At ten o’clock, I was in my gaming room, and for the first time I was wearing my headset and had the microphone plugged in. I felt like I was about to make calls offering people lower rates on their car insurance. With a slightly shaky hand, I logged on to the guild voice chat room, and mentally prepared for anything. I heard a series of dings letting me know everyone else was arriving.
“Hey, noobs. Sound off in Mouseketeer fashion for the minutes,” Iskander, our guild leader said. “Then we can have Maximus talk about the epic fail of the gathering, and what we’re going to do about Deathdrop apparently telling people it was canceled? Man, I swear it’s always some scheme with him.”
“Agreed. And Mirage here,” came the deep voice of our guild banker.
“PwnyUp here,” came the equally deep voice of the player versus player leader. Why was I suddenly so conscious of how … male … everyone sounded? Oh, right, because I was the only female officer, much to my sudden anger. We were the best guild in North America, and we could only scrounge up six guys to represent all of us on the senior council? I suddenly wanted to hurry this revelation along.
“Burninator here,” barked our raid leader.
“Phantasman here,” said the player versus environment officer.
I took in a breath. I was so damn ready. “Maximus here,” I said, representing the member at large position-slash-tactics. “And the gathering wasn’t a total wash—okay, so maybe it was—but Wrath still showed up, and he explained that Deathdrop went behind his back too and told Nedris that it was canceled. Carebear lost her childcare. So instead of five of us, it was just me and Wrath. We didn’t expense a hotel room to the guild because he was able to stay at my place. So, silver lining for you, Mirage.”
Silence. Deathly silence.
Then came Iskander’s voice. “Well, shit on a stick. I wouldn’t have said half the dumb crap I’ve said over the years if I’d known we had a girl in here. I bet you were having a laugh over how stupid we all were.”
“Yeah, what gives, Max? Didn’t you trust us?” Mirage said, sounding hurt.
“At the very least we could have told the girl gamers that they do have a voice on this council,” Burninator chimed in. “Don’t think that we won’t be doing that now. Some players have been clamoring for more fairness amongst the officers. We wanted the next officer to be Wrath, which would have added to the claims we’re nothing but a sausage fest. At least now we can say we’ve had a girl on board for years.”
“What the fuck, guys?" PwnyUp said angrily. “Maximus has been lying to us for literally years and everyone is okay with it? And what, relieved we don’t have to recruit from the honest players in the guild?”
“I haven’t been lying,” I said, defending myself. “I never confirmed to anyone at any time that I was a guy. I play a male character, I’m a tad aggressive when I play, and people assumed things about me. I wasn’t ready to open up and let people get close to my offline life, but that doesn’t make me a bad person or a bad player. I respect all of you, and I hope you can say the same about me, after you’ve had time to think on it.”
“I don’t need time to think on it,” said Iskander. “Whatever your reasons were, your gender isn’t the most important thing about you as a player in this game or as an officer in this guild. Your skills and dedication have spoken for themselves over the years, again and again. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go piss up a rope as far as I’m concerned.”
“Yeah, we got your back, Max,” Mirage concurred.
"Agreed," said Burninator.
“We’re not doing this,” PwnyUp said. “I’m pulling a Rocket and telling you all we’re not doing the thing where we stand up one at a time and pledge ourselves to truth, equality, and all that. The rest of you have no problem with it? Fine. Personally, I feel misled. I said crap in this game to Maximus I’d never say in front of a girl. It’s like she stuck a sock in her jeans and waltzed into the guy’s locker room or something. Does no one else honestly see no problem with this?”
Goddammit. PwnyUp was one of my closest friends in the game. I wasn’t having my name dragged through the dirt, especially by someone who I had respected and had fun with, even though he was being a dick now. I cleared my throat. Fine. If I had to go there, I was going there.
“He broke my jaw, Pwny. He broke my jaw and a bunch of ribs with a tire iron. A man. And I wanted to play to escape all that, and not get hit on by random dudes in a video game. I just wanted to hang out, have fun, and not be creeped on online when I’d just been busted up offline. And the longer I was Maximus, the harder it was to bring up my gender, so I didn’t. I’ve valued you as a friend. I hope you can think about it and then still say the same about me.”
“Who. Hurt. You,” came Pwny’s voice, slow and deadly sounding. I resisted the urge to either cry or laugh. Apparently, friendship could overcome my vagina after all.
“It was some asshole from a local biker gang. He’s moved on, though, so it’s not like I have to see him or worry about the gang anymore. It’s okay. I’m okay, I mean.”
“Jesus,” muttered Phantasman. “You knew when you agreed to host the gathering that you would be revealed as a girl. So we can’t say you were actively hiding from us, or intended to hide for much longer. I’m sorry you went through that.”
A message popped up in the chat box, and for the first time in-game, I was happy to see Wrath’s name.
Wrath: How’s it going?
Maximus_Damage: We’re about to sing around a fertility sigil I painted on the floor.
Wrath: Seriously?
Maximus_Damage: No, you fool. We’re talking it out and getting back to guild business, namely your bestie. I was accused of being a liar, like with you, but I defended myself, and it’s going okay, I think.
“Wait, hold up! You said it was just you and Wrath all weekend. And he stayed at your house! So what’s going on there?” Mirage asked in a voice that was either serious or teasing, I could never tell with him.
Maximus_Damage: Yikes, gotta go. They are trying to ferret out if we slept together or not.
“Y’all realize you are as gossipy as a group of old women,” I teased, not wanting Jonathan and I to become speculation fodder for the entire guild. “Can we move on to the next item on the agenda? I think we were supposed to discuss what to do with Deathdrop.”
Chapter 19
Jonathan
“A week-long suspension?! You can’t prove I had anything to do with that parrotling!”
― Wrath
My cell pinged at 11:30 p.m. I snatched it up eagerly, hoping it was Max. Instead, I saw it was Norman.
Norm: I got suspended from the guild for a month. A MONTH, man. I hope whatever you got up to last weekend, you will eventually tell me because this stings. No raids, no good loot, nada.
Jonathan: You’ll survive. I’m sorry that happened, though. I know you were doing me a solid. Max and I would never have gotten together without you interfering.
Norm: Wait, hold up …
The phone rang in my hand. Sighing, I picked up. “Yes?”
“What do you mean, you would never have gotten together? So you totally hit that. Or that hit you? I don’t know which and don’t want the deets, but that’s awesome, Jonathan. You’ve waited so long for him.”
I decided I needed to talk to Max now, about fixing Norman’s assumptions. Elaine was right, I needed to be able to talk about all this with the people closest to me.
“Norman, I gotta call you back, okay? I know this sucks for you right now, and I appreciate it and all. Maybe take this time to step back from the game and rebuild Lucille.”
“Yeah, yeah, go call your man,” he said, hanging up.
I sighed, and dialed Max.
“Hello?” she answered, a bit sleepily.
“Hey. I’m sorry for calling so late. If it’s okay with you, I want to tell Norman about you being a girl. I know your debut is Wednesday, but now he won’t be there to hear it, and he keeps referring t
o you as a guy, and I feel like dirt not correcting him. I’m not trying to pressure you, it’s—”
“Jonathan, I get it. You don’t need to lie by omission to your best friend just because I essentially did. Tell him, but please ask him not to out me until I can do it myself, okay?"
"Absolutely." I heard her yawn. "So who do I have to thank for Deathdrop's stay of execution?"
"Iskander. He pointed out that we don't want to come off as being assholes for kicking out one of the top players in the guild over a prank. I mean, the only person who lost out on anything was Nedris, and apparently Ned didn't care either way about the weekend. He had a refundable plane ticket, thank goodness. But we obviously had to do something kind of harsh so Deathdrop learns his lesson."
I hummed in agreement.
"I'm going to let you go so I can call Norman back. I kind of bailed mid call so I could ask your permission."
Shit, now that I thought about it, should I have cleared it with her before talking about her with Mom and my sisters? I hoped not. They didn’t know her or play the game like Norman did, so I assumed it was okay.
"Thanks, it's appreciated. Goodnight, Jonathan."
"’Night, Maxine." I smiled and disconnected, then dialed Norman back.
"Yo, what was that?" he asked.
"You can't tell anyone until Max tells the guild Wednesday night, man. I gotta have your word on that first."
"Yeah, whatever you need. What's going on?" He sounded somewhat serious, which was a departure from his class clown persona. Norman had some real substance to him, once you got past the bullshit that he used to cover up his wounded warrior status.
"Max. We did hook up. It was amazing, and I'm so in love. I had to tell you thank you for setting us up, thanks for being my friend through all this. Here's the kicker, though, why I had to get Max's blessing to tell you, so I didn't screw anything up. Max's real name is Maxine."
A beat of silence, then, "Whoa. Dude. I think it's great you're so cool about that. So, he needs to dress like a girl, or he had surgery, or what? Actually, that part is none of my business. And oh, should I be saying she? Sorry, I'm not the most informed person in this area. Just give me a pronoun and it’s all good."
Okay, so he might be awesome, but he was also a little thick at times, despite shocking me by knowing what a pronoun is.
"Maxine isn't transgender, Maxine was born a girl. I’m telling you that Maximus_Damage is a woman. I've been in love with a woman for ten years. A woman who, four days ago, hated me."
A burst of laughter came over the line so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
Tuesday arrived with heat and a pile of work for Norman and me to catch up on. Our business, Supernatural Computers, was doing damn well, some of our builds having gone viral online. We’d been best friends since elementary school, growing up in adjacent trailer parks and tinkering with whatever electronics we could get our hands on. Norman had gone into the military out of high school, whereas I stayed home to help Olivia with Mom and pay toward the bills by working at a local hardware store.
When Norman came home from the military, he was changed. He was quiet, distant, and would have nightmares that left him texting me at two or three in the morning for a talk, or a beer. Too much beer. I knew something had to give, so I suggested we pool our resources and start doing what we loved, which was building things. I also introduced him to Magecraft as a way of letting out some of his frustrations and anger, and hopefully build some other friendships along the way. Our trailer parks weren’t hopping with a lot of people our age; many had left to go to school, the military, or find jobs.
As we sketched out the design for our next custom build, my thoughts strayed to Max and Green Valley. I tried to envision her wearing a hideous corduroy skirt and stuck in the basement cataloging. She had spoken about how sometimes in life we don’t get the dreams we chase, when I asked her about working with the library patrons. Was she really happy with her current situation? Would she continue to come out of her shell, like she did during our four days together?
Prior to the weekend, I would have called Max one of the most confident people I knew. But seeing her vulnerable side and learning about her past had changed my perception of her. I now thought she was the strongest person I knew. A survivor, a real-life warrior offline who was taking tentative steps to spread her wings and fly. Feeling inspired, I sketched out the design of a bird’s wing for the custom desk the computer build would go with, and decided I liked it.
“Hey, good idea, man. What inspired that?” Norman asked, pointing down at my sketch.
I was the artist between the two of us as Norman couldn’t draw for beans, though I suppose building computers in itself can be described as an art.
“Eh, half daydreaming,” I replied, smiling softly.
I made some adjustments to the drawing to accommodate where the tower would go, then sketched out the design for the legs and some shelving. Satisfied, I nodded at Norman and we discussed which pieces of lumber in our inventory would suit, and how long the build of the desk would take. In cases like this, where we were constructing both a custom desk and a machine, Norman would take point on the computer, and I would whip out my carpentry skills and hopefully not lose any fingers while working on the desk.
As we broke for lunch, I got a ping from my cell in my pants pocket. I grinned wide when I saw it was a text from Max.
Max: Yo, what’s up?
Me: The usual. Fast cars and frisky women.
Max: Oh, same. I was just felt up in a Corvette by a very handsy redhead.
Me: Was she impressed by your lumpy cardigan?
Max: I’ll have you know that I am wearing an open cardigan over a band T-shirt, black pants, and strappy sandals. I even kept my hair down and curled it a bit.
Me: Please tell me you didn’t have that ritualistic skirt burning.
Max: I may have considered floating the idea at my book club tonight. But honestly, I’d rather donate the clothes. I wasn’t brought up to be wasteful.
Me: I can see that about Momma Rose.
Max: I can’t believe she had you calling her that by the end of the visit.
Me: I thought it was cute.
“Jonathan! Are you done with that sandwich yet? We’re backed up, remember?” Norman called from inside the garage.
Me: Okay, getting the call from the drill sergeant over here. Gotta book it. Talk tonight? Maybe Skype?
Max: I’ll email you. I have book club, remember?
My heart sunk. I knew she wasn’t giving me the brush-off. This was a planned event, and it was important for her to socialize with friends offline. I wished I could capture that magic we had from the weekend, bottle it, and then drink it in whenever I needed to. I was still love-drunk on Maxine, but what nagged at the back of my brain was the thought that she might already be over me. That maybe I was a convenient stepping-stone on her path to a better life. Because her life was in Green Valley, whether I liked it or lumped it.
I thought of her, all dressed up and parading into Genie’s with the cocky confidence of Maximus, without my arm around her. I wonder how many men—or women—would ask her to dance, and if she’d say yes. Goddammit, I had to stop thinking about this. Norman was right, we had work to do, and I would drive myself bonkers if I let myself obsess over Max like that. She said she would email me. That had to be good enough for me, for now.
Me: Email is great. Have fun!
It was around eleven o’clock that night when I heard the little ping from the phone by my bedside table. I’d climbed in bed, tired after pulling a few extra hours with Norman in our workshop, and then hopping into Magecraft for a while. I opened up my email and an instant grin hit my face when I saw that it was from her.
* * *
From: Max Peters
To: Jonathan Owen
Subject: Book Club and Lego
* * *
Yo yo yo! (I'm never go
ing to let you live that down, you know). So tonight was my book club, and I asked if anyone would be interested in playing a board game now and then on club nights, after we’ve discussed the book. They said yes! Then, after we were through discussing The Testaments—no, not part of the Bible, the book by Margaret Atwood—I asked if anyone wanted to stay a bit later and build some Lego. I pulled a few tubs out of the gaming room, and we drank wine and built little additions for my Lego city. Cletus had to get home, but Finley and Naomi worked together on a mobile library. It was seriously so much fun. I don't know why I was afraid to let my friends in more a long time ago. No, I do know why. I know you helped me embrace my confidence offline, and boosted my spirit. You made good points about coming out, as it were, and it turned out to be fan-flipping-tastic.
* * *
Good night!
Max
* * *
I put my phone back on the bedside table, rolled over onto my stomach and crossed my arms under my head, grin still in place. I was glad she had taken my advice and had a fun time showing her friends more of who she really was. Then I felt the smile slip off my face, and I wasn’t above admitting I felt slightly jealous that I didn’t have a wider group of offline friends like Max did. Who would I invite over, other than Norman? I guess somewhere along the way, I had let my own social circle shrink to my immediate family and him. Of course, I had my guildies. Didn’t I?
Chapter 20
Maxine
“Sometimes I feel like all I do is bark at people.”
― Maximus_Damage
Wrath and I stealthily made our way across the Burning Isle, wary of fire lords and dragonkin.
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