by Marie James
I miss Griffin and his curious blue eyes. I miss the way his face lights up when I walk into the room like I’m the best thing he’s seen all day.
Misty. Fuck. Misty.
Before, I missed her laughter and her quick wit. Now? Now I miss so much more. The way her lips feel against mine. The way she sighs contently when I slide inside of her. I miss the way she clings to my back when I drive all the way home. And now I’m sitting in a meeting in some small mountain shack with an erection. My head isn’t where it needs to be, and just because this job isn’t dealing with terrorists and thugs with guns, doesn’t give me the right to be here and not one-hundred percent present.
I scrub my hands down my face, trying to clear my head of all thoughts of Misty’s body and the light scent of lavender that always clings to her skin.
“Shadow?” Snatch says beside me.
“I’m sorry, what?” I look over at him and back to the man at the head of the table.
This job is quasi-domestic at least. We’ve landed ourselves in Canada, which is practically the United States; it should be at least. Thank fuck it’s not Central America; I’ve had my fair share of those shithole countries.
“They’ve already been gone two days,” the man at the head of the table says. I can’t remember his name to save my life, and that’s not typical of me. “They left from their camp here,” he says pointing to a red dot on the map in front of him.
We haven’t been called out on an abduction. This isn’t a situation where some evil person has come in and taken someone. We’re here because two, eight-year-old boys wandered off in the night from the campground they were camping at. Short of somehow locking the boys in their tent, this situation could happen to just about anyone.
This, as a father, is one of my worst nightmares. I realize that it’s not just the courts in Denver that can make me lose my son, but even Mother Nature or random acts of choice on Griffin’s part could result in him being snatched away from me.
With renewed determination, I look at the map and vow to find these boys alive, if for no other reason than to save their parents from a grief I’d never survive myself.
***
“I didn’t even consider the time when I called,” I tell Misty. When she answered, she told me to hold on for a minute while she gets Griffin settled down to eat.
I’ve Facetimed her. We’ve talked each of the three days I’ve been gone, but her voice on the phone just wasn’t going to be enough today. I stare at the screen of my phone. All it shows is the ceiling of her room.
“Okay,” she says picking up the phone. I smile at her dark hair piled up on her head.
“How are you?” I ask.
“We’re good,” she answers. Looking away from the phone she says, “your daddy’s on the phone.”
“Let me see him.” I lick my lips in anticipation of what I’m going to be rewarded with.
She turns the phone around, and I see Griffin lying against a pillow holding a bottle to his mouth. “I figured he’d be nursing,” I say unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. So much for getting a glimpse of her breast. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find anything erotic about my son nursing, but I’d never turn down a chance to see Misty’s bare chest.
“He’s been biting, so I cut him off,” she says with the phone still turned around facing the baby.
I see his mouth twitch with a grin around the tip of the bottle. The tiny quiver of his chin as he tries to smile without releasing the bottle makes me grin right back at him.
“Hey, big guy,” I say to him. He kicks his feet, and his eyes widen even further at my voice. The pride in my chest swells to immeasurable heights.
“Now don’t get him riled up,” Misty says turning the phone toward her face. “It’s time for him to settle down and go to bed. I have a ton of things to take care of before work tomorrow.”
I see her eyes dart away, and a sense of unease climbs up my back. “What’s going on tomorrow?”
“I just have a ton of errands to run,” she says dismissively.
We chat for a few minutes longer, but the mood has shifted. I can’t wait for this job to be over so I can look into her eyes and let her know that everything will be okay.
***
I regret ever making fun of Kid and Kincaid for being upset while they’re away from their women. Sitting in this loud-ass bar surrounded by willing women does absolutely nothing for me. Not one of the girls who have stopped by the table even compare to what I have at home.
“How about a dance?” the redheaded woman who introduced herself as Laura says, getting a little too far into my personal space.
I hear Kincaid chuckle beside me when I scoot back further in my chair. I realize she’s only asking for a dance right now, but that won’t be where she wants to end things. I saw her from across the bar twenty minutes ago, and the look in her eyes screamed ‘take me home’ not ‘let’s just dance.’
My mistake was making eye contact with her. To her, it was an invitation. She eyed me up one side and down the other as she slowly sauntered up to our table.
“Sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t dance.” I angle my head over at Dominic, who’s looking at her like she could be his last meal. “Dom here loves to dance, though.”
Her eyes shift focus and land on Dom. He cuts his eyes to me; ‘fuck you’ can be seen in them a mile away. He’s not mad about the pass off, just the fact that he’s going to have to get his old ass up and actually dance with her to seal the deal.
Kincaid slaps his back good-naturedly as he stands and wraps his arm around her waist. They walk away, Dom leaning down to whisper something in her ear. He’s probably informing her that his moves will be much better in bed than out on the dance floor.
“So does this mean you and Misty are together now?” Itchy asks before finishing off his beer.
“Looking that way,” I respond.
“Good thing,” Snake chimes in. “Glad you claimed her. If you weren’t going to start fucking her, I sure as hell was.”
My ears barely register the sound of my bar stool crashing to the ground as I wrap my hand around Snake’s throat. His eyes widen in fear as he attempts, but fails, to take in a breath.
“That’s the mother of my child you piece of shit,” I hiss in his face almost nose to nose. “Even if she weren't mine, you wouldn’t lay a goddamned finger on her. Are we clear?”
He nods his head as best he can.
“Hey, brother. Settle down,” I hear Kincaid say in my ear. “He’s drunk. Just talking shit.”
I release Snake’s throat and take a step back. His hand immediately begins to rub the red marks left from my grip.
“Sorry, Shadow,” he says increasing the distance between us. “I didn’t mean nothing by it. Just that you’re a lucky fucker to have her. You know?”
His words ring true. I am a lucky fucker. My only regret is wishing I’d seen it sooner than I did. I feel like I’ve lost months with her. Days and weeks I could’ve held her in my arms, rather than being angry and pissed off.
My lip twitches with mirth as I watch him walk away. Brother or not, talking like that about Misty won’t be tolerated. Kincaid would’ve pulled me off sooner, but I know he let me say my peace because he wouldn’t tolerate someone talking about Emmalyn that way any more than Kid would about Khloe.
My eyes scan the other guys at the table. Itchy, Kid, Kincaid, and I are all that’s left. I’m surprised to see Itchy there when Snatch is across the bar with his arms wrapped around two tall blondes. They usually seek and conquer together, but something is off between the two of them. Their dynamic seemed to change the minute Darby left.
I’d ask what’s going on, but it’s none of my damned business. I can’t help but wonder if they’ve had some type of lover’s quarrel.
Chapter 35
I know Shadow could tell something was off when we spoke on the phone last night, but I wasn’t ready to tell him what my plans were. He’d try to talk me out of them
if only to keep me here. His ideas are the only good ideas.
Every day we speak on the phone, I want to ask him about us. I need to know where I stand with him, but I’m a coward. I don’t want to take the chance of asking him and not liking the answer. I’d much rather live in denial, but that will end very soon.
Looking online at the classified ads yesterday I came across an ad for an above garage apartment. The address says it’s in a very nice neighborhood, and I can’t pass up a deal like that.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I hear Khloe ask from the doorway.
“I have to do this, Khloe.”
She nods her head in understanding as she reaches in and scoops Griffin up out of his crib.
“I have a ton of things to figure out,” I say absently.
“Well, you can mark childcare off the list because this little fella,” she says nuzzling her nose into Griffin’s neck making him squeal in delight. “He’s staying with me when you’re at work.”
I sigh in relief. “You don’t know how much that means to me, Khloe. I was seriously worried that when I moved out no one here would want to have anything to do with me.”
“Fat chance,” she says. “We all love you. We don’t want you to leave, but we can’t fault you for your choices.”
“Thank you.”
She walks toward the door with Griffin. “Good luck. I hope it’s the perfect fit for you guys.”
I locate my purse and cell phone and head out to the living area to find Bri. Khloe is on my side, but I know Bri is going to be a totally different story.
Thirty minutes later we’re pulling up outside of a huge house. This one is even larger than Dom’s home.
“This can’t be it,” I mutter looking out the window at the sprawling front yard.
“This is the address in the ad,” Bri says in awe.
My eyes cut over to the detached garage. Four bay doors topped by a second story with countless windows sits to the left side of the immaculate home.
“They had to have left a number out of the rent. It has to be a typo. No way that apartment is going for six hundred a month,” I tell her.
“Only one way to find out,” she says turning off the ignition and opening her door. I follow her out, still unable to take my eyes off of the expansive property.
We walk up to the front of the house and are greeted by a statuesque, middle-aged woman.
“Misty?” she asks looking at Bri.
Bri points to me. “She’s Misty. I’m Brighton,” she says holding out her hand to the woman. They shake hands and then the woman offers hers to me.
“Nice to meet you…” I say pausing, hoping she’ll give me her name.
“Constance Ralston,” she says as our hands meet. “You’re younger than I thought you’d be.”
That explains why she was hoping Bri was the possible tenant.
“I’m twenty-two, a college graduate with a small child. I’m very stable,” I inform her quickly.
She smiles at me as if the details have calmed her nerves some, but didn’t abate them completely.
“Shall we have a look?” she asks motioning toward the garage apartment.
“The ad in the paper said six hundred a month,” I say before getting my hopes up. I don’t even want to see the place if it’s going to be more than that. I’ve considered applying with the school district, but as it stands with my job at Jake’s, six is at the top of my limit already.
“That’s correct,” she says with a smile.
My heart soars. I want to tell her immediately that I’ll take it, but I don’t want to seem too eager, especially since she seems concerned with my age.
We walk quietly to the outer door of the garage and up a staircase into a hall that ends with two doors.
“That door leads to a small storage area if there are things you need to keep here but don’t want in your living area. This door,” she says unlocking it with a key, “this is the apartment.”
I’m in awe as I step into the room. From the looks of it, this place isn’t only furnished, but it’s bigger than the home I grew up in with my parents.
“Two bedrooms, one bath,” Constance says walking into the main living area. “There’s not a formal dining area, but the kitchen has an adorable breakfast bar. There’s also room for a small table and chairs if you need to entertain.”
I cock an eyebrow at Bri behind Constance’s back. Entertain?
“To make up for what the apartment lacks,” Constance says pulling back the curtains in the living room. “There’s a great view of the golf course and mountains.”
She’s absolutely right. The view is spectacular, but that’s not even a concern of mine. I’d take this apartment if it didn’t have a single window in it.
Bri and I walk around a little longer cataloging each luxury aspect of the place. I was expecting a ratty little one room apartment, not the equivalent of a home. There’s a walk-in pantry in the kitchen for heaven’s sake.
“Can I move in with you?” Bri asks as we stare at the sunken tub in the bathroom.
I laugh. “Right? This place is fantastic.”
“This place is incredible, Misty, but Morrison is not going to be happy about this at all.”
“I know,” I whisper softly. “But I’m not going to keep living off of him next door so it’s convenient for him to come over and sleep with me whenever he feels like it. I’m worth more than that.”
“You can always tell him no,” she says with a soft smile.
“I can’t,” I answer honestly. “I need some distance.”
Bri rubs a soothing circle on my back as we walk back to the living room to join Constance.
“What do you ladies think?” Constance asks from the plush sofa.
“I love it,” I answer honestly. “I’d love to rent it.” I reach into my small purse. “I have the cash for deposits and everything right here.”
She smiles widely as she gets off the couch and crosses the room to us.
***
The entire day has been a whirlwind. Constance allowed me to put down the deposit for the apartment. We followed her over to the main house, and I signed a lease. She handed over the keys immediately. I called into work at Jake’s. He didn’t have a problem with me taking today’s shift off, and for that I’m grateful.
Bri took me back to the clubhouse, which is where I find myself now.
Packing has never been more depressing. I could easily load everything I own in a large duffel bag and be done with it. Realizing I have absolutely nothing to show for my life but some ratty clothes and items bought for the baby is very depressing.
“I’m serious,” Emmalyn says taping another small box together. “I don’t care if Shadow paid for these things. He bought them for you and Griffin. You should take all of it to your new place.”
I turn my face away from her. I’m not a user. I didn’t accept these things because I felt like I was owed them. I didn’t really have a choice. I was just getting better from the infection in my C-section incision when most of the toys and baby supplies showed up.
“He has a crib in his room for when Griffin visits. He knows you’ll need one at your new place,” she continues. “He’ll understand.”
I shake my head. “He’s not going to understand any of this. No matter how much I try to explain it.”
My worst fear is that he will understand. I’m terrified he’ll come home, realize I’m gone and be okay with me no longer being here. I’m fearful that he’ll be relieved that I’m no longer next door. I’m not doing this as a means to get a reaction out of him, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a little push back. Him not being happy may mean that he actually cares, even though that subject hasn’t come up once since he left for this last job.
I need to get out of here to prove my independence to the courts. I need to show that I can support myself and Griffin on my own without the assistance of Shadow. Being dependent on someone I’m not in a relationshi
p with puts me in the same position I was in when I signed the paperwork giving Griffin up for adoption.
I’m hoping Shadow will take into consideration that I’m just across town and didn’t pack up and run away, which is always in the forefront of my mind. I can’t help but feel like Denver courts are going to take Griffin from me and just hand him over to Rachel and Stewart Davis.
I swallow roughly and keep packing. If I keep thinking about that damn court date, I know I’ll make a hasty decision that could have lasting consequences.
“Okay,” I finally tell Emmalyn. “We can take the crib, but leave the rocking chair.”
“Griffin loves to be rocked in that chair,” Emmalyn says.
“There’s one at the apartment,” I lie and go back to packing.
I don’t need the memories of all the sweet gestures Shadow has made over the last six months. Holding on to that stuff is what will keep me from moving on, and that’s going to be a bigger problem than I ever thought possible.
Chapter 36
“You alright?” I feel a brotherly slap on my back as Kincaid settles in beside me at the table.
I shake my head and clear my throat, doing my best to ward off all the emotions that are clustered deep in my chest.
“I hate when things end this way,” I say staring out the window avoiding Kincaid’s eyes.
“Me too,” he says with a sigh.
“They were practically babies.” I scrub both of my hands roughly over my face. Standing from the table, I pace around the small room in the mountain recovery building.
He nods in agreement but stays silent.
We found the two eight-year-old boys we were hired to find. We found their mangled bodies at the bottom of a steep ravine. It was clear they’d been deceased for a while, more than likely had fallen the same night they left camp without permission. There was nothing we could’ve done. It was over before we even got started.