Reaching out she felt his fingers curl around hers, for the first time in almost a decade, and the dip her stomach took physically hurt. Leading her inside he pulled her into a stall, kicking the door shut behind them, their eyes still locked in a deep stare that Quinn was afraid neither of them were willing to break. But somebody needed to, before this turned into something it really couldn’t be. This was all kinds of wrong. She knew she shouldn’t be here, and now she wished she’d gone home with Harry because he was right. She should’ve left this alone, waited until they were at the studios; waited until Aaron was with her.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Don’t,” she whispered, letting go of his hand and shaking her head but she still couldn’t break the stare. “Just, don’t.”
He reached out to gently push her hair back off her face, and as he did so his fingers brushed her cheek, and that’s when the smack of reality hit her so hard she almost doubled over with the shock. She took hold of his wrist and yanked it away from her, finally finding the strength to break that stare.
“I said, don’t.”
What the hell were they doing? They were hiding, in a bathroom stall, like two teenagers, and if any of the press here at this post-premiere party got wind of this… She had to get out of here. She had to leave; go home. She could still handle this, she could. Just, not here. Not now. Not like this. Not alone.
“I needed to see you, Quinn.”
“You’re ten years too late, Lukas.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Sorry? Oh, now, you really are ten years too late with that one.”
Their eyes met again, but Quinn had found that inner strength she’d been afraid had deserted her, and she was OK now. She could do this.
“We need to talk, Quinn.”
“Ten years ago would’ve been a good time to do that, too.”
She wasn’t letting him do this. He wasn’t going to dictate how this worked, she was in control now.
“If I could turn back the clock…”
“Oh, Jesus, I can’t believe you’re actually saying that…”
“I hurt you, I know I did…”
“Something you promised you’d never do, Lukas. Remember?”
“You never gave me a chance to put that right.”
“I gave you so many chances, and you threw every single one of them back in my face. You messed up, and you seriously expected me to just sit around and wait until you’d decided you wanted to grow up?”
He bowed his head, but Quinn felt nothing. Those initial feelings of – what had they actually been? She didn’t know, not really. But all she felt now was anger and frustration at what he’d done – to her; to them.
“You tore my life apart, Lukas. You tore our life apart, and I never got over that.”
He raised his gaze and when his eyes met hers they were full of regret, she could see that. But it was too late. He’d put her through too much, caused her to feel worthless and empty and all she’d ever done was love him. Too fucking much.
“Baby, I am so sorry. Every day of my life I regret all the crap I put you through, but I was weak and I was stupid…”
“Don’t do that, Lukas. Don’t stand there and make excuses, just… don’t.” She breathed in deep but held his gaze. She was in control. This time. “I moved on, and I fell in love with a man who loves me back…”
“I loved you, Quinn…”
“While you were snorting coke? Downing bottles of ridiculously expensive champagne while fucking some faceless reality TV celebrity in a Vegas nightclub, you loved me then, did you? While you were playing out, Lukas, I was being pitied. The world was watching as you destroyed me, piece by piece, and you have no idea how that felt.”
“Quinn… Baby, please…”
But she wasn’t listening anymore. She wasn’t doing this, not here. She was walking away, heading home to her husband, and she was going to forget this meeting had ever happened. She just had to hope she could leave without anyone realizing where she’d been. Who she’d been talking to.
“I’ll see you at the studio, Lukas.”
“Quinn…”
She’d pulled those barriers right back up around herself, and that’s where they had to stay.
Eight
Aaron watched as Quinn applied her make-up – that mask she wore to face the outside world. That beautiful, Hollywood mask that hid so much, even from him, he knew that now. His wife had lied to him. So what else was she hiding? She never really had talked all that much about her past, and he’d never pushed her on the subject. But her relationship with Lukas Drake – despite the fact it had been played out almost entirely in front of an eager media just waiting for the next story, Aaron lived in their world. He knew that what everyone saw – that was only the tiniest fraction of the reality that played out behind closed doors. And now he suspected that Quinn and Lukas – he suspected there was more to their relationship than Quinn had ever let on.
“You look tired,” Aaron said, coming up behind her, resting his hands on her hips as she stared at her reflection.
“Last night was a late one. I probably should’ve come home a lot earlier.” She looked down at the tissue all scrunched up in her fist and Aaron watched as she let it go, dropping it like it was on fire. “I could’ve done with a bit more sleep.”
“You looked beautiful,” Aaron murmured, his lips brushing her shoulder. “Last night. Did I tell you that? Before you left? Did I tell you how beautiful you looked?”
She shook her head and closed her eyes as his mouth reached her neck, and all those confused feelings seeing Lukas last night had kicked up, they swept over her so fast it almost knocked her off her feet. “Aaron…”
“I should’ve come with you, Quinn. Last night, I should’ve come with you.”
Yes, he should’ve come with her. He should’ve been there, to stop her from going anywhere near Lukas in the way that she had. Her husband should’ve been with her.
“You didn’t miss all that much,” she said quietly, stepping out of his arms and pulling her hair back into a ponytail.
“Didn’t I?” Aaron leaned back against the sink, his eyes never leaving his wife.
She looked straight at him, sliding her arms around his waist, kissing him slowly, and of course he responded. He loved her, and when she touched him he responded. His cock usually gave him no other choice. “You hate all that premiere crap.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, pulling her closer, his hand sliding up under her T-shirt. “Sometimes I do. But I should’ve made the effort, this time.”
She played with the collar of his shirt, running her hands down over his chest, her eyes following their every move. “Well, it’s over now. Today’s a new day.” She kissed him again, and again Aaron responded, his hand pushing her harder against him.
“It’s not just any other day, though, is it? Today’s the day you announce your involvement in this movie. The day that whole media circus shit kicks off.”
“It’ll be fine, baby. Come on, we’ve been through worse.”
“You think?”
“I don’t want to fight about this, Aaron.”
“I’m not fighting, I just… Did you see him, Quinn?”
She pulled back slightly, cocking her head as she looked at him. “See who?”
“Lukas. He was there, wasn’t he? Last night?”
“Yes, he was. And yes, I saw him.”
Aaron felt a tightness cut across his chest. “Did you speak to him?”
“We exchanged a few words.”
He didn’t miss the coldness in her voice. She sounded almost detached.
“A few words?”
“It wasn’t the easiest of conversations, Aaron. Under the circumstances. I didn’t know he was going to be there, and I wished he hadn’t been. The next time I came face to face with him I’d been hoping to have you by my side.”
“Jesus, Quinn…”
He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed quietly. This
relationship she had with Lukas Drake, it was something he’d never paid all that much attention to before. He hadn’t needed to. It was in the past; she hadn’t wanted anything more to do with him. Or so he’d thought. Until now. And that’s what was making Aaron nervous.
“Did anyone see you together? I mean, there’s nothing in the news this morning, nothing in the papers. No pictures of you two…”
“That’s because we managed to avoid anyone seeing us. Together. There’s going to be enough media attention after this press conference this morning.”
“How?” Aaron asked, narrowing his eyes. “How did you manage to avoid anyone seeing you together? Were you alone…?”
“For a few minutes, Aaron, yes. Look, he said hello, we indulged in some small talk…”
“Small talk? I don’t understand, Quinn. I mean, you don’t see the guy for over ten years, not face to face, anyway, and when you finally do you say hi and chat about the weather?”
“What do you want me to say? That I took one look at him and the past came flooding back?” She hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud, but the second the words were out she felt like someone had kicked her hard in the stomach. Because that’s exactly what had happened. The past had come flooding back. All of it. “It was strange, Aaron, OK? It was strange, and I felt a little uncomfortable because I hadn’t wanted to face him, like that, without you there with me.”
“Are you sure you should be taking on this movie, Quinn?”
“I want to work with you. OK?” She moved closer, pressing herself gently against him as she kissed him slowly. “Lukas is my ex. My past… And even if I wasn’t doing this movie, Aaron, you are. He was going to be back in my life, in some way, whether I’m in the movie or not.”
“I’m scared, Quinn.”
“Scared?”
“Of something happening. Of this movie putting unnecessary pressure on us, on our marriage, because the media speculation… that all starts today, baby. The second that announcement’s made it all begins.”
She reached up to touch his cheek, her fingers lightly brushing his skin as she stared right into his eyes. “We’re strong together, Aaron. You and me, we had to fight to be together, we had to overcome the shit they threw at us but we came through it. And we are stronger because of it. I love you so much, OK? I love you. So much.”
He took her hand and squeezed it tight but that feeling in his chest, it wasn’t going anywhere. “I love you too, Quinn.”
She smiled and kissed him again. “We’re going to be OK, Aaron.”
He slid a hand round on to the small of her back, pushing her harder against him. He just needed to feel her there, right beside him, for a little while longer. “I know.”
She pulled back from him, and he reluctantly let her go.
“Look, I… I don’t know how long I’m going to be at the studio today. They want me for costume fittings and a meeting about the script, too, seeing as shooting begins in a few days, but… Can we have dinner together tonight? Just the two of us. I’d really like that, Aaron.”
“Yeah. Yeah, me too. I’ll call you later?”
She nodded and smiled again, mouthing a kiss at him before she left the room. Aaron stayed where he was for a second or two, his mind racing with things he’d never even thought he’d have to think about. He and Quinn, they were so good together. And she was right, their marriage was strong, they were solid. She loved him; he knew that, he could see it. She loved him. He had nothing to be nervous about, nothing to fear. Had he?
Letting out a cry of frustration that seemed to come up from out of nowhere, he ran both hands through his hair, backwards and forwards, over and over again, as though doing that would rid him of all the things he was imagining. Paranoia wasn’t going to get the better of him. And he knew Rita’s only intention last night had been to plant a seed she’d known would grow, he wasn’t stupid. But he had been weak. He should’ve told her to go, he shouldn’t have even let her over the threshold. He should be keeping his ex-fiancée at a professional distance. He could only hope Quinn felt the same way about Lukas Drake.
***
“Have you seen him yet?” Harry asked, sitting down beside Quinn as she took a break outside the wardrobe trailer. They were getting some of the costume fittings out of the way while the press call was being set up. She was pretty much the same size as Eva Greenwood, but there were still one or two adjustments that had to be made.
“Seen who?”
“Stop acting like you’re twelve and just answer the question.”
“Look, I don’t know who you mean…”
“I mean Lukas. Have you seen him yet?”
She frowned. “He’s here?”
“He’s here.”
“He wasn’t supposed to be, was he?”
Harry shrugged. The answer to that was probably no, but he had a feeling Lukas Drake was going to do everything in his power to try and get Quinn alone before the days of her husband being around constantly began.
“So? What do you want me to do about that, Harry? Tell him to leave? He’s probably got a reason to be here. I mean, he is the director, not to mention one of the male leads, and Aaron’s coming in tomorrow for final costume fittings…”
“You spoke to him last night, didn’t you? After I’d gone.”
She stared at him, trying her hardest to keep her expression nonchalant. “He cornered me, Harry. I had no choice but to speak to him, it wasn’t intentional, believe me.” And that was a lie. She could have easily walked away, he hadn’t really cornered her. She’d followed him quite willingly into that bathroom stall. Until she’d realized what a mistake that had been.
Harry’s gaze stayed strong, his eyes locked with hers. “You don’t even know what you’ve done, do you? I trusted you, Quinn. When I left you last night I trusted you to stay away, but I only have to look at you to know you did the complete opposite.”
“Not here, Harry, please.”
“This is crazy! Ten years, Quinn. Ten fucking years and your life was good, without him. You moved on, you got your head together, you survived, without him, and now... You really want to open this Pandora’s Box, huh?”
“We had a short exchange of words, Harry. That’s all.”
“A short exchange of…? Does Aaron know?”
“Of course he does.”
“Thank Christ nobody else saw you. Although, how you managed to avoid that is anyone’s guess. I can only assume every paparazzo watching that after-party was on a collective cigarette break.”
“It’s not like I haven’t had enough practice of dodging the paparazzi. And you’re making more of this than it needs to be.”
“So, how did it feel, huh? Being that close to him, after all this time? How did it feel, talking to him, after all these years?”
She looked down. She refused to answer his questions when he was in this mood. But at the same time, Harry was the only person she could talk to, about Lukas. Because he was the only one who knew what she’d really been through, because of him. “I thought I still felt something, you know?”
“Jesus, Quinn…”
She looked up, her eyes meeting Harry’s. “And for a split second, all those feelings… I think they tried their best to push their way forward, but… instead I got angry, Harry. He said he was sorry and I got angry, because it’s too late. He fucked up, he destroyed everything we had and I got angry, that he thinks sorry is going to make all that pain, all that regret go away. I got fucking angry.”
Harry took her hand and Quinn watched as his fingers wrapped around hers. He was so much more than her agent. He was her best friend. Her rock. Her guardian angel. Without him she would never have survived in this town. “You’re gonna have to find some way to work with him, Quinn, if that’s how you really feel.” His eyes bored into hers, and she knew what was coming next. She knew. “But I don’t think it is, is it? I don’t think that’s how you really feel. I’m not saying you don’t feel some anger toward him, and yo
u should, because what happened… But I think, deep down inside, you still have so much shit you need to say to each other. There’s a lot of unfinished business still there, we both know that. And while I’m not comfortable with you being anywhere near him, alone, now that this is happening… You need to talk to him. If this is how it’s gonna be, if you really are gonna do this, you need to clear the air. You need to tell him, the truth.”
“You really think that’s a good idea?”
“Don’t you trust yourself around him?”
She knew what he was doing. He was trying to trip her up, trick her. He was testing her. It was him who didn’t trust her.
“It should’ve been done a long time ago, Quinn. When he came out of rehab. You know that’s how I felt…”
“I didn’t want to see him then, Harry.”
And Harry knew that had probably been for the best, at the time. If she’d seen him then he knew she would’ve gone back to him. Circumstances would’ve seen to that. And he couldn’t have risked the cycle beginning all over again. If he’d let that happen she wouldn’t have met Aaron, and she wouldn’t have even attempted to move on. Now he just needed to make sure she could wipe the slate completely clean of Lukas Drake, for good. Because once this movie was over, Harry was going to make sure their paths never crossed again.
“I need to get back inside.”
Quinn’s voice pulled him back to reality and he smiled at her. “Yeah. You do. You need to go make yourself beautiful, ready to face the world.”
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “Yes, I do. And I’m not twenty-five anymore, so, that takes a little longer to achieve these days.”
Harry looked at her. She may be heading toward forty now, but she’d only gotten more beautiful. After she’d walked out on Lukas – once she’d done all the crying, over a man Harry had never thought was good enough for her, she’d pulled herself back together in spectacular fashion, and considering everything that had gone on, that was something Harry once thought she’d never be able to do. But she’d done it, and she’d only grown stronger, more beautiful by the day, without him. And she still was, beautiful. So it was little wonder Lukas wanted back in her life. And that’s what worried Harry. “Seriously, Quinn. Are you really ready for this?”
Breathe Into Me Page 9