by Jordan Ford
I smile. “That’s really sweet, but I don’t want Chloe seeing me getting out of your car. She’ll jump to conclusions.”
Holden’s jaw works to the side like he wants to say something.
I study his profile. Weird how I used to find it irritatingly hot. Now it’s something else. It’s not so square and angular. There’s a softness to it now. His whole appearance has been tempered—or maybe even enhanced—by the truth.
Pulling up to the curb, Holden leaves the engine to idle while I unbuckle my seat belt.
I’m not sure how to end this surreal evening. So much has been said.
What’s tomorrow going to look like?
He’ll go back to being Holden “Asshat” Carter.
But he won’t be.
Because I’ve seen the other side now.
“This is weird,” I whisper. “I’m not sure how to look at you anymore.”
His eyebrows twitch with worry.
Before he can say anything, I touch his arm and look him right in the eye. “Don’t worry. Just because I know who you really are doesn’t mean anyone else will. I may be honest, but I can keep your secrets. You can trust me.”
His smile is soft and grateful. “Thank you.”
“Good night, Holden.”
He gives me soft smile. “Night, Maddie.”
I slip out of the car before I can give in to any kind of temptation, and walk away. He’s still sitting there watching me, his Mustang headlights lighting my way home.
Just before I reach the house, I spin and raise my hand, waving a final goodbye.
He flashes his lights at me, then does a U-turn and leaves.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I try to squash the warm fuzzies buzzing through me. I can’t explain what’s going on, but I want more nights like this one.
It’s a dangerous thought, but I can’t seem to control it.
Opening the door with a dreamy smile, I’m stopped short by my snappy mother.
“Where have you been?” Her blue eyes flash as she plants her hands on her hips.
“I…I texted Max to say I’d be late.”
“Well, she’s not home to pass on the message, so I have been going out of my mind with worry.”
I click the door shut behind me. “Did Chloe call you?”
“Yes, she’s working on some charity thing with her new friend…Ring or Run or something.”
“Rahn, Mom.”
“Don’t change the subject.” She snaps her fingers and points at me. “You should have texted me yourself!”
I’ve got to say, it’s hard managing Mom when she’s frustrated with life. I mean, we’ve always checked in, but it’s usually been with each other since Mom was busy working.
As long as we all know what each sister is doing, Mom doesn’t mind because she knows she can trust us. She calls one and finds out what all three are up to. That used to be good enough for her. To have the full force of Mom’s brain focused on us is way more difficult than when she was distracted with work all the time.
Pasting on an apologetic smile, I run my hand down my ponytail and try to ease the tension. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why Max isn’t home yet. She wanted the car and said something about a batting cage.”
Mom sighs and looks to the ceiling. “She’s no doubt squeezing in extra practice and forgot her phone even exists. You know what she’s like.” Rubbing her forehead, she frowns. “But that doesn’t explain where you’ve been.”
“Oh, I…” My mouth opens and shuts as I scramble for the right answer. Do I say Holden? Will that be weird?
I’m struggling to form a reply when the back door opens and Dad appears in the kitchen. “Who just dropped you home? Red Mustang.” He unclips his belt and lays it on the kitchen counter. “I got the plates, which I’m happy to run unless you’d like to clear it up for me right now.”
I roll my eyes and figure there’s no point in even trying to lie. “Holden Carter.”
“Huh.” Dad’s eyebrows shoot north. “Were you guys on a date or something? Because I’d really prefer him to come and ask me before taking out one of my daughters.”
“Dad!” I scowl at him. “I can date someone without them having to ask you first. Talk about embarrassing.” He glares at me and I glare straight back. “I’m eighteen, and wise enough to decide who I’ll go out with, thank you very much.”
“Hey.” He points at me. “I’m your father and while you’re under my roof, you’ll do me the decency of checking first before letting some guy take you out.”
I roll my eyes.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me. You girls are still young. This is a new town and I don’t trust everybody in it.”
“Well, you can trust Holden.” I cross my arms and give him a pointed look.
“Trust him?” Dad mirrors my stance. “The guy who yelled at you on the pitching mound in front of everybody.”
“I was yelling at him too,” I grit out. “And would you let that go already?” I flick my hand in the air. “Holden’s a decent guy, and you could do me the courtesy of trusting my judgment. You never made Patrick come and ask for permission to take me out.”
Dad laughs like I’ve just made a joke.
Okay, I get it. Patrick is hardly the kind of boyfriend parents have to worry about.
Good. Clean. Wholesome. Uncomplicated.
Allergic to PDA and kisses that involve tongue.
My cheeks flare with color as Dad continues to snicker.
I growl in my throat and cross my arms again.
Mom gives Dad a soft look of reprimand before turning her attention to me. “So, how was your date with Holden, then?”
“It’s not like that.” I shake my head, praying Chloe doesn’t walk in the door while I’m explaining. “The thing is, he asked Chloe to the dance, and I just wanted to check him out. Subtly work out what his intentions are.”
“Chloe didn’t mention that to me,” Dad snaps.
“She told me.” Mom calms him with a wave of her hand. “She’s all excited because some guy from the baseball team asked her. I wasn’t too worried because it’s a homecoming dance and you girls will probably all go together like you did junior prom last year.”
“Maybe.” I shrug. “I’m still not sure I want to go.”
Mom’s eyes round with surprise so I quickly keep talking.
“Which is why I needed to check out Holden and make sure he’s going to look after her. You know, just in case I don’t go. I mean, I probably will.”
You can shut up now, Maddie.
I bite my lips together while Dad’s broad mouth twitches. “So I’m not allowed to interrogate the guy but you are?”
I grin at my father’s expression. “We’ve got to look out for our sweet little girl.”
“And what’s your verdict?” Dad’s losing his battle with the smile.
My heart sinks into my belly acid as I picture Holden picking up Chloe for the dance and treating her to a fun-filled night at school. Is that still happening?
I can’t tell him not to anymore.
He’s no longer a dick, so what am I supposed to do now?
I fight to keep my smile in place, not wanting to let Mom and Dad in on my little nightmare. “Um, I just told you. He’s a good guy.”
“Okay then. Nice work.” A smile breaks across Dad’s face, his eyes glinting with pride. He kisses me on the forehead, then walks through the dining room and turns into the hallway.
It’s nice to see that look aimed at me for a change. He usually reserves that smile for Max. I let the warmth of it soak into me, but it doesn’t have quite the usual impact.
I glance at my mother, my smile faltering under her stern gaze. “Chloe’s sixteen. Heck, she’s turning seventeen this summer. I don’t think she’ll appreciate what you’ve done tonight.”
Wincing, I clasp my hands together and quickly beg, “Can you please not tell her?”
Mom mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key. She’s
still not impressed, but she’s smart enough to know that keeping this between us will save everyone a whole lot of angst.
As she picks up Dad’s belt and heads down to her bedroom, I’m left beside the kitchen counter fighting off a wave of guilt. Mom’s right. Chloe won’t appreciate me checking out Holden on her behalf.
And she most definitely won’t appreciate the way I felt when I was doing it.
22
A Soft Brush
HOLDEN
Seeing Maddie at school after spending an awesome night with her is weird. Part of me wants to walk up to her and start chatting, just so we can continue the awesomeness.
But I can’t do that.
I have a role to play.
So I spend the rest of the day torturing myself.
I stare at the back of her head in Comparative Lit, resisting the urge to pass her notes.
I watch her from my table in the cafeteria, joking with my friends that I’m actually checking out Chloe when in reality, all I want to do is sneak Maddie away for a little private conversation.
By the end of the day it’s killing me.
I can’t wait to find Luke and get the hell out of town. We’re meeting up by Coach’s office to go through the gear inventory and then heading to the sports shop in Bakersfield. They’ve already been notified about the prior theft and have set aside the same stock Coach picked up last time.
I’m kind of surprised the coach is willing to let Luke and me go without him. I thought he’d want to monitor everything really closely, but when I told him what Dad was doing and offered to go and get the stuff after practice, he gave me a grateful smile and told me to skip practice to get the job done. He doesn’t want the gear sitting in anyone’s car overnight, so he’s letting Luke come with me and he’ll wait for us by the sports shed so we can unload everything then and there.
Whipping off my cap, I muss up my hair and walk past the gym. The girls’ volleyball practice is in full swing. I keep my eyes down and turn into the corridor that leads to the lockers, the workout room and Coach Keenan’s office. My sneakers squeak on the floor, sounding loud in the empty space. Everyone’s either on their way home or busy at some music or sports practice.
The small moment of solitude is actually kind of nice.
My lips twitch with a grin that fades as I round the corner and spot Maddie coming out of the girls’ locker room.
She’s dressed for practice, looking hot in a pair of knee-length yoga pants and a fitted red USA T-shirt.
I jolt to a stop, mesmerized by her long ponytail. It sways like a pendulum as she walks towards me. I want to run my hands through that silky hair.
She checks her watch, then breaks into a run that falters the second she sees me.
“Hey.” She jerks to a stop in front of me.
“Hi.” I raise my hand, feeling awkward for some weird reason.
“You not practicing today?” She points at my jeans and checkered-shirt combo.
“Actually Luke and I are heading to Bakersfield to pick up some new gear. Coach wants it done this afternoon so it can be locked up before school closes for the night.”
“Good plan,” she murmurs, her blue gaze flicking to mine before darting back to her sneakers.
I glance over my shoulder, making sure we’re alone in the corridor. Everything seems quiet.
“So, how’s your day been?” It’s a stupid question, but I can’t think of anything else to say.
She glances up to study my face. “My day’s been good, thanks. How about you?”
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I inch a little closer to her and memorize the way the corner of her mouth twitches when she’s fighting a grin. “Yeah, a pretty good day. But not as good as last night.”
Her white teeth brush against her bottom lip and she looks to the ground again.
“I had a really good time.” My voice is low and husky for some reason. I’m not trying to put it on; it’s just happening, along with the uncontrolled thrumming in my chest.
“Me too,” she whispers.
She’s still staring at the floor, so I lean in, talking softly. “You’re welcome to come with me again sometime. In fact, I’d really love it if you did.”
Her aqua gaze jumps up and catches mine before she tips her head with a smile. “You don’t have to prove anything to me anymore. I saw your other side yesterday, and it’s way more attractive than the one you put on at school.”
“So you are attracted to me, then?” I can’t help the cocky grin I flash her. I’m using it to hide the hitch in my chest and the way my heart won’t slow the hell down.
Rolling her eyes, Maddie lets out a soft chuckle. “Don’t ruin it.”
I snicker and catch her hand as she goes to step past me. With a gentle tug, I pull her back to my side and whisper, “Thank you for coming. I needed you to see the real me.”
Her eyes are so warm and vibrant as she gazes up at my face. “I know.”
“I wish I could be myself around you all the time.”
Spinning to face me properly, she places her hands on either side of my face, her thumbs brushing my cheekbones while her long fingers rest on the back of my neck. “You can. I understand why you hide, but you don’t have to.” Her face crumples with pain. “I mean, I wish you didn’t feel like you had to. Better yet, I wish you didn’t have any reasons to.”
Her kind words and the compassion radiating from her do me in, and before I can stop myself, I lean in and brush my lips against hers.
It’s not a hot, passionate kiss…more an act of gratitude than anything.
I’ll just kiss her and then step back, maybe pat her shoulder and say thank you.
But the second my mouth touches hers, it sparks a craving within me. It’s strong and overpowering, possibly triggered by the attraction I’ve always felt towards her.
But it’s been intensified by the secrets I’ve shared.
Maddie’s seen me. All of me.
The second she steps back, I’ll let her go.
I promise myself that…
Until the pads of her fingers sink into the back of my neck and her soft lips move against mine.
23
Shouldn’t Be
MADDIE
I shouldn’t be kissing Holden.
Push him away, you idiot!
But I can’t. His hands are on my waist now. He’s closing the gap between us, drawing our bodies together. I don’t want him to stop.
His hands are strong as he palms my back and holds me.
His lips are soft but commanding. They could own me any second now. I think they already do.
My lips part, deepening the kiss, searching for a taste of him.
He doesn’t make me wait long.
His tongue. Oh my gosh, his tongue.
It’s warm, enticing, familiar yet new.
My heart is hammering a hundred miles a minute.
I shouldn’t be kissing Holden.
This is a bad idea.
There could be terrible consequences.
I shouldn’t be kissing Holden!
But I am.
And I don’t want to stop.
24
A Reality That Burns
HOLDEN
Maddie’s body pressed against mine is perfection.
My tongue skims hers, continuing the dance she started.
She started.
I was after a little peck and she turned it into more.
She did.
Which means she wants me.
That thought alone is enough to send me flying.
I gently suck her bottom lip, smiling as I slowly pull out of the kiss. She seems kind of dazed and I softly chuckle at her dreamy expression.
Resting my hand on the back of her neck, I thread my fingers into her hair and am just thinking about diving in for a second round when I notice something out of the corner of my eye.
Glancing down the corridor, I flinch and go still, guilt ripping through me as I recognize t
he girl standing there in her sports gear, a mitt secured to her left hand.
Shit.
Chloe.
Tears start to build on her lashes and I wince.
Maddie notices my expression and whips around, a soft gasp leaving her mouth.
“Chloe, I…” Maddie’s voice gets sucked into a vortex as she wiggles out of my grasp.
Her little sister stands there staring at us. Her eyes have never been so green. So narrowed.
The tears perched on her lashes begin to fall.
“Chloe.” Emotion is making Maddie’s voice shake as she steps towards her little sister.
“Don’t,” she whispers before spinning on her heel and bolting back outside.
“Chloe!”
Maddie goes to run after her, but I quickly snatch her wrist before she can. “Maddie, wait.”
“No!” She wrenches her wrist free. “Don’t touch me.”
It’s like a sledgehammer to the chest, the way her wide eyes are bright with anguish.
She knows she’s screwed up.
Part of me wonders if she’s going to blame me, but she just shakes her head and delivers her killer blow in a soft whisper. “That can never happen again.”
And then she runs away.
I want to chase her, to somehow fix this, but I can’t.
The damage has been done.
Our perfect moment has been shredded by a reality that burns.
“Shit.” I run a hand through my hair and squeeze the back of my neck.
“Okay, what the hell just happened?” Luke appears in the corridor, pointing over his shoulder as he walks towards me. “I just saw one sister crying and the other chasing after her. Is there some soap opera I’m missing here?”
I let out a heavy sigh before stupidly admitting, “Chloe just saw Maddie and me kissing.”
“What?” Luke’s voice pitches high. “What the hell are you kissing her for?”
I don’t have time to explain before his speculations kick in.
“Oh, wait. You’re still doing that thing. Where you’re trying to break them apart from the inside. That’s brilliant! But hey, leave Max out of it. As much as I hate to admit it, she’s an asset to the team.”