by Aine Massie
“Anya had another memory break loose,” Nicholas explained. Turning back to me, he continued, “You really have always been violently against killing to live? Wow.” Nicholas had the strangest glint in his eye as he looked at me. “I understand to a point but why were you out so long this time?”
“Time? What do you mean?”
“Um, it’s been nearly twenty minutes since you fell.”
“It has?” So long – but why?
“Declán’s late for his meeting. I couldn’t convince him to go on until you came back to us.” The smirk that was playing at the edges of Nicholas’s lips was amusing, even through this infuriating haze.
“What?” Declán asked indignantly. “I’m not supposed to worry when I watch her fall down the stairs and appear to be choking or gagging? Ha–ha. Not. Gonna. Happ’n!” Declán retorted, eyes narrowing.
“Boys, please. Declán, a ghrá, you shouldn’t get in trouble before you’ve even started college. I’ll be fine. It’s always very jarring when this happens. Don’t worry.” I looked to Nicholas hoping he would back me up on this. Declán should not be here for a bit.
“She’s right, Dec. She’s always a bit disoriented and off right at first. You’ve just never witnessed this before. Remember how bad off she was for the first day or so after the last one? Go on, she’ll be fine.” Nicholas’s voice was certain as was his face, though he knew there was more to this that just disorientation.
Declán did not look happy as he realized he wasn’t going to win. “Fine, I’ll go, but I will be back as soon as I can.” He bent to kiss my forehead lightly, glowered at Nicholas, and then stomped out, pouting.
Once we could hear his truck safely away, Nicholas turned on me. “Fine, I covered for you, which I don’t like doing, by the way. Declán deserves the truth,” he continued. “But love, I don’t really understand what happened. Declán was worried because we can’t take you to the hospital, obviously, but no one else was here to ask.”
“I did kind of notice the lack of others around. I rather appreciate that not everyone saw that. But Nicholas, um . . . why do I hurt like this? Did you crush me trying to catch me or something?” The back of my head and right shoulder especially ached, on top of the strange, hollow feeling in my gut from the memory.
“I don’t know. You should not hurt, but then you shouldn’t have gone unconscious either. I’ve seen you go through this before, but this was terrifying.” Nicholas’s face abruptly changed to curiosity, “Though, getting to hear you think through your memory was interesting. Now I understand what he meant about you always being stubborn about hunting.”
“Nic?” I heard Jonathan call out.
“Who else would it be,” Nicholas called back. “Anya and I are in here.”
A few moments passed and then Jonathan and Geoff were both at the door, staring. “Anya, why do you look like that?” came Geoff’s rich voice. He and Jonathan flashed to our sides, both looking nervous. “What happened?”
“Well, if that isn’t the question of the hour,” I grumped with a sigh. Nicholas and I quickly ran through the events, me hoping they would have some clue as to why.
“Wow, what a memory to have. But, you mean you still hurt now? Physically I mean,” Geoff mused.
“I know, and yes Geoff, it still hurts. Jonathan, have you ever heard of such a thing? I mean, the memory issues, even the falling makes sense – sort of – considering I always blank out, but . . .”
“No, I have not, dear child. We’ll have to keep an eye on you,” Jonathan added.
“I know you just went hunting, but it should help heal you. I would suggest you hunt again, Anya. One of us can go with you,” Geoff added.
I didn’t like hunting all that much to begin with, hunting extra while being watched sounded even less appetizing.
“I’ll take her,” Nicholas chimed in quickly, wrapping an arm around me. He knew how uncomfortable it would make me. “But,” Nicholas added, suddenly looking wary, “Declán may get back before we do. He was very worried about Anya. It took both of us to convince him to go on to his meeting at the college.”
“We’ll let him know you took her out but that you will be back tonight,” Geoff smirked. He seemed to be enjoying some inside joke; Nicholas didn’t seem to appreciate whatever it was.
“Thanks,” Nicholas half growled. “Come on, Anya, before you’re not the only one having issues.” He carefully but swiftly pulled me into his arms and flitted me out the door.
This was entirely new, this strange sensation of pain. I knew what hunger was and what happened to me if I did not feed often enough – scary. I knew what fear was. However, the pain was intriguing. It wasn’t pleasant but rather a curious thing, this sense of vulnerability that seemed to come along with it. Every sensation seemed more accentuated, more real for some reason.
As I began to hunt, – Nicholas not joining me – I felt my fangs descend. Two little razor points touched my lower lip. With a shock, I realized that I had to focus much more than normal on moving from one state of being to another. It shouldn’t take so much focus.
Even more disconcerting was when the poor creature I was feeding upon, injured me with its antlers. I roared in anger, not pain. How could this mere mortal creature hurt me? It was only a scratch but still, impossible.
Once I finished, I practically flew back to the house. It angered me that the animal had hurt me even as the sensation fascinated me. Nicholas was right behind me, but I was so irrationally furious that I didn’t want to talk right away. I knew something was acutely wrong; not just some strange effect of my memories.
Everyone was downstairs when I came in, Nicholas hot on my heels. I came skidding to a stop just inside the front door. My irritation had faded, but my curiosity and strange fascination had not.
Everyone looked up, though Declán was the only one initially disturbed, at my appearance. Nicholas nearly toppled me, slamming into me as he caught a hold of my arms. He didn’t pause as he spun me around. His face was contorted, looking slightly crazed, the way his features twisted, and his eyes darted wildly across my form.
“Ow, Nicholas. Let go of me!” I demanded. His fingers were stabbing into my arms painfully.
Nicholas drew his hands away, lifting them as he backed up. “Jonathan, Amber . . . help!” Nicholas all but screamed.
Declán was already on his way to me, anger flashing across his face. He wasn’t looking at me, but rather was glowering at Nicholas – the thought ‘if looks could kill’ ran through my mind for a moment. “What did you do?” Declán bellowed. Jonathan, Amber, Geoffrey, and Peony were all present immediately.
Geoff placed himself between Nicholas and Declán, carefully, as Jonathan faced me. “What is going on? And why are you covered in blood?” I could see the panic in their faces, but I was so caught in the strange sensation that it took me a moment to speak.
“Wait, wait, this isn’t Nicholas’s fault.” I kept staring at the strange breaks in my arms – they were bleeding lazily. My blood was viscous as it slowly oozed where his nails had cut into me.
“Anya,” Jonathan snapped. His sharp rebuff helped me refocus.
“Sorry. Back off everyone.” I carefully reached toward Nicholas, though there were too many between us to touch him. “Nicholas, I’m sorry. It just hurt how hard you were grasping me.”
I pulled up my shirt, so they could see my strange, bleeding wound. The right side of my abdomen had a small gash. “This is why he’s freaking out.”
Declán all but decked Geoff, trying to get to me. Nicholas wasn’t much better trying to get back to me. I could hear the strangled gasps spread through them as the others stood frozen, staring.
“What . . . how did that happen?” Jonathan asked, struggling to regain his normal composure. “And why are you still bleeding?”
I knew it wasn’t normal, but then what about me was? “The antler, I wasn’t paying attention, and he gored me a little.” I shrugged, finding the sensations much more f
ascinating than the details of how it happened.
Jonathan, I believe deciding Nicholas would be easier to get information out of – even though he hadn’t spoken yet – turned to his son. “Nicholas, how did this happen? I know she was hurt earlier but honestly, I thought it was more from your rescue attempt than the fall. Did you see anything?”
The shock and horror hadn’t left Nicholas’s eyes, but he worked to answer as he knelt down to examine the wound in my side. “I took her hunting, just as suggested. Normally that should help heal and strengthen one of us,” he added flicking his eyes to Declán. “She was distracted as she hunted, like she said, but it was just a deer. She stared down at herself oddly for a moment and then took off back here. Her skin is injured,” he murmured gently touching the wound. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s all fascinating but has anyone noticed that she is still oozing blood? Shouldn’t we be more worried about that right now?” Amber interjected. She looked worried, but the appearance of impatience on her animated face was comical.
“Yes, sorry,” Jonathan answered. “Nic, if you’re not going to heal her yourself, then would you please move so one of us can?”
Nicholas shook his head for a moment, not in denial but confusion it seemed. “Right.” He then carefully cut his own hand and carefully smeared his blood across the wound in my side. I could see the blood mix with his and watched, again oddly fascinated, as the wound sealed. Geoff tended to my arms as quickly.
Poor Declán just stood there staring, looking truly frightened for the first time. I had never seen him look that way, not this severely, not even when he saw Geoff carrying Skye at the cemetery.
“Declán, really, he did nothing wrong. Please calm,” I begged.
Declán reached out taking Geoff’s hand, he was closer, turning it over to look where he’d cut it. “Where did the cut go?” He was looking back and forth between my arm and Geoff’s hand incredulously.
“We heal fast, Dec,” Geoff answered offhandedly. “Or, we usually do.”
“I don’t understand. Why is she hurting, bleeding, and acting so bizarrely?” Declán asked, wrapping his arms around me. He still seemed annoyed with Nicholas.
“Bizarrely indeed,” I huffed.
Nicholas chose to ignore me. “I don’t know, Declán; I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
“And this surprises you why? As if I have ever been normal,” I chided them both. “Personally, I find it fascinating.”
That seemed to set both Declán and Nicholas off as they turned to glower at me. It was rather disturbing, the way they looked at me. “Wait, don’t look at me like that, any of you. You all remember your life, all the sensations, feelings, discoveries and such of living. I don’t have all these, so yes, I find it fascinating – not like I want to go out and get hurt just to feel pain, but . . .” This didn’t seem to be winning them over either. Everyone was now looking at me like Star used to, early into this journey.
“Oh come on, like new sensations, even bad ones, wouldn’t be even slightly fascinating?”
“Well, I suppose, to a point,” Nicholas begrudgingly conceded. He was still eyeing me oddly. “I wish there was someone we could ask about this, but that would let others know there were some severe issues. We can’t afford that. It would encourage them to try again, forcefully I fear.”
“No, and that is a good point, Nicolas. This needs to stay between us for now, though if her condition continues to deteriorate, we may have to seek outside assistance.” Jonathan looked worried again, but not about my sanity at least.
“Um, I hate to say this, but maybe you shouldn’t be left alone until we figure this out,” Declán offered. “What if this had happened while you were driving alone? If normal things suddenly hurt you, I mean, what if you’d wrecked?” He flinched at the thought, as did Nicholas.
Chapter Twenty–One
The next few days were truly annoying. There was always someone with me. I wasn’t used to being around others this much, it was making me feel slightly claustrophobic. I did understand their worry; I was worried too. Who ever heard of an immortal having such issues? It was bizarre, even for me. What was more aggravating was the knowledge that if attacked, I would probably be unable to protect myself.
Nicholas had insisted that we talk after Declán was asleep on Saturday. I wasn’t sure why, but the way he had made his request made me uncomfortable. Normally I enjoyed the time alone with Nicholas. Of course, the fact that he and Geoff had been sniping at each other all week wasn’t helping my nerves.
“Can we go for a walk?” Nicholas inquired as I made it to his door. He was calmer than he had been earlier, thankfully, but there was still a strange edge to his voice.
“Sure,” I chimed as lightly as I could manage. I gently took his hand, pulling him towards the stairs. “But considering everything, can we take a more mundane way out?” I wasn’t sure about going out the window, as he seemed to prefer.
“I think I can manage,” he teased, finally smiling.
“Ah, that’s better. I’ve missed your smile. It lights up your entire face. Beautiful.” Nicholas turned his face away for a moment.
My speed didn’t seem overly affected, so it only took a moment to be outside, walking hand in hand together. “This is nice.”
“Huh? Yes, it is. In many ways, this feels like those early days, not knowing much about you, curiosity running rampant.” He gently squeezed my hand. He had been overly careful with me ever since the hunting incident.
“I’m curious too, a mhuirnín, but I also find it all to be fascinating. I know it seems to annoy you but, this is all so new.”
“I get that, I do. But, I worry you’re going to get hurt or worse. What if we can’t find a way to fix this?” I could hear the concern slipping back into his voice.
“I know, and I’m worried about you too. You’ve been very strange all week, and not just with me. You and Geoff have been having some kind of weird fight, you are overly protective with me, and you haven’t wanted to visit with or allow the girls to come over. They’re getting concerned about that, by the way.” He was being so strange. This was not the first time I had been outside, but this was the first time that it was for some reason other than to make me hunt more. I didn’t like the feeling of being so full.
“Sorry, Geoff is just getting on my nerves. He thinks he’s funny, but . . .,” Nicholas was nearly growling as he abruptly stopped.
I stopped walking, turning to get a clear view of him. Reaching up to touch his face – his eyes were livid – I tried again to convince him to let me know what the problem was. I wasn’t going to use my voice, though my abilities seemed normal, at least at night, thankfully. Why I was so severely disabled during the day, was beyond me. “Nicholas, what is it between the two of you. I don’t like seeing you so upset.”
“It’s nothing you need worry about,” he murmured, but he was hesitant. Something didn’t feel right.
“Sure it is, that’s why you keep growling at something he’s thinking. I won’t make you tell me, but it’s worrisome, as is the fact you seem to be staying away from Declán more than normal.”
Nicholas’ voice dropped slightly, “Sorry. I suppose I may have been reacting to Geoff poorly. Is Dec upset?”
“I’m not sure how he feels, not exactly. He’s been a little weird as well. I can’t say if it’s because of you being aloof or if it’s some issue of his own. I think this is one of those times you two have to sit down and talk over though. However, that still doesn’t answer why the fighting with Geoff.”
He sighed with a slightly sour look on his face. “Fine, I suppose it’s my fault for wanting to talk . . . means I have to let you talk too.” He chuckled darkly. “Geoff is being a pain about what happened between Declán and me. He thinks it’s funny and for some reason that really–” Nicholas stopped talking again, looking as if he was too upset to continue for a moment. “Sorry. It’s just he’s taking veritable pleasure in twisting
things, and it irritates me.”
“Wait, so this weird fight between you, is actually over Declán? Maybe it’s a guy thing, but I don’t understand. Why?”
“He’s just being a pain, starting with me about trying to ‘steal’ your human and such. He knew I was attracted to Declán already. It’s not that it’s a guy, as it would be with some humans but that he is yours.”
“That’s not terribly nice, and he’s not my human. I don’t own him. So you have been reluctant to be around Declán because of what Geoff said?” I understood being annoyed with Geoff, but why stay away from Declán?
“I don’t know, I guess I worried that you might see it that way too,” he mumbled.
“You’re silly. I told you; I was fine with everything that night. Besides, he attacked you first,” I teased, nudging him lightly.
“Am not,” he teased back. “Seriously, I was concerned that you might see it that way but not have wanted to say so to me.”
“If I was upset, I would have told you, I promise. So would you please ignore Geoff and stop ignoring Declán?”
“Yes,” he sighed. “I’m being an idiot, huh?”
“Ya think? But love, this isn’t what you wanted to talk about, is it?”
“No,” Nicholas sighed. “I wanted to spend some time together where we weren’t being lorded over. This issue of yours has everyone on pins and needles, and I cannot seem to get any time alone with you.
“The other thing was that if the girls are going to see you right now I would rather it be at night. They know a lot, but you are visibly off right now, especially in the light. Actually, I don’t want anyone to see you during the day. You’re looking weaker every day, not better. I’m really worried about if others find out about this, what they would do.”
“Yes, I keep hearing this worry. I suppose I can agree, but I do not like being . . . grounded. But, since no one can figure out what to do . . .” This was a point that was honestly beginning to worry me. Sunlight was starting to hurt my eyes – the other reason I hadn’t gone out lately – on top of everything else. I’m supposed to be this powerful, lethal leader, and here I am, nearly incapacitated, having to look to everyone else to protect me. Some help I am. And with that thought went my mood. I’ve become just another liability, as if my memory issues weren’t bad enough.