‘You had better start trying to find a way out, Josephine,’ said Brain, who’s a master of stating the bleeding obvious.
‘I didn’t want to try the tunnels to the left, because of the growls coming from one of them.’
‘What is left then?’ said Brain. ‘Right, left, front and rear! I’ve calculated that there are five in nine chances of failure.’
‘What about the other four?’ I asked, feeling shrill again, dreading the answer.
‘Those I have calculated as being three chances of injury or death, and one for escape.’
I know Brain couldn’t see the look on my face, but I’m sure he realised I wasn’t impressed with his calculations.
‘Nine tunnels,’ I mused. ‘One, or even two could lead me back to the girls, and knowing my luck, the exit is in one of the tunnels to my left.’
Looking down, I noticed water had begun to cover my shoes. I couldn’t continue procrastinating.
‘That one,’ I said, pointing to a tunnel directly in front of me.
Walking around the fire, I took seven slow steps to the entrance. Looking in, it was pitch-black. I couldn’t see where it went. As I stepped inside, I felt what I was certain were cobwebs, wrap around my face and hair. Stopping, instead of screaming and running out like a little girl, I began wiping my hand, arms, and the amphora across my face to clear them away.
‘What an excellent use for the Amphora of Souls, Josephine. I am certain no-one would have thought to use such an ancient artefact to wipe cobwebs away.’
‘What’s that?’ I said, lifting my hand to the top of my head in an angry gesture, but there was only silence from Brain.
Feeling around in the dark while brushing away what felt like spiders from my hair, I knew my ewwww dance in the tunnel was louder this time. Shaking my head, I began flicking my hair back and forwards trying to jerk enough to knock those little buggers out of my hair. The deeper I ran into the tunnel, the thicker the cobwebs became, and I’d begun to wonder how big the mamma spider was going to be as I ran fearlessly into the jaws of death.
‘What the hell’s at the end of this tunnel?’ I had thought as I flicked my hair forwards again to wipe away the webs, when my head came to a sudden stop.
I don’t know how fast I’d been running, but it was fast enough for me to smack my head against a solid rock wall. I hit the wall so hard, that warm blood had begun to tickle my forehead as it oozed from a large gash down one side.
Wiping the blood from my eyes, I didn’t bother checking the wound because it’d already closed, and my dizzy spells had begun to ease. Feeling around in the darkness, I realised it was just a dead-end, and made my way back to the light of the cavern, that was quickly filling with water.
‘Try another tunnel, Josephine. At this rate, drowning will definitely be part of your future,’ nagged Brain.
I knew I needed to go down another tunnel, but which one? I couldn’t see any snakes in the water, so I lay down in it for a moment to wash away the blood and cobwebs. I also picked up a small rock from the base of the fire and scratched an ‘X’ into the arch of the one I’d already tried.
Stepping into the archway to the right of it, I used the firelight to see for as long as I could. I’d made a conscious decision not to panic, so walked with a healthy fear through the cobwebs without thinking about the mamma spider at all… until I was in the dark again. Then the tunnel took a sudden dip downwards, and from what I could feel along the wall as I slid on the thick steel core of my heels, it opened into a small cavern. It wasn’t a way out because there wasn’t any light or even fresh air. I came to a stop that my ski instructor would have been proud of, and took a step into a much wider area. That’s when my foot slid out from under me.
I tried to steady myself by reaching for anything to hold to, on my way down, but one hand wasn’t enough. I’d fallen into something slimy, stinky and vomit worthy. Feeling uncertain about what I’d stepped in, and hoping it wasn’t another decomposing forest creature, I stopped wriggling around when I smelled something familiar.
‘Is that bleach? No… What is that smell Brain?’ I asked, guessing it was ammonia before Brain could answer. It smelled like the ladies room on a Monday after the cleaners had been through, though I didn’t think the cleaners would use whatever the hell I was lying in to clean the ladies. I certainly hoped not anyway!
‘Come on Brain; we watch Animal Planet all the time. What smells like ammonia and lives in a cave?’
‘I believe the answer you are looking for is guano, bat guano if I am not mistaken… and I rarely am.’
‘Oh my God! Guano?’ I said barely holding back the vomit.
‘Yes Josephine, and it only pools like this when mixed with bat urine, lots of bat urine,’ said an almost merry Brain. ‘I propose at this stage; you tell yourself it is great for your complexion.’
I’d hit panic because I’d been lying in guano for quite some time, and couldn’t find anything to grab hold of to help me stand up to get out of the pit. That’s when I heard something odd…
That’s never good.
‘What is that?’ I asked.
‘I am not sure Josephine, but I think we should get out of here.’
‘I agree,’ I said, just as I found what felt like a vine. Pulling myself to my feet, I stepped back into the tunnel as the noise grew louder, and the vine in my hand began to wriggle.
‘What the…’ I screamed and let go of what I presume was a snake. My shoe slid out from under me and I hit the rock and guano urine covered floor, with my chin. I hit the ground so hard, my head actually bounced.
I scrambled out of the it on all fours and once I was far enough away, I was able to stand again. Then I heard something.
‘What the hell is that noise? What the hell’s going on Brain?’
‘Run Josephine, just run!’ Brain shrieked in my head.
I have to say; I’d never heard Brain shriek before, it took my panic to a whole new level. Although the guano on the soles of my lace-ups were sliding out from under me, I remained remarkably upright as I skidded back down the tunnel towards my fire.
Ascent
The further I ran, slipped, skidded and slid, the closer the noise moving through the tunnel behind me sounded. Reaching the fire lit cavern, I dived into the knee-deep water covering the floor, twisting as I did, to ensure I’d landed on my back. It was a less than graceful high dive from a low rock, all to keep the amphora safe.
I turned just in time to see a large swarm of bats fly out. Floating in the water for a while, I watched as they collected on the roof.
‘Get up Josephine,’ said Brain. ‘The water is getting deeper.’
With the small rock still grasped in my hand, I swam as quiet as I could to the arch, and scraped an ‘X’ into it. I’d just made it to my feet when the growling I’d heard when I first entered the cavern, got louder.
‘Oh God!’ I said. ‘What is that? And can it swim?’
Whatever was growling, was nearer, and was coming out. I moved closer to the fire pit in the hopes of using it for protection, but the creature appeared to have stopped. I tried to get a look into its tunnel without moving from the relative safety that the fire provided. Stretching around, I looked to see something looking back at me.
‘What the fuck is that Brain?’
‘You are asking me? Look, remember, if you die, you will come back to life.’
‘That’s not a comfort Brain. Every time I die, it freakin’ hurts!’
‘I do not wish to burst your bubble, water pun is intended, but we do need to get out of here, so pick a tunnel and run!’
‘Easy for you to say,’ I said, still looking at those eyes peering out from the darkness.
‘That tunnel,’ I thought and waded from the fire pit to an opening just to the right of the last one.
Looking back at those eyes, I realised they were waiting to see what I was going to do, because they were following me. I tried to come up with a workable escape plan. Wh
atever was growling and watching, hadn’t yet moved, and the bats on the roof seemed happy enough where they were. I was about to go into the tunnel when what had been watching me, came running out at a pretty good speed considering the depth of the water.
I went straight to snake mode and stood very still. I was hoping its visual acuity was based on movement (Don’t laugh, it’s worked for me in the past.), but I couldn’t be that lucky.
‘Nope, not based on movement,’ I screamed as it began charging me. If it weren’t for the water, it would’ve already rammed me into the rock wall, or worse, carried me down one of the tunnels.
It was an odd-looking creature, with short tawny coloured fur all over its body, and had what looked like a mane around its neck. If I were in Africa, I’d swear it was a cross between a hippopotamus and a lion. I couldn’t see its eyes in the firelight but knew they were black against its fur. It also had two raised peeks either side of its widespread face.
I saw its tusks though, they weren’t elephant tusks but looked like they could do some damage, and it was almost upon me. Every time I moved, it’d change direction and make a low growling noise. It sounded like a snort, and I was certain it was some type of pig.
It was so close I could’ve leaned forward and touched its snout. Petrified, I was examining it when suddenly time must’ve been up, because it charged me. I readied myself for death by standing stock still with my eyes closed. I brought my left knee up as an instinctive act of self-preservation and waited for it to hit.
‘Maybe when I come back,’ I thought, ‘it’ll be gone.’
‘What if it knows the way out?’ asked Brain, just as it reached me.
I don’t know who was more surprised, Brain, me or the pig, when it ran straight through me. It was like I wasn’t even there. I took the opportunity to pick my feet up and began moving through the water much quicker than moments earlier. Again, it charged me and ran through me and hit the wall behind me. That knocked it off its trotters.
‘What the…?’ said Brain, as I turned to look at it. It was dazed and looked as confused as I felt.
‘That’s a big pig,’ I thought, watching it shake its mane, before setting me up again. It only took a moment to right itself before charging. I didn’t move because I was still wondering what the hell had happened.
Before I had time to do anything, it came for me again. Once again it ran straight through me. The pig continued charging me for a while, it kept getting up, and I’d just wait for it to pass through. Either I got tired, or, the pig got tired.
Completely baffled by what was going on, I decided to wait to see where it would go, against Brains vocal protestations. I don’t think you quite appreciate how loud Brain can get inside my small human skull. If he thinks I’m not listening, he builds a little shake-up until I have a migraine… From… Hell…
‘It was you,’ I accused Brain. ‘It was you trying to make me wake up this morning. You gave me a migraine!’
He ignored my accusation. The water was rising, and he kept insisting we’d better try another tunnel, rather than dwell on the past. After my guano bath, I’d decided the pig would eventually flee the water and was prepared to wait for it to make that decision.
‘Why are you not listening to me?’ Brain asked.
‘Because Brain, the We said to listen to you when you are right, but not to listen to you when you are wrong. I happen to think you’re wrong! And I’m dwelling for a minute, so stop pestering me.’
‘Well, look at you. One visit to the We and you are all-knowing,’ Brain sulked. ‘I suppose you are now happy to swim with those snakes, spiders, and ants over there, flushing through that tunnel. Oh and of course the mole rats swimming towards you? But of course, you just dwell while the rest of us wait to die… again!’
‘Geez, you’re dramatic Brain. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Like rats fleeing a sinking ship”?’
‘Yes…’
‘Well, here we go,’ I said before he could finish.
The pig ran or swam, to one of the tunnels, so did the mole rats. I was making my way in before the snakes and spiders could reach me, and had just taken hold of the top of the arch, and put my head into the tunnel when I heard the bats. Looking up, I watched as they swooped down. The water was waist height, I knew there was still room for them to fly out through the tunnel, so I’d decided to step aside and let them pass.
While deciding where to move, I looked up just as they hit, and like the pig, they flew straight through me and left through the same tunnel. After my initial gasp, I wasn’t waiting for an invitation, so moved into the tunnel.
The tunnel was flat and full of cobwebs, but most were being torn down by the flowing water and flipping animals. There was a turn, a slight incline, then a sudden drop. I fell a few feet into the deep water, and couldn’t see a thing. I began to panic, then realised it wasn’t going to do anything except make things worse, so began swimming against a hard and fast current, to hopefully the other side. I took hold of a small rock outcrop, held tight, and waited for the water to rise, and lift me to the path so I could to continue my escape.
It was all just instinct at that point. I couldn’t see, and couldn’t move. I just had to wait. Everything was swimming with, and around me. It was a hope that the pig got out before the water got too deep. Otherwise, he was under me somewhere.
As the water rose, my feet found a ridge to stand on. I was able to climb a little and felt around with my free hand for something to hold on to while hugging the amphora tight against my chest. The sounds of the creatures hitting the water behind me weren’t as terrifying as it first was, because I knew we were all fighting to escape the water.
Who would’ve thought I’d be trying to escape fresh and clean flowing water all those hours ago? Not me, that’s for sure!
The water was gushing under a large rock just below my feet. I knew because I’d almost got sucked into it. Most of the animals trying to escape were being washed back into the cave, although, the bats would’ve made it out. I don’t know how long I’d waited for the water to rise, but by the time it did, I had mole rats and snakes flipping around and touching me, and stuff.
‘Finally!’ I said as the river rose high enough to wash me on to the pathway. Half swimming, half crawling along a flat surface for a while, I reached an incline and tried scrambling up it.
You know the phrase; taking two steps forward and one step backwards? I was actually living the phrase.
‘This is it Brain,’ I said excitedly. ‘We’re almost out.’
‘Do not count your chickens, Josephine.’
‘What does that mean? We’re going somewhere.’
‘Yes!’ said Brain. ‘But where?’
Ignoring him, I kept crawling along while holding tight to the amphora, wondering if Brain had an off switch. Reaching a spot where most of the roof rocks had fallen in, I climbed over them only to find I was still inside the cave.
‘How many freakin’ levels to this cave are there,’ I thought through my frustration. I climbed over a lot of rocks before finding the other side of the tunnel.
I stopped when the sound of falling rocks echoed from where I’d come from, and I was about to continue moving forward when the path ahead of me began to collapse. It was rapidly filling with water. I held tight to a large rock and contemplated what to do next. I wasn’t worried about snakes anymore. I knew there would be all sorts of creatures flowing along with the current.
I carefully put one foot into the water. I was unsure if the current was strong enough to drag me back into the cave.
‘Will I get dragged back in only to wake with my body smashed and broken on a pile of rocks?’ I thought. ‘Or, what if I hit the water, knock my head on the way down, and drown? I’d still wake to find my broken body on a pile of rocks inside the cave somewhere.’
Things were not looking good.
‘I could try to jump across,’ I thought, wondering how large the gap between me and the other side was. ‘It
’s not like I could measure anything by sight… cause it was so freakin’ dark.’
‘It is snakes, or you die,’ said Brain. ‘If you die, you will just wake up here again.’
‘Have you not been following my thoughts Brain? Snakes are the last thing I’m worried about. What if I jump into the water, and get pulled back into the caves?’
‘This is your way out,’ said Brain, ‘the way you insisted on, now you just need to be brave enough to jump or swim. You have swum in much worse tonight, why is it so different now?’
‘Farrk!’ I yelled while taking off my blouse to wrap around the amphora. I climbed down on to some rather perilous rocks and stopped when my feet began to get pulled along with the water.
Lowering myself in, I held tight to the rocks and fought against the flow. I could feel the odd animal getting swept back into the cave, and before too long, my head was touching the roof as the water rose. Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself under, and hopefully to the other side, where I took hold of what I thought could be the lip of the tunnel I needed to get back on. The tunnel’s entrance was much higher than the side I was on. I knew that because I was climbing upwards when it all began to crumble.
After several smacks to the back of my head by the roof, I eventually found a place to come up for air, but still couldn’t feel the path beneath me. I was about to go back under to try for escape when animals began to bump into me.
Ducking back under the water, I was hoping the creepies would reach the path, and leave before I had to come back up for air. No matter what was happening, I needed to get on the path sooner, rather than later. I was being battered around by the gushing water, and it was rising fast. I knew it wouldn’t be too long before I couldn’t find anywhere at all to come up for air.
Still holding tight to the lip, I was only just fighting off the current. Suddenly, I felt the water began to rapidly rise above the rock beneath my feet, and start to lift me. It didn’t take long before I could get back on the pathway to freedom.
Josephine Marlin and The Alternatives Page 25