Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

I pull the baby monitor out of my pocket and place it on the table before grabbing a beer out of the fridge. Ace and Snatch are at Jake’s keeping an eye on things, but every other member of the club is here in the garage, drinking beer and shooting the shit.

  Dom hasn’t been home in over a year, so everybody is here to get a piece of him. He’s got kind of a celebrity status with some of the guys in the club. He looks tired and worn from years upon years of battle, but the smile on his face is genuine.

  “Should I call you daddy?” he says looking at the baby monitor and then back to me.

  I smile. “Only if you pull my hair and slap my ass first.”

  “Come sit on my lap, and we can see what we can work out,” he says slapping his hand on his knee.

  Itchy looks at me, then Dom, and back to me again. Then without a word he stands up grabs his beer and walks out, grumbling something about us being insensitive assholes.

  “What’s crawled up his ass?” Dom asks before tilting his beer to his lips.

  “Probably Snatch,” Snake says absently and then snaps his mouth shut.

  “Itchy’s always been weird as hell,” Kincaid says from the other side of the table.

  We spend hours in the garage, drinking beer and getting caught up. We decided it would be a great idea to have the Renegade MC over for the celebration. Some of the other guys are beyond excited about that because they always have a trail of new club girls following closely behind them. Fresh pussy and beer seem to be all it takes to keep these guys happy.

  I don’t realize how late it’s gotten until the baby monitor crackles, and I hear Misty’s voice through the speaker.

  “Shhh,” she coos softly. I hear the bedding rustle, and I can picture in my mind her reaching and getting the baby out of the crib. “Did Daddy keep you up late?”

  Her voice trails off, and I hear my door close softly behind her as she leaves my room. I hate that I’m out here and wasn’t in there to see her when she came home. I may not speak with her very often, but man do I love to look at her.

  I know she’s going to go nurse him and put him back in the crib I finally convinced her to get for her room. The idea makes my cock thicken. Not at the image of her nursing my son, because that’s just fucked up, but the thought of her gorgeous tits leaves me unable to control my own fucking body.

  I realize the entire room has gone silent, and I look up to find every club member’s eyes on me.

  “What?” I ask.

  Everyone begins to laugh raucously. “Man,” Dom says slapping me on my back. “You are so fucked.”

  Chapter 25

  “Where did you get that dress, Sexy momma?” Bri asks bumping my hip with hers.

  I shrug. “Tips were good last week. I thought I’d splurge a bit.”

  I knew I should’ve bought something longer, but it’s difficult to find a simple sundress that hits at the knee or below. My breasts are the only thing holding the shirred fabric up since it flares out from there and only hits about mid-thigh.

  “Shadow’s going to love it,” she says with a wink before carrying an overly large plate of uncooked burgers out to the grill.

  “You look phenomenal,” Em says walking up and twirling a lock of my dark hair around her finger. “And Bri is right.”

  She goes to the sink to wash her hands before digging into the fridge to get the vegetables out.

  “About what?” I ask taking the cucumbers from her and beginning to slice them.

  “That Shadow’s going to love seeing you in that dress.”

  I sigh loud enough for her to hear my frustrations.

  “I’m not wearing this for him.”

  She raises both her eyebrows.

  “Seriously! I finally feel normal after having Griffin. I wanted to look nice also.” I go back to cutting the vegetables.

  “You’re wearing makeup, Misty,” she says as if it explains everything.

  I do my best to ignore her. Of course, I dressed up because I want Shadow to take notice of me. Why else would I have spent two hours at the Sephora counter making sure to match their makeup perfectly with my skin tone? I just didn’t expect people to call me out on it. Now I feel like I’m being too obvious, and I’m fighting the urge to change into jeans and wash my face.

  “I wanted to feel pretty,” I concede.

  “You’re always pretty,” Kincaid says startling me. I didn’t even realize he walked into the room.

  I smile at him when he leans in and kisses my forehead. With the exception of Shadow’s distance since I got here, everyone else has made me feel welcome, like I’m a part of this big family.

  “Prez.” I look over my shoulder to see Shadow standing across the room, hardly able to hide the scowl on his face. His voice is laced with warning. I turn back to the counter, unable to hide my smile. Shadow shows no kind of emotion toward me until the much-taken club president kisses me on the forehead.

  My smile falters the longer I think about it. He doesn’t want me, but he’s doing some sort of territory marking so no one else will come near me.

  “Might as well piss on my leg,” I mutter to myself. Kincaid chuckles as he steps away to go to Em’s side. My cheeks flush in embarrassment. I didn’t realize he could hear me.

  My body can tell when Shadow leaves the room because the atmosphere changes. The air inside the kitchen seems less charged. I’m not surprised that he didn’t say a word to me. Unless I’m holding the baby or Griffin needs something, I’m lucky if I get so much as a quick nod of the head acknowledging my existence. As far as he’s concerned, I’m Griffin’s mother, and that’s it.

  There are a couple of Cerberus members as well as club members from the Renegades MC sitting at the tables on the other side of the room. The kitchen and what I’d consider the dining area consists of one huge room, allowing interaction between the people sitting and those preparing the food.

  Several of the females that came along with them have graciously offered to help meal prep. We accepted immediately, knowing we’re feeding over two dozen hungry men and would never be able to do it ourselves. Snapper, Gypsy, and two other club girls I’d never seen before are thankfully absent, but they never help at the clubhouse either. Rose is flitting around out back, supervising Kid and Snatch while they set up tables and chairs for everyone to eat at once the food is done.

  “Seems you have an admirer,” Bri says quietly as she heads to the sink to clean the raw meat plate to take back out to Scorpion. I was informed that the Renegade MC President always mans the grill when they have a cookout. Apparently, he’s like some meat wizard or something. I can’t wait to taste the brisket they been cooking all day. They even brought their own smoker with them.

  “What in the world are you talking about?” I ask holding my hands up waiting for my turn at the sink.

  She tilts her head over her shoulder. Idiotically I look over at the table she’s indicating and find a handsome man wearing a Renegade cut watching me. He smiles big and tilts his beer up before bringing it to his lips.

  “Jesus,” I mutter turning back to the sink.

  “His name is Butch,” she says scooting over to give me access to the sink and drying her hands on a dish towel.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I ask as quietly as possible.

  She shrugs her shoulders. She smiles from ear to ear and slides away without another word. Just as I turn to get a bowl for the cucumber slices to go in, I run into a hard chest.

  I look up into the dark brown eyes of Butch. In seconds, like a stealthy bandit, he’s made his way from across the room to flush against my body.

  “Easy there,” he says huskily, placing a hand around me at the small of my back.

  My body tingles at the attention.

  “You startled me,” I admit with a small grin.

  “You looked like you could use some help,” he says indicating the array of things to be cut, diced, and peeled for the veggie trays.

  I look over my shoulder at the other biker
s across the room. “They’re not offering to help. Why are you?” I ask playfully.

  This man is huge. He has to be close to six and a half feet tall and wider in the shoulders than any man I’ve had the pleasure of meeting before, but for some reason, I feel relaxed around him.

  “They’re Neanderthals,” he says walking around me to wash his hands.

  I laugh at his insult of his fellow MC members.

  Conversation is light and flows easily with Butch as we manage in record time to clean and prepare all of the vegetables for the various trays. I slap jovially at his hand when he dips a carrot stick into the ranch dip I’m scooping into a large bowl.

  “That’s for later,” I say with a grin.

  “Just a little taste,” he says with a wink and my body responds to more than just his reference to the root vegetable he’s already popped in his mouth.

  “I bet,” I hear Shadow mutter from the other side of the room.

  I don’t know how long he’s been in here, but I don’t feel one ounce of guilt at my interaction with Butch. He’s been shamelessly flirting with me the entire time. I haven’t reciprocated in the least, but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing.

  “You his old lady?” he asks.

  I turn my back to the counter, facing Shadow’s direction. “Nope,” I say sincerely. “We have a son together, but there’s no relationship between us.”

  I don’t think Shadow can hear us since we’re speaking so low, but he still narrows his eyes at me. I watch as he drinks half of his beer in one long pull and stands from the table. He walks out of the room without a word.

  “Well, beautiful,” Butch says placing the towel he just dried his hands with on the counter. “I guess I’ll see you outside in a bit.”

  Everyone else has already cleared out of the dining room to get ready for the outside meal, leaving Butch and me alone in the kitchen. He stops in the doorway and turns back to me. “I’m not ashamed to admit I’d love to spend more time with you.” He hitches his thumb over his shoulder in the direction Shadow stormed off in. “But you need to put that poor guy out of his misery.”

  I turn back to the counter and grip it until my knuckles turn white. I have no idea what people see in Shadow and my interactions to keep saying things like that. We’re like magnets with the same charge, pushing each other away when we get too close. Who am I kidding? He pushes me away; I’d never do that to him.

  I head down the back hallway to check on Griffin. Khloe has offered to watch him, giving me the opportunity for some free time. I knock softly on her door and open it when I hear her say come in.

  “Is he giving you any trouble?” I ask closing the door behind me.

  “Never,” she says closing one of her many textbooks that’s spread around her on the bed.

  I look over at Griffin, who is content to stare at the lights from the twirling star lamp that are bouncing around the ceiling.

  “He’s an awesome baby,” Kid says coming out of the bathroom drying his hair with a towel. At least, this time, he’s in jeans and not just his boxers, which I’ve seen more times than I’m comfortable with. I think Khloe said something to him because the last couple of run-ins we’ve had after his shower, he’s been in jeans.

  “I hope our kids are just as calm,” Kid says as he looks over at Khloe.

  “That’s not happening anytime soon,” she rebuts.

  “I’ll wear her down eventually,” he says looking over at me.

  “You guys are thinking about kids?” I want to tell them to wait, to be more stable when they make that leap. Khloe is three years younger than me and still in college.

  “He,” she says pointing at Kid, “wants babies. I just want to pass government and algebra.” She smiles at Kid, who true to form is giving her a goofy look. “Besides, I’m too young for children.”

  I hear Kid huff, causing me to laugh.

  “He’s in some midlife crisis,” Khloe whispers as she leans forward closer to me.

  “I am not!” he screeches from the doorway of the bathroom. “I just see how much joy babies bring.” He looks over longingly at Griffin.

  “How about the best of both worlds?” I say getting up from the end of the bed. “You can borrow Griffin anytime you want.”

  “Deal,” Khloe says. “He’s about to go to bed. Aren’t you Griff?”

  The baby kicks his legs, and I know he won’t be ready for bed anytime soon.

  “I fed him right before bringing him in here a bit ago, but I’m sure he’ll want to nurse again in a few hours. Just come find me when he does.” I open their bedroom door. “Thanks again for keeping an eye on him.”

  “Anytime,” Khloe says before I close the door.

  I make my way outside, joining the large group of loud bikers and scantily clad women. I now feel overdressed, which is a happy change from earlier. Butch waves to me from across the yard, indicating an empty seat he’s saved beside him. I walk to him with a smile on my face and not a care in the world.

  Chapter 26

  “What’s that fucker playing at?” I mumble watching the Renegade VP and Misty laugh and talk on the other side of the yard.

  I hear Kincaid chuckle beside me, and I realize I said that shit out loud.

  I take a long pull from my beer hoping he’ll just ignore me.

  No such luck.

  “I think they’d make a great couple,” he says smirking around the mouth of his own beer bottle.

  “I’m in no fucking mood, Prez,” I warn him.

  His eyes sparkle with mirth. “He looks like he’d be a decent stepdad. I know for a fact he loves kids. He volunteers at the children’s hospital all the time in Albuquerque.”

  My blood boils at the thought. The part about him being a good stepdad to my son, not the part about helping kids because come on, that shit’s pretty cool. Nothing against Butch; he’s an awesome man. Has had my back more than once when I needed him, but the idea of Misty settling down with anyone else, makes my face heat in anger and my trigger finger itch.

  “Over my goddamned dead body,” I seethe.

  “You have to accept that eventually, she’s going to move on. She’s a beautiful woman that deserves to be cherished, worshiped even. She’s not going to be content to just be on her own, alone for the rest of her life.” He looks over at me, giving me a knowing glance. “You have to decide if you’re going to be able to handle that.”

  Without another word he gets up from his chair and walks over to Emmalyn, who’s standing next to Rose and Doc. I watch as he wraps his arms around her waist, placing his hands delicately on her lower stomach. Her smile falters, momentarily replaced with a brief sadness.

  Kincaid told me a few days ago that their first attempt at fertility treatments failed. He said they plan to try as many times as it takes. My heart breaks for them. Here they are trying everything they can to have a family, and I’m wasting my opportunity to have one around every turn. They must be disgusted with me, even though they’ve never said so or made me feel that way.

  My mind, like always, floats back to Misty and Griffin. It seems every waking thought has them in it in some form or fashion.

  I had to bite my tongue and fight the desire to walk away in the kitchen when Butch first approached Misty. I tortured myself as they cut vegetables and laughed freely. He brought out the big guns and flirted with her without a care in the damn world. He could tell by how she acted that she wasn’t one of the club girls. I’ve known Butch for years, and whore pussy is not something he’s really interested in. The poor bastard is a serial monogamist, who just can’t seem to find the perfect woman to completely settle down with.

  If I’m being honest with myself, Butch and Misty would probably make a great couple. Thank fuck I’ve grown accustomed to the lies I’ve been telling myself the last several months.

  Kincaid’s words bounce around my head. I never even considered the possibility that Misty would move on, not that she’s hung up on me. She hasn’t made one
overture in my direction to even indicate that she wants more than what we have right now. It’s part of the reason I’ve kept my distance. She hasn’t said another word about finding her own place since that single conversation we had months ago. I let myself grow accustomed to the security of knowing she’s right next door, sharing the same roof with me. After Kincaid’s words, I can’t help but wonder just how much longer she’ll be here.

  I hear the beautiful sound of Misty’s laugh. It’s genuine, and I realize that she doesn’t laugh nearly enough. I have to wonder how much of that is my fault. I feel a pang of regret for not engaging with her more often, for not spending time with her and Griffin together rather than always splitting parenting duties.

  I grin at Dom as he walks back to the house with his arms wrapped around the shoulder of his conquest for the night. The dark haired beauty is looking up at him like she’s just won the Powerball Lottery. I’d noticed several women vying for his attention tonight, more than willing to make it a group thing. Dom doesn’t operate that way, though; one woman at a time has always been his MO. I’m sure the other women are devastated, but I know if they stick around long enough, they may still get their chance.

  My eyes scan the backyard and land on my sister who looks more than a little upset as she watches Dom and his girl head back into the clubhouse. I told her not to get any ideas about him, but she never listens. I shake my head, grateful he’s chosen one of the girls the Renegades brought along. Bri will see in the morning when Dom walks out of his room alone, that his bed is no place for a woman with any type of morals. She’ll be thankful she dodged a bullet.

  Misty’s continued laughter brings my eyes back to her and Butch. They’re sitting close to each other on a wicker two-seater near the fire pit that’s only lit to help keep the mosquitos away. I shouldn’t get pissed that their thighs and arms are touching. Hell, Butch is so fucking big he’s taking up two-thirds of the space himself. I shouldn’t even care that they’ve spent the entire evening talking, laughing, and having a good time, but I do.