So that was the first big challenge fought and won, and in the aftermath, he was starting to comprehend what it was going to take to really ‘be OK’ with what was required of him if and when their relationship took off properly, for at present it still felt more like a prelude; a series of courting rituals halted before they could reach their natural and much more gradual conclusion, simply by the geography of this cabin. As he waited for the kettle to boil, he examined his surroundings in a new morning’s light, feeling a sense of both gratitude and loathing for what the building had brought into being. He and Josh had spent their first night together; it matched no prior fantasy he had encountered, apart from the waking up beside each other, the warmth of their bodies welling and mingling beneath soft, perfumed linen, an arm wrapped around him. It was stirring in him again and he found a welcome distraction in watching Jess, just outside the French doors, smiling and talking into her phone, idly pushing at a knot in the banister rail with her thumbnail. She sensed that he was watching her and turned away. The kettle came to the boil.
Back in the bedroom, Josh was sitting cross-legged, the duvet cast to one side and pillows positioned in an ad lib fashion against the wooden headboard. He saw the coffee and smiled.
“Thanks,” he said, taking the cup from George and shuffling over to make space. Instead, George sat on the other end of Josh’s side, mirroring his pose.
“You know when you stay in a hotel?” Josh asked. “That first night, in a strange bed, when it’s almost impossible to sleep and you’re glad when the alarm releases you from the scratchy covers and pillows that aren’t yours? Well, that’s what I was expecting last night and I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.”
“But?”
“But I slept right through. Eight whole hours of glorious, undisturbed sleep. I feel unbelievably good this morning.”
George thought on this statement; having shared a house with Josh for the past nine months, not to mention the short time after he first returned from the States, he was aware of the bouts of acute insomnia, and at the best of times, it was rare for a whole night to pass without hearing him get up at least once. Being the sort of person who could fall asleep anywhere and had no trouble getting back to sleep if woken, George wasn’t bothered by being disturbed every night and didn’t mention it. He worried for Josh though, especially when he detected an increase in the frequency of his awakenings, for it came and went in a relatively predictable pattern. The last few weeks had seen an escalation from one or two nightly visits to the toilet, to hearing him go downstairs and turn on the TV, where he would sometimes stay for as long as three hours before he felt it was worth returning to bed.
The gentle touch of Josh’s fingers on his cheek. “What’s on your mind?”
“Lots.”
“Tell me.”
“Just then? I was thinking about your insomnia. It must be difficult to cope with.”
“It used to be. When it first started, I regularly went for three or four nights at a time without sleeping at all, although I was working on my dissertation, so it was probably self-perpetuating. Other than that, the only time it really got to me was ‘the dream’, but it’s normal for me, so I try not to worry about it.”
“Can I ask you something?” George asked hesitantly. He hadn’t considered how he was going to word the question, and didn’t want to put any pressure on him, but their knees were touching and he needed to address it.
“Go on.”
“It’s about the sex thing.”
Josh sipped his coffee, hoping for a ‘couldn’t care less’ effect, even though his heart had quickened and he was dreading what came next.
“It’s only a little bit about the sex thing,” George reassured him. “You see, other than that one hug when I came back from the States, you’ve avoided bodily contact with me since we left school, and I understand it was because you didn’t want to mislead me. But what I don’t get is why that suddenly changed, not that I’m complaining, although it’s hard, err, what I mean is…”
“It turns you on.”
“Yes,” George blushed, “that’s where I was going. Like when we were getting ready to leave for the reunion, and you fixed my tie. It was almost more than I could stand, because you’d never done anything like that before. And then in the limo, you held my hand. Your hand was so cool and smooth and I wanted to—I’m really confused. To wake up with you this morning, with your arm around me and your fingers on my skin; I’m fighting with everything I’ve got, I really am, but I just don’t know how to respond.”
“How would you normally respond?”
“Normal doesn’t apply.”
“Why not?”
“Because normally it might lead to sex.”
“Ah. I see.” Josh closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He wasn’t ready to compromise yet, to seek out some middle ground that would satisfy them both. “How do you want to respond?” he asked.
“Well, ignoring the really dangerous situations, like when I woke up this morning with…” George swallowed and reworded. “Feeling very aroused. Forget that bit for now.”
Josh laughed. “OK. It’s forgotten.”
“I don’t believe you, but anyway, when you touched my face just before, what I wanted to do was take your hand in mine and kiss your fingertips.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Boundaries, or lack thereof. If we go for a walk today, for instance, and you go to hold my hand again, do I leave my hand dangling at my side all unresponsive?”
“Like you have been doing.”
“Quite. Or do I hold your hand back? Am I allowed to put my arms around you in bed?”
Josh hummed thoughtfully.
“I said I’m OK with it,” George continued, “and that’s still the truth, although I need to know where the line is and even then I’m pretty sure I’ll step over it plenty of times, especially in the heat of the moment.”
“When does a touch become a caress?” Josh mused.
“That’s what I mean. How will I know if I’ve gone too far?”
“Which is why you resist when I do touch you.”
George nodded. “That and the whole getting hot under the collar thing,” he confessed.
Josh watched him blush again and turn away. “Can we try something?” he asked. He put his coffee cup to one side and shuffled down the bed, opening his legs so that they were now either side of George.
“Oh, this is dangerous,” he said shakily.
“I know. That’s why I’m doing it, although the only way I’m actually doing it is by pretending this is a consultation, not that I’ve ever done anything like this with a client, you understand, and I’m really nervous, but if we’re going to draw the line we need to find out where it is, because I really want to be able to touch you without you freaking out about it.” He kept moving forward, until his legs were bent up and he couldn’t get any closer. “Uncross your legs,” he instructed. George looked at him dubiously, but did so anyway. Josh gently removed George’s coffee cup and put it on the floor, then took his hands and positioned them on his own hips. “How are we doing so far?”
“Not so good.” George breathed out slowly and focused on the smoke detector above them.
“Did you want to go and—sort yourself out?”
“It’s not going to come to that just yet,” he said and they both started laughing at the innuendo. “Doesn’t this turn you on?”
“Yes, but only because it turns you on. I can’t…I don’t want…”
“It’s OK. I was only asking because I want to understand.”
“So do I.” Josh allowed him to move his hands away, wrongly anticipating that he would try and take it further. Instead, he lifted them clear of their thighs and took hold of Josh’s hands, lifting them to his face and kissing them in relief. Josh smiled encouragingly. “We’ll find a way, I know we will.” George kept his lips against Josh’s skin and closed his eyes. He was teetering on the edge of the most exquisite preci
pice and found he was enjoying the sensory overload, but it was no longer purely sexual. He opened his eyes again and leaned forward to kiss his cheek.
“I think I’m beginning to.”
Oliver hadn’t forgotten his father’s promise the day before, and was pestering him to go to the play area. James was about to tick him off for being impatient, but didn’t. He had eaten all of his breakfast, as requested, and had taken his bowl and cup over to the sink without being asked, which was where he was standing now, holding them up to Eleanor. It was difficult to say no when he was trying so hard.
“Come on then,” James said, strapping the papoose to his front.
“Leave Toby here, if you like,” Eleanor suggested.
“I thought you might prefer some time to yourself.”
“I would, but it’s a hassle having to carry the baby and push a swing at the same time.”
“We will cope, won’t we Oliver?” James smiled.
“OK then. See you all later.” She wiped her hands on a tea towel and gave each of them a kiss as they made their way outside, glancing up at the sky as they variously strode and trotted away. The weather was a bit on the dull side today, but it was dry and still quite warm. She finished tidying away from breakfast, then dug a book out of her bag and settled in the armchair for a quiet read with a cup of tea. It was so peaceful up here, and the signal on her phone was non-existent, for which she was very grateful.
In the absence of a Frisbee (on the kitchen table back home so they didn’t forget it), Casper was quite happy collecting pine cones, and the most muddy, smelly, half-decomposed ones at that. He was like a little truffle hunter, sniffling in amongst the fallen needles, scratching them back with his paw, before proudly carrying his prize back to whichever of his humans looked most likely to appreciate it. It was Shaunna’s turn and she praised him briefly, before he lollopped off in search of his next find; she surreptitiously disposed of the pine cone and wiped her hands on the closest tree trunk.
They’d been walking uphill for half an hour or so, and stopped to look back down the footworn path through the trees, the cabins long since out of sight, with nothing but greenery and the sounds of birds and other creatures around them. It was perfect. Kris picked up a fresh pine cone and sniffed it.
“I could live here,” he said.
“You so could not,” Shaunna retorted.
“I so could!” he protested. “It’s beautiful, and peaceful, and…”
“Missing all the little comforts of modern life. How long d’you think you could stand not being able to just hop on a train, or pop to the supermarket when we run out of milk?”
“Or to the petrol station to buy you chocolate?”
“That too,” she grinned. She eyed a large, flattish stone sticking up through the composted forest floor, brushed away the pine needles and sat down. Kris sat next to her.
“Jess was in a foul mood this morning,” he said.
“I noticed. Has she said anything else?”
“Not since we got here.”
Shaunna watched, as Kris took another pine cone from Casper, then off he went again.
“Neither has Andy,” she said.
“It’s depressing, isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“So,” Kris rubbed his hands together, mostly to remove the mud transferred from the pine cone, “here’s the plan.”
Shaunna leaned in conspiratorially.
“I’m going to get Jess talking again,” he said, “get the low-down on the Rob situation.”
“OK.”
“And your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find out how Andy’s feeling.”
“That should be easy enough. A couple of beers and he’ll be at it for hours.”
“Challenge accepted?” Kris held out his hand and Shaunna shook it.
“Accepted.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE:
TUBLOAD OF FUN
After the third attempt at trying to unlock the lid of the hot tub, Adele relented and passed the key to Dan, who spent several minutes struggling on, whilst she repeatedly reminded him that she’d told him the lock was jammed, before he passed the key to Andy. He tried turning it upside down, rattling the lid to see if it was misaligned, indeed, all the tricks his brother had just tried, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Looks like you’ll have to do without,” he informed Adele.
“I’ll get it open,” Shaunna said, heading back inside the cabin. Dan and Andy looked at each other smugly, then stood with their arms folded, watching as Shaunna came back out, squirted some oil into the lock and lifted the lid clear of the hot tub.
“There you go, hun.” She smiled at Adele, flipped the oil can, caught it and blew the nozzle as if it were a pistol, then sauntered back past Dan and Andy, who both swooned and coughed nervously. Adele was too engrossed in trying to make sense of the controls to even notice. She pressed one button and nothing happened. She pressed another button and the number on the LED increased. She pressed it again, figured out it was the temperature setting, and that two of the buttons were marked with arrows, reset the temperature to what it was originally and pressed the final button. Success! A motor whirred to life and the water erupted in a bubbly mass.
“Yay!” she said excitedly. Josh and George had just arrived, and were helping Dan to set out chairs, while Andy was loading beer into the fridge.
“Hope you’ve got your trunks on,” Adele said to George. He pulled a flap of red fabric from the top of his jeans to show he had. She was already out of her clothes and about to step into the hot tub. “And you too, Josh.”
“Err, no, thanks. I’ll sit this one out, if it’s all the same to you,” he smiled. The lights around the edge of the veranda suddenly illuminated and Shaunna appeared a moment later, armed with a bottle of red wine and two glasses.
“That’s better,” she said, inspecting the golden glow she had instigated. She poured the wine and placed the glasses on the ledge alongside the hot tub, then stepped out of her bathrobe and climbed in, scooping her hair into a large clip as she sat down next to Adele. This time, Dan had his back turned, but Andy didn’t and he busied himself with passing bottles around. George and Josh took their beers and settled into their seats.
“Is it me,” George whispered, “or is Shaunna being a dreadful flirt?”
“The second one,” Josh whispered back. It was as if she’d reverted back to her old ways, and she was clearly enjoying every second of it, as were the Jeffries brothers, it would seem. Luckily, Adele remained oblivious to all of this, sipping her wine and letting her legs float up on the air bubbles rising through the wonderfully warm water.
Eleanor and James arrived and left Toby in his carrycot just inside the door. Oliver had been permitted to stay up late, and immediately went off to play with little Shaunna, who had napped for a short while earlier, but was wide awake now and no doubt would stay that way for most of the evening. James positioned his chair so he could keep an eye on his sons at the same time as enjoying the evening. Jess and Kris arrived soon after, and everyone stopped talking, anticipating trouble.
“Andy,” Jess acknowledged with a nod.
“Hi,” he said airily. “Want a beer?”
“Thanks.”
He took the lids off two bottles and handed them to her. She passed one to Kris and followed him outside, where things were gradually returning to normal. Dan brought out his speakers and set his MP3 player to a low volume, the music providing an inconspicuous backdrop to the interactions between the friends as they flitted in and out of each other’s conversations. The last time they had properly been together like this was when they went en masse to visit George on his ranch, a fact that had not been lost on Josh, but he waited for someone else to point it out first.
“At least there was plenty of space to spread out,” George was justifying, having taken yet another round of jibes about the warm beer he’d served them. Looking back on it now, he wondered how he’d coped for so long
without a fridge, or any form of heating (he never did master lighting the wood burner). It was easy to forget that he had gone from living at home in a draughty tower block, to sharing a house at uni with three others who all came from farming backgrounds and tended to prioritise food and alcohol over heat and light, with the end result often being that the meter would be out of money for days at a time. Only since he’d come back to the UK had he really enjoyed the luxury of reliable refrigeration, central heating and constant, running hot water.
“Look at us,” Josh said, sensing George’s discomfort. “We’re sitting on a balcony, drinking beer and watching the sun set over the mountains.”
“We are too,” George grinned, “although I always imagined we’d be doing it on our own.”
“There’s plenty of time for that,” Josh assured him. “We’ve got the rest of our lives.”
George was momentarily stunned by the realisation. He and Josh were together.
“Come on, George, get your kit off!” Shaunna shouted through the cloud of steam hanging over the hot tub. Adele whooped.
“Oh, all right then,” he said, only partially affecting a reluctant tone. “If you insist.” He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open, receiving a wolf whistle from one of the girls (he couldn’t see which one because of the steam, but had a pretty good idea), and unzipped his trousers, stamping his way out of them and his socks at the same time. He turned to put his clothes on the chair and winked at Josh.
“Are you sure you won’t join us?”
“You’re making me cold just watching!” Josh said, pulling his sleeves down over his hands. George shrugged and climbed in between Shaunna and Adele. Eleanor didn’t skip a beat and made a beeline for Josh, lifting George’s clothes onto the table and sitting down.
The Harder They Fall Page 34