She could barely keep her eyes open. Several minutes passed before she realized that they were actually closed. When she opened them, Taylor was watching her. He was smiling.
"What's the matter?"
He said, "I was just thinking about how first impressions can fool you." Her inquisitive gaze prompted him to elaborate. "When I first saw you, I was staggered by how beautiful you are."
She swallowed with difficulty. "Thank you."
He shrugged. "No sense in pretending now that I didn't like what I saw. You know better." Their eyes held for an uncomfortably long time. Finally he continued. "I thought you were a really classy lady. The way you dressed. The way you flirted. You had a great pair of tits, a terrific ass, and a wonderful sense of humor."
Her sense of humor came through for her now. Ria, blushing, laughed self-consciously. "Thanks again, though I want it to go on record that I oppose your sexist estimation."
"Consider it recorded."
"Maybe you'd better make your point, Mr. MacKensie."
He was staring at the base of her neck the way a penniless boy stares at the chocolate cake in the bakery window. "Yeah, maybe I'd better," he said gruffly. "My point is that under that sophisticated veneer, Ria Lavender is an old-fashioned girl at heart. She clings to a quaint, outdated code of morality."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No. Complimenting you. Women with such high standards are hard to come by these days."
"They are not," she retorted crisply. "You've just never looked for them."
He had the grace to laugh. "Guilty. But I do have some redeeming qualities. If you'd given me half a chance, I would have proposed to you first."
Her lips parted in astonishment.
"That's right, Ria," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I came here tonight to ask you to marry me. At least until the child is born."
"Why?"
He looked startled, then laughed. "For all the reasons you cited. I believe you mentioned something about living with one's mistakes, about sharing responsibility, legitimacy."
"If you agreed with everything, why did you put me on the defensive?"
"You told me yourself on Christmas Eve that you doubted I'd ever let anybody bully me. When you started making demands, I started defying you."
"So I went through all those explanations for nothing."
"I don't think it was wasted. I know you better now, what you think and how you feel about things."
"Well, you're still a mystery to me."
"Let me clear up one vital point." When he had her full attention he said, "You obviously think I'm an indiscriminate stud, who wouldn't have any qualms about populating the state with little bastard MacKensies." He smiled when she lowered her eyes guiltily "On the contrary, I have a conscience and a strong moral fiber. If this had happ
ened to me when I was in high school, I would have done the honorable thing and married the girl."
That made Ria angry. "I don't need or want your pity."
"Damn, you're prickly. Don't start another argument. Not when I've just got you calmed down."
"And don't refer to me as if I were a high-strung mare."
He cursed. "Can we go back to the subject, please?"
She regained control of her temper. "I wasn't thinking of me when I asked you to marry me. I was thinking only of the child."
"So am I," Taylor argued. "He's mine too. I have a vested interest in his future. I'd never relinquish all legal claims to him. Which might very well happen if we weren't married."
"So you're doing it for legal purposes."
"We both have our reasons."
Deep in thought, Ria contemplated her bare toes. She supposed it was only fair that he have some legal rights to the child. Her life would have been terribly empty without Robert Lavender in it. Could she selfishly deny her baby its father? Even a part-time father?
"All right. We'll work out some sort of mutual custody agreement with the annulment."
"Here we are talking about the annulment and we haven't even discussed the wedding yet."
She returned his smile. "There's plenty of time for that. All I ask is that we be married a week or so before my due date."
She started to stand, thinking that an agreement had been reached. Taylor's hand shot out and grabbed a handful of T-shirt. "I have one condition."
As she sat back down, Ria regarded him suspiciously. "What?"
"We marry right away. Tomorrow. The day after, at least. As soon as possible."
"Why the rush?"
"Because it would be politically disastrous for me to rush out and get married a few days before my child is born."
"But you'll already be in office. Not Bleeker, not anybody else, can hurt you at that point."
"I'll be in office, yes, but how effective can I be if my morality is on the line?" He was shaking his head. "Uh-uh. We've got to be married long before the baby is born."
"No one will ever have to know that you're the father. I won't tell anybody. We'll go out of town to get married. You can see the baby on the sly."