“Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that Addy,” I admonished myself. The truth was, I wanted to be surrounded by him, even if it was only his things. My heart was bruised, and I would allow myself this one indulgence before I’d force myself to pick myself up and move on. Tonight, alone, here, I’d let myself drown in the memories, I thought sadly.
The cabin had two televisions and I found the remote for the one in Jax’s bedroom and flipped it on. Soon, I’d picked up one of his T-shirts carelessly discarded next to the bed and pulled some clean panties from my suitcase. I hoped a steaming hot shower would relax the tension that round me up tight. I let myself linger inside the tiled walk-in for longer than I normally would; my mind completely full of him.
It all came rushing back. The first time he spoke my name in that big auditorium and then when he’s groaned it out when he made love to me. How, when his eyes roamed over me, I broke out in goosebumps like I’d just been hooked up to an electrical circuit. All the times he’d touched my body, our many walks in the streets of Manhattan, and those damned intellectual talks I knew I’d never experience with anyone else. The intimate dinners and evenings working on my book. How, those Fridays turned into weekends and then… more.
I leaned against the wall letting my emotions overtake me. A few tears mingled with the steam and water drops running down my face as I washed my hair. My heart was seizing, yet I went through the motions. I was helpless to change what was happening, or how I felt. Maybe, it was a mistake staying here. I’d left New York with hope that we’d be okay if I could surprise him down here, yet here I was alone.
After I’d dressed in Jax’s shirt, and wandered back into the main room, it occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten all day. It was the small stainless-steel refrigerator that reminded me rather than my stomach. I opened the door and leaned in taking stock of the contents. That icky expensive beer Jax preferred, some grossly expensive water, and a variety of cheese and vegetables. Milk and juice. Some deli roast beef. Gourmet Mustard. Apparently, he didn’t plan on eating much while he was down here. I grabbed one of the glass bottles of water and twisted off the cap and took a long drink.
The sun was casting purple and orange shadows across the sky to the west. Soon it would be completely dark. The open laptop on the desk near the window beckoned. Should I try to get in?
My mind screamed; no. I shouldn’t invade his privacy, but my heart was dying to find out anything I could. I wanted to read his book, more than anything. I loved how his mind worked and somehow, reading his words made him feel closer.
I walked around the back of the desk and settled into the expensive dark leather office chair that swallowed me up. My heart started to race as I set the water down and my hand slid over the mouse pad on his laptop.
He’d only put it to sleep, still, the log on screen appeared. Clearly, my fingerprint wouldn’t unlock it, so I had to try to figure out his password. As complicated as Jax was, it wouldn’t be easy. I stared at the dark screen with the white password field pulsing with the cursor. I tried a few that came to mind. His birthday, the class title, our names.
Bestseller101
Jaxon0507
SexyArt101
ArtOfSex
Jax&Addy09
I huffed. No, he’d never use Addy. I wasn’t Addy to him.
“Come on, Jaxon, what would you use? Probably something to do with writing,” I mused.
Dictionary0507
SmuttyWords!
Synonym
!Antonym!
I was getting frustrated and my fingers were pounding out various attempts. It was probably hopeless. I might as well give up. I typed in my name and birthday.
Addison0612
Nope. It didn’t work. I was probably flattering myself that he would use my name or birthday.
Addison0612!
What about the day we met? Would he pick the first day of class? We didn’t really meet that day, but I’d never forget that first time I laid eyes on him. My heart started to pound in hope.
0818
0818!
0818Addison
0818Addison!@#
Addison0818
Addision0818!
I watched, stunned, as the screen filled with light and color. The desktop files began to load over a background of deep blue ocean.
How Jax, I thought.
My eyes scanned the files. There was one labeled Writing, and inside it, there were hundreds of others. His book titles each had their own file. At the bottom was one titled WIP. “Work in progress. Bingo,” I said under my breath as I moved the mouse to click it open. It was a series of chapter files, one for pitch/blurb. I quickly clicked on it because it would tell me the main premise, though I was sure I’d be staying up late into the night reading the chapters. After all… what else did I have to do? It might be an invasion of his privacy, sure, but I wouldn’t be able to help myself. I was starving for any piece of him, and these were his most recent thoughts.
Pitch; Smut University
College student meets college professor in writing class and desire sparks. Ridiculously turned on by her first assignment, he can’t help but pursue her.
He was writing about us. Or at least he was, before I went and ruined everything. I was filled with a mixture of pride, humor, joy and pain.
Tears flooded my eyes. My heart did a flip flop inside my chest. Surely, this must mean he cared for me. One large drop tumbled from each eye and rolled down my cheeks.
I sniffed and decided his version needed a bit extra. He wasn’t giving himself enough credit in the scenario. I spaced twice and started typing.
Smut University Pitch
Addy’s Version
One Smoking Hot Professor.
A Brilliant College Senior.
Lessons in Writing Sexy Romance.
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION.
I laughed through my tears, wiping at my tears with both hands. He might disagree that I was brilliant, but surely it would sell more books.
“Like what you’re reading?” Jax’s deep voice resonated from across the room. I was startled and inhaled a huge gasp. I’d been so engrossed; I hadn’t heard him come in.
“Jax!” I said abruptly, getting up from the desk guiltily and stumbling around to the edge of the desk. “I‑ I’m sorry, I just wanted to read your book. It seemed the best way to… feel close to you.”
His features and broad-shouldered body were cast in shadows, the blue light from the computer the only light in the room as he approached me. His purposeful strides ate up the space between us and before I knew it, his strong arm was around the back of my waist and hauling me hard up against his body.
“I’m sorry.” Jax’s warm breath wafted over my face right before his mouth swooped and took mine. We kissed long, hard and deep. Our mouths giving and taking to each other, our breaths mingling into one source of oxygen. My hands slid up his strong arms and muscled shoulders until the fingers of one hand wound tight in his hair and the other held his jaw.
I felt like I was starving, and I couldn’t get enough. Jax lifted me and turned until I was sitting on the edge of his desk. He was between my legs and we were panting. I wanted nothing more than for him to make love to me, here and now, but he pulled his lips from mine. I was reluctant to release them, but was satisfied just touching him, having his forehead pressed into mine, his chest heaving next to mine.
“I love you, Addison. No matter what, I shouldn’t have left you in that hotel room. It was unforgivable.” One hand cupped my cheek before he placed a gentle and sweet kiss on my mouth.
“Oh, Jax…” I almost moaned.
“No, Addison, let me talk. Please. I was a jackass. I’m sorry. I should have been more understanding about everything. I should have known if I threw you to the sharks, you’d get eaten alive.”
My heart was shattering inside my chest. It was exactly what I needed to hear, but I couldn’t let him take all of the blame. “I’m sorry, too. I should have listened to you.
I shouldn’t have signed anything with Gloria without you.”
He kissed me again, and what started out soft quickly increased in passion, both of us unable to help ourselves. His fingers clutched at my bare thigh and I arched into him.
Jax groaned against my mouth. “Addison, no. We have to talk, first.”
Both arms slid around and under me and he was carrying me bridal style over to the couch. I tilted my head and place my open mouth on the chord of his neck, gently sucking as he moved with me until Jax was seated and cradling me on his lap.
“Okay,” I responded reluctantly.
“I spoke to Marcia and she’s agreed to beg her publisher to hold your book, if I can get mine finished soon. She said she’ll rip up your contract, but you won’t get the fifty thousand dollars.”
“Won’t Gloria or the agency object? She said her contract was with them, not me.”
He shrugged slightly. “Jefferson handled that. Gloria is fired and the agency will agree to anything to keep this quiet.”
Leave it to Jax to make it all go away, but he’d still have the issue with reimbursing all of the publishing and promotional costs, plus damage to his reputation.
I smiled against his neck, my head resting on his shoulder, my forehead resting up against his jaw. I inhaled his masculine scent, my body buzzing at his nearness. My heart was full. I didn’t give a damn about the money or my book but wondered if he’d spoken to Marcia before or after I did. I could only assume it was before. “Marcia thinks we should publish both books together, but she said you didn’t want to do that.”
“I don’t. You deserve your own fame, baby.”
My heart thrilled at the use of the endearment. My fingers slid between two of the buttons on his fine wool flannel shirt and round his hard abs. I’d never seen him wearing flannel before. Jax’s hand roamed up my thigh until it rested on my hip, his thumb rubbing back and forth. Aside from the giant erection beneath me, he showed no outward signs he wanted to take me to bed, but I could feel him struggling. I could feel the tension and adoration in the caress of his lips on my forehead.
“It doesn’t seem important now. If we agree to combining, you’d be able to relax and finish your book without pressure.” I reached up to place soft kisses along his jaw as my fingers continued to explore. “I love you, too,” I whispered. “I don’t care about anything but being with you. I couldn’t be happy knowing your reputation took a hit over this. It wasn’t your fault. Please?”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. You’re all that matters to me.”
Jax sucked in his breath. “I told myself to stay away from you… that you couldn’t handle me, but… I couldn’t.” His hand threaded in the long hair flowing down my back and he began to play with it, sending tingles and shivers racing over every inch of my skin. “You’re mesmerizing, Addison. From the moment I laid eyes on you, then read your words. You’re so beautiful, but it’s your words… they own me.”
I smiled softly at his use of my full name, still cradled in his arms. From others it might sound condescending, but coming from this amazing man, it was sexier than hell. “I felt the same way.”
His mouth took mine and he shifted us both on the couch until I was beneath him and he nudged his knee between mine until he came down on top of me. My lips opened to allow his tongue to explore my mouth fully, even sucking on it to bring it in deeper. My hands explored his strong back and denim clad butt, trying to push beneath the waist band. Thankfully, he wasn’t wearing a belt.
I could feel my body opening in desire. “I want you inside me,” I managed breathlessly, between kisses. “On top of me.”
Jax dragged his mouth from mine until he buried it in my neck, softly kissing and sucking from my jaw to my collar bone. “I just want you. All of you.”
I brushed back his hair when he lifted his head, staring deep into his dark blue eyes, made darker by the lack of light in the room. They sparkled with intensity as he looked down at me. He felt so amazing next to me, on top of me, pressing me into the cushions of the sofa. “You have all of me,” I said with a soft smile, my fingers tracing the side of his face.
“I know we have only known each other a few months, but for the first time ever, when I think of my future it’s more than one book after another. I want to write our own love story with babies and a happy ending. Will you marry me?”
I gasped softly as I took in the gravity of what he’d asked me. I was speechless and he mistook my amazement for trepidation.
“I understand if you want to wait a year or two… but I have to know you’re mine. Now and always.” His voice was filled with emotion, and his eyes were serious and imploring. “I don’t know how to live without you, anymore.”
My eyes flooded with tears and my throat tightened with emotion as my heart swelled to bursting. I didn’t think I could love this man any more than I already did, but seeing him this vulnerable, allowing me inside his heart, was the most incredible feeling I knew I’d ever feel.
My arms tightened around him instantly as tears fell down the sides of my face. “Yes. I don’t care if it’s in an hour or twenty years… yes!” I smiled. “That’s… if I get first billing on the books,” I teased through my tears. I was so euphoric I thought I’d explode in a burst of light.
Jax’s white teeth flashing in the darkness as he laughed happily. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, how about a little research?” he asked with a wicked grin.
I giggled and nodded gleefully. “I saw that, you um, named your book Smut University. Cute play on words.”
“I thought so, but I have to clear it with my writing partner. Do you think she’ll give me my way?” Jax asked wryly.
“Always,” I breathed as my lips began to play with his, denying him the deep kiss I knew he wanted.
“Prove it,” he demanded, the instant before his mouth overtook mine and his body began to claim his ownership over mine.
Epilogue
New York was bustling. It was an early May and there was a spring in my step.
I’d just come from a meeting with Marcia and was meeting Jax for lunch at one of the trendy Indian eateries that we had yet to try. After the huge success of Uncontrollable, she was pushing to publish Smut University in August. Life couldn’t be more amazing, I thought as I walked up 6th Avenue on my way to the restaurant.
I felt so incredibly free. I’d graduated with honors from NYU just last week and my career was already off and running. Finally, Jax and I could move forward with our relationship. We were closer than ever, but after spending a magical Christmas in Paris, we kept it all on the down low. We did take a chance of being discovered when Jax surprised me with a trip to the Bahamas for spring break, however, he chartered a plane and we stayed in a private bungalow at one of the more private resorts. It was a week spent in heaven.
A gag order that had been slapped on Gloria and the agency kept the awful truth of the “almost debacle” from coming out. The only issues were a couple of minor tabloid rumors that had surfaced around the time of the first book being published. We did a few signings and promotional appearances together and managed to keep the university, my family, and the world from knowing the truth of what we were to each other. We spent as much time, and as many nights together, as we could manage and still keep things secret.
My mother, who had been a fan of Jax’s books for years, had been after me to introduce her to my professor since the beginning of the semester. It was a little creepy having my mother fan-girling over my boyfriend and so I decided not to tell her we were dating until she had time to get used to the idea that we were publishing together. She was over the moon about the book, appeared even more excited to finally meet Jax, and though I was happy when she’d insisted that he join my family for our evening out of celebration, it was a bit awkward hiding our feelings from the others. I had to stop myself from saying the wrong thing or looking at him in a way that might give it away, more than once.
Ja
x contented himself with reaching for my hand and holding it beneath the white linen tablecloth of the fine dining establishment. My dad kept telling my mother to calm down throughout the evening, clearly irritated at her behavior and my brother was clearly embarrassed by it, too. During the meal, mother monopolized the conversation going on and on about his novels, and though Jax was gracious, he seemed reserved. I could tell he would have rather just been open about our relationship.
Now, with graduation behind me, I was excited to start my new life with Jax. Writing would allow us to live anywhere in the world, though both of our families were in New York City and New York State, and Jax loved teaching at NYU so much, I couldn’t see us moving away from the city. We’d already talked about traveling to many exotic locations across the globe. The skyscrapers lined the sky, towering above me in all their majestic glory. I looked up to see the clear blue sky that was dotted with billowy white clouds. I was so happy, I felt like Cinderella arriving at the ball.
Jax was joining me for lunch after meeting with the dean of Fine Arts to discuss a possible year-long sabbatical. We had yet to retain a new agency given that we were dealing directly with S & S, however, Marcia had given me some recommendations given that film and foreign rights were still on the table. Jax was already established with foreign publishers, given his past success, but I would still need to build those relationships, especially in the event I wanted to publish on my own.
As I came up to the restaurant, I noticed an outside area where patrons were enjoying both the food and the day. It was sectioned off from the sidewalk by some wrought iron fencing, and given the lovely day, I hoped we’d be able to garner a table there.
My handsome man was waiting for me outside the entrance, his eyes hidden by stylish black sunglasses. He had his standard fuck-me hair and combined with the tailored navy suit that fit his broad-shouldered form like a glove, it was no wonder women swooned. He wasn’t wearing a tie and the tanned skin was a striking contrast where he left the top two buttons of his pale blue shirt open. As I got closer, I could see the faint pattern that was embossed in the fabric. Casually elegant; he was only more breathtaking when he saw me approach and a smile appeared on his face. My stomach did flip flops.
Smut University - Volume 4 Page 10