by Janette Oke
After a silence that seemed uncomfortably long, Kirsten asked, “Would you like to see the children?”
“Oh yes.”
Jodie followed Kirsten up the stairs and into the children’s room. She was deeply moved by the sight of the beaming little girl who cooed and reached out both arms at Kirsten’s entry. The crib had an arched canopy in fine ivory embroidery. With the smiling cherub dancing along the railing, the crib appeared to Jodie like a heavenly chariot, barely able to hold its beautiful passenger to the earth.
Kirsten cooed back, echoing the baby’s sound. The child squealed with delight and danced upon chubby little legs, one hand curled around the slender white bannister, the other reaching tiny fingers toward Kirsten. The woman scooped up the child, nuzzled beneath the soft little chin, and the bright blue eyes in the little face almost closed with the happy pleasure. Small fists grabbed hold of Kirsten’s brown curls as the child squealed with happiness.
Kirsten turned back toward Jodie in the doorway and said, both proud and shy, “This is Caroline.”
Jodie smiled as the child turned about so she could watch Jodie from the safety of Kirsten’s embrace. “She is a beautiful little girl,” Jodie said. “How old is she?”
“Seven months,” Kirsten said, nestling into the child’s soft locks. “Her mother had a hard time with the birth. And then she got influenza. She passed on not long after. I suppose you’ve already heard all about that.”
“Mama,” the child announced softly, turning back to examine Kirsten’s face.
Kirsten smiled. “The little one has been colicky and not eating well. But that’s not much of a surprise, seeing how hard her start in this world was. All she needs is an extra helping of love.”
There came a realization to Jodie then. One so filled with understanding that in its moment of arrival, Jodie knew that it was not herself thinking at all. Though such a revelation was illogical in her world, totally removed from her own scientific training, she knew this was not just a random thought. It was truly a gift. The thought was, They belong together—this woman and child. I do not belong here, and this child is not mine to raise.
With the acceptance of this truth, there came a sense of the entire room being filled with an invisible illumination. It was not a light for her eyes, but rather for her heart. She stood there in the doorway and felt the room become bathed in a light so strong and yet so gentle she could remain quiet and still, and watch as the deepest recesses of her own heart were revealed. It united them all, the child and this young woman and herself, bonded together with a love so pure and so overwhelming that there was suddenly no longer room for doubt or questioning. None at all. She had her answer.
TWENTY-THREE
JODIE PAUSED AT THE CORNER where Bethan’s lovely little cottage came into view and tucked a lace-trimmed hankie back into her pocket. She had cried for quite long enough. There would be no more tears. She was surprised that she had allowed them at all this morning. She had thought that she had done all her weeping the night before.
It had not been an easy evening. The time of letting go had surrounded her with surprising force. She had found herself totally unprepared for all the deep emotions that had filled her, as the pillow had soaked up her tears and God had erased her bitterness. She had been carrying such a load of pain, guilt, and anger. All the burdens had come pouring out—at Bethan for taking Dylan, at God for taking her mother, at her father for locking himself away from her and retreating into his own silent, lonely world.
But as the night had worn on, God had helped her to work through the pain. Now she understood that much of it had been of her own making. She could have reached out for comfort and healing. There were those who would have gladly given it, especially her Lord. She should have realized, should have understood. And the force of what she had caused herself to lose had made the night longest of all.
Toward dawn, when sorrow had finally given way to quiet reflection, she began to realize that though it was not an easy victory she now faced, yet she had gained so very much. She was now free to embrace life in a totally new fashion. Free to forgive and reach out to her father. Free to accept and return Bethan’s friendship in full measure. Even free to wish Dylan and his little family—and Kirsten—God’s full blessing. It was truly a new and beautiful beginning, one full of promise and adventure.
She had been locked in a self-imposed shell, stiff and serious and afraid to feel. But that was in the past now. She was free, in many senses for the very first time, liberated to live and laugh— and love.
Jodie started forward, her sadness over leaving again now behind her. In its place was a smile of new beginnings, and anticipation over what was to come, and what awaited her in Raleigh.
Lowell would be so surprised at the changes in her, she reflected, and the thought brought a new bounce to her stride. She tried to push it away as she approached Bethan’s front porch, but the thought of Lowell was not that easily vanquished. Working together suddenly seemed like a good idea. So good that she felt an eagerness to share her feelings with him and get started. Perhaps she should stop off on the way to the station and send him a wire, she mused, surprising even herself with the unfamiliar thought.
She smiled again as she spotted Bethan sitting comfortably within the porch’s shade. Somewhere deep inside a feeling of warmth spread through her whole being. It was time to leave, yes, but without the sad endings of her earlier departure. This time, she was only making room for new beginnings.
Their honeymoon had been two weeks of bliss down on the Carolina coast. Even so, Bethan had been positively delighted to return. Now that she was settling into her home, Bethan could scarcely imagine life without Connor.
With a gift from her parents and another from the church, they had managed to take up residence in a little cottage just a stone’s throw from where she had been raised. It even had a small front porch and a swing. Which was where she was when Jodie arrived, a half-filled pan of freshly shelled peas in her lap.
Jodie stopped and surveyed the homey scene, then laughed out loud. “If you don’t look like a happily married woman, I don’t know who does.”
“It’s been an easy adjustment—and wonderful,” Bethan agreed merrily, wiping her brow with the edge of her apron. Damp tendrils wisped about her cheeks. “Look at me. Sitting here wiping my brow. Whoever would have thought we’d have such fine weather right on into November.”
Bethan rose to her feet, picked up the pan, and started for the door. “Come on inside. I’ve got a fresh pitcher of lemonade, and there’s bread about ready to come out of the oven. Connor promised to stop by around this time.” She turned and smiled down at where Jodie stood. “If you’ve got time, you could run an errand with me this afternoon. I promised Old Mr. Russel I’d stop by. I’ll bet his dog Sherman still remembers you.”
“I can’t stay,” Jodie said quietly.
Something in her tone caused Bethan to turn back around. A funny fear coursed through her. “Why, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Jodie replied.
Bethan studied her friend’s face. She did not look troubled or anxious. In fact, there was a tranquillity in her eyes that Bethan had not seen before.
“I was just wondering if you’d walk me down to the station. I’m catching the five o’clock train,” Jodie continued.
Bethan set the pot down before she dropped it. “Back to Raleigh? Now?”
“I’ve got some decisions I can’t put off any longer. About work and what I’m going to be doing next. I’ve already been gone far too long.” The words spilled out, tumbling over one another in the hurried effort to be said and done. “I have work waiting, Bethan. It’s important to me, and it’s what I do best.”
Bethan had to struggle to find the words. “But I thought, I hoped—”
Jodie did not allow her to continue. “It wouldn’t work,” she said. “It’s not right.”
“Not right? I’m sure he still loves you, Jodie. At leas
t, he could come to love you again. I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice.”
Jodie’s gaze was steady. “And what about Kirsten?”
“Kirsten—I think she’d—get over it,” Bethan said, almost desperate. “And Dylan would—”
Jodie stepped forward and placed her hands on Bethan’s gingham-clad arms. “Listen to me,” she said, her voice urgent. “Kirsten loves him. She loves him. The children too. And they love her. You’ve seen her with them. She’s the one who has been there, cared for them, brought order and security back to their lives. She loves them like they were her own.”
Bethan blinked back tears. “I know,” she whispered.
“I can’t do it,” Jodie said. “I could never break another woman’s heart like…”
“Oh, Jodie.” Bethan hugged her close. “You don’t know how sorry—I never meant…”
“I’m sorry too,” Jodie interrupted. “But not for the reason you are thinking. You were right. It would have been all wrong,” she said, then paused before continuing, “It’s taken me a long time, too long, to learn what forgiveness really means.”
They held each other for the longest time, neither willing to let go, as though both were storing up a closeness deprived them for far too long. Finally Jodie whispered, “We need to be going.”
Bethan nodded, wiped her eyes, and took a long breath. “Where are your things?”
“This is all I’m taking. I’m leaving my case here. I plan to be back more often nowadays.” She smiled as she walked down the path to the main road. “I’ve been thinking about maybe buying myself a car.”
“A car!” Bethan was glad for a reason to laugh. “Jodie Harland, what on earth will you think of next?”
“Daddy needs me to keep reminding him there’s a world out there.” Jodie hesitated, then went on, “And after these past few weeks of thinking and praying, I feel like maybe I might have found the answer he’s been needing to hear.”
Bethan reached over, took her best friend’s hand. “I’ll be praying for you.”
Jodie nodded. “I know now how much I need it. I’ll never deny that again.” She hesitated, then added quietly, “I already see a lot of places where I need to put faith to work. And there’s someone who has long needed to hear me practice the lesson of forgiveness.”
Bethan started to ask her what she meant, but something in Jodie’s faraway gaze held her back. They walked on in silence for a time, until Bethan said quietly, “I don’t know who this mysterious someone is.” She stopped and stole a sideways glance at Jodie. “I have the feeling that you are going to go out there and accomplish great things.”
Jodie pushed open the train window, pulled out her lace-edged linen handkerchief, and whisked the tears from her cheeks with one quick motion, as though defying them to dampen her skin again. She leaned forward and looked down to where Bethan stood and managed a smile. “Don’t you dare let me go,” Jodie said. “Not from your heart. Not from where it matters. If you don’t hold on, I’ll fly off with no past and no direction.”
“Not ever again,” Bethan promised. “What will you be doing?”
“I’m not certain. The university and two companies are all pressing me for an answer. Politely, but pressing just the same.” Again there was a new sense of hesitation, a moment of reaching beyond herself, as though it was finally all right not to have all the answers. “I feel like maybe it’s a decision I need to make only after some more prayer.”
“You don’t know,” Bethan told her, “how wonderful it is to hear you say those words.”
The whistle blew a single long blast. Jodie reached down with both hands and grabbed hold of Bethan’s upstretched fingers. “You have to promise to let me be the second person to know whenever a little Connor or another sweet Bethan is on the way.”
“I promise, I promise,” Bethan said, walking down the tracks as the train started chuffing away, still holding to Jodie’s outstretched hands. “But it won’t be a Bethan.”
A final squeeze, and Jodie felt the train’s speed pull her hands free. “I love you!”
“I’ve already talked to Connor,” Bethan called. “If God ever blesses us with a girl, we’re going to name her Jodie, after my very best friend.”
The train moved on, picking up speed, sending out great gusts of billowing smoke. Bethan pulled out the hankie and waved it over her head. Jodie leaned from the window of the moving passenger car watching the young woman and the town of Harmony grow smaller. Her eyes misted, but there was comfort in knowing that she’d be back. Soon. She’d be back.
Bethan stood and waved as the forests and the sunlight and the distance swallowed up the train and her friend. She kept waving for a long time afterward, even though her eyes were dimmed by tears, and all she could make out was a shining golden haze.
Books by Janette Oke and Davis Bunn
Return to Harmony • Another Homecoming
ACTS OF FAITH
The Centurion’s Wife • The Hidden Flame
The Damascus Way
SONG OF ACADIA
The Meeting Place • The Sacred Shore
The Birthright • The Distant Beacon
The Beloved Land
Books by Davis Bunn
The Book of Hours
The Great Divide
Winner Take All
The Lazarus Trap
Elixir
Imposter
All Through the Night
My Soul to Keep
HEIRS OF ACADA*
The Solitary Envoy • The Innocent Libertine
The Noble Fugitive • The Night Angel
Falconer’s Quest
* with Isabella Bunn
Books by Janette Oke
CANADIAN WEST
When Calls the Heart • When Comes the Spring
When Breaks the Dawn • When Hope Springs New
Beyond the Gathering Storm
When Tomorrow Comes
LOVE COMES SOFTLY
Love Comes Softy • Love’s Enduring Promise
Love’s Long Journey • Love’s Abiding Joy
Love’s Unending Legacy • Love’s Unfolding Dream
Love Takes Wing • Love Finds a Home
A PRAIRIE LEGACY
The Tender Years • A Searching Heart
A Quiet Strength • Like Gold Refined
SEASONS OF THE HEART
Once Upon a Summer • The Winds of Autumn
Winter Is Not Forever • Spring’s Gentle Promise
WOMEN OF THE WEST
The Calling of Emily Evans • Julia’s Last Hope
Roses for Mama • A Woman Named Damaris
They Called Her Mrs. Doc • The Measure of a Heart
A Bride for Donnigan • Heart of the Wilderness
Too Long a Stranger • The Bluebird and the Sparrow
A Gown of Spanish Lace • Drums of Change
www.janetteoke.com
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Janette Oke and
Davis Bunn