Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

  "I remember asking you how things would be if we worked this closely together. I knew how difficult it would be to have restraint. Even laying out rules, we suck at adhering to them."

  "I'm following your lead my dear. You tend to set the mood whether you realize it or not."

  His eyes twinkled but he kept focused on his computer.

  "Can you clarify something about this proposal?"

  "Sure," Ethan responded as his face became unemotional.

  "Why is this deal important to you?" I asked with caution.

  He never clarified that yesterday and any phone call he took about this deal left him in angry state. The proposal was up on my screen for me to pick up where I'd left off. I edited while waiting for his answer. I was unsure of who typed it up but it was very half-assed at best. I pulled some other files to insert the spreadsheets, graphs, and tables that each department had compiled for this pitch. As I went to open them, other files on the drive caught my attention. I saw files assigned for Sean and Colin. For the hell of it, I clicked on Colin's and it opened to my surprise. I saw a document updated within the last few days that looked relevant to this mysterious meeting. I went to click on it but it was password protected.

  No shock there. I know Jayden would look at this and lick his lips at the challenge of breaking into all the data within this computer. Gah! No, Mia. You have enough problems.

  I continued scanning until I saw another file that was similar to the last one but it had been over a year since there was an update to it. I clicked on that one to run into the same issue with it. There was not a chance in hell that any file pertaining to illegal activity within this company would be wide open for anyone to review. Ethan drummed his fingers along the desk. I peeked over to see his face spreading into a shy grin.

  "If it closes without issue, I'll be able to leave the company."

  "I see. What..."

  "No more questions for you. My turn," Ethan interrupted.

  He pinched my mouth shut and I grunted tilting my head away from his grip.

  "Will you come to Atlantic City with me?"

  His eyes were full of hope. He slid his fingers across the top of mine stilling them from any further action on the keyboard. My heart skipped a beat at the question because it had a chance of being the invite I needed to get Harrison out of my life.

  "Umm...when?" I inquired with my stomach somersaulting.

  "It'll be when this deal closes. We're trying to agree on the day. There's some other business to tend to out there apart from this deal. Sean and Colin want to get it all done in one trip. It's why they're pressuring me so much. It agitates me because I have my own plans."

  The pressure in my chest started to rise as if a cement brick was on it with no chance of removal. This was my invite. It would be one hell of a coincidence if it weren't it. I pushed aside the icicles coating my veins. I was a horrible human being for agreeing to his request because it was purely for selfish reasons. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my mess in my life.

  "Sure," I whispered.

  Ethan jumped up and crossed the distance between us in two strides. He brought his hands to my cheekbones as lips immersed mine. I hardly had time to react let alone participate in the kiss before he stepped back to look at me. His eyes were full of so much joy that it broke my heart. I never deserved to find anyone like him yet here I was agreeing to things without telling him why I was amicable to the request. His kiss left me barely breathing but my own self-disgust knocked the wind right of me. I tried to move away from him but he held me close. His fingers grazed along my cheeks. Part of me wanted to fall into his tender embrace and be happy with him. The other part of me needed separation. Each stroke he gave me sent shards of pain throughout my body.

  "The life I've wanted for myself will be possible when this is over. I'll have you with me when I start that chapter of my life," Ethan whispered.

  I wiggled out of his grasp and fell into the chair behind me. He returned to his seat.

  My entire body felt like a bomb had blown through me. It took every part of my insides with it as it blew out the surroundings. I had to tell him. There was no way I'd let him think I was everything he ever wanted to start a new life with when I haven't been completely honest with him. As I opened my mouth to tell him, my friend's faces started flashing in my head in perfect sequence like a home movie. My mind flashed to every happy memory from the time Trey and I were children. It crossed over to the times I shared with Bri and Shane. It drifted to my first day of classes at the university and every moment on campus I spent with Jackson. It wrapped up with the last few months with all of us together at our happiest.

  I snapped my jaw shut and focused on handling the twists of pain that were growing inside of me. My eyes went back to the laptop so that I could distract myself. I took in every ounce of agony that sliced within my pores while working on the proposal that would be everything Ethan needed to start fresh. I peeked at him to see a huge grin on his face. My heart sunk even more. I stared at the protected file for a while before moving more graphs into the proposal.

  The rest of the day was very productive. It turned out that we could work well together when we focused. The only words between us were opinions I wanted on changes. Occasionally, he would ask for my thoughts on the actual pitch he was going to give with the proposal. I had no clue why he even asked at all. He didn't need my help. Ethan had one of the sharpest minds I'd ever seen on a person. If I had an IQ test, I'd say he was maybe a few points shy of genius. He had an uncanny ability to recall data and numbers that blew me away. I'd offer suggestions on different word choices but that was about it.

  I glanced at the clock noticing it was well past six. We hadn't discussed spending this evening together. Frankly, I wanted to spend tonight alone. I wasn't ready to have his hands all over me. My body was far from finding neutral ground. I needed more time to silence the voices within my head that screamed every self-loathing comment conceivable. I deserved every one of them so it didn't seem right for me to escape it quite yet without some more penance for being so deceitful with him.

  It terrified me that I was capable of this level of selfishness. I refrained from thinking about telling him anything because it only amplified every other feeling. I had no idea if he would want me after the truth came out. The prospect of being without him devastated me as much as harm coming to my friends. The inner conflict of the two slashed at every part of me.

  I peered over at Ethan as he clicked across the keyboard stopping every few seconds to move the mouse to another area on the screen. I hated interrupting him when he was in this mode. I quietly cleared my throat. Our earlier discussion was still attacking every part of me. It left me raw and ripped open so basic mannerisms were a struggle.

  "Are you finished for the night?" Ethan asked. He gestured towards my unmoving hands on the laptop.

  "I'm sorry but my brain has more or less shutdown. I'd rather be done than start putting in half-assed work that I'll just have to correct tomorrow. I'm going to head home but I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tomorrow night with some of my friends."

  "Yes, I think dinner tomorrow would be fine. I wish you'd consider staying with me tonight," Ethan stated with a crooked grin.

  I forced a smile. "I need to go home tonight. Thank you for agreeing to dinner. I'll talk to Bri and Trey to see if they can make it work in their schedules too. I'll have more details for you in the morning," I answered, rising from my seat.

  "I could spend the evening catching up on sports center. I've fallen behind on my teams," Ethan replied as he joined me.

  "Why did you fall behind?" I asked, amused.

  "I've been wrapped up in some girl. She's been taking up all my time even when she's not with me."

  I winked. "Some girl huh. Anyone I know?"

  "No, she's exquisite. I doubt you'd know her," he teased.

  I poked him in the side but he grabbed my hand and placed a soft kiss on top
of it. He was certainly a gentleman. It made me feel even guiltier for lying to him because he didn't deserve it for as well as he treated me each day. His happiness with me agreeing to the meeting was all over his face. It made the pit in my stomach stretch from my heart to my knees. It almost debilitated me. I stood on my tiptoes to give him a brisk kiss before leaving.

  "Until tomorrow babe," I whispered, fighting off the tears.

  "Bye love," Ethan said softly as he let me go.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  I spent the evening filling in everyone at home on the new situation with Harrison. Trey urged to follow his direction since he proved that he had far more power than I ever anticipated. Jackson was in disagreement and endorsed having Jayden dig deeper into matters. Shane was stuck in the middle of the two of them. In the end, he agreed with Trey to stick it out without bringing any unnecessary attention to myself. It almost brought the three of them to physical blows with one another. Each one of them remained pissed off at me for hiding this from them. I didn't blame them. My hate for myself was far greater than any of the frustrations that they could take out on me. I cut my time with them short and spent the rest of the night with Bri.

  My recap with her was much different from the boys. It terrified her that I had no out for the situation. We mulled over any possibilities of me getting out of this ordeal without hurting someone but came up with nothing. I was out of my league with Harrison from the beginning and it became more obvious as each day passed. She considered calling her father who was a senator but I told her not to involve him. I wasn't sure how he would be able to assist until she revealed that he had people within his office that specialized in unorthodox matters. I didn't buy it until she admitted that she knew it was true because she found out that her father had an illegitimate child years ago. His office made sure none of that came to light during his last campaign for office. It shocked me that she never shared that with me but I let it go. I pressed to find out more about what she was withholding about herself but she shut me down every time I brought it up. I asked her about joining Ethan and me for a late dinner Thursday night but it didn't work for her schedule. Friday worked better so we planned on that evening.

  Thursday and Friday at the office went by without any issues between Ethan and me. We made it through both days without a fight while working on his proposal. Spending Wednesday night at home helped me manage the massive amount of emotions coursing through me. I eliminated any further threats from Harrison by calling him Thursday morning to tell him that I secured an invitation to the meeting. He followed up with his other source verifying my claim. He demanded that I keep my mouth shut stating he still had an eye trained on my every move.

  It was evident that Ethan suspected something very big going on with me but for some strange reason he held back on asking me about it. It made me want to come clean even more. I still hadn't asked him about why he became enraged when we were photographed. Granted, I knew who was behind it but I wanted to know more about Ethan's place in this whole mess. I was very close to telling him the truth just so I could find out more about his involvement.

  Bri convinced Trey to join us for a late dinner Friday night. According to her, it took some fine motor skills before he agreed. I needed them to see what I saw in Ethan and to help me figure out if clueing him in was a good idea. I had very few days left where I'd be able to keep my wits together without going off the deep end. I fell in love with him more each day so lying to him was close to shutting down all my vital organs. Ethan suggested a pizzeria that he favored that was near his place. I planned to stay with him that evening since I had taken the prior two evenings at home. I missed him more but the space became more important to sort out the ramblings in my head.

  Friday night was upon us and we walked into the pizzeria with our hands locked together. It was the first time that we were out together where we were both dressed very casually in jeans. Ethan had on a white button up with sneakers. I went with a dark red three quarter shirt and boots. As we walked in, I looked around to find Bri and Trey. It didn't look like they were here so it was up to us to grab a table.

  Since it was later in the evening, it was a seat yourself type of atmosphere. The place itself was set up between a cross of a bar and an old-fashioned diner. The artwork and ambiance was true to all the landmarks of Chicago with specific homages paid to the many successful sports dynasties that the city has seen over the years. There were booths that lined the walls with plenty of tables scattered throughout the place. As you walked through the door, the large bar was across from you. There were hidden nooks off to both the left and right sides that had pool tables and darts. They purposefully took you away from the hustle of the rest of the pizzeria. It was still busy given the time of night so we had to walk for a bit before we found an open booth with enough room. Ethan went up to the bar to get us a pitcher of beer. He returned rather fast and filled two glasses.

  "Who else will be joining us tonight?" Ethan asked, passing me a full glass of beer.

  "It'll just be Bri and Trey," I answered before taking a long drink.

  "I'm looking forward to meeting them," Ethan replied with a mischievous grin.

  He ran a hand down my thigh letting his fingers inch far too much to the inside. My breath hitched and I shook my head to admonish any further course of action that would run his hand further south. His eyes danced at the silent reprimand. It was as if he got off on it. It was either that or he loved pushing me to my limit in any forum. He never failed to keep me guessing at what ran through his astonishing mind.

  "I'm glad you're happy to be here. I wasn't sure if I'd have to bribe you to agree to it."

  Ethan retracted his hand and took a drink of his beer. "Why would you think you have to bribe me to spend time with people that are in your life?" he asked, offended.

  I flinched at his offended tone of voice. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just the age difference between us. Sometimes it sticks out."

  As I was bringing up my glass to finish my beer, his hand capped it urging me to put it back on the table. I set it down and gave him my attention. Ethan ran his hand along my jaw keeping my head still as he gazed at me with significance upon his face. "I may be a few years older than you Mia but you're far older than me in ways that you don't even recognize. I don't know why you can't see that in yourself but I'll do everything I can to show you," Ethan declared. He paused and tenderly stroked my cheek with his other hand. I softened with his touch. "I've never saw you as a partying college girl. You have far too much passion within you. It's one of the reasons I'm drawn to you" he confessed.

  He released his grip on my face and picked up his beer finishing off his glass. I was in shock by what he saw within me. I had hardly scratched the surface with him when it came to the deep stuff. What he just said made me believe that he might have sensed some of the deeper parts without me saying a word. My lips crept into a timid smile as I tried to keep from crying. I was about to respond when my phone vibrated. I moved closer and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips before I left to get Bri and Trey.

  I smiled seeing them. She was fiddling with her long layered silver tassel necklace. Trey was whispering into her ear and she cuddled even further into him with a soft smile. He stood behind her with his hands wrapped around her waistline. She kept his eyes intent upon her as she flirtatiously batted her eyes at him after something he commented on towards the bar. His face relaxed as he gazed at her as she continued to tease him. He paused her fidgeting with her necklace by taking her hand and placing a soft kiss upon it. She rested her head against his chest as they continued to keep in quiet conversation with each other. I liked seeing them this happy. I almost felt bad for interrupting them when they appeared so synced.

  "Hey guys, thanks for coming out tonight," I greeted with a genuine smile.

  Bri straightened up and gave me a wholehearted smile. Trey made it very clear that he was still less than thrilled with me. Bri pushed him forward since he made no
move to do so on his own. It was fine that he was irate with me. If he could sideline it for the evening, it would be wonderful. He shrugged unwilling to budge. I scowled at his inability to meet me half way on this one. His rigidness spread throughout his body. Bri sensed it as she wiggled out of his grasp and stepped between the two of us. I continued to glower at him with my arms crossed over my chest. Trey continued staring me down with his stink eye. Bri whipped her head back and forth as we stared at each other like the two hotheaded kids that we were years ago. It was as if we were seven again fighting over toys. She shook her head urging us to move from the doorway.

  "The tension between the two of you calls for a round of shots so that we can actually look like we're all friends," Bri said, eyeing us cautiously.

  "That's a damn good idea Bri," I agreed, grabbing her hand on my way to the bar.

  We got to the bar and I placed an order for another pitcher of beer and a round of tequila shooters. The shots lined the bar within seconds for us to grab. I eyed them to pick up the shots. They grabbed them and we tossed them back without a word. The pitcher of beer quickly followed. I took it and set the amount owed down on the bar. I motioned for them to follow me to our table. When we were near the booth, I sighed with the hardness that lingered upon Trey's face. It would be a long night if he didn't lighten up at some point. He brushed past me towing Bri along his side. She shot me an apologetic glance as they slid in across from Ethan. I loved and I hated that kid at times. When he didn't like a situation, he had no problem sharing it with anyone around him.

  I set the pitcher down on the table and slid in next to Ethan. He stretched for my hand intertwining it with his before bringing them to the table. Trey studied our hands. The sight of it deepened his irritation with me. He filled a glass of beer for Bri and then one for himself. As he poured, I downed mine and grasped the near empty pitcher to fill it back up.

  "Ethan, this is Bri and Trey," I said, pointing to each of them. Bri gave Ethan a warm smile. Trey forced a thin one. "I know that you met in passing at the club but I never introduced you," I continued nervously.