Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

Bri sat up in a rush shooting me a glare. "Mia! Why would you agree to a day alone with him when you damn well know that you have a hard enough time being in a public with him? I swear sometimes I'm talking to a wall when I talk to you. Have you heard anything I've warned you about when it comes to him? Why would you do that to yourself? And why would you let him kiss you!" she yelled not trying to contain her volume in the least.

  "My brain screamed stop but it wasn't doing the talking for me. I didn't let him kiss me. I sidestepped his first attempt. The second attempt took me by surprise because I didn't see it coming. Once his lips touched mine, I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to," I confessed.

  I peeked over to determine where she stood on the anger meter. The harshness behind her glare wavered as she took a drawn out breath.

  "Start from the beginning and tell me how the hell this all happened," Bri grumbled.

  My eyes went back to the ceiling. I spent the next half hour recapping my day with Ethan. I thought about our various conversations, the desire in his eyes, his touch, his laugh, and the tenderness of his lips on mine. My body warmed with the desire he brought out in me. As I explained my day with Ethan, I glanced over to gage her reactions. The annoyance across her face lifted as she became more reflective with each detail I gave to her.

  "What am I going to do?" I asked unevenly.

  I began to twist my hands together. I sighed at the clusterfuck my life had become in the last twelve hours. It was at my own doing no less. Bri was quiet for a while and kept her focus towards the window. The wind had picked up with a storm on the way.

  "Mia, for as long as I've known you, it's always been about logic and reason with you. I don't think you've made very many decisions where you just followed what your heart wants for you regardless of what reason had to say."

  Bri stopped my anxious hands as her lips slipped into a content smile. "This thing with Ethan is different for you. I've seen it with my own eyes. Your heart has taken over agreeing to things that you normally wouldn't if you dwelled on it."

  I gaped at her. She laughed and snapped my jaw shut. This was why I loved Bri. She had a way of seeing more in you than you could ever see in yourself. With Ethan, it was my body and its unexplainable pull towards him that dictated my actions. My heart had become just as drawn to him as my body and that made everything even more complicated. A single tear slid down my cheek. She reached over to wipe it away and gave my cheek a gentle squeeze.

  "Bri, this isn't just what am I going to do about Ethan. What am I going to do all together? This is such a fucking mess," I whispered. My bottom lip quivered as I fought back the tears.

  "Mia, what you're going to have to ask yourself is what you're willing to live without. You can't have what Harrison offered you and Ethan. You're going to have to figure out which choice doesn't leave you with any regret," she replied, letting her head fall to my shoulder.

  I rested my head against hers. "As strongly as I feel for Ethan, I don't fully trust him. It's impossible knowing what I do about his company. I don't have any idea where he fits in all of it and there is a part of me that wants to find that out. I'm not ready to decide one way or another."

  Bri chuckled. "I'm glad to hear that despite how intense he makes you feel that you do question him. In the end, you're going to have to make a choice."

  She pulled her head back with concern in her eyes. "With how things are progressing, I urge you to make that choice sooner rather than later. Lord knows what it's going to do to you when you do end up sleeping with him," she murmured.

  I scoffed. Bri cocked an eyebrow with a sharp glare that silenced me.

  "You'll end up sleeping with him. I can see that already. You're just going to have to figure out which one breaks your heart the least. I can't help you with this choice but I'll always be here to listen with a shoulder to cry on when you need it."

  "I do have some self-control you know," I said, poking her in the side.

  "Mia please, I've seen the two of you together. It's only a matter of time," she teased, tossing a pillow towards me.

  My face spread into a sheepish grin and she laughed. I groaned loudly into the pillow. Man, when I wanted a mess, I sure didn't go for a small one. I went for an all-out catastrophe. Her giggles subsided and the room had become silent. I looked over to see the humor disappeared from her face. Bri was uneasy about something.

  "I know you don't want to hear this but I'm going to say it any way. You need to talk to Micah. He obviously has something to tell you. Shutting him out isn't helping you. You've been really off and it's because of him. You should talk to him to get closure."

  I broke away from her anxious gaze. She fiddled with the rings on her fingers. I inhaled deeply and hugged the pillow to my chest.

  "Bri, there's something I have to tell you about last Friday."

  She shot up in a worried frenzy. "What are you talking about Mia? I thought you hung out at home while we were at the bar."

  "I was at home. What I didn't tell you is that Micah broke in."

  Bri gasped. "What happened?"

  I tossed the pillow aside. The entire night had been on replay in my head throughout the weekend. I trembled every time I hit the point of the night that left me scared to death of him.

  "He was higher than a kite on coke which is why he probably broke in. I tried to get away from him but he ended up grabbing me before I could safely lock myself into a room. It got physical. Before anything terrible happened, Trey stopped him," I confessed.

  "Why didn't either of you call the cops?" Bri asked nearly shouting.

  "Trey wanted to but I wouldn't let him."

  Bri huffed with her hands tossed in the air. I narrowed my eyes to cool her down.

  "I may hate him but I'd never be okay with not doing the right thing which is making sure he gets help. He's hanging on by a thread. If I called the cops or got a restraining order, it would push him even farther off the edge," I reasoned.

  Bri groaned. "Mia, why do you care about what happens to him?"

  I exhaled at what was starting to become a popular question. "I don't care. I'm angry but I'm not heartless. If you were in my shoes, would you nail him to the wall with vengeance or would try to take the high road by helping him from a distance."

  "Mia, you're confusing the hell out of me. He shattered you. Leaving you...well for lack of a better term...completely fucked up for a long time. If you're willing to go out of your way to help him with getting clean, then why aren't you willing to hear him out?" Bri snapped.

  "His return blindsided me. I need the closure and so does he but I'm not quite ready yet. I need some time before I'm around him again. If he hadn't broken in here last Friday, I probably would've talked to him by now."

  Bri glared. "I'll say it again Mia, the sooner...the better. How many walking time bombs do you need in your life?"

  "I never said that my life was boring," I said with a guilty smirk. Bri scowled. I gave her shoulder a nudge to get her to loosen up. "After spending the day with Ethan, I know that whatever Micah does have to say isn't going to hurt me. It's not like he is a thought of the past. I just know that there is so much more out there to experience than what I did with him. Ethan evoked feelings in me that I never knew were possible," I admitted.

  The smile that crept upon my face stood no chance of containment. Her resolve wavered and a small grin replaced the irritation. "I do give him props for bringing back your real smile. I've missed seeing happiness in your eyes so I'm glad he brought that back today even if it complicated your life a little."

  I raised an eyebrow.

  Bri chuckled. "Okay, it complicated your life a lot but I think it was worth it. Look at what you've been able to figure out from it."

  ~

  I spent most of the night thinking about Ethan and decided on acting as if yesterday never happened. I hoped that he would maintain the professionalism between us. If he did, I stood a chance of not having to deal with it. The problem was that it relied on
keeping a distance from him. It was going to make my investigation for Harrison even more difficult.

  I sat in the parking lot giving myself a mental pep talk for the day. It mainly revolved around one word: avoid. My stomach was in a ball of knots on my way into the building. The glass façade of the building worked to my advantage as I gazed around to see if Ethan was lurking around up front. He was nowhere in sight so I picked up my pace to get to my floor without running into him. After swiping my access card, I hustled over to the stairs.

  I was so busy trying to verify his whereabouts that I wasn't paying attention to anything else. I ran into the individual that was about to exit the stairwell. A set of strong hands gripped my arms to keep me from tripping. My body burned with desire then dread. Of course, I'd run into Ethan. He steadied me while chuckling at my entrance. Once stable, I pulled away from him. I glanced at him to determine where his head was at this morning. Ethan gazed into my eyes with more longing for me than he'd ever shown.

  Shit. Those eyes scream that there is no way in hell he is letting go of last night. Fuck.

  I gave him a tight smile on my way towards the stairs. "I'm sorry about almost running you over. I'm running late this morning. I should be a little more mindful of what's on the other side of doors before I run through them."

  Ethan squinted and rolled up the cuff of his bright red dress shirt. It went well with plated slacks that fitted his body in all the right ways. My mind drifted to how well his trunks hung on him. It slipped over to the carved definition of his body and the firmness of his legs and arms. Eventually, it fell to how amazing his hands were on my body and the taste of his lips. My body was hot and wet and I was ready to throw myself at him in the stairwell without regard.

  MIA! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! FOCUS!

  I jerked my thoughts back to reality. He peeked at his watch to confirm the time. When Ethan gave me his attention again, his amusement with me was all over his face.

  "It's fine Mia. It's obvious you were running from something this morning but I'm guessing it has nothing to do with being late for work," Ethan goaded.

  I glared at him. I was happy that he pushed my buttons with that tone because it chilled all my tingles and fired up my temper. He cocked an eyebrow clearly baiting me.

  Two can play this game.

  "Ethan, I don't know what conclusion you're drawing up in your head but I'm running late. I told Connor I'd be here five minutes ago," I bit back.

  Before I reached the stairs, Ethan closed the gap between us. He left no room between us and we stood nearly chest-to-chest equally determined to get our own way. My heart tripled in pace. I held on to my lingering frustration and motioned for him to move.

  He leaned into my neck and seductively whispered into my ear. "I know what you're doing Mia. It's admirable that you can make it seem like nothing ever happened between us. I'm willing to play this game for the time being but you won't win. Keep that in mind the next time you need to come up with an explanation to avoid me."

  I trembled at the way his breath trickled across my skin. My nerve endings were standing on end. It took everything in my power to walk past him acting like what he said meant nothing whatsoever to me when on the inside I was a bloody mess. He wasn't going to back down. I wasn't sure if it turned me on or tormented me.

  ~

  Throughout the entire week, Ethan went out of his way to make my life at work a living hell. He made torturing me his new pet project. He managed to find time within each day to corner me and remind me of my unexplainable attraction to him.

  Like I could forget. Bastard.

  I wished that he were unaware of what he did to me whenever he was near. Ethan proved to me that he was very aware. He used it to his advantage every chance that he got. And the asshole was slick about it. He always found moments where we were alone. It made no difference where I was within that building because he was there. He was fricken everywhere all the time. I'd given up my addiction to caffeine and it made me somewhat of a bitch between the hours of eight to five. The poor guys on my team started tiptoeing around me. They were unsure of what version of me they were going to get if they said the wrong thing.

  Ethan snuck up on me whenever he had a chance and hovered until my body crumbled to his advances. I wanted the last word every time we were around each other but I was never able to articulate a coherent sentence. He'd whisper sweet nothings into my ear or subtly touch me so that my body drifted to a different dimension. It left me with an inability to speak every time. After every heated run in, he departed with the same smug ass smile.

  I knew that giving into my feelings for him was more trouble than I could handle. Unfortunately, I was approaching a point where I questioned if it was physically possible to avoid it. We no longer had personal boundaries whenever we were alone. He had become more creative as the days progressed. Ethan trailed his hands along every square inch of me. He never made a move to kiss me but that was the least of my concerns. After his hands grazed me, it took me hours to calm down from him turning me on with no release. I spent the majority of my days trying to avoid any contact with him and that interfered with trying to find out more for Harrison. This offer was always going to be at a risk for me but I never factored anything like Ethan into it. I knew what I was doing was questionable to most people but now it was downright insane. To say I'd become a mess after we kissed was a major understatement.

  By the time Friday hit, I was more than happy for the weekend. It made me proud that I made it this far. The only thing holding me back from giving into him was my sheer stubbornness. I also knew Ethan underestimated that quality within me. There were times that I caught the annoyance in his eyes after he would whisper nonsense into my ear that didn't crumble my will to deny him.

  Ethan had a meeting with my team that afternoon to determine our progress on an upcoming marketing pitch. He was more agitated than usual and fidgeting with his cuff links. Ethan cut people off and pressed for us to get through our respective points of contribution quicker. Our presentation was flawless so I couldn't help the smug smile that I directed towards Ethan. He had been watching me on and off during the entire meeting. He kept an edge in his eyes that masked his thoughts.

  The only reason I caught his irritation was because of his unconscious fidgeting. I had no guilt with being a catty bitch towards him. The bastard had earned it after what he put me through all week. When the meeting finished, we rose to head back up to our floor. Ethan pulled Connor aside and was talking to him in a stern voice. Connor glanced at me and nodded his head. It made me want to get the hell out of there before anything else happened this week. I was almost out the door with my weekend in reach.

  "Mia, hang on a minute," Connor stated.

  Fuck! So close.

  Connor waited for everyone else to exit the conference room. It sucked up one way and down the other. The extra time fueled my frustration with Ethan. I went to the opposite end of the huge conference table between us. Connor stood in the middle with a cautious eye on Ethan and me. We were in a standoff to see who could incinerate each other first with our glares. Connor cleared his throat and we turned to give him our attention. I focused on Connor with a fake smile.

  "Ethan has requested your assistance on a deal he's trying to close soon. You're going to work with him until he secures this account for the company," Connor instructed.

  You've got to be kidding me!

  "Sure. If that is what Mr. Fitzgerald needs, I'll be happy to help him," I replied sweetly.

  I wanted to wipe away any ecstatic feeling that Ethan had right now. I really wanted to lash out at his arrogant ass. Connor nodded on his way out of the conference room. He paused at the door. It was obvious that our behavior and this request confused him. Once he left, I turned to Ethan with my death stare. He stood as still as a statute with his hands in his pockets. The look in his eyes was beyond egotistical. He made a power play against me and he knew it. I slammed the binders in my hands onto the table.


  "What the fuck Ethan?"

  "Watch your language Mia. I'm still your boss," he snapped.

  My blood boiled with the rage I had for him. It heated every part of me to a broiling point. I took a step back and threw my balled fists into the air. He was seriously trying to play the boss card. I grasped my neck in defeat. "Fine, as my boss, can you please explain to me what deal needs my assistance? I don't see how I'm the best candidate for it considering I've been here the least amount of time."

  His eyes were like daggers as he stared at me. This was a first for us. There was no sexual tension in the air. It evaporated with the anger blistering through us. I brought my hands back down to my hips. His face flushed as he slammed his palms down on the table.

  "Don't be a smart ass. I'm tired of playing games with you," Ethan shot back.

  "Unbelievable. Do you realize how ridiculous this has become? If your efforts haven't worked thus far, they aren't going to and I've made that obvious," I said bitterly.

  Ethan rushed around the table and stood as close to me as possible without touching me. The anger was still very much present in his features but I didn't care. I angled my head towards his without showing an ounce of weakness. My fury dominated every facet of me. He leaned in even closer to bring his nose within inches of mine. A gasp from within me slipped out against my will. He was so close that heat emanated from him. A vein in his forehead throbbed and the ire in his eyes was undeniable.

  "You've never been clear about why you won't move forward with me. I know you want me and I want you. It has been glaringly obvious since day one," Ethan bit back.

  His warm breath spread across my face and my anger began to fade as a tingling sensation swept through every part of me. I hated doing it but stepping away from him was necessary. The fiery rage coursing through me was slowly morphing into a whole different kind of burn.

  "If you remember from my interview, I got expelled school. Around the same time, I got out of a long-term relationship. I'm still in the process of getting my life back on track. The last thing I need right now is a relationship...especially one with you."