Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  “I understand that, but it’s not your business if he does. You aren’t in a relationship right now, right?”

  “I know…but can you tell me you wouldn’t feel the same?”

  “I’m not saying I wouldn’t. I am quite certain if this was my and Henry’s situation, I would tear into a jealous rage and shank the first bitch who looked at him with a promise of something more than a hello. You have no idea how much I wanted to beat Mara down.” Cora laughed. “But with no said commitment, you shouldn’t hold his sexual relations against him. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  “It would kill me. Before we moved here, I told him I wouldn’t stand by and take care of all the kids so he could traipse around, fucking whomever. I just… I want him to pick me. I’m tired of this in limbo bullshit.”

  “Honestly, I don’t think he’s going to sleep with anyone else. I feel he’s moving in a direction of you and him. Gunther would never consider buying a house and living with you if he planned on chasing the tail of every curvy female who wiggled her ass in front of him.”

  “His whole ‘I need time’ bull is driving me batty,” Cora muttered.

  “Think about what has happened to him. Love is still new to him. Before Quinn, everyone was just a fuck, including Carly.”

  “I was a tension release. He admitted that himself.”

  Elaina shook her head. “He’ll figure it out. I’m sorry it feels cruel, but I think he’ll come around. Just try to be more patient. He needs that from you. I believe he loves you. It’s just going to take time for him to come to terms with it.”

  “You’re right. I definitely need to be more patient. It’s just difficult and frustrating.” Cora stood.

  “Well, I hope I helped some.”

  “Yeah. I now know what I need to do. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” Elaina said as Cora left the room.

  Still flustered over his conversation with Cora, Gunther walked into the lobby of the hotel, his pack loaded with whatever he may have needed, including more cash.

  Hoisted on his shoulder, Grey fussed and squirmed around. “All right, you cheeky monkey. Give me a minute,” he muttered as he stopped at the reception desk.

  “Can I help you?” asked the twenty-year-old blonde standing in front of him.

  “Is Carly around?”

  “May I ask who’s asking about her?”

  “Gunther.” She raised her eyebrow and smirked before picking up the phone. He shook his head. “Okay, well, I’m just going to wait over there.” He pointed at the furniture in the front entrance.

  He set Grey down so he could toddle his way around the furniture. Grey was always happiest when he was on the go. Cora said he was going to be trouble. No doubt.

  Several minutes later, Carly rounded the corner with Joel in her arms. She smiled when she saw the toddler.

  “Joel…” She set him down. “Can you say hi to Daddy?” He looked at Gunther cautiously. “Go on. He’s not going to hurt you.” She nudged Joel forward.

  Gunther decided to stay seated so as not to intimidate him with his size. He leaned down. “Hey, buddy. How are you?”

  “He just woke up. He’s not very talkative for about a half-hour after his nap.”

  “That’s okay. We don’t have to have a conversation. This is perfect.” Grey made it back around to Gunther and he picked him up, setting him on his lap. “Joel, this is Grey, your brother.”

  “Momma, baby!” he squealed while clapping his hands. Gunther and Carly laughed.

  “Apparently, he loves babies,” she murmured.

  “Good. I brought a few toys for them to play with while we talk.” Gunther reached in the pack and pulled out a few things. “At some point, I was hoping to be able to take Joel to where I’m staying.”

  “One step at a time. After a few visits and when he’s excited to see you, you can do a couple hours alone, then maybe some overnights. If all goes well, you can take him every other weekend. We can build up from there. It’s going to be difficult for me to be away from him, though.”

  “Okay, sounds good. I don’t have my own place yet, but I’m going to be checking into the house next door. The bloke you saw me with yesterday… I’m staying with him and his family. It’s quite cramped. I have to check with the town and make sure it’s up for sale.”

  “They’re talking grants for refurbishing newly purchased homes.”

  “Yeah? That would be great. I’ve peeked through the windows and it does need a bit of work.”

  Smiling, Carly watched the two boys play. “He’s quite beautiful, Gunther.”

  “Thank you. He looks just like Quinn. However, he’s quite cheeky, just like me, so he’ll give me a run for my money. Oh, speaking of money…” He reached into his pack and pulled out another stack of cash, handing it to her. “This should help, as well. We’ll set up a monthly payment so you don’t have to worry. I’ll make sure you two have everything you need until things improve here for you.”

  “Thank you. This is nothing short of amazing. I really appreciate it. After work yesterday, I went food shopping. My cabinets and fridge are actually full for a change. I even bought meat for dinner because I’m tired of beans and lentils. I also need to get him some essentials. Clothing and shoes, a big boy bed…”

  “I’m pleased to help in any way I can. It’s my responsibility.”

  “You’ll have to come to my apartment for a visit. We’d love to have you over.”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  A hopeful look appeared on her face. “No.”

  “Okay. I just wanted meet the person who would be around Joel.”

  “Oh, right.”

  The disappointment was not lost on Gunther. “Carly, it’s really complicated for me at home right now. Cora is fiercely angry with me, but she loves me. I think you would like her.”

  “So I can trust her with Joel?”

  A shy smile lifted Gunther’s lips. “Yeah, you can. She is a wonderful mother. Patient and nurturing…”

  “Do you love her?” Carly asked.

  “I can’t say yes to that, but I do have strong feelings for her.”

  “I really needed you. I still do.” Her voice cracked, and she looked at the floor. “Even though all this shit has happened, I’m still in love with you.”

  He tugged at the sleeves of his shirt, wishing the uncomfortable feeling would leave the pit of his stomach. “I’m sorry. I truly am.”

  “Can I have Cece watch the boys while we talk in private? I don’t think they need to hear everything.”

  “Sure. I think that would be fine.”

  They gathered the boys and dropped them off in Cece’s care, then Carly and Gunther headed down the hall to the elevators.

  “The third floor is being refurbished, so no patrons or staff will overhear our conversation,” she murmured.

  The elevator ride was uncomfortably quiet. When it came to a stop and the door slid open, Gunther was happy to get out of the heavy atmosphere. They walked to the last room at the end of the hall. She opened the door and waved him in.

  He stepped in and admired the fresh décor. “Looks good.”

  “You should have seen the before.” A shudder coursed through her body.

  “I can imagine.”

  He turned and faced Carly, admiring her sophisticated beauty. However, he could see the wear on her soul written on her face. The dark circles under her soft blue eyes and the seemingly permanent furrowing of her brow spoke volumes to him. His gaze shifted down the body he once worshipped. She was much thinner than before, but she still had an attractive curve to her hips.

  Feeling heated from his heavy stare, Carly walked straight up to Gunther, wrapped her arms around his neck and began to kiss him. To Gunther’s dismay, he couldn’t control his own lips and kissed her back. When she rubbed her hips against him, he thickened. Their tongues intertwined into the same erotic tango they once shared. His hand found her waist, moving to her ass. The familiar feel of her in
his arms was delicious, warm, and intoxicating. He remembered her sweet taste, and his erection became painful.

  Then thoughts of Cora rushed through him. Doing anything with Carly would harm the relationship he thought he was building with Cora. He didn’t want their kids to go through the pain of losing another father figure, nor did he want to lose them. Even though they had been on the outs lately, Gunther still cared for her.

  Without warning, he broke the kiss and stepped back, leaning against the wall. “Fuck, Carly. I can’t do this.” He wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

  “Gunther, let’s make this work. Please. I want us to be together…a family. It’s what I wanted then and still want now.” She tried to kiss him again, but he put his hand up to stop her.

  He shook his head. “I can’t. I need to deal with things at home.”

  “Please. We were good together,” she whimpered. “Remember the last night we had? How amazing it was? You ruined me.”

  “I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now. My heart can’t take another hit. Losing Quinn damn near killed me. I was devastated for months. I still am, but I need to take care of things at home. Cora has been amazing to me, has done so much for my son and myself. It’s complicated, but I can’t lose her.”

  “I will always be here for you,” she countered.

  “You cannot make that promise. Nothing is guaranteed in this godforsaken world. Not a bloody thing…” His voice gave out, making him swallow hard. “I have to go. I need to get Grey back for a nap. I’m sure he’s already cranky in there, probably scaring Joel with his temper.”

  They held one another’s stare, tears threatening to spill from Carly’s eyes. “Gunther, don’t walk away from this again. I love you so much. Think about our son. He needs you.” The familiar devastation rushed in and halted any more words.

  “As long as I’m alive, I will be available to you and Joel. A friend to you and a father to my lad.”

  “Gunther, please…,” she whimpered.

  “I beg you not to hold this against me. I still want to be a father to Joel.”

  With pursed lips, she stepped away from him. “And you will be. I would never keep him from you.”

  “Thank you,” he said with a rough edge.

  Carly stared at him for a moment before she opened the door, waving him out. They silently walked to the elevator and rode down to the ground floor without so much as a glance. The uncomfortable silence continued as they headed to Joel’s room.

  Gunther collected Grey, murmured a quick goodbye to Joel, and left the hotel with a knot in his stomach the size of a soccer ball.

  Spending the cab ride to the village trying to sort out everything in his mind, he sighed as the cabbie pulled the car over to the curb. Gunther paid him the fare, grabbed Grey, then walked off to find a real estate office.

  After locating the closest one, Gunther got all the information he needed about the house next to Henry’s. He just needed to wait for an appointment to open up with one of the few agents they had on staff, crossing his fingers the house would still be available.

  He hailed another cab. The rest of the ride home was filled with dread. Thankfully, Grey slept through it. He knew he had to tell Cora about the kiss.

  When he arrived, she was out on the front porch, her eyes puffy and nose bright red. They locked gazes as Gunther approached.

  “Hey,” he said in a hushed tone.

  “Hey.”

  Grey still asleep in his arms, Gunther said, “The house is available if you’re interested. I just need to wait on an agent to meet with me. I’m going to go lay him down.”

  Before he could walk past, Cora grabbed his arm. “Gunther, I need to apologize to you.”

  It was the first time she had touched him in ages. Anytime he tried to touch her, she would shove him away. As he gazed down at her hand, she pulled it away. “It’s fine. I’m over it.” He stepped away from her, fearing she would find a way to blame him for the contact.

  “No, it’s not. I’ve been terrible to you lately. All you are trying to do is be responsible for your own. I’m sorry for being a bitch about everything.”

  “Accepted,” he murmured.

  She stood, cautiously approaching him. There was a slight hesitation, as if she wanted to hug him, but stopped herself. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you both so much. I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”

  The kiss with Carly flashed through his mind. “Cora, I need to be straightforward with you.” As she stepped back, a tremble overtook her jaw. “Carly kissed me.”

  “Did you kiss her back?” The whimper in her voice made his insides ache.

  “I started to, but then I thought of you, our kids, our family. I put a stop to it. It would have been very easy for me to have sex with her.”

  “But you didn’t…?”

  “No,” he murmured. Taking a chance, he touched her face with the backs of his fingers, causing her to let out a soft sigh. “I care too much for you to jeopardize any possible future relationship we may have.”

  “Gunther…,” she whispered, her breath hitching in the back of her throat, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Thank you for telling me.”

  “I felt I needed to be honest about what happened. She still loves me, but I don’t feel for her…” His nerves buzzed through his body, little trickles of sweat running down his spine. He chewed his lip for a brief moment, fearing his own emotions. “I don’t feel for her what I feel for you.” They gazed into each other’s eyes. “Now you know how I feel. I’m sorry for hiding it.”

  Gunther closed his eyelids for a short moment, only to open them and see a slight smile from her. “Thank you.”

  “But you need to understand this is where I’m at. I can’t dive deeper and offer much more right now.”

  Feeling a little disappointed, reluctant to show Gunther, Cora held stoic and continued her smile. “Yeah, I understand what you’re saying, but at least now I know you care for me.”

  “Okay, good. I’m glad we’re on the same page. I just felt like you deserved to know what happened today.”

  “Again, thank you. Well, I suppose you should go put sleepyhead down,” she added with a pat on Grey’s bum.

  Gunther nodded, climbed the steps, and headed into the house. Cora sat back down, allowing herself to cry once more. Some tears were happy Gunther realized how he was feeling, but some were sad, knowing he still was stuck in that vicious cycle of fear. Most of all, she was pleased he knew she was where he belonged.

  The need for more from Gunther was great. She wanted to move forward instead of being stuck in this stagnant realm of open possibilities, which never seemed to end. Cora wanted to come out on the winning side of things, not only for her, but for their combined families. The love was there. Gunther was just unwilling to experience it yet. With his confession, Cora had hope, but until he was ready and able to commit, she would keep her distance. It was the only way she would survive.

  Chapter 32

  As the weeks blended, boredom set in. While at the school, at least we had a gym in which to work out.

  More cellphone towers had started working, and a couple small stores and a furniture store opened in the village. Also, even though it was sketchy, the internet was working. We took full advantage of it all, ordering more necessities for draws.

  Since there was somewhat of a normalcy setting in for us, Gunther and I had been talking about what we wanted to do with our lives. First, we thought we could start a security company. Who would want to fuck with us? However, when we talked to Elaina, Cora, and my mum about it, they all protested until we said we would think of something else.

  Elaina and my mum were filling bags for Gunther and me in the bedroom. Gunther was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, brows furrowed, lips pursed.

  Rubbing my neck, pacing back and forth, it struck me. “A gym!” I yelled a bit too loudly. Three sets of eyes focused in on me.

  “A gym?” Elaina questioned.<
br />
  “Yes. A gym.” I smiled.

  “Okay, you’re going to have to elaborate just a bit, mate,” Gunther said.

  “We’re in great shape. Not peak, but bloody good. Why not buy an empty business down in the village and open a gym? It’s not far from home, and it’s something we are both quite knowledgeable about. There isn’t another around. Shit, mate, I’m dying to lift. You have to be, as well.”

  “You know me all too well,” Gunther said with a smirk.

  “I like this idea better than security,” my mum murmured.

  “We could be fifty-fifty partners, Gunther. We both put in equal amounts of cash and time. We get equal profits back…eventually. We could teach self-defense classes, kickboxing, be personal trainers… Maybe we can hire a female trainer to have a few classes geared toward women.”

  Elaina grinned. It was apparent I was feeling pretty giddy over this idea.

  Gunther rubbed his lips with his fingers. “This could work. Today, after Cora and I tour the house next door, we can go search for a location. I can talk to the realtor who’s showing us the house and see if he knows of any available.”

  “Brilliant. How about this? Edge Fitness. We could design a whole brand. Have a line of gym wear, develop a program for people to train… I could manage it. I did well at the blood bank.”

  “Yeah, I like this.” Gunther smiled. “Pretty mental how things seem to be falling into place for us.”

  “Excellent! This is going to be amazing! I’m so excited for you two!” Elaina said.

  My mum was smiling. “Yes, it does sound wonderful. I can’t wait to see it blossom.”

  Gunther and I unhooked them and they headed out to grab a quick snack and a drink. I sat on the bed, scooted my way to the headboard, and held the bag in front of my face. My good mood dissipated every second I stared at it.

  I let out a sigh. “Don’t say anything to Elaina, but I’m sick of this.”

  He furrowed his brows. “Sick of what?” He tipped the bag back and took a massive swig.