Which, sadly, ended now. I knew it, and so did he because my cell’s alarm had gone off, scaring the crap out of both of us. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I thought about driving Jonathan back to the airport. How strange, that he had arrived as Wrath, my archnemesis, and was leaving as Jonathan, my lover. Leaving being the operative word.
I made to rise from the bed, but he pulled me back down into his arms. “No one is going to know you’re a girl until you say so,” he said quietly. “I won’t tell anyone, not even Deathdrop.”
And with that, I started to cry. Big, fat, embarrassing tears rolled down my face out of nowhere. I wiped them quickly on the edge of my sheet as I nodded.
“Hey, I was trying to reassure you, not make you break out the waterworks,” he said.
“That means so much to me. When you first arrived, I knew I would be outed, and now I can do it when I want. It means you respect me. It’s just … a lot. Thank you.” I took a large, steadying breath and focused on the task at hand. “We should get rolling. I don’t even know if you’re packed, and we definitely need showers. Like regular, no hanky-panky showers. There’s no time for anything else.”
“As my lady wills it,” Jonathan replied, kissing the back of my hand. “Now, no more tears. I’m packed, so we only need to shower, and I don’t see any reason why we can’t save water and share, as long as you can manage to keep your hands to yourself.”
“Me? You’re ten times worse,” I retorted, wiping my eyes.
“We’ll have to wait and see. Last one there has to wash the other’s hair!”
He had a good head start on me with those ridiculously long legs, but I made it to the bathroom door first. We laughed as we shut the door on two very invasive cats.
The trip back to the airport was quiet, whereas all our other trips had been punctuated by bouts of car karaoke. I thought back to Thursday when I first made this trip, and the dread that had coiled inside me at the thought of meeting and being stuck with Wrath. How life could change so quickly!
Four days later, and I was anxious about never seeing Jonathan again. We hadn’t discussed keeping in touch, though we’ve normally been in daily contact via Magecraft. But would he want more? Would he want to see me again, to try whatever this was long distance? That was a big commitment, and not the easiest one to keep. And considering I didn’t even have his phone number, it wasn’t looking great.
As if reading my mind, Jonathan asked if he could borrow my phone. I said yes, and a moment later I heard a beep going off from his pants pocket.
“There, now we have each other’s phone numbers,” he said, grinning. He reached across the console and rested his hand on top of mine. “Look, I get that this sucks, and we haven’t had time to talk about how this will work or anything. I want you to know that what happened between you and me, that kind of thing never happens to me. And I wouldn’t want it to, not with just anyone. You’re special to me, Max. I don’t think I’m ready to say more than that, not when we are about to say goodbye, but you have to believe that you are important to me in ways I didn’t even know existed.”
As I pulled into the airport parking, a lump formed in my throat. “That means a lot to me, Jonathan. Or should I go back to calling you Wrath, since we’ll be seeing each other in-game from now on?”
“Hey, who says we won’t talk outside of Magecraft? I gave you my digits, woman. I expect texts, calls, Skype, email, faxes, telegrams, courier pigeons, the works. Though you might as well stick to Wrath in-game because I don’t want to be the only freak with a real name in there, but it’s Jonathan anywhere else, okay? And you, Maximus in-game and Max out?”
“Just Max. Maxine when you’re feeling frisky,” I joked.
“Okay, Maxine, let’s get this duffel of mine onto a luggage cart and get inside. I think we overdid it with that shower, and I don’t want to miss my flight.”
“I told you we didn’t have time for hanky-panky but did you believe me? No, of course not. Typical man.”
“Me?! You were all over me.”
“You loved it.”
“You know it.”
Jonathan insisted on pushing his own duffel, and we made it to departures with enough time to say a short goodbye. A very public goodbye. There were tears again this time, only they weren’t mine, they were his, welling up in his eyes but not spilling over.
I reached up and held his face gently in my hands and said, “Sir Wrath of the Swamp Realm. My Jonathan. May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields, and until we meet again may the gods hold you in the palms of their hands.”
“Well, that really was a goodbye, wasn’t it? Better than anything I’ve got,” he managed to say.
“It’s an Irish blessing, though I messed it up a bit since I don’t believe in just one god. But, as they say, the show must go on and so must your flight. Whether you’re there or not, so you better get going.”
He leaned down and embraced me, squeezing the air out of me.
“I won’t forget you, Maxine Peters. Never. Not as long as I draw breath.”
I gulped down a lump in my throat and replied, “Now what more could a girl ask for than that?”
He nodded, and with one last kiss, he broke apart from me and headed through the security barricade. I watched him go, until he rounded a corner and was out of sight.
“And then he was just gone,” I said to Lois over Skype, trying not to weep and wail like it was the end of the world.
"That's generally what happens when you drop someone off at the airport, Max," she replied.
It was only 5:00 p.m., and I was in the flannel penguin pajamas, the box of wine having migrated from the fridge to my bedside table. I had remade the bed, and for a crazed minute considered saving the soiled sheets from earlier, the way new brides in centuries past would. After a second of indecision at the washing machine, I threw in the sheets, realizing I was not the star of a historical romance novel.
“Max, normally I wouldn’t ask this, but how much wine have you had?”
“Like, three or four glasses,” I replied, and then burped.
“Okay, Mama Lois is officially cutting you off. I know you. You can’t hold your booze worth a damn, and three glasses for you is like six for me. Enough wine and misery.”
I nodded numbly and leaned over to scritch She-Ra behind her ears and rub Catra’s tummy. With Jonathan gone, they had formally reclaimed their positions in my bed, one of them on either side of me.
“So what did he say to you as a goodbye? Was it like an awkward kind of ‘see ya’ or what?” she asked, sipping her iced tea.
“He said he would never forget me as long as he drew breath,” I replied, sighing.
Lois’s iced tea came flying out of her mouth. “He said that? That’s like some next-level shit, Max. Have you reconsidered my theory that that boy is stark raving mad about you, and you let him leave?” She frantically wiped at her laptop with a cloth while I rolled my eyes.
“Let him leave? Lo, how could I have gotten him to stay? For the love of the gods, his life is in Florida.”
“In some backwoods swamp in Florida that he might consider leaving if he knew how you feel about him!”
“I don’t know how I feel about him!”
I leaned over and buried my face in my pillow. My pillow that smelled like him, all sandalwood and sunshine. I hadn’t gotten to play with that hair nearly long enough.
“Ack, gotta run, Elsa is screaming her head off,” Lois said, turning to the monitor one last time. “Look, I think you owe it to both of you to find out how you feel. And that’s only going to happen with a lot of soul-searching. Maybe getting to know him a bit more outside of the context of the game. And keep the wine to one or two glasses a night in case of emergency, you lush.”
“G’night, Peily.”
“Night, Maximus.”
Chapter 17
Jonathan
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“Yo Max, remember that time you fell off a cliff in the Floating Isles? Epic fall, man. Seriously epic.”
― Wrath
Not even the clouds matched Max’s beauty, I thought glumly as I sat on my flight back to Jacksonville. I wondered what on earth I had done leaving her. I mean, I knew we had separate lives, separate jobs, our own families. But I loved Max. Everything that had happened between us last night and today cemented that fact, it didn’t change it. Even if we hadn't slept together, I would still love her. The problem was, I wasn’t exactly forthcoming with my feelings for her because she hadn’t expressed any feelings for me. I didn’t want to put myself out there and be made a fool of.
I suppose there were worse things than feeling like a fool, such as flying away from the love of your life. Yes, Norman’s words from Thursday were bang on. Max was the only one I wanted, and the only one I think I would ever want. But what to do about it? My job was here, with Norman, running our business. My big sister depended on me to help out with taking care of our mom, especially since she was popping more pills than she should. It didn’t matter that the love I found was only a few states away. Tennessee might as well be Mars for all the freedom I had to be with and build a life with Max.
We landed in Jacksonville, and I wove my way through the airport to find Norman waiting for me, an excited puppy expression on his face. “How did it go? Did you get laid? Oh my god, you got laid. I know that look. I was so right to ruin the weekend for everyone else! Up high!” He put his hand up in the air looking for a high five. I shook my head.
“Idiot. Get your hand down,” I said, annoyed but happy to see my best friend.
Norman lowered his hand but didn’t give up on the interrogation as we walked through the airport to his car.
“Tell me that you did at least get into Maximus’s pants. That was my primary goal in staying home.”
“I’m not going to comment on anything that happened between us,” I said firmly, giving him a death glare.
“That means something happened for there to be something to theoretically comment on,” he replied with glee.
“Norman, you need to keep your mind on your own dick and off mine.” Jesus, this duffel was heavy. Why I hadn’t grabbed a luggage cart, I’d never know. “Look, I’m exhausted, and I’m pissed and sad and I feel like an asshole and I want my best friend to be supportive, not pick at all the places that make me want to punch something.”
Norman was quiet for a minute, then reached out and grabbed my bag, heaving it over his shoulder. “Come on, Jonathan. I’ll get you home as soon as I can, or you can come to my place if you don’t want to deal with your mother and sister on top of everything else. I won’t be a dick, okay?”
“Deal. I’ll come to your place for a bit. Can I use your computer when we get there?”
“Lucille? Man, you are whipping out the big sympathy guns if you think you’ll get some face time on her.”
“Ugh, I don’t even want to know about the special relationship you have with your machine. Just let me log in to Magecraft and check my email and shit, okay?”
“Done.”
I sat down at Norman’s gaming desktop when we finally got to his place and shuddered when I saw the Kleenex box and lotion beside the monitor. I didn’t want to know. Really. I found the League of Magecraft icon and clicked on like it was second nature, which it was. The login screen loaded, then Loading … Downloading Patch … Buffering … Playable. I hit the Play button as soon as it was available and typed /who is Maximus_Damage. A scant moment later, I got back, Maximus_Damage, Level 100 Dwarf Warrior, Mountains of Mystery.
She was online! Okay, now what to say, what to say. I wracked my brain for a moment and then typed a message.
Wrath: Yo yo yo
Maximus_Damage: Jonathan?
Wrath: Yeah, I panicked. Don’t ask me where the “yo yo yo” came from.
Maximus_Damage: Oh, I know where it came from. 1993. How was your flight?
Wrath: Depressing because I was flying away from you.
Maximus_Damage: Shit, hold on, meglatharion on my tail. Running like hell down the mountain.
Wrath: Mistake. Turn to stone and ride out the attack. You’ll survive.
Maximus_Damage: Oh hell no!
Wrath: Do it, or you’re lunch.
Maximus_Damage: Ha! I used a bubble of protection to give me time to summon my wing rider. I flew away from its jerky butt. Speaking of flying away, I’m sorry your flight sucked. I missed you too, driving home. My car karaoke partner was gone :(
Wrath: I’ll share my playlist with you. And you give me yours. At least we can listen to the same music.
Maximus_Damage: Okay, I’m logging off. I have to prep for going back to work in the morning. I’ll have a bit of a backlog from taking Thursday and Friday off. See you.
Wrath: Yeah, see you.
I couldn’t place the feeling of disappointment I had as I logged off. No, I could. I was in love with this girl and all I got was a “see you” as a goodbye? Of course, I hadn’t told her I loved her, but we’d had sex several times, and that meant a lot to me. What did it mean to her?
“Yo yo yo, my man, you done in there?” Ah, so that's where the “yo yo yo” had originated. Figures. “Lucille’s been acting up lately, so she might disconnect on you. I gotta rip her apart and figure out what’s going on. Pretty sure it’s the motherboard.” Norman stood beside me and watched me close out the game. “Ah, talking with your man. Good stuff?”
“Yeah, great,” I said distantly.
How was I going to handle this distance from Max without the support of my best friend? The only other person I could talk to would be my sister Elaine. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was the perfect person to confide in. I checked my watch and confirmed this was a good time to catch her.
“Norman, can you drive me home after all? I should check in with my mom after four days. Olivia might be going out of her mind.”
I wondered how horrible a person it made me to be deceptive over my big sister’s and mother’s mental states when all I wanted to do was sit and Skype with my other sister in Chicago.
Norman navigated his truck from his trailer park to mine as if he’d done it hundreds of times before, which he probably has considering this was where we worked every weekday. I kept the trailer and garage as repaired and clean as possible, and despite every negative stereotype in the world about trailer parks, we lived somewhere where people took pride in their homes. Mom was out on the porch, so I grabbed my duffel from the back seat, gave Norman a friendly shoulder bump, and thanked him for the drive. He sped off with a honk of his horn and a wave. It may have been a little impolite under some circumstances not to come and greet Mom, but we learned over the years that a quick and clean exit strategy was important when you didn’t have all day to spend with her.
I climbed the stairs to the porch and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, so I wasn’t sure if she was asleep or awake until she lifted a hand and patted my beard playfully.
“I prayed for you while you were gone, darling boy,” she said dreamily, and I wondered how many benzodiazepines she had taken today.
“Then your prayers and my prayers must have joined forces because I had the best time. Mom, you have to brace yourself. I have to tell you, do you remember how for the last ten years or so I’ve been in love with someone in Tennessee? Well, that’s where I went when I was away,” I reminded her, speaking clearly and hoping this was getting through. “Mom, I finally met Max, and she’s a girl. A beautiful, kind, strong woman.”
“A girl? But how … how did you not know for almost a decade?! You know I would love you no matter who you fell in love with, man or woman. But now I don’t have to worry about the Sutton boys beating you up with a crowbar like they did that poor Osbourne lad.”
I vaguely recalled hearing about the vicious hate crime she mentioned, one that had happened in the 1970s. She must be in
one of her confused states, where the past and the present blended together. “A woman, imagine that.”
I laughed. “Come on, I have dated girls, you know.”
“Ah, but son, this is different. Because this is the one. Ever since you started talking about him—her—and cried yourself sick in my arms that evening, I knew I would have three sons-in-law one day, not two, and I immediately made my peace with it.”
“I don’t want to argue with you, but you tell me all the time you’re praying to Jesus that I choose the ‘right path’ for my soul.” I knelt down next to her.
“And you thought I was talking about choosing a man or a woman? No, no, no! I was praying that you would have the courage to go after the path your heart set out for you. That’s the only ‘right’ one.”
I realized that she was far more lucid than I had given her credit for, and tears pooled in my eyes as I also realized that I hadn’t given her the benefit of the doubt all these years. I assumed the worst of my own mother, and why? Because she was prone to having spells or got a little lost in her head sometimes? Because she talked out loud to Jesus randomly? She had found my therapist, Tom, after all. I should have trusted in her, always.
“Thank you, Mom,” I said. “Now, you’ll be fine out here while I go use the computer for a bit? How about I bring you a glass of lemonade first?”
“No thank you, dear. Go ahead and call Elaine. I know you want to.”
I grinned at her almost psychic-level knowledge of her children and headed inside. My other sister, Olivia, was evidently out, probably doing the shopping. She never left Mom for too long. Neither of us did.
In short order, I was looking at Elaine, and something in me shook loose. Those tears that had been threatening to flow all day came back. I wiped them with the back of my hand and started at the beginning, pouring out the entire story to my little sister.
“Oh, Jonathan, you big, stupid, drooling male. Of course you got a ‘see you’ from her. What did you expect? You left her without defining the relationship. Now she’s probably scared of being too clingy and making you squirrely and driving you off. You didn’t have to declare your undying love, but you should have said something to let her know you feel seriously about her. For all she knows, she was a weekend booty call.”
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