When he came in he didn’t speak, and I heard him brush his teeth and get undressed, a lot louder than was necessary I noted. He slipped into bed, and I felt his hot breath on my neck. When a freezing hand brushed my back, I just about managed to suppress a shriek.
After a minute or so he said, “You awake?”
I counted slowly to five before answering. “I might be.”
“I’m sorry, Kat. I probably overreacted. Forgive me?”
“Umm, probably overreacted?”
“OK, definitely overreacted.”
“That’s better. And of course I forgive you,” I said, and turned around.
I pushed him onto his back and sat astride him, then squeezed his hips tightly between my thighs. “But I might have to punish you first.”
He grinned, and in surrender put his hands behind his head. I leaned over, bit his lips lightly, then kissed his neck, nipped his nipples and kissed my way further down.
He moaned in response and guiding my head, urged me to take him deeper.
“Mmmm. I’ll have to run away more often if this is how I get reprimanded.”
I lifted my head. “Don’t even think about it. I won’t be so nice next time.”
He laughed. “Don’t tempt me.”
His breath came faster, and I relaxed my hold.
The next morning, we awoke fully reconciled and wrapped together, my head laid on his warm chest. I listened to the calm and rhythmic drumbeat of his heart, and as I breathed in and out slowly, it felt as though his heartbeat was mine and my breath his.
Later, as we sat opposite one another eating our sausage sandwiches, we talked about our plans for the day, but not what triggered the row. I felt relief that we’d made up and our lovemaking became even more intense and all-consuming, and in the days and weeks that followed, I came to understand that it was this pure physical connection that held us together, and would continue to do so whatever life threw at us.
I grew reluctant to raise the idea of visiting his parents again for fear of creating any tension, and Max seemed content to let it go, or at least I figured he didn’t want to risk being asked further questions about them. We set our wedding date, and I was satisfied I would meet his mum and other family members then, even if it couldn’t be before. Life carried on in that vein. We were in love, happy together in the pursuit of our dreams, and ultimately neither of us wanted that to change.
The harsh frosts and snowfalls of winter had, at last, retreated up the hillside and nearby mountains, and the lower slopes came alive around us. A sweet-scented display of grasses erupted from the peaty soil and with them came the delicate pinks, blues, and yellows of wild flowers and plant life: blue sow thistle, buttercup, alpine catchfly, thrift and Scottish primrose.
We treasured the simple joy of walking up the hillside together, then gazing back down, first at the foundations, and then the wooden frame and walls as they began to expand and take shape. It was exciting to see Max’s drawings and vision become a reality. He insisted that it was our vision, but in truth, while we discussed all of its parts, shared ideas, suggested improvements, I saw it as his project, and I was happy for it to be that way. There were many complications, delivery delays, disagreements about prices, but Max had such a persuasive and charismatic manner that the builders and suppliers seemed eager to please him. He quickly became a great manager, and with his wry, Irish humour, and joining in with the site craic, he soon earned respect from the builders and contractors alike.
Max would invariably slip out of bed at sun-up, leaving me still hiding under the duvet to shut out the cold, and he would stay out all day long until the final lilac blush of sundown deserted the hillside.
Towards the end of May, I got an interview with The Scottish Environment Organisation for a trainee project manager. On paper it looked like my ideal job, and because I so desperately wanted it, I suggested Max be the interviewer and pose possible questions.
“So tell me, Ms O’Donnell,” he said, “which would you say you preferred - giving fellatio or receiving cunnilingus?”
“Oh that’s not fair,” I protested, “now you’re just trying to throw me off track with big words.”
“We do expect our graduate trainees to have a wide vocabulary, and be able to form opinions based on learning and experience. However, perhaps that particular question is a little unfair.”
“Uhh, given you’ve just met me, hypothetically speaking?”
“OK,” he paused. “Katriina, you’ve told me all about what you’re good at, but what do you struggle with?”
I stared out of the window and thought for a moment.
“What I struggle with is seeing man pollute our beautiful planet and destroy its natural habitats, the wildlife and ecosystems. I see our planet being skinned of resources because man thinks only about short term gain, selfish ambition and making money here and now and giving no thought to what will remain for future generations, for our children, our grandchildren, their grandchildren.”
All my meticulous preparation paid off and I was thrilled to have found employment doing something that would allow me to have a positive influence on the Scottish environment, with the potential for real career progression, and just as importantly, a decent starting salary.
“That’s grand Kat, you’ll be amazing. They obviously recognise a damn smart woman when they see one.” Max kissed me. “I know it’s what you’ve been working for, for so long, but I’m gonna to miss you being here with me.” He took my hand. “Do you think you’ll have to work late a lot or stay away much?”
“It depends how warm the offices or hotels are,” I said, re-reading my offer letter. “I think I’ve developed chilblains living in this fridge.”
He peered over my shoulder. “What are the hours?”
“It doesn’t say. But I won’t be quibbling about that. Good grief Max, it’s taken ages for me to get an opportunity like this, and I’ll do whatever’s expected of me, and more if I feel like it.” I folded the letter up and tucked it into my trouser pocket.
I wouldn’t have called Max needy. If he was, I wouldn’t have found him anywhere near as attractive, but as time went on, his physical need for me and the sheer intensity of his outlook on our relationship and life, made me love him even more.
Max leaned against the small kitchen worktop. His hair brushed against the panelled ceiling. “Do you think you belong here, Kat? Not this dump of a caravan, I mean here, our hillside and what will soon be our home?”
“You know I do.” I turned to the sink and refilled the kettle. “And it isn’t only the sheer beauty of the place, though it’s more beautiful than anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s because I’m here with you, seeing it through your eyes, as well as my own.” I lay my palm against his cheek. “Have I told you recently that I adore you?”
He squeezed my bottom. “Only once today. You are so beautiful Kat, have I told you that recently?”
“Aye, but I never tire of hearing it,” I replied, and slid my hand down beneath the waistband of his jeans.
CHAPTER TWENTY
A Sketch
Louis’ knees pressed against the glove box. He reached down, pulled the lever and slid the seat back a few inches. “Where shall we start Mum?”
“Let me think.” I closed my eyes and hoped for divine inspiration.
Louis did his best to sound positive. “We could start in the layby at Loch Dubh, and head in the direction they went? Seems logical, and we have to start somewhere.”
“Good idea. It’s a long shot, but we might see something mightn’t we?” I fastened my seatbelt and adjusted the mirrors.
“Drive carefully,” he said. “I can look, but you’ve got to keep your eyes on the road too. There are some steep drops, and you’re not used to the car.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” I tried to sound optimistic. “You’re so sensible Lou. All my back seat driving with Dad must have rubbed off.”
“Look, Gran’s packed us a flask and
snacks so we don’t have to stop.” Louis opened up the bag at his feet. “I’m glad they’ve come up, aren’t you Mum? They love Lyssa so much.”
“They love you both, and they couldn’t have stayed away.” I turned on the radio and found the news.
“The weather won’t help,” I said. “And it was so clear yesterday.”
We turned onto the Lochinver Road. The dense cloud cover had already descended, and it felt oppressive as the mist closed around the car, and somehow separated us from our surroundings.
“Perhaps it’ll lift further down,” I said, and looked for the fog light.
“Mum!” Louis shouted.” Watch out!”
I slammed my foot on the brake as the car thumped and shuddered against something in the road.
“Holy shit! What is it?” I yanked the handbrake.
“Sheep,” said Louis, unfastening his seatbelt and throwing open the door.
A newly sheared ewe and its lamb lay lifeless beneath the bumper. I felt a massive rush of blood to my head, and for a few moments my vision staggered. I climbed back into the car and reversed. Then crouching down, I stroked the lamb’s warm ruched fleece, and rested my hand on its chest to see if it was still breathing. Its ears quivered, then it shook its head and sprang up. It stood next to the ewe for a few moments on shaking legs, and then scuttled away, apparently unhurt. The ewe’s grey eyes continued staring out, frozen.
Louis touched my shoulder. “We should move her.”
“I didn’t see them Louis. Did they run out?”
“They were just standing there. You must have been distracted.”
I felt dizzy again, and I leaned against the bonnet and shut my eyes until the sensation passed.
“Come on, poor wee thing,” I said, crying. “I’ll have to ring the farms. It’s the first sheep I’ve hit in all these years.”
“Don’t Mum, it wasn’t your fault,” he said, and his eyes welled with tears.
We lifted the ewe, its head swinging limply, and lay it down gently onto the grass. I flapped a couple of flies off the ewe’s face and shut its eyes. I stepped away, and the lamb trotted up to the ewe, nudged her with its nose, then nuzzled her udders and suckled.”
“It needs milk Louis,” I said.
The lamb turned to me, then back at its mother and let out a long and pitiful, “Maaaaaa.”
“Mum, please. You can’t do anything.” Louis led me back to the car.
“Everything’s going wrong. I’m sorry,” I cried.
“I know, but we’ve got to stay focussed. Nobody will blame you.”
Visibility didn’t improve as we set off, and intermittently, the cloud was as thick as fog, then moments later it had lifted. Just as quickly it closed in once more. I couldn’t have rushed even if I’d wanted to.
I pulled up at Loch Dubh, got out, and very slowly turned a full circle. In stark contrast to the mist that swirled around us, I could clearly picture the scene from yesterday, however not through the same panic-stricken eyes.
I hear an engine start up. I run back up to the road and watch my car jolt forwards. It moves away, but this time I can see it without any interference, more clearly. Through the tinted windows I see the back of the driver’s head, no more than a shadow, an outline. I’m certain it’s a man, curly hair, thick on top. I also see Lyssa turn in her seat and look back at me. She is petrified, eyes are wide and mouth open, screaming. My eye line shifts sideways, and I see the driver’s wing mirror. The angle of the mirror allows me to see the face of the driver – in a fraction of a second – but it’s long enough. His face is as palpable as if I were gazing at my own reflection, his features as sharp as if they were dots on a dice. Don’t fade.
“Quick Louis, is there pen and paper in the glove box?”
He looked confused and then realisation flashed across his face. He opened it up and pulled everything out. “Here.”
I leaned on my atlas and sketched the man whose features I saw in my mind. A narrow face with severe cheekbones, thick brows, a stubble and dark curly hair. Although not especially artistic, the image bore a close resemblance.
“Who is that?” Louis said, as I added more lines to thicken the brows and lengthen the nose.
“It’s him, Louis.” I clasped a hand over my mouth. “I’m certain this is what he looks like. I hadn’t remembered seeing anything, but standing there it came back to me so vividly.” I held up the sketch. “It was as though it was happening all over again, but in slow motion. It sounds crazy, but I know it’s him, and what’s more, it’s a good likeness. I’m taking it to Inspector Keir.”
“Do you know him, or recognise him?” he asked, and examined the rough but lifelike sketch.
“No I don’t,” I said, knowing I had never seen him before.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Neverland
I walked into the station feeling relatively in control in comparison to my panicked state the previous morning. Constable Pearce stood behind the desk with a phone to her ear. She watched as we strode, unswerving, to the incident room. Inspector Keir sat alongside a slim, middle-aged man. They both stared at the computer and turned to me in unison.
“Katriina.” Inspector Keir pushed back her chair. “This is Detective Constable Brooks.”
He came over, shook my hand firmly and said, “Morning Katriina. What news?”
“I’ve remembered something,” I said. “Yesterday you asked if I’d seen anyone. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did.” I handed my drawing to Inspector Keir. “I don’t know him, but someone must.”
Inspector Keir looked at my drawing then up at me. “You suddenly remembered?”
“Yes. It all came flooding back when we stopped at Loch Dubh. I must have been in too much of a panic yesterday.”
“What about Max, has he seen this?” she asked, and gave it to Detective Brooks.
“I’ll show him. Where is he?” I said.
The Inspector glanced at Detective Brooks.
“I spoke to him first thing,” she said. “Filled him in on the car sightings. But he didn’t say he was coming here. In fact, he said he was staying at home with you.”
Louis gave me a puzzled look. “That’s weird. He said he was coming here.”
I grabbed Dad’s phone and called Max. I experienced déjà vu as it went straight to answerphone.
I rang home.
“But he isn’t here,” I said to Dad. “The police haven’t seen him. Can you try ringing him? I need to speak to him.” I hung up.
“I’ll scan this, and get it to our photo fit guy,” said Inspector Keir.
“Excuse me,” said Detective Brooks, and followed her out.
“Mum, that was awesome you remembering what he looked like. Maybe you’ll remember more.”
All of the things I’d seen and heard made me wonder if I might see more to reveal Lyssa’s whereabouts. Why though? I pondered whether the location had triggered the memory, or whether it had been down to some unexplained phenomenon. My mind whirled as I tried to make sense of it, of everything.
Movement flickered in the corner of my eye and I turned and saw a house spider as it weaved an intricate web, and watched how it looped its silk round and round. Mesmerised by its quick but methodical movements and skill, I thought, what if Lyssa had hooked up with me in a way far beyond our ordinary understanding of things? What if she and I were so in tune with one another that our minds connected because of the extreme emotions we had both experienced?
And, what was going on with Max? I wondered why he had lied. I ran through what I’d tell him when he showed his face again. The only explanation I could think was that he’d lost his mind. He had lied to me and messed me about when our beloved daughter was missing. My head throbbed with confusion, and I burst into tears.
“Sit down, Mum.” Louis pulled out a chair and guided me to it. “I’m sure Dad will be here soon.”
“Will he, Louis, do you really think so, because I’m not so sure?”
Detec
tive Brooks and Inspector Keir walked back in.
“Katriina,” said Inspector Keir. “Is there any place Max may have gone, perhaps to look for Lyssa, or to his office?” She lifted the box of tissues from the table and placed them in front of me.
“He said he was coming here. Why’s he doing this?”
“I’m sure he’ll have an explanation, but in the meantime keep ringing him. I’ll alert our officers, and if you do speak to him, I want him here ASAP.”
Then something occurred to me. What if whoever had Lyssa had done something to Max?
“Katriina, I’m going to videoconference call our photo-fit artist. He’ll go through your sketch with you, bring it to life. We’ll get his image onto local and national news.” She sat at the computer. “Well done for remembering his face so clearly. This is the break we need.”
“I know Lyssa will be doing all she can to get away. She’s determined, isn’t she Louis?” I forced a smile.
“You bet, and clever too,” he said.
I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that Lyssa was anything but alive, and doing everything in her power to escape. “Come here Louis, my love.”
He opened his arms, and I held him close. Unlike Max, Louis was my support.
The laptop began to hum and beep, and a man’s voice came through.
“Katriina, I’ve got Charlie on,” said Inspector Keir.
As Charlie graphically redrew my basic sketch, I was surprised at how vividly I could still picture him. As he made his final revisions, it struck me that I was looking at Lyssa’s abductor. The likeness was disconcertingly accurate, and the mental state it triggered in me was chilling.
“We’ve checked out the sightings of your car, and as two were within five miles of each other and at approximately the same time, it’s a concrete lead.” Inspector Keir paused. “One woman was convinced it was your registration.” She watched me closely and her eyes sharpened. “What puzzles me, is that these sightings were near Loch Lomond. That’s a good distance from here. Do you know anyone down there, have any connections or family there?”
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