***
Aaron didn’t know if he was relieved or frustrated that this interview had had to be pushed back, meaning he wasn’t flying to New York with everyone else. They’d organized another flight for him later, which meant it’d be the early hours of the morning before he arrived in New York. Too late to see Quinn. Because he wanted to see her. He wanted to see his wife.
“You want some company?”
He turned around to see Rita enter the kitchen. She’d been a good friend to him since he and Quinn had separated, but he knew she wanted more, and he just wasn’t willing to give it to her. He didn’t want her, like that. Just because Quinn was living in Malibu and he was in Beverly Hills – he wasn’t a free man. That wasn’t a sign that he was ready to jump straight into another relationship, that wasn’t what he wanted. He and Quinn weren’t living apart because they didn’t love each other anymore. They were living apart because they still loved each other too much to jeopardize everything.
“No. I’ll be fine. I’m going straight to the hotel to do the interview, then I’m heading to the airport as soon as that’s done.”
“And you’re sure you don’t want me to come to New York with you?”
She leaned back against the counter and opened a bottle of water, taking a long sip. Aaron looked at her, narrowing his eyes slightly. She was over here too often; he was letting her in, too often. He was sending out the wrong message, and that was a complication he really didn’t need right now. Rita’s latest marriage had ended a few months ago, she was in the middle of a pretty messy divorce, and getting involved in all of that – no. She was a friend, that was all. And he needed her to understand that.
“That option was never on the table, Rita.”
She threw him a small smile, raising a slightly surprised eyebrow. “Wasn’t it?”
“No. I mean, where did you get the idea you were gonna come with me on any stage of this press tour? We never even talked about that, and this – I’m really grateful for the way you’ve been around when I needed someone, Rita, don’t get me wrong. I did, need someone, and you were there. And I love you like the good friend you are, but that’s it. That’s all it’s ever gonna be. And I haven’t got the energy to stand here and make sure you get that, so I need you to get that, now.”
“You gonna take her back?”
“I didn’t send her away, Rita. That wasn’t how it was. We left each other.”
“You still love her?”
“Of course I still love her! She doesn’t just walk out the door and suddenly I forget everything. We were together ten years. Ten fucking years. And I’m not willing to give up on that just yet.”
“Sounds like you don’t know what the hell you want.”
“I want my wife back. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. But I do, want her back.”
“While he’s still around?”
Aaron dropped his gaze, falling back against the wall and raking a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Rita. I don’t. I don’t know. I just know that I need to see her, and I’m pissed that I have to wait and leave her to travel to New York with him…” He trailed off, sighing quietly. He was just venting now, getting shit off his chest that was threatening to suffocate him. “I don’t want to hurt you, Rita, OK? But I don’t want you to think there’s any chance…” He raised his gaze and looked at her, his expression one of resignation, defeat, almost. “There isn’t. Any chance.”
She screwed the top back on her bottle of water and pulled herself away from the countertop, walking over to him. “OK. I get it.” She leaned in and gently kissed his cheek. “I get it. Me and you, it just wasn’t meant to be, huh?”
He threw her a wan smile. “The timing just sucked, that’s all.”
She grabbed her jacket from the back of a stool and slipped it on, picking up her phone as she headed for the door, turning back around as she reached it. “You know where I am, all right? If you need me.”
“Yeah. I know. And Rita? Thanks.”
She smiled at him. “Any time. You take care now, y’hear?”
He waited until he heard the front door close before he threw back his head and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. And then he checked his watch and closed his eyes as he realized the time. He was still hours away from hitting New York. But Quinn, she’d be almost there…
Twenty-Six
“I’m looking at that face all night, am I?” Quinn slid onto the bar stool next to Harry and ordered a Long Island Ice Tea from the bartender, who was only too happy to oblige. “I know you weren’t exactly looking forward to all of this, but you could’ve sent someone else to babysit me if you really didn’t want to be here.”
“Who’s babysitting anyone?”
“You. Babysitting me. Because you have some idea in your head that if I spend more than five minutes alone with Lukas everything turns to shit again.”
“It’s not exactly working out for you right now, is it? Personally, I mean. As far as this movie’s concerned there’s no such thing as bad publicity, so anything they can cherry pick from the remnants of your broken marriage, they’re taking. And blaming it on Lukas. And you.”
“Yeah. I had noticed. And my marriage isn’t broken.”
He looked at her, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “So, you and Aaron are living in separate houses because…?”
“We just needed some time out. Jesus, come on, Harry, you saw how intense things got during filming. Of course we needed some down time.”
“Is that what you’re calling it now?”
“Don’t write my marriage off, Harry. Don’t do that.”
Harry dropped his head and dragged both hands back and forth through his hair. “I just want you to be happy, Quinn. You deserve to be happy, and you were, happy. Until he walked back into our fucking lives…”
She took a sip of her drink, letting a few beats pass before she spoke again. “Can you please trust me enough to know that I’m not going back there, Harry. Lukas is history.”
“He isn’t though, Quinn. Is he? He’s still here, still hanging around…”
“It’s his movie – our movie, and we have to promote it. We’re contracted, to promote it.”
“I know, I get that, it’s just…”
“What? Look, just because I’m OK with him being around all the time, that doesn’t mean I want to go back to him, all right? It doesn’t, mean that. I want him around, I do, because after Noah… He’s Noah’s dad. He’s a part of that history, and I can’t let that go. So I want him around. As a friend. Because he really has changed…”
Harry didn’t even try to hide his cynical laugh. “Jesus. It’s almost like history’s repeating itself.”
“And that really pisses me off, Harry, that you think I’m still that same woman who let herself be pulled under by him, because I’m not. And he isn’t the same man I let control me, he’s changed. He’s changed.”
Harry stared at her, leaving it a few seconds before he spoke again. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that. The first time I’ve ever heard you admit that he controlled you.”
Quinn broke the stare and looked down, her wedding and engagement rings still there on the third finger of her left hand. “He isn’t that man anymore, Harry.”
“You believe what you want, Quinn.” Harry drained his drink and stood up, fixing Quinn with a knowing look. “And it isn’t you I don’t trust.”
She watched him leave the bar, walk out into the hotel lobby, and she turned back to her drink, staring down into it, closing her eyes for the briefest of seconds.
“Dinner with Harry go OK?”
She looked up as Lukas slid onto the stool beside her. “It was hell.”
He laughed, taking a sip of what she assumed was Club Soda. “Still not keen on me being around, huh?”
She just smiled and looked back down at her drink.
“You got anything planned for the rest of the night?”
“To be honest, Lukas, I’m so
tired I just want to take a bath and have an early night before it all starts again tomorrow.”
They’d already given three separate interviews to three different reporters on the flight over, and one more before dinner here in the hotel. She was exhausted. So bath and bed sounded like a really good idea right now.
“OK.” He left it at that and ordered another drink, and Quinn watched as he struck up a quick conversation with the bartender. She remembered how she’d used to like watching him, back when they’d been together, as he’d talked. Laughed. She’d loved to watch him laugh; the way he threw back his head, the way the lines around his eyes crinkled up slightly, something which was more evident now he’d gotten a little older.
Looking away she glanced quickly around the busy hotel bar. It was full of studio people, press and media, photographers. Practically everyone in here was connected to this press tour, this movie. Maybe they’d made sure that was the case, she didn’t know. She didn’t really care, if she was honest.
“If you want some company…?”
Her head shot back around to look at Lukas. “Seriously?”
He shrugged. “What? I only asked if you wanted some company. You know, you really need to lose that defensive streak. And stop assuming the worst.”
He threw her a slight grin, and she frowned. “I’m leaving now.”
“Wait, Quinn, hang on…”
He almost ran after her, and she swung around to look at him, her expression carrying more than a hint of warning. They were in a room full of people just waiting for something, one small, tiny thing they could use to make a story, and a room full of others whose sole purpose on this trip was to make sure that didn’t happen. Nobody needed this shit.
“What do you want, Lukas?”
“Can we just be friends? Please? Can we stop being awkward and suspicious around each other and just be friends?”
“I’d like to think we could do that, Luk. I really would.”
“So give me a chance. Come on.”
She cocked her head slightly, and then threw him the smallest of smiles. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
***
Lukas threw back his head and sighed, a long, frustrated sigh.
“Where’s she going?” Harry asked, sidling up alongside him.
“Bed.”
“And you’re not going with her?”
There was more than a hint of sarcasm in Harry’s tone, Lukas didn’t miss that. He didn’t think he was supposed to. “Given half a chance, Harry, I’d be sleeping right next to her.”
Harry’s eyes hardened as he stared at Lukas. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”
Lukas leaned back against a bar stool and crossed his arms over his chest. “She has a mind of her own, Harry. You’re aware of that, aren’t you?”
“Don’t get smart, Lukas. You’re not that cocky kid anymore, and I would’ve thought all that shit you’ve been through…” Harry stopped talking, and Lukas watched as an obviously frustrated expression took over his face. “The shit you’ve been through should make you think twice about causing any more. You three are being watched, all the time, you’re all anyone around here cares about. Your lives right now are playing out like a real-life frigging soap opera, and all it’s gonna take is one stupid mistake, one misguided action; one wrong fucking word overheard by the wrong person and the rumor mill be up and running again, so fast…”
“You think it ever stopped?”
Lukas raised an eyebrow, and Harry frowned, but his expression was still hard. Still carried a hint of warning.
“She wants her husband back. She wants Aaron, not you. So the only shit I want to see written in the press, posted on social media, talked about on TV – the only shit I want to see anywhere is news of Quinn and Aaron getting their marriage back on track.”
Lukas narrowed his eyes slightly, a slow smirk spreading across his handsome face. “Jesus… are you actually going to try and engineer that? Are you actually going to try and manipulate Quinn and Aaron into getting back together for the publicity?”
“No, Lukas, I want them back together because that’s where they need to be. It’s where they want to be, they just don’t have a fucking clue how to handle the crap you turning back up in their lives caused. So yes, I am gonna do all I can to guide them back toward each other because it’s where they belong. She wants Aaron, not you. And by the time all of this is over, you will get that.”
Lukas kept his eyes on Harry, his smirk turning into a full-on smile. “Really?”
“Believe it. The days of you fucking with her head are over, Lukas. You’re done messing up her life. You’re done.”
Lukas uncrossed his arms and dug his hands in his pockets. “You think I controlled her, right?”
“I know you controlled her.”
“You see, the thing is, Harry, if we’re talking control, then maybe you need to look at yourself. Look at the way you control that woman’s life…”
“Don’t even go there, Lukas, I swear…”
“What? Am I hitting a nerve here, huh? Is that it? You can’t admit that you’ve controlled her way longer than I ever – allegedly – did. You’re still doing it now. Whether she and Aaron get back together or not, that isn’t your call. It’s hers. It’s Aaron’s. It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me, I love that woman like a daughter…”
“And your little girl’s all grown up now. Let her make her own decisions.”
“Because that always worked out so well, right?”
Lukas laughed, taking a step forward until he was right up in Harry’s space, his voice lowering slightly as he spoke. “Aaron loves her, yeah?”
“I’m warning you…”
“He loves her so much that he can’t be with her, and I just don’t get that, when I would walk over hot fucking coals to be with her again.”
“You aren’t doing this, Lukas…”
“I broke her, yeah, I know I did. I broke her, and he fixed her. But who’s broken her now?”
***
Quinn turned on the faucet and watched as the water began pouring out into the bath tub. She was becoming more tired by the second, her eyes felt heavy, her body weighed down by exhaustion, and the only thing she wanted right now was this bath, and then bed. She wanted to slide under the covers, close her eyes, and sleep this night away; pretend she didn’t have to get up tomorrow and smile for the press, pose for the cameras, talk about shit that was going to have nothing to do with the movie and everything to do with their private lives. Their real-life relationships. The reasons why she should never have done this movie just kept piling up, but the what ifs and if onlys weren’t going to help anything, she knew that. She just had to suck it up and get on with it, like she’d always done.
A knock at the door pulled her back from that possible well of self-pity she’d been threatening to fall into and she shut off the faucet and headed out into her hotel suite, which was way too big for just one person, and if things had been different her and Aaron would’ve been sharing this, but – yeah. She really had to start dealing with this now.
“Jesus Christ, Lukas…”
She attempted to shut the door in his face but he shoved a foot inside, preventing her from doing that. And she just looked at him.
“Really?”
“Just a quick nightcap, Quinn, come on. Where’s the harm in that?”
“I’ll see you in the morning, Lukas.”
She tried to shut the door again, pushing it hard against his foot, which he was refusing to move.
“Jesus!”
She let go of the door and leaned back against the doorpost as he walked past her into her suite.
“I don’t want you in here. I’m just putting that out there.” She closed the door behind her and followed him inside. “What if anyone had seen you?”
He turned to look at her, a slightly cocky expression on his face, which didn’t sit all that well with Q
uinn. “I’m your director, Quinn. You’re my leading lady, we have things to talk about. We’ve made a movie together…”
“And look what happened the last time we did that. Just go, Lukas.”
“Do you regret it?”
She turned around, unable to stop the heavy sigh escaping, she didn’t want this. And nobody needed it. “Regret what?”
“Any of it.”
“I regret what you became. What you did. What you should’ve done… What I should’ve done. And I regret letting you back in. That I really regret.”
“You do?”
“Can you leave, Lukas, please? I’m too tired for this, and we’ve got another busy day tomorrow, I just want to go to bed.”
“I still believe fate brought you back to me, Quinn.”
She hung her head, letting out a smaller but no less frustrated sigh. “You call it fate, Lukas.” She slowly looked back up, her eyes locking on his. “I call it a mistake.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Go, Lukas. Please.”
She turned to walk into the bathroom, assuming he’d be gentleman enough to do as she asked, but that was another mistake. Instead she felt his fingers close around her wrist, swinging her around to face him, her back up against the wall.
“Don’t ever call us a mistake, Quinn. That just isn’t true, we were never a mistake…”
“Not in the beginning, Lukas. We weren’t a mistake, in the beginning. But you changed all that. You took what we had and you threw it away and I can’t forgive you for that. I can’t forget, and I should never have let this happen…”
His mouth crashed against hers, taking her completely by surprise, but she was back with it in a second, pushing him away from her. He just wasn’t giving up, that was all, as his hand grabbed hers, pushing her harder back against the wall, his eyes burning with an intensity that was both terrifying and exciting. But she didn’t want him. She didn’t want this.
“I loved you, Quinn. And I was stupid and selfish and yeah, I fucked up. Big time. I fucked up. But I never stopped loving you, and this – this is going to happen.”
Breathe Into Me Page 31