It didn’t matter how many “we” was. Having anyone in town learn Ella’s secret would bring the whole thing crashing down. Penelope rubbed her temples in a vain attempt to calm down. “Please just promise me you will stop trying to find something in the table to use on her.”
“So I’m just supposed to watch her die?” Sabina asked.
“No, Mama, you’re supposed to watch her live.”
What was the point of knowing the future if they ignored all of the best parts?
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to do, honey.” Sabina slid one drawer shut in the apothecary table, then another. When Ella laughed at something out front, she turned toward the sound, her shoulders crumpling forward. “But there won’t be anything left to watch if we sit here and do nothing to save her.”
Her mom’s voice was barely a whisper, but the words sliced through Penelope’s chest as if she were made of marshmallow. “I’m not saying we give up hope. Believe me, I would give anything to find a way to fix her. But we can’t ignore the fact that we could still lose her no matter what we do.”
And if Penelope didn’t keep one foot grounded in reality, she was in danger of losing herself right along with Ella.
17
Since going to see the doctor a few days before, Ella hadn’t stopped asking Penelope if she could do something else on her list. Like inviting River for a sleepover or dyeing her hair. She was running out of time, Ella had said. There were so many things left to do. And she didn’t want to miss out on any of them.
They’d made it a full ten hours since the last inquiry, but that was only because Ella had been asleep for most of that time. At breakfast, Penelope sipped her coffee and waited.
Halfway through her bowl of oatmeal, Ella broke. “Mama?” she asked, her voice wavering. She tapped Penelope’s hand with a finger sticky from the brown sugar she crumbled up on her oatmeal. “Is it okay if I stay at the shop this afternoon instead of going to Grams’s?”
The request wasn’t directly about her list, but Penelope couldn’t shake the feeling that was the reason behind it. “Maybe.”
“Why only maybe?”
“Why do you want to be at the shop? You always complain about how bored you are there,” Penelope said. She could see the gears turning in Ella’s head already, trying to sneak Penelope more of the Corazón hot chocolate or one of the other charmed candies to make her more open to the idea of liking Noah.
“I want to see if there’s anything new in the magic table.” Ella spooned a bite of her oatmeal into her mouth as soon as the last word was out of it.
Penelope turned her coffee cup in her hands, letting the heat warm her skin. “Magic’s not something to play with. If the table gives you something, it’s for a reason, but you can’t expect it to give you something just because you want it.”
Ella dug down the front of her shirt and extracted the compass necklace from where she’d hidden it. “I know. But maybe there’s something that goes with this. Something else that I might need.”
“Um, no, ma’am,” Penelope said.
“What?” Ella asked with a shrug and a guilty grin.
“Go right back upstairs and leave that on your dresser. It is not a toy.”
“But I need to keep it with me, Mama.”
“You are not going to find love on the playground.” She took a sip of her coffee and eyed her daughter over the cup. Ella’s shoulders slumped, making her bony shoulder blades even more pronounced. “You can wear it around the house and on special occasions outside of the house, but that’s it, okay? I don’t want it to get lost or broken.”
“I thought you said it was already broken,” Ella said.
Penelope thumped her forefinger on the top of Ella’s head. “Don’t push it, Ella, or I’ll take it away until you’re old enough to take proper care of it.” As soon as the words were out, she wanted to take them back. Talking about Ella growing up like it was a real possibility was a bad habit she was still trying to break herself of. If she let herself forget what future they were headed toward, it would be that much harder on her when they reached it.
“I’m old enough now. I promise.” Ella slipped the chain from around her neck and walked back up the stairs with exaggerated care.
When Ella came back down a few minutes later with her book bag straps slung over her shoulders, Penelope said, “Pull down your shirt.”
Ella gripped the collar of her T-shirt with one hand and lifted her short hair off her neck with the other. “I took it off,” she said. She looked up at Penelope, her eyes bright with defiance despite her acquiescence.
* * *
After school, Ella dragged a stool in front of the apothecary table and parked there for the better part of an hour. She opened every drawer on the top row before moving down to the next. When Penelope asked what she was looking for, Ella told her, “Whatever the table thinks I need,” and went through them all again. Bottles of extracts rattled as she shoved their drawers back into place. Bars of dark chocolate and stems of dried lavender and rosemary scented the room when she opened their drawers, despite already knowing what was inside.
The table still hadn’t given up anything by the third search.
Leaning forward, Ella laid her head on the top of the table and draped her arms over the sides in a hug. She whispered something into the wood, too quiet for Penelope to hear.
“Why don’t you take a break?” Penelope suggested. “Maybe start your homework. I’m sure you have something you need to be working on.”
Unlike most kids in her grade, Ella completed extra work every night to catch up on all the school she had missed.
“Maybe the table will do my math for me. I probably won’t need to know how to make fractions in heaven anyway.”
The logic behind Ella’s words didn’t make them hurt any less. Penelope pressed her knuckles to her chest to keep it from ripping open right then and there and spilling her heart onto the floor. “Thankfully, we still have some time before heaven happens. And if you try and ask the table for help, you won’t even be allowed in the same room with it for a month.”
Ella released the table, walked across the room, and stopped in front of Penelope, arms crossed over her chest and mouth stuck open in shock. “You’d kick me out of the kitchen?”
“You know better than to mess with magic.” She didn’t mention the hot chocolate incident from a few weeks before. If Ella knew it had worked, she might try it again to force Penelope to admit Noah belonged with them.
Looking between Penelope and the table, Ella’s eyebrows dipped down in concentration. After a minute, she frowned, hauled her book bag from underneath the chair where she’d stashed it, and removed her wrinkled homework calendar. She smoothed it on the table in front of Penelope and said, “I just have reading to do tonight, and my book’s at home.”
“Well, I guess you’re gonna have to find something else to do until we close that doesn’t involve the apothecary table.”
“Maybe I could go make sure all of the marshmallows and caramels are full.”
“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Penelope said.
Ella latched onto her hand and pulled her out front just as River, with Noah in tow, marched toward the counter and locked her eyes on the chocolates piled on square plates in the display case.
“You came,” Ella said, her eyes going wide. She dropped Penelope’s hand but didn’t make a move to meet them on the other side of the counter.
“How could I turn down your invitation?” Noah said, waving a folded piece of pink construction paper. He flicked his eyes to Penelope, his mouth cocked in a smirk.
“Hi, Ella,” River said.
“Hi,” Ella said with slightly less enthusiasm than her greeting for Noah.
River’s lips scrunched into a pout. “I gave him your note, and I didn’t read it, just like I promised.”
Noah tugged on River’s curly hair, stretching out one thick coil and releasing it so it bounced back into plac
e. She leaned back into him and wrapped her arms behind her around his waist. “I figure between the three of us, we can convince your mom to let me take you both out,” he said.
Ella shot a look at Penelope and said, “Yeah, we can.” She hooked her fingers around two mug handles and darted out from behind the counter. “Hey, River, do you want some hot chocolate?”
“As long as it’s not the spicy stuff. My dad says I can’t drink that one because the peppers are so hot they’ll burn a hole in my stomach.” She released her hold on Noah and raced Ella into the pantry.
“I’m not allowed to drink that one either. But not because it’s hot. It’s one of the magic ones so I’m not even supposed to touch it. Sometimes I do anyway.”
Though the last words were whispered, they carried back to Penelope.
“A word of advice,” she said to Noah. “Don’t eat or drink anything she gives you in here.”
“Why not?”
Across the room, glass clanked as the girls filled their cups with powder and, from the sound of it, enough mix-ins to make the hot chocolate more of a meal than a drink. They took turns checking over their shoulders to ensure Penelope and Noah weren’t coming to stop them.
“She’s tricky, that one. Ella will slip you one of the charmed chocolates and you won’t know what hit you until you’re professing your love to the horse that leads the carriage rides around the square.” Penelope dug her nails into the crook of her arm to keep her face straight.
Noah rocked back on his heels and jammed his hands in his pockets. “You can’t really do that, can you? Make people fall in love? With other people or horses?” A hint of apprehension cut the humor in his husky voice.
“I hope for your sake you don’t ever find out.”
Ella looked at them, a giant chocolate-dipped marshmallow poised to drop in her mug. “Ooh, River and I could look for a recipe that makes people fall in love. Then I could use it on my mom.”
“You should probably rethink that plan, kid,” Penelope called to Ella. She twisted the knob on the espresso machine and dipped the wand into a pitcher of milk for the girls’ drinks. Testing the bottom of the metal with her little finger, she let it heat up but shut the steam off before the milk got too hot for them to drink.
When Ella stopped in front of the counter, she said, “But I don’t want you to be all alone when—” She slapped a hand over her mouth to keep the last few words in.
Penelope forced her shoulders to relax, pretending her daughter hadn’t almost just let slip that she was dying. Thankfully neither Noah nor River seemed to notice. Or if they did, they kept their questions to themselves. She closed her eyes for a second. It was all too easy to imagine how her life without Ella would be just as dark. When she looked at her daughter again, she kept her voice as light as the lump in her throat would allow. “I know. But that’s not something you need to worry about. I promise I’ll be okay.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll be like Grams and have to eat chocolates to be happy,” Ella said. She jammed her cup onto the counter with enough force to send a puff of chocolate powder shooting into the air above it. “But if you had someone to love you, you would be happy all on your own.”
It was so close to what she’d said to her own mom that Penelope couldn’t argue with her. She filled both girls’ cups without a reply.
“I’ve gotta say, Ella, you do make a pretty good argument for your mom falling in love,” Noah said.
The cluster of high school girls on the couches turned as his words rang out around the room. Like just the mention of love in the shop would make something magical happen. Only the one who didn’t believe in magic, but put up with studying in the shop a few times a week because her friends overruled her, continued to read her textbook.
Ella reached toward her chest and then let her hand drop. She flashed a toothy smile before turning away. “I know. And I’m working on it,” she said, which sent her and River into a fit of giggles next to her. Then they ran off to gather spoons and napkins and claim their spots on the floor by the front window.
The girls on the couch eyed Noah and giggled too. Penelope let out an annoyed breath.
“You really have to stop encouraging her,” she said.
Noah moved one of the stools from the bar on the right side of the room and made a spot for himself at the counter. “But she’s the only Dalton girl who seems to enjoy it.” He picked up a wrapped caramel and twirled it by one end. The cellophane crackled with each half turn.
Penelope pinched the candy between thumb and forefinger to stop it. “Ella’s too young to know better yet.”
“Her father must’ve been a real piece of work if he made you think all guys are jerks.”
“It’s hard to get over someone telling you they don’t love you and see no future with you.” She kept her voice even, almost flippant in case he recognized the words as his own. Though of course he wouldn’t. Since he’d been back, he’d been nothing but charming and friendly to her, as if he’d forgotten the way things had ended between them.
But he flinched. And a stupid pinprick of hope that he regretted how he’d treated her poked through her defenses.
“How did Ella take him leaving?” Noah asked.
“Brilliantly. Considering it was a long time ago.”
“That’s definitely his loss. She’s such a sweet kid. And if he’s going to be an asshole about it, he doesn’t deserve her.”
Penelope propped her elbows on the counter and leaned closer to him, her forearms stretching between them. “It is his loss. And sometimes I really hate that he’ll never know what he’s missing. But then I remind myself that she doesn’t care that he’s not around so I shouldn’t either.”
“Sounds like she wants someone around for you, though, even if it’s not because she wants to have a dad,” Noah said. He covered her hands with his and rubbed his thumb back and forth over her fingers.
She shivered at the unexpected touch. “My mother’s brainwashed her with all her talk about magic and true love. But the future isn’t always what we want it to be.” Noah should have known that better than most.
“Yeah, but that’s one of the risks of knowing what’s in store for your life, isn’t it? I mean, when it’s unknown, the future can be as hopeful as you want it to be. But once you know, that’s it. No going back. You’ve just got to learn to live with it.”
“You say that like it’s so easy to move on when you’re faced with a future you don’t want. Knowing there might not be anything you can do to stop it from coming true.” Penelope realized her hand was still in his and pulled away.
Noah gave a short, mirthless laugh. “I’m pretty sure you’ve found a way around it.” He leaned back and studied her, his eyes sharp and accusing.
All she could do was stare at him. It was the first time he’d come close to talking about her long-ago confession that they were meant to be together. That he was her fate. He’d practically run away then, as fast and as far as he could, wanting nothing to do with the future she’d dreamed of for them.
They watched each other for a moment, neither acknowledging what he’d said.
He dropped his arms to his knees again and picked at the edge of the counter with his thumb. “What about the people on the other side of the relationships your chocolates mess with? Does the magic take what they want into consideration?”
Penelope had no clue how to answer that. She didn’t make the magic or the rules. She just followed them. She took a deep, steadying breath. Over his shoulder, the girls dipped plastic spoons in their drinks and fished out long strings of melty caramel and fat, gooey marshmallows. Their whispers slunk off into the corners of the room to hide.
“I get recipes that are very specific for how to make the magic work. But exactly what that magic will do? It’s not always as cut-and-dried. The magic’s not good or bad. It just is. So it must take both people into account,” she said.
“So what happens when one of those people decides to ign
ore the future? Does the other person not have a say in it? Or do they need to use the magic too to make it work?”
Raising an eyebrow at his implication that she was the one now ignoring the magic, she said, “If someone chooses to ignore it, she would have her reasons and he should respect that.”
Noah scooted an inch closer. His fingers toyed with the tips of hers and he looked up at her from under thick lashes. “What if he’s not a respectful kind of guy?” The playfulness edged back into his voice, curving the corners of his mouth up.
“Then maybe she’s right to keep her distance.”
“Maybe he’s gonna have to change her mind,” he said.
God, why couldn’t Noah make this easy?
Penelope curled her index finger around his and shook to ensure she had his full attention. “Okay, but you seriously have to stop telling Ella you’ll take her to dinner. She doesn’t know you’re joking. She hasn’t had a lot of men in her life and I don’t want her to think you’re anything but her friend’s uncle who’s just here for a few months, okay?”
Noah’s mouth dropped open. “Wow, I knew you weren’t my biggest fan or anything, but are you trying to run me out of town already?”
“No!” Ella’s voice was so high it sounded like a yelp. She jumped up from the floor, where she and River had been inching slowly closer, unnoticed. She pressed her small body against his stool but kept her pleading eyes on Penelope. “Don’t make him leave. Please, Mama, he’ll stay if you tell him you want him to.”
Penelope skirted the counter and bent down so her face was level with Ella’s. “Calm down, sweetie. We talked about this, remember?”
Noah looked at Penelope over Ella’s trembling head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak her out,” he whispered. His eyes asked the question he hadn’t said aloud. Why does she care if I stay?
“It’s not you,” Penelope assured him, though it had everything to do with him. “It’s been a weird couple of days. But she’ll be fine.” Putting her hands on Ella’s shoulders, she pulled her daughter a few steps away from him.
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