I shrugged. “They’re already in bed.” I walked around the table. “But have it your way, tease. We can finish things later behind closed doors. I was going to wink at him, but he was carrying the playing cards over to the game shelf.
He walked past me and toward the steps. “I’m going to my room.”
“See you there in a sec,” I replied. Gathering the mugs and cups to place in the sink in the kitchen.
I tiptoed up the steps and paused in front of Mom and Dad’s room. It was very quiet, and I was pretty sure they were already asleep. Aidan’s room was a few steps away, and I gently knocked on his door and then turned his doorknob. It opened, and I walked in, closing and locking the door behind me.
As I turned around I was shocked to see Aidan sitting on his bed crosslegged, still in his sweatpants and t-shirt. He smiled kind of weakly and patted the bed next to him. The fact that he didn’t throw himself into my arms or didn’t lift the covers for me, flashing his naked body, confused me. Something was up.
I sat down next to him, looked at him, and ran a fingertip down his arm. “Something's wrong,” I said.
He nodded. “I don’t think I can do this, Jenny.” His eyes were intense and sad.
“What do you mean?” He didn’t stop my finger, so I slowly traced a line down to his hand and took it in mine. He intertwined his fingers in mine, which I hoped was a good sign.
“I love you,” he said as he squeezed my hand.
“I love you, too.” He lowered his head, as I squeezed his hand back. Before he could say anything, I added, “That’s why I want you. I need you. I love you so much I want all of you.”
“But what about Mom and Dad?”
Oh God. I had worked very hard to not think about them. I had kicked that can so far down the road I hoped we’d never have to deal with it. And I didn’t want to deal with it. They would never understand. “They don’t need to know,” I whispered.
Aidan let go of my hand. “But that’s what is bothering me! I want them to know. I want everyone to know. I love you, Jenny.”
“Well, fuck it. Let’s tell them.” The look on Aidan’s face told me everything I needed to know. The idea terrified him.
“Jenny, I love that you want us to be a real couple, but we can’t do that just yet. Maybe in a few years. And even then maybe we’ll have to just decide to go it by ourselves. But right now we have college and there’s just too many complications for that.” He lowered his head.
I wasn’t going to give up. He was everything to me. Everything. I ran my hand over his chest. “Then let’s just embrace this wonderful new stage in our relationship and worry about the rest later.” I leaned forward to kiss him. “Make love to me, Aidan. Just hold me and love me. I need that.”
He gently took my hand and moved it back into my lap as he stood up. “I’m afraid of the lies and secrets, Jenny.” He started to pace. “We can’t be a real couple yet, because if we take that step and then hide it, how would we deal with it? How are we going to deal with the distance and Mom and Dad and our friends and all that stuff if we are building our relationship on a foundation of secrets and fear and lies?”
My entire insides were fluttering with stress and nervousness. His response was so Aidan, but couldn’t he see that we were older now and we’d be able to handle it? “I trust that we can get through that, Aidan.” I dropped my hands between my legs as I watched him pace. I started twisting my fingers together. “You’re my best friend.”
He stopped pacing and looked me in the eyes. “That’s just it, Jenny. I don’t know if this will make sense at all, but that’s what I’m afraid of. We’ll no longer be just best friends, and we won’t be a couple. We’ll be in some kind of tenuous relationship that doesn’t have any kind of foundation that we can cling to. Or build from.”
“I just want to make love to you,” I whispered.
Aidan stared at me for a moment and then walked over a knelt in front of me. It was a move that would have made me wet thirty minutes earlier, but I was scared as I saw the new stage in Aidan’s and my relationship crumbling in front of me.
Reaching out, Aidan took my hands in his, holding them firmly yet gently. I looked at his face, and he was smiling. “I will make you a promise, Jenny.” He squeezed my hands. “It’s going to sound silly and crazy, but a similar promise from you was all that I needed to keep going, knowing that all I had to do was to wait for the right moment, and my dream would come true.” He lifted up one of my hands and kissed it. “I dreamt of kissing you every day, Jenny.”
I smiled. “I did, too.”
“You’ll always be my best friend, but we’ll be in different colleges on different coasts. It will be hard.”
“No it won’t!”
“Shhh. Maybe it won’t be, but if it is I want to offer you this promise so you know that we both have something to look forward to, a future that we have yet to experience, not a present that will allow us to drift apart.” He took a breath. “God, this is going to sound so stupid.”
“Shut up. Nothing you say is ever stupid.” I squeezed his hands.
“Once we graduate college, if we’re both still virgins, I promise you that I will make passionate love to you, and I promise you that just like I spent three years looking forward to the amazing kiss we shared earlier, I will look forward to that moment.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Part of me did think it was stupid, but part of me thought it was incredibly romantic. More than anything I thought it was just unnecessary and would do little more than make Aidan feel less guilt-ridden or whatever the hell it was that he was feeling.
“But what about Mom and Dad? I thought you wanted us to be a couple, not just fuck buddies.” I was perhaps a little harsh, but I wanted to really push Aidan. I was willing to accept his promise, but I needed to be sure that his intentions were real, that he just needed time, and the promise of a future the way we both wanted it would give us that time.
Letting go of my hands, Aidan ran his hand over his bald head. “I’ll be honest with you, Jenny. I worry about that. It’s tough. I don’t think they’ll ever understand.” He stood up and then sat down next to me. “But I’ll be ready then. I promise.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder, and Aidan put his arm around me. “That’s more than one promise,” I replied,
He laughed in a way that sounded like he was holding back tears. “No. It’s all part of one promise, that I’ll love you forever.”
“I know you will.”
And then tears fell, but they fell from me.
Chapter Thirteen
* * *
Jenny
After two long years I was finally going to visit Aidan in Los Angeles. It was a surprise visit, and that made me even more excited. Mom and Dad had decided that we should fly in for his last meet of the year before the conference and NCAA championships. It was also around our birthday, so we were going to make it a party, too.
We had talked a lot our first year apart, but our schedules were hellacious and we never really saw each other. Getting home for the holiday was about the only extended time we had together, and that was mostly running around from one extended family member to another. For our freshman year, distance did make the heart grow fonder, or more desperate. I had hoped that we could hang out over the summer, but Aidan was taking part in a series of swim camps with his coach and didn’t even come home for the Fourth of July.
Another reason I was excited about visiting Aidan was that we had talked less and less over sophomore year. We both apologized when we did talk, blaming it on our schedules, but I think we both realized the truth—our fear was coming true: The physical distance was turning into emotional distance.
Aidan was amazing, and it stirred in me all of the feelings from the past few years. He stood on the starting block and jumped up and down. I just stared. His ass was amazing, and even at a distance it was clear that he was a fast swimmer despite the handicap of there being significant drag between hi
s legs. The thought made me smile.
The team hadn’t shaved yet for the important conference and NCAA championships, so Aidan looked all shaggy. I loved it. His hair was long, and stuck out from his swim cap. He smiled broadly to his teammates and even the competition. Everyone loved him. I loved him.
His body cut through the water like a knife. He won, and everyone cheered, none louder than me. As the other cheers died down, I continued to stand and hoot and holler. He glanced up, and then he saw me. The excitement in his eyes made the whole trip worthwhile.
I waved, and before I knew it he was running along the back of the natatorium and then up the steps into the crowd. He wrapped his arms around me in a big wet hug. I laughed as water dripped onto my head.
“Jenny!” There was a cough, and Aidan stepped back and greeted Mom and Dad. “Sorry, Dad. I’m glad to see you and Mom, too!” He looked over his shoulder and then turned back quickly. “Look, I have to get back down to the team. This is such a crazy surprise!” He looked at me and, his voice filled with emotion, said. “I’m so glad you came.” He then reached forward, and with a finger flicked my t-shirt between my breasts. “Nice bra. The wet t-shirt contests are generally held in bars, though.” He laughed and sprinted away before Dad or Mom could say anything.
I looked down. His wet hug had made my white t-shirt see through. “Argh. I’m going to kill him.”
Mom looked at me. “It’s not so bad. It really is a nice bra.”
“Mom!”
She laughed and we turned our attention to the rest of the meet.
After the last race, I rushed down to the deck. As I approached Aidan, a gorgeous blonde in tight jean shorts and a t-shirt was practically yelling at him. “Like I’m going to believe that you would touch your sister’s chest like that. Jesus, Ade, if you’re going to flirt with other girls can you at least do it when I’m not around?”
I coughed. “Hi,” I said.
The girl turned to me, looked me up and down, and said, “Look slut, find some other guy to try and fuck. He’s mine.”
“Jesus, Erin, that’s my sister.” The Erin chick looked me up and down. She appeared unconvinced.
“She doesn’t look at all like you.”
“Well, technically, I’m his step-sister.”
“You’re Jenny?” I nodded. “I thought you were on the East Coast.”
“Can’t a sister visit her brother every once in a while?”
She waved her hand. “Yeah, whatever. I guess we’ll be having a big homecoming back in our apartment then.” She looked at me as Mom and Dad walked up. “Honestly, this is kind of rude. I would have cleaned up our place if I knew you were coming.”
“Aidan, are you sharing an apartment with this young woman?” Mom’s tone was more of surprise than condemnation. But for me Erin’s words were like a punch in the gut.
I had plenty of opportunities to hook up at RISD, from requests for dates to hot football players looking for a casual fuck after a party. But I kept to myself. I had told myself that no one really struck me as either Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, but in my heart I knew that I was waiting. Waiting for graduation and a promise.
But now the promise was dead. Aidan was fucking this girl.
“Well, it’s barely an apartment. More like a bed and a kitchen.” Erin shrugged. “We’re in the middle of Bel Air after all.”
Mom’s acceptance annoyed me. Didn’t she realize that this bitch was fucking her son? But she just nodded her head. “In that case, perhaps it is best if we just met at a restaurant for dinner and plan on doing things around town.”
Dad was smiling, and that annoyed me, too. He was half ogling Erin himself. She with her gorgeous blonde hair, tight round ass, and nice perky tits. I looked down at my own chest and less than toned body. Sure everyone said I was pretty, but I wasn’t that kind of pretty. I suddenly felt inferior and stupid and all I wanted to do was to just jump on a plane and go back to school. Unfortunately, I now had to live through a weekend in a state of depression as Aidan spent the whole time with another girl.
Aidan got changed, and then we headed out. Mom and Dad walked up front, with Aidan and Erin behind, and me beside Aidan. “So how did you two meet?” I asked.
Before Aidan could say anything, Erin said brightly, “Aidan was totally obsessed with me in our English 202 class. It was kind of sad, actually. I sat across the aisle from him, and he’d keep glancing at me. Finally, after a few weeks I walked over to him and said, ‘Are you going to ask me out or what?’” She took his hand in hers. “And he did!”
“How romantic,” I replied, gritting my teeth. What a bitch. At that point I knew what I had to do. I had to break them up. Not because I was jealous but for Aidan’s own sanity and self-respect. This obviously had nothing to do with the promise. I was doing this for Aidan.
At dinner, Erin did a good job illustrating that she liked to hear herself talk. I decided to use that against her, especially with Mom and Dad sitting right across from her. “So, Erin, how long have you and Aidan been living together?” I smiled sweetly as Aidan glared at me.
“Oh, you know. He was sleeping over at my place so much that it was just stupid for us to have two places, so we consolidated for second semester.” She took a bite of her salad. “It’s both cheaper and more convenient.” She winked at Aidan as she chewed.
To my annoyance, Mom and Dad seemed to think that was the most reasonable thing in the world. It suddenly struck me that they were probably overjoyed that Aidan was seeing anyone. He pretty much kept to himself throughout high school. Well, he hung out with me, but for my parents that was basically the same thing.
I couldn’t embarrass the two of them, so I wasn’t sure how to break them up. Couldn’t everyone else see how stuck up she was? As dinner ended, I had pretty much given up. Erin was bitchy and self-important, but not so much that anyone other than me seemed to notice.
Outside the restaurant Mom and Dad said they were heading back to the hotel, as it was very late in Eastern time. I frowned, and Aidan spoke up, “Hey, Jenny, why don’t you come back to our place? We can catch up. You can tell me about your painting.” Erin looked annoyed, so I, of course, said yes.
Erin wasn’t kidding about the apartment, It had two rooms, a small bedroom with what looked like a queen-sized bed directly on the floor. It was unmade, and surrounded by piles of clothing. The other room was combination living room/dining room/kitchen. There was a futon and a beat up armchair next to it. I dropped into the armchair, while Aidan and Erin cuddled up on the futon.
She took his left hand and placed it between her two hands and held it in her lap. Erin talked about herself, of course, and it was in the midst of the most innocent question that I realized how to break the two of them up.
“So do you have any plans for after college?”
“Well, I’m going to probably pick up a teaching job while Ade goes to law school.” I couldn’t believe that she called Aidan “Ade.” He hated that nickname. But what really struck me was the law school thing.
“Wait. Aidan, I though you were going to be a marine biologist? Swim with the dolphins and all that.” I looked at him, and he had a deer-in-the-headlights look.
“Ha, no way. He’s going to be a lawyer and then start in my dad’s firm in Chicago.”
“Holy shit, Aidan. You hate the Midwest. You’re moving to Chicago?”
Aidan fidgeted, and that’s when I knew he had no intention of doing any of that. “I’m thinking about it,” he finally replied.
“He will,” Erin said emphatically.
“I don’t know, Erin. I mean Aidan had scholarship offers from every major university in the Midwest—sorry, I believe he called it Midworst—and he would burn them.” I smiled sweetly. “Yeah, he would literally light them on fire in our back yard.”
Erin looked pissed, as she turned to Aidan. “Is that true, Ade? You never said you hated the Midwest!” She called him “Ade” again. I knew he loathed that nickname.
&nbs
p; “Yeah, Ade, did you change your mind?”
Aidan glared at me, and then turned to Erin. “Hey, it’s not that I hate the Midwest. I just wasn’t familiar with it. But you’re from there, and you’re amazing. So I guess I’ll have to re-evaluate.”
Nice recovery, Aidan. Erin seemed unconvinced. “That means you didn’t like it before, and you didn’t tell me that.” She pouted in a way that made me want to slap her, but Aidan looked like he wanted to comfort her. “And what about being a lawyer? When we first started dating you said you were undecided but leaning toward law school.”
I had to admit that I was kind of enjoying watching Erin’s construction of what she wanted Aidan to be collapse around her. As sick as it made me thinking about it, it was pretty clear that Aidan told Erin anything she wanted to hear just so he could get in her pants. Or denim shorts, as the case may be.
Aidan was clearly thinking very carefully over what he was going to say. He finally answered. “Well, I’m still undecided what I want to pursue.”
Erin pulled her hand from his. “Fuck you, Aidan. You said last week that you were going to law school. You said you would be proud to work for my dad!” She stood up and looked at me. “You’re brother’s a selfish prick.” She stormed toward the front door, pausing to turn around as she grabbed the doorknob. “Aidan, I highly recommend that you get your priorities straight,” and with a slam she was out the front door.
I looked at Aidan. “Ballbuster,” I said with a smirk.
“You have no idea,” he replied, smiling at me, then adding, “I missed you, Jenny.”
“Not enough that you didn’t mind fucking the blonde bitch.” I have no idea why I said it. Actually, I do know why I said it. As annoyed as I was with Erin, I was still deeply hurt. What of our promise? He said it was something we could cling to as we made our way through college. Apparently that didn’t mean much to him.
“Jenny, please.” He shuffled over to the end of the futon to be closer to me.
My Stepbrother's Promise (Contemporary Stepbrother Romance) Page 5