“I’m not sure it’s just language that makes it incomprehensible,” she muttered.
Tylan laughed, the sound warming her as he continued to set up the small clearing like they were going to have a family picnic.
She remained quiet for a bit, enjoying the sound of the woods mixed with Tylan’s tuneless whistling. After the whirl of the last few days, she had a moment to consider, to really weigh her new life.
And she realized how little she knew about the planet she now called home.
Home.
Had Asberek felt like home? Not really. The constant danger, the vid streamers, all combined to make her feel like a stranger in her own skin. Only in her dreams could she be the woman she wanted to be.
What about this place? It could be home. She gazed up at the gray sky, which should have seemed dismal, but instead felt comforting. Something about this grove touched her, soothed her. Did Tylan know she would react this way? It was a bit strange that she would feel safe in the company of a four-armed, four-eyed alien who was part of a race that had kidnapped her when she was a child.
She watched Tylan for a few more minutes and then sat cross-legged on the soft, mossy ground. “Alright. Why did you bring me here?”
For a moment, she thought she was going to get the “party line”, the lie he’d been told to tell her. Instead, he got a serious expression on his face and his mouth pulled down for the first time since she’d met him. “This place is special to Andev. And here, it’s difficult to be heard.”
“And what do we need privacy for, Tylan?”
A muscle moved in Tylan’s jaw. “What do you know about Dormrelian history?”
A history lesson? She sighed. “Not very much. That was Sierra’s specialty, not mine. I know the Ang used to do experiments on the Dormrela and that your planet rebelled.”
Tylan poked the fire he’d started in the pit, creating a plume of smoke that drifted through the trees. “We won the right to determine our own fate.” There was no hint of humor at all on Tylan’s face. “But there were some who continued the work the Ang had begun.”
An ugly, frozen wind blew through Shasta’s veins. “What do you mean?”
“Some of it you know. A hidden human population, only allowed to mate within strict guidelines.” He poked the fire again, and sparks showered the rocks that ringed the pit. “But there were already human hybrids on Dormrela before we stole humans from Asberek a hundred years ago.” He glanced at Shasta. “When the Ang ruled here, they did their experiments in a place called The Barracks. Now, someone wants to bring that back, experiment on those who carry the human genes from the Ang days.”
“Human genes?”
Tylan pursed his lips. “The Ang didn’t always have Asberek.”
“Explain,” Shasta said sharply.
She watched Tylan’s Adam’s apple bob, making his throat scales glimmer from the movement. “Some humans were brought here to Dormrela, and their genes spliced with ours.”
There was a sour twist in her stomach. “You mean there are Dormrela who carry the human gene, human ancestry.”
He nodded. “And those people were successful when they mated with the humans brought to Dormrela later.” He poked the fire, the warmth cutting through the chill that seemed to have seeped into Shasta’s bones. “But when the Ang left, no one understood why some matings worked and some didn’t.” He rubbed a huge hand over his face. “The council had banned genetic studies for years after we kicked the Ang off Dormrela, and we had no idea it was the pure-blooded Dormrela that had difficulties mating with humans.” When his gaze met hers, he seemed to be begging her to understand something. “But when the council began to pay attention to the birth defects occurring in normal Dormrelian matings, they discovered many Dormrela had human genes. The council took some of them into their confidence in hopes that they could discover how to save their species.”
“Dormrela like you.”
“Dormrela like me.”
“And what does all this history have to do with me?” Shasta knew what Tylan was getting at. But she was no savior.
“You?” He smiled. “Nothing really. It has to do with Andev.”
She stared at him. That was the last thing she expected him to say. “I don’t understand.”
“The council has denied that a human population exits. It has provided cysuits for those who are different. Can you imagine what the Dormrela will do when they find out that the council has practiced this secret breeding?” Tylan gazed into the fire, the chill of the morning giving way as the heat emanated from the flames. “It would be a mess.”
“You haven’t answered my question, Tylan. Why Andev? Why now?”
Tylan locked his stare with hers. “Because when Andev was twelve years old, he was taken, sold really, to the Ang.”
“But I thought you—” She licked her suddenly dry lips. “They killed his mother, but you stopped them, didn’t you?”
An expression of pain crossed Tylan’s face. “Once.”
Shasta waited, and Tylan seemed to struggle for the right words. He clenched his four hands into fists. “But the Ang didn’t give up and took him. They had him for two turns.”
The morning sky seemed to darken, turning a threatening steel gray. An inkling of what Tylan needed to tell her swept through her. She didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to believe it.
He studied her face and continued in a slow, methodical voice. “The council was frantic. They couldn’t let the Ang have Andev. When they found him, he wasn’t alone.” Tylan’s lips tightened. “The Ang had kidnapped others. Two girls and another boy—”
Shasta shot to her feet, adrenaline spiking. “No. No!” she shouted and turned blindly back into the forest.
It couldn’t be. But it explained it all, didn’t it? She and Andev had been bonded in their dreams, seeking each other in dreams during those fumbling days of adolescence. It explained why the council wanted her here, mated to Andev.
And it explained why Andev had sought her out. He must have known from the beginning, come to Asberek to trick her, bring her to this hopeless mating. It even explained why he was so cold, so cruel to her. Why would he want to be mated to an Ang experiment being continued by his council?
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her chest hurt from the effort to keep her raging sobs within. Silently, she sped forward, completely unaware of where she was or what she was doing.
Large hands grabbed her and yanked her to a stop. Tylan held her, one hand pressing her face against his hard chest. She fought him grimly, kicking and hitting out at him, her pain whipping around her like a tornado. Trapped and manipulated, she’d been such an easy target for all of them. Hell, she’d walked into it, willing to give up everything. And for what? To continue some Ang bullshit.
“Stop, Shasta. Let me tell you the rest.” Tylan stroked her gently even though she continued to strain against his hold.
“No. I don’t want to know,” she sobbed. Stars, no. She never wanted to know what happened. Her mind drew a decided blank about that time, and she didn’t want to remember.
“You must. Because you face danger if you don’t.” Tylan gripped her arms, held her away from him and shook her. “And so does Andev.”
“Bullshit,” she said bitterly.
Tylan shook his head. “Listen to me, Shasta. I don’t know everything that happened when he was taken by the Ang, but I know he was a fucking mess. The council mind-wiped him.”
She froze. “What?”
“They took away his memories. He doesn’t remember any of it.”
And neither did she. “They mind-wiped me too, didn’t they?”
“Less successfully, yes. They tried to take away the trauma, the pain, connected to what happened, but you and Kinley were special, your minds resistant to the drug used.” Tylan frowned and used his rough fingers to brush her hair away. “Some…feelings remained. You hated the Dormrela, were afraid of any warrior who approached you. The council believes the
y hurt you badly.”
“Andev would never hurt me.” She knew it. Emotionally, he might destroy her, shatter every single hope she might have, but he wouldn’t hurt her, no matter what.
“No. I don’t think that’s what happened.” Tylan glanced around the forest. “I think they forced Andev to choose. He had to mate with you or watch someone else…mate with you…someone who wouldn’t be gentle or kind.”
Her whole being froze. Why was he telling her this? Why did he torment her with things that happened so long ago that neither she nor Andev remembered and who the hell was he to tell her?
“I was twelve! Even the Ang wouldn’t—” She couldn’t go on. Wouldn’t the Ang do anything to create the salvation of their people? They believed the Pasquel daughters held the key to their continued existence, but the rape of a twelve-year-old girl? Would they go that far?
“I said they threatened Andev with it. And apparently, he’d seen enough to think they would do it.” Tylan’s hand tightened around her arms. “Because he’s been bonded with you ever since.”
“How do you know?”
“He’s dreamed of you all his life. There were only a few on the council who knew, who wondered at how you and he could have created the Anshallah bond so young.” Tylan glanced around the forest. “I was asked to help you both.”
She glared at him. “Why? Why couldn’t Andev tell me?”
“He doesn’t remember, Shasta. And Councilwoman Patel doesn’t want him to.” Tylan’s gaze narrowed. “Don’t you see? What would Andev do if he knew his own family sold him to the Ang to be used like that? What would it have done to him?”
Shasta slumped in Tylan’s hold. It would destroy Andev. The whole thing was a fucked up mess, and she wanted to run from it, hide from it. If she had been on Asberek, she’d have a drink and pick a partner for the night to obliterate this feeling of being close to the edge of insanity.
“Listen closely to me, Shasta. I promised Andev I’d keep some things from you, and I won’t break that promise.” He tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. “But I won’t let you believe that he is a monster. Whatever happens, whatever he does, you have to trust that he cares for you.”
She glared, her emotions in turmoil. “Then why—”
“Because he must. And you must pretend to buy his act.” His thumbs stroked her arms where he held her more gently. “Andev thinks your reactions must be genuine, that you have to truly feel alone. I do not.”
Something in his face captivated her. “Why?” she whispered.
His smile was faint. “I think you’ve acted all your life, Shasta Pasquel. Andev is terrified you’ll be killed. I know there are things that are worse than death.”
She snorted. “Like what?”
“Despair.”
He released her arms and put one of his massive hands on her hip to turn her back to the clearing. “We mustn’t be too long.”
“Why?”
Then, she saw it. A glint in the trees. Her lifelong association with vid streamers meant she knew exactly what that little item was. “A Finder.” Vid streamers used them to get intimate pictures of whoever they wanted wherever they were. Invasive and silent, they could discover anyone even if they were on a deserted island in the middle of Black Space.
“How long has it been there?” she murmured, keeping her tone pitched low. Lower tones were more difficult for the Finder to pick up at a distance.
“It just appeared, but I was looking for it.” He strode through the trees, his hand gentle on her hip.
“If everything you told me is true, Andev is going to go ballistic if that thing was getting some good vids of us,” she whispered.
Suddenly, Tylan grinned. “Not where anyone can see him, but yes, I think you’re right.”
Years of practice kept Shasta from decking Tylan. That would just get more air play. So, she smiled back at him. “Oh, you say the sweetest things.” And she said it just as high pitched as possible without shouting. Oh yeah. She was going to make Andev pay.
* * * *
The vid streamers had a field day. When Andev saw the footage taken in the depths of his woods, it took every ounce of his strength to remain impassive. His entire group of new recruits got an eyeful of his mate flirting with his best friend.
Though the vid streamers were a new thing on Dormrela, they usually reserved their nastier stuff for human relations. But that’s why this was so public, so ugly. For the first time, he had an inkling of what it must have been like for the Pasquel daughters all their lives. Nothing was private.
He studied her face, bright and smiling, and didn’t buy it. There was a shattered expression in her eyes, a tension in her hands that belied her lighthearted laughter. The Finder captured her flirtation, but it couldn’t help but capture the tear tracks that possibly only Andev would notice.
Not that he wasn’t going to punish her. And Tylan. His friend had been so much more on many occasions, but he was in no mood to remember those times. All he could see at the moment was that Tylan had his hands on Shasta. Four of them.
Whispers behind him brought him back to reality. Yes, he was going to make them both pay. And he was going to enjoy it.
One of the generals strode over to his group’s training section. Suddenly, every one of Andev’s men who had been gawking at the vid screen was hard at work. General Eroch Saycho was the perfect Dormrelian warrior. His massive scales were a deep forest green with no other colors, nothing to mar the smooth surface. His four arms were bulky, a sign of fitness. He had four dark brown eyes and facial characteristics that seemed to be carved from stone. Tall, imposing and intimidating, he broke raw recruits with ease, often sending the arrogant ones home to their mama.
“Commander Juno,” he boomed, his voice carrying across the open field.
“General Saycho, how are you, sir?” He faced the man, ignoring the vid screen that replayed his mate’s antics again.
“Fine, fine.” His gaze flicked to the screen, but there was no surprise, no curiosity. Clearly, the man had already seen the vid. He cleared his throat. “Congratulations on your new mating.”
What Andev wanted was for the congratulations to be real and genuine. Instead, he knew he had a part to play. He shrugged. “Politics make strange bedfellows. In this case, it’s a literal thing.”
The general laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Well, you might as well enjoy the politics while you can. Provided the bed is comfortable.”
Fucking bastard, he thought. Either he was being perverted or bigoted. Either way, he was a bastard. Still, Andev summoned a grin. “Politics are never comfortable, sir.”
At that moment, facing this Dormrelian giant, Andev longed for his mate. He wanted her here with him, not miles away thinking he hated her.
He wished the bond stretched over distance, across the lonely road between them.
“…and your grandfather said I should suggest it to you,” the general said.
“Whatever my grandfather suggests is fine with me,” Andev stated, completely unaware of what the hell the General had just said.
“Good. Then, I’ll let my secretary schedule it.” The general clapped him on the shoulder again. Something in the man’s demeanor made Andev’s nerves stand at attention. Why did he feel like an entire conversation had just taken place without him?
His little apartment felt so crowded, and yet, so empty when he finished his paperwork and finally left the military compound. He tossed his keys onto the low table in front of his couch. Vid streamers had followed him but didn’t get any answers to their insistent questions. Bastards.
He dropped his head back against the cushions. Stars, he was tired. What was the point of all this? Doubt filled his mind. Was he really doing what was best for Dormrela? Did he even know what that was?
As he closed his eyes, Shasta’s shattered expression as he’d left her filled his mind.
She stood beside the water, her hand dragging across the placid surface as if she didn�
�t have a care in the world. But this was Shasta Pasquel. The woman he knew in real life was in his dreams as herself. It was as if the two pictures blended, shifted, the flaws exposed, but more beauty revealed too.
When she raised her head and met his gaze, she was in focus, clear. And he could tell, by her expression, that she could see him too. He couldn’t hide from her any more. What would she do?
“I’ve loved you for a long time. You know that, right?” she said, and then dropped her gaze to her fingers in the water. “I don’t care how it happened. It did.”
He started toward her and caught himself. What should he do? He would ruin the plan, upset several months of careful planning, all to reassure this woman.
Gracefully, she rose. “Tylan told me the plan.” She met his stare. “I can play the game, but—”
He took another step toward her. “But?”
Her face crumpled, pain and torment evident in every line of her precious face. “But don’t touch me. Please. I can’t stand it when I know… when you’ve…” She turned her back, rigid and tense.
Resistance crumbled, and he shot forward, his hand on her arm whipping her toward him. He didn’t think, didn’t fight. He took her mouth, reveling in the way she sagged against him. Possession. Need. These were things he could set aside, willing them away for something bigger than himself. But what he felt for this woman was so much more.
“No, Andev. Please. I can’t take it if you push me away again.” Tears fell down her cheeks, and he kissed each one of them.
“Never here. I will never push you away here, bilana.” He slid his hand through her hair and tipped her head back. “Here, I love you. I need you like my next breath.”
She whimpered and closed her eyes. “I can’t separate them. Stars, why did this happen?”
“Because it was meant to happen.” He kissed her gently. “We are fated.”
Suddenly, she jerked away from him. “No. That’s what they want. Those fuckers who took us, who…who…” When she whipped around and started running, Andev sprinted after her, the trees around them cutting out the light.
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