Once I’m done, I take a seat in the chair beside the couch and sit here for a while, wishing like hell I’d been enough to save my mother from herself.
I’ve done everything over the years for her, including sending her to rehab, but her depression always gets the best of her. I used to think that spending more time with her would do the trick, and it did for a while, but eventually that wasn’t even enough.
I turn away from my mom and reach for my phone when it vibrates in my pocket.
It’s a message from Mark asking if I want to meet him for breakfast, so I grab a glass of water for my mother and set it down on the coffee table before giving her a kiss on the forehead and heading out.
It’s still early, so I figure I can get a quick bite with Mark and bring Alexandra something for when she wakes up.
When I show up at the diner, Mark’s squad car is already parked out front, so I hurry inside to find him in his usual booth.
“You look like hell, Man,” Mark says when I take the seat across from him. “Couldn’t sleep?”
I nod and thank the waitress as she pours some coffee into a mug for me. “Nah. I didn’t sleep for shit. I’ve had too much going on.”
He reaches for a menu and slides it across to me. “I heard. Went by to see Avalon and Royal the other day and he filled me in. That’s some crazy shit.” He runs a hand through his dark blonde hair and exhales. “It’s been thirteen years since you’ve seen her?”
I close the menu and place my order when the waitress comes back, before answering Mark’s question. “The last time I saw her she was a scared thirteen-year-old girl taking hits from a belt by her piece of shit father. I never saw her again after that night.”
“Well, shit . . .” He looks pissed now as he looks at me from across the table. “I would’ve wanted to kill that son of a bitch and probably would’ve tried too.”
“I did,” I say on a growl. “I was too young and weak to do anything to stop him. He ended up breaking my arm and leaving me on the side of the road somewhere. I can’t even remember how I found my way home that night.”
“And how is she now?” Mark questions.
“I can’t tell yet. She keeps pushing me away and running from me. I don’t get it.”
We’re quiet for a few minutes as we eat, but I can tell Mark wants to question me further on the situation. He’s handled a lot of child abuse cases in his time being a police officer and I’ve never seen him want to kill anyone more than when he receives one of those calls.
“Don’t let her get away,” he finally says. “No matter how far she tries to run, she needs you. Everyone needs someone and it sounds like she’s dealt with a lot of bad shit.”
I look up, my jaw tense as I take his words in.
“I never planned on giving up. I didn’t back then and I won’t now.” I stand up and throw some money on the table to cover breakfast. “Thanks for the talk, Man, and for taking care of things last night. I should get back before she wakes up.”
“Not a problem.” He nods and gathers his wallet and keys to stand. “I’ve got a long day ahead of me, but call me if you need anything. I mean it.”
I give his shoulder a slap and reach for the bag of food when the waitress drops it off. “Thanks, brother.”
I’ve got some figuring out to do when it comes to Alexandra and I’ll fight tooth and nail for her. That hasn’t changed.
The moment I pull up in the driveway, I notice my truck is no longer parked where I left it.
“What the fuck?” It only takes me a few seconds to realize she must’ve taken off in my truck to get home.
As angry as I am that she took off on me without saying goodbye, there’s a part of me that is happy she took my truck. I’ll take that as a sign she doesn’t plan on hiding from me this time.
“Well shit . . .” I run my hand over my beard and look around as if there’s a chance I’ll see my truck parked somewhere else. But apparently, she’s still gone.
After putting the food in the fridge, I put my energy into unpacking and organizing stuff the best I can without really giving a shit what anything looks like right now.
It’s hard to function when the only thing I can think about is Alexandra and when I’ll see her again. If it’s up to her, it could be days or even weeks. I don’t know what she’s thinking right now and I don’t know what she was thinking when she left this morning in my truck.
She’s not easy to figure out like when we were kids and that scares the hell out of me. Back then, I always knew she’d come back to me the first chance she got.
Things have changed.
She has one day. One fucking day. And if she doesn’t come to me, I’m hunting her down and giving her no other choice but to let me back in.
I’m not easy to get away from. Not when the only thing I want in this world is her, and she’s about to learn that real soon . . .
I’VE BEEN STANDING IN THE dark living room for the past hour, trying to decide if I should show up at Savage & Ink or not.
It was a long, rough day for me searching for a new job, and I spent most of it thinking about Jax and wondering if he’s pissed that I took off when he was gone.
Jax left his house this morning believing I was asleep, but the truth is, the sound of Jax’s moans coming from the shower woke me up.
All it took was hearing that deep, familiar growl of his release to know that he was getting off in there. That knowledge was enough to have my body heated with need.
It’s hard enough looking at Jax without needing him inside me, but hearing his sounds of pleasure was too much to handle.
I quickly buried my face into the pillow, covering my ears before I lost what little self-control I had left and ended up in there with him, naked myself.
I had a feeling he’d be checking on me after his shower, so I closed my eyes and just laid there, wishing I was brave enough to talk to him . . . to see him, but I wasn’t.
I’m not ready to share my past with him yet. I’m not ready to open up about all the fucked-up things I’ve been through without him, but I know being around Jax will eventually force me to open up and show him the new me.
I heard the front door close not long after that, followed by the roar of the engine from his motorcycle pulling away, so I knew he had left. I didn’t know for how long, so I quickly got out of bed with plans to walk home.
That plan changed the moment I stepped into the living room to find the TV on my favorite channel, just like back when we were kids.
It brought me back to the past and that feeling of warmth surrounded me, making me feel safe again. I couldn’t run this time, even though my head was telling me it’s what’s best for him.
And the thought of him thinking he’d never see me again killed a part of me inside. It was hard to breathe, imagining the look of disappointment on his face, so I did something to let him know I just needed space and I’d find him soon. I took something that was his like I used to do when we were little. It was our thing to prove I’d be back.
I don’t know how smart of an idea it was, but it’s too late to take it back.
Swallowing, I look out the window where Jax’s truck is parked and my chest instantly aches to be near him.
At least this way it gives me a reason to see him again. Eventually, whether it’s tonight, tomorrow, or next week, I’ll have to bring it back to him.
The boy I met just months before my ninth birthday. The boy that stayed by my side and took care of me for almost five years without asking for anything in return. He never wanted anything from me other than for me to come to him when I needed an escape from my hell.
He’s always been my escape, but the pain was present last night when all I needed was to be near him. My heart ached to be close to Jax so badly that it hurt. Real, physical pain in my chest. The only way to numb those feelings and keep me from giving in was to take something to knock myself out for the night. I needed a different kind of escape than normal.
E
xhaling, I run my hands through my tangled hair, before pulling it back into a bun and reaching for my phone to check the time.
I’m reminded that I have two missed calls and three texts from James. They’re all from late last night. Exhaling, I read them over.
James: I’m at Midnight Joe’s. What the hell happened here?
James: There’s a tatted-up cop here giving me a hardcore stare right now. Are you inside or no?
James: Dammit, Alex. Thanks for the warning. I came to share some blow with you . . . some good shit from my new dealer and you’re nowhere to be found. That cop could’ve arrested my ass for possession.
After reading the last message, I lean against the wall and squeeze my eyes shut. Fighting temptation has never been so hard, but then again, I never really had a reason to fight it before.
“Are you all right?” Tessa asks the moment she steps through the front door. “I heard the cops shut down the bar last night and that you were nowhere to be found. Holy shit, woman. I almost thought you were dead.” She places her hand over her chest as if relieved to find me still breathing.
“I’m fine.” It’s not exactly the truth, but I guess physically I am. “Someone from my past just decided that me working at the bar was a shit idea and took it upon himself to kick everyone out. That’s all.”
“Oh, wow. Is it wrong to say he sounds hot?” Tessa shakes her head, smiling. “That man must really care about you to do something like that . . . and the fact that he has the power to do so.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, my mind wandering back to last night. The hurt look in his eyes left there by me is enough to haunt me forever.
“What’s this guy’s name? Maybe I know him.”
“Jax,” leaves my lips before I can stop it and when I bring my attention back to her, she’s looking at me with wide eyes.
“The Jax. The one from Savage & Ink?”
I nod and the smile on her face widens.
“And I was right. He’s totally hot, girl.” She plops down on the couch and reaches over to turn on the lamp, giving the room a bit of light. “I’ve seen him rough up some guys before, so I’m not surprised that he was able to empty out the bar. He deals with a much rougher crowd at Savage & Ink. That’s the kind of guy I’d want looking out for me. Lucky you. I’m totally jealous.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, looking toward the window at the sound of a loud vehicle pulling into the driveway.
“Looks like jackass is here.” She rolls her eyes and stands up. “I’ll be in my room. It was a long day today. But you get it. You can only deal with so many assholes in a day’s time.”
“I don’t want him here for a while, Tessa,” I say, stopping her before she can leave the room. “Can you tell him I’m not here and I won’t be back for a few days?”
She nods. “Of course, babe. I’ll be more than happy to tell that prick to fuck off. I’d enjoy it, actually.”
“Thank you.”
As soon as I open my bedroom door to slip inside, James knocks on the front door. I listen as Tessa lies and tells him that I’m staying with a friend for a few days.
“That’s bullshit, Tessa.” I hear James say. “She’s ignoring my texts and I have someone here who wants to meet her. Let us in.”
“She’s not here, asshole. Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? You and your friend can go now. Buh bye.”
“Why don’t you move out of the way like a good girl and let us grown men inside.”
The fact that James keeps pushing Tessa to let him and some strange man inside pisses me off, and before I know it, I’m making my way through the house toward the front door.
“I said . . .” Tessa’s words trail off when she hears me coming up behind her. “Never mind, asshole. Here she is.”
James smiles when he sees me and gets ready to step inside, but I block the door with my arm and give him a hard look. “Don’t ever come over here and disrespect my roommate.” My gaze lingers over to the middle-aged man beside him, before focusing back on him. “And don’t ever bring strangers here without my consent. Now go.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” He holds his arm out, stopping me from closing the door in his face. “Come on, babe. Don’t be rude. Jasper came here to meet you. It’s not my fault you keep ignoring my calls and texts. Shit. What was I supposed to do?”
I turn back to this Jasper guy who is watching me with a cool, calm expression, as if he’s untouchable. It gives me the creeps and makes my skin crawl. “So, this is the feisty one you’ve told me so much about?” He takes a step forward, placing his hand on the door as if to let me know that it will be staying open. “I’m sure you’ve heard about me. No one and I mean no one uses my supply without me meeting them.” He nods toward James. “And my friend here says you’ve been getting high off my shit.”
“You won’t have to worry about that anymore,” I point out. “Now move, so I can close the door.”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Are you sure about that, sweetness?”
“Come on, babe,” James says from over his dealer’s shoulder. “You and me both know you’re not quitting anytime soon. Just get to know Jasper, so he’s comfortable selling to us. Loosen up for once.”
“Fuck you, James. I’m done with your shit and I’m done with you.” I push the door to show them I’m done with this conversation. “Nice to meet you, Jasper, now get the hell off my porch.”
A cocky smile crosses his face as he takes a step back and watches me until the door is blocking my view of him.
My heart races as I quickly lock the door and press my back against it, listening as they jump into James’ car and drive off.
A guy hasn’t made me this nervous since before I left my dad’s house and got away from him and his friends. My entire body is shaking as I run my hands over my face.
There’s something off about this Jasper guy and I want to strangle James for showing him where Tessa and I live. That asshole could come back at anytime, and what if he doesn’t listen the next time I tell him to leave?
“Are you okay?” I’m so pissed off that I almost forgot Tessa was in the living room.
“I’m good,” I say, my voice slightly shaking. “James should’ve known better than to bring his dealer here. I’m going to hurt him if I ever see him again.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be seeing him again. That guy doesn’t get the hint. He might be slightly obsessive over you, Alex. Be careful.”
I nod as I take in her words.
“I’ll be careful. I want you to do the same. Make sure the doors and windows are locked, always. I don’t want James coming in uninvited anymore.”
“Gotcha.” She watches me curiously as I reach for Jax’s keys. “Where are you going?”
“To the bar.” I walk over and peek out the window to be sure James and his dealer aren’t creeping around outside, before making my way to the door. “I have a truck to return. I borrowed it without asking when I took off in it this morning.”
“I was wondering whose truck that was outside. I was so relieved to see you that I forgot to ask about it.” She leans over the back of the couch to look at me. “You took that man’s truck without asking?” She laughs and shakes her head. “No one else has the balls to do that. Yeah . . . I have a feeling he’s going to want that expensive thing back. It’s nice.”
“I won’t be gone long, but if James comes back over call me, so I can take care of him.”
“Yeah . . . okay.” She stands up and gives me a worried look. “Are you okay to drive? You seem a bit on edge.”
“I’m fine. At least I will be when I get out of this house.” I walk to the front door and open it. My anxiety is kicking in and if I don’t distract myself I know what I’ll turn to. I’m too on edge right from the unexpected visit not to need an escape. “I just need some fresh air. That’s all.”
At least I’m hoping that will do the trick. Because I don’t think there’s any way I can stay away from Jax right no
w. He’s the only thing I’ve been able to think about, and not being with him has me wanting to use more than anything.
Rushing outside, I jump into Jax’s truck and squeeze the steering wheel. I hate that I’m such a mess. I hate that I have no control over myself.
I sit here for a while, struggling with what to do, before I pull out of the driveway. Truth is, I’m weak when it comes to Jax. I’m so weak, and it angers me that going to him will only put him through hell.
SAVAGE & INK CLOSED ALMOST AN hour ago, and here I am, drink in hand, drowning myself in whiskey in hopes of taking my mind off Alexandra.
I thought I’d be okay going a day without her. I told myself I’d give her until tomorrow to come back, but clearly I can’t handle that.
She’s been the only thing on my mind since I came home to discover her gone this morning. The asshole in me wants to go after her and look for her, even though she clearly doesn’t want to be around me right now.
The fact that she needs time away from me fucking hurts unlike anything else I’ve ever felt. When she disappeared back when we were kids, at least it was because she had no choice, but knowing that she does now and still chooses to stay away feels like someone ripping my heart from my chest.
Tilting back the glass of whiskey, I keep my eyes on the door as if she’ll come in any moment and give me her usual sass. It’s that damn sassy mouth of hers that made me want to keep her away from this place to begin with. Now, all I want is for her to come back.
Knowing that she possibly won’t has the need to find her and ensure she’s safe consuming me.
How am I supposed to stop wanting to protect the girl I promised to always look out for? Being there for her is a habit I can’t shake. How the hell am I just supposed to sit back while she continues to run every chance she gets? I still don’t even know why she’s so damn determined to run.
“Fuck this shit.”
I finish the last of my drink and slam the glass down in front of me, before running my hand down my beard. There’s not enough whiskey in the world to make me forget her. I’m done pretending that there is. I’ve waited too long to have her back with me to just sit here like a dumbass, knowing she’s somewhere out there.
Beautiful Savage (Savage & Ink Book 2) Page 12