Max led her away to another room so I missed the rest of the conversation. What she said struck me as odd, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Upstairs, I said to Iona. “I’ll show you the kitchen. The units aren’t in, but they’re on order.”
Our footsteps echoed through the empty space. The glazing to the front of the kitchen rose up to the roof and the pale wooden floorboards ran right through to the back of the house. The subtle smell of freshly cut pine lingered.
“Max has promised to cook me lots of tasty dishes. He’s an imaginative cook. I’ve been reading Nigella’s latest book for when we have friends over so that Max can’t take all of the culinary glory,” I said, and realised how much I had wittered on.
“I was adamant Max should learn to cook, you know, with Brian not being around. I had to work full-time, and I couldn’t do it all. Men should help these days. We’re expected to go out to work aren’t we?”
I tried to take in what she’d said about Max’s dad. If he was agoraphobic, then it didn’t make sense. I glanced behind to check Max wasn’t nearby.
“Iona, where exactly is Brian? Is he in the forces?”
“Ah. I wondered if Max hadn’t told you… everything.” She shifted uncomfortably and peered over my shoulder. “I’m afraid Brian couldn’t come to the wedding because…because he’s in prison. For the past twelve years. I prayed he’d be granted release on parole but sadly, it wasn’t to be.”
“Sorry?”
“I’m sorry Katriina, but that’s the plain truth of it.”
“Why couldn’t Max tell me?” My cheeks burned; it sounded ludicrous that I didn’t already know. “He obviously doesn’t trust me.”
“It isn’t that. He doesn’t want you to think badly of his family. It’s his pride.”
The sun finally broke through the clouds, and lit up the room. I saw my face reflected in her pupils. “What did Brian do?”
“I hope Max won’t be upset, but as you’ve asked.” She edged closer to the window and gazed out across the valley. “It wasn’t all Brian’s fault, but the Law firm he worked for, he was their accountant you see, got into serious trouble financially. When the auditors looked into it, it appeared Brian had been embezzling money. The amount was substantial.” She blinked away tears, delved into her handbag and pulled out a tissue. She dabbed her eyes before continuing. “I believe Brian was made a scapegoat to some extent, and he continues to insist another partner was involved, though he’s always refused to give details, which hasn’t helped his case.”
I stole a quick glance towards the door. All seemed quiet.
“And, has he returned the money?” I asked. She must have thought me nosey, but it seemed logical to ask.
“I believe he paid back what he could, but he must have spent a lot of it, and I don’t have a penny to spare. When he’s released, we’ll work out how to repay it. The firm has insisted the money be repaid of course. Though the Lord alone knows how we’ll manage it.” She shredded the tissue between her fingers, and I realised how tough it must have been for her all these years.
Her revelation shocked me. Max’s father had been convicted of theft and fraud, yet I’d only discovered this a day after we’d exchanged our vows. Max had told me an inexcusable lie.
If he could lie about something so important, I wondered what other lies he’d told me. Marriage was about truth and honesty. What did it mean for our marriage, our entire future lives? Despite my emotions running out of control, I remained composed until everyone had gone. The moment the cars disappeared, and without a word to Max, I stormed back into the house.
Max ran after me. “Kat, what is it?”
I ignored him and continued upstairs. He ran up alongside me and grabbed my arm. “You’ve been avoiding me. Talk to me, Kat.”
“Why Max? Why didn’t you tell me about your dad?”
“What about Dad?”
“Forget the façade. At least your mum had the decency to tell me.” I removed his hand from my arm. “I asked her where he was and she told me. What I want to know is, why? Why couldn’t you be honest with me?”
“She told you what exactly?” he said, even now hiding behind a smokescreen.
“Jesus Max. What do you think? That he’s in prison for fraud and she doesn’t know when he’s coming out.” I stormed up the final few steps, turned around and shouted, “You told me he had agoraphobia, which was a downright lie.”
Max gripped the bannister and stared up at me, his mouth gaped as he searched for the right words.
“Can you not even be honest with me now?” I asked, exasperated.
He climbed the last few steps, his arms limp at his sides. “I couldn’t. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t.”
“Why, Max? I’ve never held back talking about my family, about anything for that matter. I thought you were honest. I’ve married you. Yet I don’t know who you are.”
“You don’t get it do you? You have no idea, Kat. You’ve lived such a charmed, easy life,” he said. “How do you think it feels to have a lying fraudster for a dad, I mean really feels? When it all kicked off, I was fourteen.” He paused and swallowed. “Poor Mam was devastated. She tried to be strong, but I’d hear her crying. Dad continued protesting his innocence, despite it being proven he was responsible.”
He took my hand and led me through to the living room. We sat on the wooden window seat. “I was happy at school, popular with loads of friends. And it was a good, selective public school. Then when my friends found out about Dad, what he’d done, it turned out most weren’t such good friends after all. I was teased and bullied, and then to top it all, I was chucked out of school because we didn’t have the money for the fees.” He turned to me. “So I went to the local High School, and the bullying continued, only there it was more brutal because I was new.” As Max spoke, he pulled on each of his fingers in turn, making the joints click. “I didn’t fit in. The kids saw me as different, and I felt different.”
“But you know I’d never judge you because of what your father has done. He isn’t you. You’re the person you choose to be.”
He looked away.
I reached out and turned his face to mine. “I love you, Max, and that will never change, but I want to really know you. I’m not sure I do anymore.”
He winced and the pain on his face was palpable.
“We have to be honest with each other, about everything,” I said. “I can’t be with you any other way.”
He held my hand and twisted my wedding ring between his fingers. “You’re right, of course you are. And I promise from now on that’s what you’ll get. I am sorry. It’s unforgivable.”
Such stark self-reflection tore at my heart and quelled my anger. “I’ll try to understand. I love you Max. I’ve married you for Christ’s sake.”
Max looked lost, hunched over, not the same handsome and proud man who had stood next to me in the church. With my finger, I traced his jawline and touched his lips. We embraced, and I felt him return to me with each steady intake of breath. I knew then that I would always have to forgive him, as he would me too. Forgiveness was one thing, but I also knew I would never forget he had lied to me about something so important. As we held one another, I hoped more than anything that this hadn’t created an Achilles heel in our relationship, and in our marriage.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Lochinver Police Station
I met Inspector Keir in the corridor.
“We’re running the photo-fit through police files, but I’d like to show it to Max.”
“He’s in there,” I said, and pointed to the open door. “I need to speak to Louis.”
“Of course.”
She knew Max and I had argued, and I sensed she thought that Max, in some unconceivable way, had something to do with Lyssa’s disappearance, yet to what degree remained a mystery.
Louis sat engrossed on his phone.
“Lou, I’m sorry your Dad and I argued. It’s the last thing you need. Are you
all right?” I asked.
“No, but you and Dad fighting isn’t going to make things any worse.”
“I know, but I’m sorry anyway. It’s just we’re so upset.”
“Forget it.” His fingers moved over the screen of his phone. “My appeal has had over a hundred thousand shares. There are literally hundreds of comments coming in, so I’ll keep checking them. Hey, do you think Inspector Keir would let me use the photo-fit?”
“We’ll ask. The more people who see it the better, and someone has to recognise him. I’m certain it’s a true likeness.”
Inspector Keir held Louis’ phone and flicked through the comments. “It’s on Police Facebook, but yes, please put it up too. Constable Pearce will send it across. Keep me updated if anything comes back, car sightings or names.” She looked at me, “Max said to tell you he’s going to the shop to buy some lunch.” She returned the phone to Louis. “Katriina, can I have a word?”
I followed her to the interview room, and she shut the door behind us. “Unfortunately, Max couldn’t put a name to him. However, he thought his face looked familiar, but couldn’t be more specific.” She handed me a copy of the image. “Keep the print with you. Look at it together. If you feel it needs adjusting, we’ll do it, it isn’t set in stone. It’s possible it will trigger something in one of you, or your parents.”
I stared at the face in front of me. Was there something familiar about him? No, but someone out there would recognise him.
As promised, Max returned with lunch. The three of us sat in silence around the table and forced ourselves to eat, if only to give us the energy to wade through the chaos that held us in chains. I sensed Max was trying to close the void between us, but I was so angry that I felt ill being near to him. Not for the first time, he seemed unknown to me, like a stranger who had turned up at a funeral.
“I’m getting an update from Inspector Keir, then I’m going home,” I said to Max. “Louis, do you mind staying with Dad? He needs your support.”
What I meant was, Louis would be able to see if anything was going on with Max, of that I had no doubt.
“No problem Mum. We’ll keep in touch.”
“Wouldn’t you rather go home, son? I’m not sure what good it’ll do you staying here.”
Immediately my hackles rose.
“I don’t mind. And we might come up with some clues, somewhere for the police to search,” Louis replied, emphatic.
“Fine, if we must.” Max eyed me sharply and didn’t bother to hide his irritation. “I’m coming to see the Inspector too.”
He threw his empty sandwich wrapper at the waste paper basket, and turned away as it bounced off the rim and fell to the floor.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
A Mother’s Instinct
As I walked into the kitchen I felt emotionally and physically drained. Mum washed the pots and Dad dried them. For one moment it struck me as a familiar and comfortable scene of domesticity. They turned in unison. Their eyes searched mine.
“We saw his picture on the lunchtime news,” Mum said, her eyes red from crying. “I didn’t think you’d seen anyone. Has he been spotted with Lyssa?”
“No-one has actually seen Lyssa, but there have been probable car sightings near Loch Lomond.” I pulled out a chair. “But, I did remember seeing the van driver. It was that in all the panic I couldn’t recall a thing.” I pulled the print from my pocket and smoothed it onto the table. “Have you got any idea who he is?”
Mum wiped her hands on her trousers and held it up. “No, and I didn’t think so earlier. Gordon?”
Dad took the picture. “I don’t think so.” He walked to the window and held it up. “Someone will recognise him.”
“Any calls?” I asked.
“Jason Bittles from your work, and Rosie again. She wants to come over,” Mum said.
“I’ll ring them when I can,” I said, and felt frustrated. “I thought someone might have rung by now, demanded a ransom, or even - threatened us. It’s been too long, hasn’t it? Anything could have happened to her by now.” I burst into tears.
“Don’t think like that, please Kat, it won’t help.” Mum hugged me and choked back her own tears. “You’re exhausted. Have you eaten?”
“Yes. I only swallow because I have to.” I pulled away and my heart pounded. “Why’s this happening? If she’s dead….”
“Please, darling,” Mum said. “We should call the doctor, Gordon. They’ll give her something to help her cope.”
“I don’t want drugs. I have to be ready if they find her. I just want to know why. Why Lyssa? Of all the roads and cars, children in cars.”
Dad took my hand. “There may be no reason. It is probably a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We must try and stay positive.”
“It’s the waiting, the not knowing.” My heart raced and the walls suddenly closed in around me.
“The only thing I would say, and I realise it’s a cliché, but at this stage, no news is good news,” said Dad.
“I tell myself that,” I said. “But you know Dad, there are missing children cases that are never solved, and the parents go on searching and torturing themselves, forever needing answers.” I paused and wiped my eyes. “This will sound strange, but I’ve been having these sensations that Lyssa is alive, and that she’s trying to talk to me. Am I losing my mind?”
Mum put her hand on my arm. “I don’t think so,” she said. She looked into my eyes. “I was going to say something, but decided it was unfair, not being based on any evidence.” Mum continued quietly. “I have felt the same.” She placed the palm of her hand on her chest. Tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped onto her hand. “I’ve always believed in gut instinct. I’ve often sensed things, and my instincts have been proved right countless times. Believe in yourself Katriina, it may lead you to Lyssa, and Lyssa to you.”
“And I can vouch for that,” said Dad. “Your mum knows things even before they’ve happened. I’m convinced she has a gift of sorts, a sixth sense. Which means I can’t hide anything from her.” He touched Mum’s cheek tenderly.
“Indeed, and it comes in handy sometimes,” she said. “I think you’re like me Katriina, and Lyssa is like you. Nurture these instincts, listen out and invite them into your heart. It can’t do any harm and it could make all the difference.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It means so much to hear that. I knew you’d understand me. You always have.” Then I added. “Max doesn’t.”
“Sometimes we have to do what we believe is right despite what other people think.” She tilted her head and a wisp of hair fell over her eyes. She tucked it behind her ear. “We never watch the ten o’clock news, but I insisted we watch it last night.”
Dad took Mum’s hand. “It’s a mother’s instinct, there’s something in it.”
I went to my room to check for messages on my iPad, but other than offers of help and another concerned message from Rosie, I found nothing of any importance. From my bedroom window I looked out at the valley, its splendour marred today by a mist that swirled like the turmoil within me.
“Where are you, Lyssa? Talk to me. If you can hear me – shout. Shout as loud as you can.” My breath fell softly against the cold windowpane.
“Katriina.”
I spun around. “What is it?”
Dad appeared in the doorway. “Will you be all right if we go to the store? There isn’t much in the fridge, and I’ll get some fuel. One of us can stay.”
“It’s OK Dad. You can both go.”
The sound of the tyres crunched across the gravel and faded to nothing. The house fell silent, and I heard the faint whir of the wind turbine and the gentle whistle of the wind as it coiled its way around the house. I felt relief to be alone and to think things through with no one to have to talk to. As I walked back upstairs, each step seemed bigger and steeper. I opened the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine and poured myself a large glass. I hoped it might take the edge off an unbearable ache that ripped
through me. In the living room I sat on the window seat, lifted my knees and gazed into the mist that skulked around the house and veiled the hillside like a shroud. There were still so many missing pieces of the puzzle, but the scattered fragments had shifted and rearranged themselves so that the all-important four corners were almost in place. I sensed the outer edges as they slid towards their proper places.
My isolation was short-lived when I saw Max’s car returning up the drive. Thinking they must have heard something to be home so soon, I set down my glass and shot onto the landing.
“Mum?” Louis shouted, and slammed the front door behind him.
“Up here.”
He ran up two steps at a time.
My heart hammered. “What is it?”
“I wanted to know where you were. Grandad’s car’s gone, and I was worried.”
“They’ve gone to the store. I thought you and Dad were staying at the station?”
“Dad wanted to come home, but then he realised he needed petrol.”
“He could have filled up on your way back. Now we don’t have a car if we need one.”
“But you didn’t have one anyway with Gran and Grandad out. Dad’s coming straight back.”
“Fine,” I said, and felt tears sting my eyes. “Why don’t you go and relax in your room? Do some revision or get your PlayStation out? It might take your mind off things.”
“I doubt it.” Louis kicked off his trainers. He fought back tears as he walked downstairs, his shoulders slumped.
I swallowed the last drop of wine and lay back on the window seat. I thought about Max. Why was I feeling suspicious again? Was this another of his weird disappearing acts? Rather than calm my nerves the wine only made me feel queasy and lightheaded. It occurred to me that I shouldn’t be drinking at all, and I knew I had finally lost my mind. Max already thought so, he’d said as much. If I was pregnant why did it have to be now? My legs trembled as I walked to the kitchen. I poured a glass of water and sipped it slowly until the walls no longer swayed. I tried to get my head around all that had happened during the past two days, and now the sightings of my car near Loch Lomond. They were significant, but why Loch Lomond? I sobbed, knowing that all of this was my fault. If only we had left home on time. Changing my shoes had cost us precious minutes and put us in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it was stupid of me to leave her alone in the car. Now Lyssa had paid the price for my mistakes.
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