It was good to hear her voice. I wasn’t sure if she’d become catatonic after Kaz’s evaluation of her condition.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘it looks like it’s just you and me Deb. Pony’s a ghoul.’
‘A ghoul?’
‘Yeah, remember Horse?’
‘Yep,’ she said, and almost tipped the bike with her laughter. ‘I remember, “Horsey put ya tail up”.’
‘Apparently,’ I said, after regaining control of the bike, ‘he was a ghoul, and he made Pony a ghoul. We don’t know how, or why. Personally, I think it was a mistake and Pony became a ghoul when Horse was decapitated by Bob, the eradicator, with his despatulator, while Horse and Pony were doin’ the “saddle-saddle bang bang”, as Pony calls it.’
‘Oh, Horse,’ Deb said with a laugh. She also appeared a little confused about it all. ‘I dreamt about him last Saturday night… in a… let’s say… naughty way.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, wistfully longing to not hear about her dream. ‘Anyway, as I said, Horse is dead, shot with a despatulator.’
‘A what?’ Deb asked. ‘Evidently, I’m not up on the details.’
I proceeded to give her the reader’s digest version of what’d been going on.
‘A despatulator is a home-made weapon used by a podgy little old man, who’d been running around with cutlery hanging off him, that he also uses… sorry… used… for weapons. But it’s okay! Ann cut off his head, and Pony ate the body. You all caught up now?’
Silence, there was only silence. I get that a lot. I don’t understand it. I only tell the truth, and not my truth, the truth as it is presented to me.
‘Deb? Deb?’ I called a few times but got no reply. I was hoping I hadn’t broken her when I asked, ‘Are you still with us?’
‘Yeah, I’m here,’ she eventually said loud enough for everyone to hear. ‘I was just thinking, I knew it! I knew Ann was the bad one. You know how sometimes with twins there’s a good one and a bad one? I always knew I was the good one.’
‘I didn’t mean too,’ Ann’s distressed voice rose from the trailer. ‘I’m not the bad one. It was all a horrible accident.’
‘Yeah, yeah, sure it was,’ Deb said laughing so hard, she almost tipped the bike again.
I wondered if her uncontrollable laughter was just her way of digesting the information. Poor choice of words maybe, but you get the idea. Everyone seemed to be taking everything way too well. It was worrying to say the least. Especially since I too was taking everything in my stride.
We hit Albert Street, which was long and all downhill. It gave me time to think for a few seconds, and time to look around. I’d not been to that part of town before, so was winging it by trying to stay on dark roads. For all I knew, I’d been taking us out of town again.
‘If there aren’t any streetlights it’s much better for a clean getaway,’ I thought.
Why I’d started thinking like some sort of b-grade TV villain from the seventies, I don’t know. Maybe it’d always been there in the background, just waiting for an opportunity. Then “Kabam”, ‘Josephine shall be playing the role of Stephanie the Stocking Pilferer in tonight’s exciting episode of Villainously Vexed Vixens. Proudly brought to you by Silky, the stocking that’s fit for a run, but not a ladder.’
As we neared the bottom of Albert Street Deb said she could see a small park ahead of us. I put one heel on the road and slowed the bike, before dropping the other heel to bring us to an easy glide as we neared the only street light. It looked like the globe was on its way out, because it only cast a dull spotlight on the ground beneath the pole. I cruised into the park only to find sleeping bodies scattered all over the grass, and some were on picnic tables.
‘Deb,’ I whispered, ‘can you get off and help me get the bike to an empty table? I don’t want to get Pony and Ann off until I know we’re in the clear.’
‘Yep,’ she said and climbed off. Taking hold of the handlebars at their centre, Deb pulled the bike while I pedalled.
The tarp covering one of Pony’s legs must’ve pulled back, because I was able to use her glow to help guide my way. Coming to a stop, I heard tired voices complaining about it.
‘Hey, turn that light off man…’
‘What the hell is that?’
I got off the bike and parked it near a spare table, then made my way to the trailer. Pony’s glow was spilling out from under the tarp.
‘Ann?’ I asked in a whisper. ‘Can you get off without lifting the tarp?’
‘Yep, I can do that,’ she whispered.
As Ann got off, I kept Pony covered to try to limit the number of people complaining about her light, the last thing I wanted to do was scare anyone. Once the trailer was covered, I tucked Pony in and reassured her with a gentle pat.
‘Everything’s alright. Can you please stay under the tarp until we find a place where you can get out?’ I asked.
‘Yep,’ said Pony who sounded a little scared.
‘I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t be afraid; we’ll look after you.’
‘Okay, Jo. Lub Pony?’
‘Yep. Shush now.’
I walked to the picnic table next to the bike where the others had all taken a seat.
‘I knew it,’ I said to Ann and Kaz, trying to keep my voice low. ‘If Pony doesn’t have a glow, then what are they complaining about?’
‘Your radiant beauty?’ quipped Kaz, and everyone but me had a quiet laugh.
‘What the hell’s gotten into you?’ I growled, more than whispered at Ann.
‘I don’t know,’ she said.
I have to admit a chill ran up my spine as she spoke. That usually only happens when Kaz speaks.
‘I keep seeing Pony eating Bob,’ she continued, ‘the despatulator flying through the air, and even though I didn’t mean to, I feel very alright about what I did. I feel kind of… alright inside. You know?’
‘Shush,’ said Deb while grabbing my arm. ‘What is that?’
I turned to see what was going on, then thought I heard a familiar noise coming our way.
‘Shut up,’ Kaz said, with unusual panic in her voice, then I watched her slip down under the table. Looking behind me to see what the hell was going on, everyone fell silent. Then I heard the terrifying sound of clanging cutlery.
‘God,’ I whispered, ‘is that what I think it is? What the hell Ann, I thought you and Pony sorted Bob. I mean we watched his head roll to a stop about three feet from his body. We watched Pony eat him. We all saw that, didn’t we? It wasn’t just me, was it?’
‘Nope, we all saw it,’ Kaz whispered from under the table.
‘Kaz, what are you doing under there?’ I asked.
‘I don’t want whoever it is to recognise us.’
‘Get up,’ I said. ‘Who’s going to recognise you?’
I heard her grumble something, then saw her head begin to rise above the table-top. Before climbing back up, she rested her eyes just above it to take a look around. Eventually, she made it to the seat.
‘Who the hell is making that noise?’ I asked. ‘There must be another eradicator? Shit! I hope there’s not one at every park.’
‘There is,’ a soft voice whispered in my ear.
‘What? Who said that?’ I asked, looking around at my friends. I couldn’t see anything except what looked like a mosquito buzzing in and out of the darkness.
‘It wasn’t any of us,’ said Ann.
I followed the mosquito to the table top, then watched as it grew in size. It wasn’t a mosquito. I wasn’t sure what it was so leaned in for a closer look.
‘It looks like a faery,’ I murmured. ‘Although it can fly, it doesn’t have wings.’
Before I could finish my examination it disappeared, then reappeared on a tree branch above the table.
It was a twelve inch female with long white hair. It was so long she wore it as a dress. Her eyes were a piercing blue. They were almost translucent, and her teeth were small and sharp. They looked like they could do some damage… to
a bird!
Before I said or did anything else, I’d begun to think I might’ve had a psychotic break. It wouldn’t be out of the bounds of my new reality.
‘What the hell are you? I’m sorry, I mean, who the hell are you?’ I asked, sounding much harsher than I’d meant to, but my mind was screaming, ‘What now?’
I calmed down and took another few deep breaths.
‘At this rate, I may pass out due to hyperventilation,’ I thought as I felt a little lightheaded with the last breath. I couldn’t help wondering if we were going to meet the whole gambit of freaky shit.
The faery appeared on the table in front of me and didn’t say a word. It looked like she was examining me. The silence went on for a while… until I snapped that was.
‘Who the hell are you?’ I asked again in a whisper. ‘What the hell are you, and who’s walking around the park with Bob’s cutlery?’
‘I am Vila, and this is my Garden of Men. I watch over their sleeping forms and catch their breath as it leaves their bodies to make them rest well.’
‘What about homeless women? Do you care for them too? Shouldn’t it be, “Vila’s Garden of People”?’
She’d gone back to looking me over and seemed deep in thought again.
‘No,’ she said, and had a look on her little face which said she wasn’t going to talk about it anymore.
‘What are you then?’ I asked. ‘I don’t mean to be rude, and I’m sorry for swearing at you, but I’ve had a bit of a day. I’ve never seen something, or someone like you before.’
‘I go by many names,’ she said. ‘Some call me imp, others daemon. Many believe me a witch. I don’t mind what you think I am, because it does not matter.’
‘She doesn’t want to tell you what she is,’ said Brain.
‘Yeah. I got that Brain.’
She was looking at me closely, then raised a tiny eyebrow before continuing.
‘You look like the type of person who’d think me, witch,’ she said. ‘Yes, witch will do nicely for you.’
‘Okay, witch it is,’ I said. ‘So, who the hell is walking around here with forks and spoons?’
‘That is Eric,’ Vila said. ‘He wanders through my Garden searching for otherworldly creatures who would do them harm, and kills them.’
She fluttered her eyelashes and shifted her position slightly. Evidently, she wasn’t as comfortable sitting there as she made out.
‘He cannot see me,’ said Vila. ‘I do not allow him to see me. I am too fast for his sight as I tend to my men. You only see me because I allow it, and I allow it because you have a ghoul. Why do you have a ghoul?’
I looked at the trailer to make sure Pony was still covered, and noticed the others had moved from the table, and were at the other end of the bike. They were sitting on the ground quietly talking to each other. So I was doing all the talking… again.
‘Alright,’ I said. ‘This is it. We don’t have a ghoul. We have a friend who is a ghoul. There’s a difference.’
‘Is there?’ Vila asked. ‘I have never met a ghoul who was a friend before. What makes your ghoul a friend?’
‘Our ghoul,’ I said, ‘was our friend before she became a ghoul. That’s why she’s our friend.’
‘Oh, she has been made,’ Vila said, with an inquiring look on her face, and a smile on her lips. Then she disappeared.
Looking around, I found her sitting on top of the jackets covering Pony.
‘She is not quite a ghoul yet then,’ she said, shimmering on the table in front of me.
I heard the girls quietly whimper from the back of the bike, where I was sure they were hiding because I could still hear Eric walking around. I looked over and saw Kaz had positioned herself at the top end of the trailer, should she need to roll under it I supposed. It sounded like he was getting closer. But as usual, once my curiosity was piqued, I didn’t know when to shut up. To be fair, Vila did seem to have information that could ultimately help us understand Pony’s condition.
‘What do you mean, “not quite a ghoul yet”?’ I asked, looking around for Vila. She’d disappeared from the table, and I couldn’t see her anywhere.
‘There,’ said Ann, pointing to Vila’s long white hair draped over the jackets covering Pony.
‘I’ve never seen a made ghoul before,’ Vila said, and began to lift a piece of the old tarp for a look. ‘What must she taste like I wonder?’
She lifted the tarp over Pony’s head. Getting up from my seat, I rushed to the trailer. I reached it just in time to push the tarp back down and gave Pony a reassuring pat. Vila laughed a strangely deep laugh for one so small, and was suddenly on the branch over the table again.
‘You stay away from her,’ I said. ‘She’s not for you, she’s our friend, and we won’t let you catch her breath, whatever that means.’
I saw the girls had stood up and were standing around the trailer.
‘Keep an eye on Pony, and don’t let the witch catch her breath,’ I whispered.
‘Hmm, what must she be to warrant such loyalty?’ Vila asked.
The sounds of Eric’s cutlery began clanging nearer to the bike, and I saw the trailer shake. I knew Pony was frightened, but she was better off where she was, until we could get away from the park. I was concerned that moving her might’ve alerted Eric to her presence.
‘Hey, who’s there?’ he called. ‘If ya be of this world make ya self-known, or I’ll eradicate ya.’
Vila disappeared just as an old fella who could have been Bob’s twin, bumped into the trailer knocking Kaz over, and dislodged a couple of jackets. A little of Pony’s glow shone through, but he was too busy looking at Kaz on the ground to see it. As soon as it happened, the jackets moved back to cover her, as if by magic. Then I saw Vila’s long white hair fall between them, and a small blue eye winked at me as she disappeared under the tarp.
‘What the hell girls?’ I asked, pointing to the little blue eye disappearing beneath the jackets. ‘You had one job!’
There were blank looks all around. It was like no-one heard anything I ever said, and they’re all surprised when things go bad. I was glaring at them through the darkness, and began thinking all that was missing was a neon sign above their heads that said “vacancy”.
‘Try to keep an eye on Ann then,’ I said, hoping they could at least do that.
‘Jo’s a little uptight tonight,’ I heard Deb say.
‘Up freakin tight!’ I thought. ‘You haven’t seen anything yet.’
‘I know,’ said Ann. ‘I don’t know why!’
My mouth fell open, and for a few moments I was catching flies. Picking Bob off her freakin’ blazer was the top thought running through my mind, and I so wanted to say something, but feared if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop.
Selective freakin’ memories! How I’d love to forget the last few hours too.
Secrets
All I asked was for the girls to keep an eye on Ann. My manner might’ve sounded brusque, but they’d already failed in keeping Vila away from Pony. Sure, Eric had knocked Kaz to the ground, but that’s when they should’ve made double sure that Pony was covered, and not being breath raped by a twelve-inch witch.
I had no idea what was up Kaz’s arse, nor what was going on under the tarp. Then the next thing I knew, they’re calling me uptight! I would have gotten into it with the twins, but then it becomes a thing, and I just wasn’t in the mood. I was pissed off they couldn’t perform small tasks such as protecting Pony.
It was too late to go digging around in the trailer because the eradicator was standing right next to them reaching for Kaz. He was trying to help her to her feet, but she seemed to recoil at his touch. Once she was standing, she almost knocked Ann over while trying to hide behind her.
‘Here Ann,’ said Deb. ‘Hold my hand, we’ll keep you safe.’
‘What? No!’ I whispered through gritted teeth while thinking something completely different. ‘You need to keep an eye on Ann, to keep Eric safe.’
�
��Oh! Okay,’ said Deb.
‘God, it’s amazing we’ve made it this far Brain.’
‘If intelligence is in the genes Josephine, you are the only one wearing any,’ he laughed.
‘Ah,’ I thought, ‘a little intellectual humour.’
Eric watched and listened to our discussion. He was looking us over, probably checking to see who among us was not of this world.
‘Who the hell are you?’ I asked the Bob double, even though I knew exactly who he was.
‘I be Eric,’ he said menacingly, ‘and this be my plot.’
He didn’t sound as nice as Bob. I knew he could be a problem but hoped things wouldn’t get that bad.
‘Plot? What do you mean plot?’ I asked. ‘There’s nothing here but people trying to get to sleep, and you’re walking around banging and clanging. It’s a wonder anyone can sleep with all your noise. What are you doing here?’
‘This be my plot missy,’ Eric said in a more threatening tone.
His right eye twitched when he said, ‘missy,’ and I didn’t think he was used to repeating himself either because he’d begun to sneer as he twitched. I wanted to say something sassy just to see if I could make him twitch again.
‘I watch over the sleepin’ an keep tha creepies away from ‘em at night.’
He looked me up and down in a way that scared me a little. It was as if he was trying to figure out whether to kill or talk, to me. Luckily for him, he chose the latter.
‘What be you and your friend’s doing all alone ‘ere in tha dark? What ya up to then?’ he asked with the same slight Scottish brogue as Bob.
Things were feeling very twilight zonish.
He was dressed almost identically to Bob, with his khaki army pants with pockets up and down each leg, a long-sleeved blue flannelette shirt, and black singlet. His hat though, well that was different. It was a home-made knitted black wool beanie, with two flashlights sewn into it, one on either side of his head. He was armed with the same type of compound bow Bob had, and, it was loaded with the now infamous despatulator.
Eric shone his torches over the girls, then the trailer before looking back to me.
Josephine Marlin and The Alternatives Page 10