Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

  I smirked. "I know. It was on my playlist."

  He raised an eyebrow. "It's not the song you picked that defined your life."

  "I have a variety of songs that can define my life especially when it comes to you."

  Ethan ran his hand down my cheek before letting go to pick up my hand. He placed a kiss on the inside of my wrist near the scar I screamed at him about earlier. He opened my door to help me into the car. As he was assisting me, a flash of light came from the corner of the garage that I was looking at earlier. Several more flashes followed it. Ethan let go of my hand and ran half way across the garage before doubling back to me.

  I rolled down my window and waited for some sort of explanation. His face was hard with anger. He slammed his fists on the top of my car. I flinched as the bang echoed throughout the garage. I listened as he took deep breaths to work his way back to a calmer state. Ethan gripped the side of the car before leaning his head through the window. I was already as far back in my seat as I could go but his eyes made me want to crawl into the backseat. His eyes were full of so much fury that whoever made him this livid should be terrified because I sure was.

  "What was that all about Ethan? Why were they taking pictures of us?" I rasped. My voice wasn't working with the amount of anxiety running through me.

  "Not now Mia. Go to my place and park in the garage. The stall is in the text. Wait for me to get there before you get out of your car," Ethan instructed in haste.

  "But," I continued.

  "Damn it Mia. Please just this once can you do as I ask without questioning it," he snapped.

  "Okay," I whispered against the lump in my throat

  He released his grip from my car. Ethan took a few more steps back as I started it. As I was about to pull out, he came back to my window. I shook my head completely confused by his actions. He leaned through the window and grabbed my face. I gazed at him with wide eyes.

  "I'm sorry. I'm not angry with you Mia. Please drive careful and I will see you soon," Ethan said softly.

  "I will," I confirmed just as soft.

  The words barely made it past my lips. His mouth caressed mine until I parted my lips. It was a brief kiss but the apology was there. I reached over touching his cheek. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

  Ethan nodded as he backed away. I threw my car into drive and updated my GPS with his address. Not a second after I finished, my phone started ringing again. I picked it up to see a new text message. Because traffic was thick, I refrained from opening it and kept my eyes on the road. After weaving through traffic for several minutes, I hit a stoplight. With the extra time, I grabbed my phone and opened the message to see a picture of Ethan and me. It was one of our more passionate embraces from the garage with a message.

  I have eyes everywhere Mia. Remember what you committed to this morning.

  Fucking Harrison.

  My hands gripped the wheel in frustration as the light turned green. I accelerated faster than what was acceptable on side streets. I wanted nothing more than to be in the sanctuary of Ethan's apartment. The self-loathing from this morning resurfaced. My hands slammed against the wheel. It made me furious that I had not way out of this mess.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Taking the rest of the day off ended up being the best idea that Ethan had yet. His agitation with the incident in the parking garage was still present when we met at his apartment. I decided against asking about it because he was beyond irate with the matter. After we consolidated to one vehicle, we spent the rest of the day exploring areas of the city that were significant to each of us. How much of the city a person could cover when you put your mind to it surprised us. We stuck to mundane topics of conversation with each of us treading with caution around the others unpredictable mood swings. By the time we got back to his apartment that evening, we were talking more with our bodies than our mouths. Every part of me felt sated by the time he wrapped me in his arms to sleep for the night. Without knowing, he did exactly what I needed to make it to the next day.

  I woke him up before the sunrise the following morning and took him to my favorite place in the world. I needed to share that particular place since he had taken me to his. Watching the sunrise from my spot was breathtaking. The tender look upon his face as he sat with me made every part of my heart swell. It elated him that I shared this part of myself. I hoped it would be enough when the time came for me to tell him the truth. We had plenty of time before we needed to be to his office. He was taking us back to his apartment in no hurry on one of his favorite scenic routes along the lake.

  As we were pulling into his garage, his cell rang. He glanced at the screen before taking the call. His entire body went rigid. It made me tense up just as much as him.

  "What do you want Sean?" Ethan asked harshly.

  He parked his car but kept his gaze from me. It frightened me to be around him whenever he spoke to Sean or Colin. Between the other day and today, it was apparent that he despised those two about as much as his father. I stared at my hands doing my best to keep them from shaking with the anxiety that attacked every nerve ending. Sean went on for several minutes. It served to enrage Ethan even further.

  "It's none of your fucking business if I take the afternoon off," Ethan snapped.

  I glanced at him with the color in my face fading. His face flamed with his knuckles turning white on the hand clutching the steering wheel. I knew our absence yesterday wouldn't go unnoticed. A wave of terror rolled within me as I contemplated what Harrison might do with that information. My self-disgust distracted me so much that I almost missed the end of his conversation.

  "I'll have a rough draft up to you today," Ethan said icily. He glanced at me trying to seem like he was fine. "I don't give a flying fuck what you and Colin demand. I'll give you what I have and you'll wait until I'm finished before you finalize the meeting date."

  This whole conversation made my stomach curl together. I didn't have all the details but there was enough for me to believe that Ethan had involvement in this mysterious meeting as well. My mouth watered making me swallow repeatedly to keep from getting sick. He listened to what Sean had to say for a few more minutes. Ethan banged his fist between the steering wheel and window before hanging up his phone. I refused to look at him. He'd see right through me. I needed to get upstairs to collect my purse and get home without breaking down. I went to open the door but he grabbed my arm. His hands sparked the usual slow burn but it mixed with the overwrought feelings from his phone call. I paused to look at him and prayed my face didn't betray me.

  "I'm sorry Mia. I didn't mean to scare you," he said quietly.

  His eyes widened when I remained indifferent. I blinked giving him a slight headshake.

  "I'm fine. We should get upstairs so we can get to work," I whispered.

  I got out of the car so he didn't have a chance to say anything further. He met me at the front of his car with his hand extended. I grabbed it and pulled him away from the car. We walked in silence to the elevators where I let go of his hand. I needed every inch of distance for the ride up to his apartment. Being in an enclosed space with him when I had the slightest burning sensation run through me was dangerous. Every part of me was more than eager to forget our problems by doing what we do best. He broke from brooding and gave me his naughty smirk. I cornered myself into the other side of the elevator. He chuckled as we watched the floors pass beneath us. The elevator stopped on his floor and we stepped into the hallway.

  My body started experiencing every inappropriate feeling imaginable as we neared his apartment. We stopped at his door and I took a deep breath to beat down my wayward desires. His lips slipped into a half-smile as he unlocked his door. Ethan swept me into his arms as we crossed the threshold. I squealed in shock as he marched straight to the bedroom room where he set me down. He lowered himself over me. Ethan took each one of my hands and secured them above my head. His entire approach was more demanding than any other time we shared. He kissed me fiercely while h
is hands ran across every inch of my body before he pulled away.

  "I know what you're about to say but this time I need you," Ethan pleaded.

  I looked into his eyes seeing the desperation that I felt yesterday when I needed him. I nodded biting my lip. His lips dived back to mine roughly. He continued at a feral pace before switching over to my neck. He hit my collarbone and started sucking as his hand disappeared underneath my shirt to make quick work of my bra and shirt.

  Once my clothes vanished, he discarded his own with his lips never leaving my body. My back bowed as he hit my breasts where he sucked hard. I gasped as he bit forcefully down against my nipple before he settled into a soft suckling between both breasts. His hands went in opposite directions. One settled on the breast not occupied by his lips with other hitting the spot I needed him at the most. His fingers dipped in and out ferociously. I was so close with everything he was doing to me. My stomach clenched along with everything south of me as I tried to refrain from falling apart. I screamed out from the amount of pleasure he was giving me. I moved my face closer to him to bring his attention back to me but he didn't budge. Ethan carried on at a meticulous pace with every inch he touched.

  "Fuck!" I shouted, climaxing hard against his fingers.

  He pushed forward even faster and ran his lips up my chest before kissing the sides of my neck. He settled on the spot under my earlobe that drove me nuts. The embers remaining from the orgasm he just gave me burned red-hot when he bit down under my ear. Ethan slid his fingers out from inside me and ran them along the inside of my thigh before he pushed my legs further apart to settle between me. His eyes met mine with a headiness that had me rocking against him. Ethan drove into me roughly. He took no time whatsoever to claim what was his as he pushed deeper once inside. He continued at an unforgiving pace with each thrust of the hips. His hand came against my face tenderly as his eyes begged me to stop trying to figure out what led him to this point. I closed my eyes and gave in to what he was doing to me. He twisted his hips and drove faster. As he got closer, I tightened around him. I was still out of breath from my first orgasm but my body built right back up for another. His breathing increased as he rocked harder for his release.

  "I love when you squeeze against me," Ethan hollered.

  He penetrated even deeper. I consumed every part of him but he carried on relentlessly like he wanted even more within me. Him getting close brought me to the brink as I clenched around him even more. He released my hands and I dug my nails deep into his back. He groaned and slammed harder as he climaxed and I exploded right along with him. He left me breathless but his warm breaths were coming in spurts too. He lowered himself between my head and neck to catch his breath. I ran my fingers through his hair. This was not what I expected from him.

  It worried me that something brought his guard down this much. "Feel better?"

  "Not quite," Ethan panted.

  He was hard again as he started to grind slowly against me.

  "Again?" I sputtered.

  I bit my lip and met his measured rolls of the hip.

  "Yes," Ethan grunted.

  He lifted his head and rested on his elbows. Ethan rocked harder and I grabbed the blanket beneath me. My insides started to spark and flame through every inch of me. He drove deeper with each push. If this was what he needed, I wasn't going to stop him. All I wanted was to help him relax because he was starting to freak me out.

  It didn't take long before he was completely hard and clearly on a mission. He drove against me at a pace more rapid than earlier. I grasped his chin willing him to look at me so I could try to figure out what was going through his head but he maneuvered my fingers away. Ethan kissed my hands as he brought them above my head again. My breathing hitched as I stared at him.

  Every part of this was at his command. I wiggled my hands to free them but his clasp on them strengthened. His eyes drifted to mine with desire but there was something else. Something terrible was bothering him and it tore at me. It crashed with the heady feelings within me. I was with him physically but my mind focused on what was going on with him mentally.

  His lips came down against mine begging for response and I gave it to him. As we explored each other's mouths, he slowed down from the rapid expedition he had been on and switched to gently twisting his hips. I stared at him trying to figure out what troubled him. It distracted me so much that he slowed to a near stop.

  "Let it go," Ethan demanded.

  "What!" I cried out.

  My mind drifted from the room but my body trembled with the loss of friction.

  "You're not here with me right now. Your mind is wandering. It's like yesterday. Either push it aside or tell me to stop all together because I won't do this with you when you're mind is elsewhere," he demanded.

  "I'm here with you," I yelled.

  The roughness he exerted when he started pushing again brought every part of my attention back to him. My mind no longer had any room to think about anything other than the dull ache he created with each thrust.

  "Then be here with Mia. Stop looking for answers and be with me right now."

  "Oh God, I'm here with you. Believe me I'm here with you," I shouted.

  "Good," Ethan groaned.

  I raised my hips and met him when he slammed against me. Ethan carried on to drive us to our release. My hands throbbed with the pressure of his grip. He looked me in the eyes demanding I do this with him. I nodded that he wasn't alone. He drove as hard as he could which my insides welcomed with the pleasure it gave me. I screamed out when my body found blissfulness again. The deep ache within me flamed out as an intense ecstasy took over every nerve ending within me.

  "Fuck," Ethan shouted as he finished with his climax.

  "I think we accomplished that in spades. Anything else you want to do today," I joked.

  His lips came down to silence me. He remained inside of me as he attacked the inside of my mouth before somewhat separating himself from me. A bead of sweat prickled on his forehead. I wriggled my hand free from his grip and wiped it away.

  "You're going to have to move eventually," I commented.

  "I don't see you fighting me on it," Ethan retorted.

  He deliberately rolled his hips as he stirred to life for more. I threw my head back into the pillow to find a rational thought. "You have a deal to finish. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll show you all the ways I can make you crumble with my lips alone," I reasoned. I ran my eyes down his chest so he fully understood the implication.

  "You drive a hard bargain."

  Ethan slid out while I continued to catch my breath. It made me happy that he agreed to my suggestion without getting pissed at me. I loved losing my body to him in this way. It was indescribable but giving into that side of us was becoming increasingly difficult with everything unspoken between us. I could only forget the world outside of us for so long before it penetrated against my skull. I scanned the room for my clothes so I could get home then to his office. What I wanted more than anything was a shower. I craved to wash away every part of the meeting with Harrison away. I hated myself so much for falling prey to him.

  Yea, I want a shower. At least the water can clean everything on the surface. I need something about me to be fresh and untainted because my soul is black enough from the lies.

  I dressed and located my purse on his dresser. He remained on his back on the bed still coming down from our heated romp. I sat down on the edge of the bed near his face. I leaned down to give him a chaste kiss. I squirmed away from his arms before he had a chance to pull me back down for another round.

  "I'm going to head home to shower and change. I'll see you in a bit."

  Ethan nodded and hopped up to walk with me. He placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck before pushing me further down the hallway as he veered into his bathroom.

  "Take your time getting in today. I want you there in one peace so don't worry about being late," he said over his shoulder.

  I grinned on my way
out of his apartment. It dawned on me that the things he had said or done from the very beginning indicated that he had deep feelings for me from the start. He was always worrying about my well-being. As were most things these days, the warmness within me didn't last. Opening my car door, my cell phone buzzed with a text message.

  I suggest you go to work today Mia. You're pressing your luck. You'd better get an invitation to this meeting by the end of the week or I'll show you just how malicious I can be. I expect you to confirm this much by Friday afternoon.

  I tossed my purse inside before my stomach contents hit the concrete below. I held on to the car door to keep from passing out. My knees started to grow weak with the terror that raced along every nerve ending. I rested my head against my door and took deliberate breaths. I didn't doubt Harrison in the least and he proved that he had eyes on my every move. I eased myself into my car and started it to leave before I got any more threatening messages.

  ~

  No one was up when I got home. I took a shower wishing for more time this morning. It was needed to dispel the high levels of self-hate coursing through me. I got ready in a flash to get to work as instructed by my text message. I hated that Harrison had such a deep level of control over my life. On my way to the office, I struggled to breathe against the deep pressure in the center of my chest. I had never experienced an anxiety attack. I wasn't ruling out what was happening right now as what one would feel like. I focused hard on anything but my life to ease the pressure. Pulling into the lot, I had calmed myself enough to be presentable in front of Ethan. I strode into his office without bothering to knock.

  Ethan was already at work. He paused to give me a warm smile as I sat down. His earlier mood seemed to have lightened. I focused at the laptop that was ready for me. I located the proposal on the H drive. His upbeat mood drifted into my thoughts. It made me smile at what it takes for either one of us to relax.

  "Care to share what you are thinking?" Ethan asked.

  The corner of his eye was on me but his attention was on his screen.