by J. Naomi Ay
"The guy's probably drunk," Tim would have said. "And now you're going to provoke him into a fit of sky rage."
"Oh hush, Tim," I said out loud as if Tim was actually there, while the cell beeped again. "Alright," I yelled at my driver's console and finally pressed the button that answered that bloody phone.
"Dr. Mattson?" a woman asked. I didn't recognize her voice, but I could tell she spoke with a Mishnese accent.
My heart trilled a little. Nobody called me Dr. Mattson anymore. It had been years since I held an associate professorship at the Rozarian Science Institute. Only someone from the Palace would call me that because they were always cloaked in formalities.
"Yes, this is Shelly Mattson."
"Would you kindly hold for a moment, Dr. Mattson, whilst I connect you with Her Imperial Highness?"
"Of course! Of course!" I shrieked and didn't realize that now I was flying into the wrong airspace and practically broadsided somebody else.
Quickly, I landed in the parking lot of a restaurant with a giant chicken in roller skates perched on the roof of the building. The lot was empty except for two other cars that appeared to be full of teenagers. A young guy on roller skates and wearing a chicken hat and chicken cape approached my speeder and knocked on the window. I waved for him to go away, but he just shrugged and looked confused.
"What do you want?" I asked hurriedly, while lowering my window. "I'm on the phone."
"Shelly?" Katie called. "I was told you wanted to talk to me?"
"Can I take your order?"
"No. No, I'm just parking here for a minute," I told the chicken boy.
"Shelly, are you alright?"
"Just a minute," I snapped as the waiter continued to pound on my window.
"Uh, okay Shelly," Katie responded. "Is this a bad time?"
"You can't just park here," the waiter said shoving a menu in my face. "You have to order something."
"Ok, fine," I cried. "Bring me some wings."
"Wings?" Katie repeated. "Um…I don't have any, Shelly. None that I know of any way. I can check with Senya though. He might have an extra pair. I've got to warn you. His are usually extra-long."
"Oh honey," I gasped and burst into tears, which I had a habit of doing anytime I spoke to Her Imperial Highness. "I didn't mean from you."
"I know," she chuckled a little. "I'm just teasing. Can you talk now?"
"Yes! I'm so glad you called." The waiter chicken skated back just then and pounded once again on my window.
"Do you want regular, buffalo or teriyaki sauce?"
"Buffalo," Katie called at the same time I replied "teriyaki."
"Well which is it?" the guy asked while Katie laughed.
"I don't care," I snapped. "Just bring me whatever you've got."
"Are you sure? You don't have to cry about it."
"Yes!" I rolled up the window quickly, nearly catching his nose in it. "I'm so sorry, honey." I turned back to the phone. "Are you and Senya alright? How's Shika?"
"Everybody is fine, Shelly, although we're on our way to Farku to go visit Uncle Tuman. He's in the hospital after having a heart attack. I can't talk much longer. I've got a few other calls to make before we land. I'm sort of running the Empire these days."
"Oh my goodness!" I cried. "I won't keep you long. I'm so sorry about Tuman. I'll pray for him. Listen Katie, I mean, Madame, the reason I wanted to speak to you was because of Tim."
I started sobbing again. Just the thought of Tim and what had become of his mind sent me into spasms of tears. I couldn't finish my sentence. On top of that, the roller skating chicken guy was back with a plastic tray full of steaming hot wings doused in Buffalo sauce.
"I brought you extra napkins," he said shoving the tray in through the window. "You look like you're going to need them."
I nodded and tried to smile, dabbing at my eyes with a napkin while he stood waiting.
"What's the matter with Tim?" Katie asked, and I could hear her voice growing a little impatient.
I started to explain, but that chicken boy began pounding on my window again.
"Hold on!" I shouted.
"I've got to go, Shelly," Katie said.
"What do you want?" I yelled at the boy.
"You need to pay, lady. Those aren't free! What are you, nuts or something?"
"Yes! I mean no. Here, here take some money." I tossed a whole bunch of bills at him and shut the window again. "Please Katie. Just give me a half minute more. Can you help Tim? Can you ask HIM to help Tim? I can't lose him now, honey. I just can't." She probably didn't understand half of what I cried out as I was bawling like a baby and had a napkin plastered against my face.
"Shelly, I'm going to send a spaceplane to collect the both of you. You come here, and we'll figure out what to do next."
"Tim won't come," I protested. "He already told me no more treatments. He wants me to let him go."
"We'll insist he come. You tell him, it's an order from the High Command."
"He won't," I sobbed. "He may have only half his mind left, but he's still a stubborn old fart."
"Can Thad make him come? I'll send Thad to collect the both of you. I'll ring him right now. You two admit Tim into SdK Mishnah Medical Centre, and I'll be there as soon as I can leave Farku. Will that work, Shelly?"
"I think so," I wept and nodded while blowing my nose loudly into a paper napkin with a picture of a roller skating chicken on it. I knew Katie would take care of us.
"Alright," she said calmly. "I'll see you in two or three days. I love you, Shelly. Tell Tim I love him too. We're going to figure out how to make him better."
"Thank you, honey, I will." I sniffed as she rang off. That blasted boy pounded on the window again.
"Your change, Ma'am."
"Keep the change," I barked. "It's your tip."
"Wow," he gasped. "That's like the biggest tip anyone ever gave me."
"Well you deserve it," I snapped and turned the speeder's engine back on.
I decided to skip my hair appointment and just head home to pack up me and Tim. Probably, I could get my hair done at the Palace. Katie's hair always looked exceptional, and there wasn't a single strand of visible gray. Furthermore, with Tim in the hospital, I'd have plenty of time for a full manicure and pedicure. I might even have a facial.
"Hey lady." The chicken boy was still there. "On account of you being so upset and everything, I brought you a free cupcake to go with your wings."
He held out a little chocolate square with thick pink frosting and a yellow marshmallow shaped like a chicken on top.
“Thanks,” I muttered, tears again pricking at my eyes as I rolled down window and took the cupcake from his hand.
I flew home. I even sang as I flew home. I had this incredibly optimistic feeling that everything was going to turn out just fine. When I arrived, Tim was sitting in front of the vid in his favorite chair. His shirt was buttoned all wrong, and his trousers were unzipped. He had missed a few places shaving this morning, and his fuzzy crew cut was standing on end, but he was in one piece having survived my absence. On top of all that, we were going to Mishnah to get him cured.
"Who are you?" he grumbled as I placed the platter of wings and chicken cupcake in front of him.
"The waitress," I replied and went to find Gina.
"Where's my wife?" Tim shouted. "Tell her to make me a meatloaf. I don't want this chicken shit."
"She's in the kitchen," I shouted back.
Gina was sitting on a stool, watching a talk show on the vid, a glass of merlot in her hand.
"He's been an angel," she said tipping her glass at me. "No problem at all. Want some?"
"Sure." I poured myself a glass and knocked it against Gina's. "We're going to Mishnah."
"Seriously?" she squealed. "I'll go home and get packed."
Chapter 17
Jerry
"Who do you think he's talking to?" Janet asked, sipping her beer.
Thad was out on the boardwalk pacing bac
k and forth in front of the patio where we sat. He was shouting into the cell, waving his hands and shaking his head obviously, annoyed by whoever was talking to him.
"I don't know. How should I know? Thad's a big important guy these days."
Janet sniffed. "I remember the first time he came into Ron's office. He was totally hung over, had coffee stains on his tie and stunk like a beer truck that dumped its load yesterday."
"And Ron hired him anyway."
"That's because Ron was blind."
"Ron was never blind," I scoffed. "He sees everything. In fact, he probably knows exactly what's going on now, right here."
Janet snorted, expelling some beer onto her own shirt. "I still don’t believe all that supernatural crap."
"No?"
"No, Jerry," she snapped trying to wipe up the spills with a recycled brown napkin that ended up shredding and leaving tiny bits of brown paper all down her front. "If he was actually this angel dude, or whatever it is that they say about him, what in the hell did he ever need Katie Golden for? I mean, come on Jerry, Katie Golden? Seriously?"
"I'm not going to respond to that on the grounds that I may incriminate myself."
I smiled into my beer. There was no way I was going to let Janet provoke me tonight. Katie and I were ancient history, although I'd always care for her and love her a little bit.
Janet periodically got herself all riled up about the past. I think she enjoyed doing this. It got her blood boiling and kept our relationship interesting. She'd simmer for a while and then erupt like a volcano. After that, she'd calm down until she found another reason to pick a fight.
"You don't think she's like, you know, supernatural too, do you?" Janet stared at me as if I were crazy. "Don't tell me, she cast a spell on you and that's why you were her doormat for so many years?"
"You never know." I shrugged refusing to take the bait. She could have called me Katie's lap dog, and I still wouldn't have responded. Instead, I just sat back to watch her horrified expression which irritated her even more. "There was just something unique about Katie that I still can't explain. I don't know. Maybe she actually is some kind of mystic being too, like a good witch or a fairy."
"What?" Janet shrieked while I choked down a laugh.
"Sorry about that, guys," Thad returned to our table and waved his cell just as the lava flow was bubbling up to Janet's mouth. Any moment now she was going to erupt and spew giant boulders at my head. "My wife," Thad continued. "Can you believe it? I try to tell that woman not to interrupt me. I'm a busy, busy man, but she doesn't seem to get it."
"How is Gina?" I asked politely, smiling at Janet who had decided to postpone her Volcano Attack in lieu of the Dagger Eye Attack instead.
"Great, just great," Thad said, a little too emphatically, considering we had heard from Gina herself that she was extremely depressed about Thad screwing around. Thad stuck his hand into a basket of popcorn and threw practically all of it into his mouth while Janet gave up on attacking me and turned her icy glaze on Thad instead.
"Gina says you're never home," Janet snapped. "Even when you're in Rozari, you're never around."
"Yep," Thad agreed, scanning the bar for a server. "Hey, what's it take to get a drink around here?" A few dudes glanced up briefly before turning back to their own beers. "How is it, Janet, that you and Gina are such bosom buddies now? I thought you two hated each other or was that just back in the day?"
"That was back in the day," Janet repeated, her tongue now dripping with venom. I wanted to warn Thad that a Snake Attack was imminent. I decided it would be more fun to watch him get bitten for once instead of me.
"I see," Thad continued, blissfully unaware of the danger he was in. "Now that you've both come to terms with the fact that neither of you will ever have any chance with The Big Man, you've decided to align forces against every other guy who doesn't quite measure up to His Imperial Everythingness? Maybe you two ought to experiment with each other. Fucking man-hating bitches," he swore. "Where the hell is the waitress?"
"Thad!" I gasped. "That's uncalled for."
"What did you say?" Janet bolted from her seat, fists at the ready.
"Chill, sweetheart." Thad shook his head and smiled, though it wasn't very genuine. "I'm just having a little fun with old friends. Shit, I could use a stiff drink."
"Sit down," I told Janet calmly and put my hand on her arm. "Apologize please, Thad."
"Sorry, babe. I didn't realize you were on such a short fuse."
"Apology accepted," I replied.
Janet wasn't disarmed. Instead, she turned her attention back to the bar, taking out her energy on the missing barmaid.
"Where the hell is she?" my wife shouted. "We're ready to order some food. I'd like to eat before tomorrow!" When that yielded no results, Janet stood up and yelled louder. "You know, some of us have to work for a living. I gotta eat so I can get home and have my beauty sleep, unlike you losers sitting around here."
"Hey!" a large guy with tattoos all over both arms turned around and glared at Janet who just gave him the finger. "Hey!" He stood up from his bar stool and ambled over to our table putting a massive fist down right in the middle of Thad's basket of popcorn.
"Uh, excuse me," Thad said haughtily, putting on his uppity duke accent. "What do you think you are doing?"
"Your bitch insulted me," Brutus replied and proceeded to dump all the popcorn on Thad's head.
"Hey!" Janet stood up and took a pass at the brute with her bottle of beer.
Fortunately, she didn’t break anything but the bottle, although the guy was now wearing it all over his wife-beating shirt.
I was smart enough to back away. I'd been in more than enough fights before and knew better than to try to take on a guy easily three times my size. Besides that, being a doctor, I figured somebody, most likely Thad would need medical assistance when this was all over.
"She's not my bitch," Thad insisted. "I've got better taste than that."
"You asshole!" Janet screamed and swung her fist at Thad. Thad saw it and ducked which sent Janet's fist into the brute. You'd think by the size of him, it wouldn't have mattered, except she caught him where it counted.
The guy made a roaring sound and went straight for Thad's jaw. That sent Thad tumbling to the floor where I was hiding under the table. I winced at the crack. Actually, everybody in the pub probably did except for Janet who was now wrestling with the brute, hanging from his back. While I scrambled to help Thad, Janet pulled the big guy's hair and screamed all sorts of profanities while he tried to throw her off. Tables got knocked over, popcorn scattered everywhere, glasses fell on the floor and shattered until Sheriff Lew showed up.
"Moonbeams? What the hell kind of mess did you make here? You're all under arrest, except for my brother-in-law, Spike."
"This oaf is your brother-in-law?" Janet screeched still on the brute's back. She pounded the back of his neck just for good measure.
"Ah Lew," I cried from still down below. "The Duke here is hurt. I've got to get him back to my clinic. His jaw may be broken."
The barmaid finally showed up with Thad's brew and some nachos. If she had come earlier, this all might have been avoided. She looked at the mess and then turned away.
"No excuses, Lew," she called over her shoulder. "Look what they done to my place. Take them all to jail and don’t let them out."
"Come on, Moonbeam," Lew grumbled. "We'll let the judge sort this out. Mrs. Moonbeam, you need to get off of Spike's back."
"This is ridiculous," Janet snapped finally sliding to the ground.
"Bitch," Spike hissed again before ambling back to the bar.
"I won't put cuffs on you," Lew offered generously, "if you all just come along quietly. One night in the slammer and you'll sleep off your booze."
"I'm not drunk!" I protested helping Thad to his feet. "Thad just sat down when your brother-in-law attacked him!" Thad nodded emphatically. I thought that was a good sign as if his jaw was broken, he wouldn't have
been able to move his head. His face was all black and blue and swollen to twice its size though. "I really need to get him to the clinic, Lew. He's going to need ice and some meds."
"Alright, Doc," Lew replied and put some cuffs on Janet's wrists. "I'll just take your wife as collateral while you go fix up your friend. I'll expect you both at the city jail within the hour. Bring your pillows if you think you're going to need them. The bunks I have for you are awfully hard."
"Jerry!" Janet screeched. "Do something."
"I'll grab your pajamas, Janet," I replied and helped Thad back to our house.
"So how's the family?" I asked when Thad was safely perched on the gurney. He had an ice pack to his head after I applied a poultice of extra virgin olive oil and cayenne pepper to his bruises.
Thad shook his head and mumbled something which I couldn't quite understand. It was right about then when his cell rang again. He fumbled through his pockets mumbling more garbled words and then flicking it on, he held it up to his swollen mouth.
"Ah-wo," he said. "Yeth, i-th Thad. Yeth, I'w howd. Ah-wo. Yeth. Wha? Why? Ah, no. Wha?" Shaking his head again with frustration, he handed the phone to me. "You tawk."
"Hello?" I asked.
"Thad?" a familiar voice said.
"Goldie?" I gasped. "Is it really you?"
She laughed, and the sound sent an electrical spike through my heart. It warmed the inside of my bones and sent shivers down my spine. I guess I lied earlier when I said I was completely over her.
"Jerry," she said. "It's good to hear your voice. How are you? How is Janet? It's been a long time."
"Yes," I agreed. "It's been…it's been a really long time. How are you? How are all of you? Am I supposed to get down on my knees?"
"Not for a phone call." Her voice was like music in my ear. "Unless you want to, of course. I won't tell anyone either way, so your position is strictly up to you. What's wrong with Thad? I couldn't understand him. Is he feeling okay?"