Setting the pan on the counter, Jordan turned toward him and pressed her palms to his chest, fully meaning to push him away and put some space between them so she could think.
Instead, as their faces drew close, he urged her more firmly against him.
In an instant Jordan’s resolve melted away, and she didn’t resist as Clay’s mouth covered hers, his kiss at once tenderly familiar and thoroughly intoxicating. He tasted just the same as she remembered, and the musky, masculine scent that she associated only with him enveloped her anew.
How easy it would be to fall back into the deep, passionate love they had shared, despite all the years apart; how simple to pretend they were back in his tiny apartment, unable to keep their hands off each other—or the clothes on one another. Jordan found herself quickly swallowed up in the memory, her senses spiraling into the heady excitement that flared hotter with each stroke of his lips against hers—
The lights flickered on, and she pulled back from the kiss, blinking in the brightness. As her eyes adjusted, she looked into Clay’s face, his eyes deep pools of fire.
Under the bright fluorescent light, awareness crashed over her that although she was back in Clay McAdam’s arms, they stood not in his apartment but in the kitchen of her new house—one of the many things that had changed in the decade since he’d last kissed her. Her pulse surging from panic as much as desire, she inched herself away from him.
“Clay, we’re getting caught up in old emotions,” she muttered. “I think we should slow this down.”
“But it feels so right.” Clay captured her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and brushed his lips along the backs of her knuckles. “All these years wasted. We should’ve been together all this time.”
“We broke up for a reason,” she reminded him. “Before I got pregnant, I mean. We didn’t want the same things.”
“You’re forgetting that I came back for you.” He nuzzled close to her ear, pressing kisses to the hollow of her throat that sent fresh bolts of fire down her spine.
Jordan groaned. “I know. A lot has changed since then.”
“What’s changed is that I want what you want now,” Clay said huskily. “Like I told you, I’m staying here in Victoria. No more globetrotting. It’s time for a slower pace, time to focus on the things that are important.”
Jordan stared at him, a muddle of emotions tumbling through her in a dizzying blur. “If it’s a slower pace you’re after, I think you ought to go home now.”
“Maybe I ought to stay.”
As he bent toward her again, Jordan turned her head to the side. As much as she ached for his kiss, she knew if she didn’t summon the resolve to put a stop to it now, the powerful undertow of desire spiraling between them would soon engulf her. “Clay, please. I’m serious. You can’t come back here after eleven years and expect to pick up where we left off. It doesn’t work that way.”
Finally Clay released her, his hands dropping to his sides. The disappointment etched through his handsome features pained her.
“I’m sorry. It was presumptuous of me. You’re right, I should go. Thank you for dinner.”
With a brisk nod of her head, Jordan wrapped her arms about herself, feeling chilled out of his embrace.
After kissing her lightly on the cheek, Clay strode to the coat closet to pick up his jacket, then left the house without another word.
He would probably never be back.
Jordan flopped miserably onto the sofa, listening to his car door close, before the engine hummed to life and then faded into the distance, leaving only the drumming of rain on the windowpane.
She couldn’t believe what had just happened. For Clay to show up out of the blue and expect they could erase those years was simply preposterous. What made him think she still felt anything for him at all?
The trouble was, she did feel something. The moment he’d kissed her, it was as though they had picked up just where they left off, the comfort and excitement of his arms around her as fresh as though no time had passed at all. And finally, now, Clay wasn’t running off to the other side of the world. He wanted nothing more than to stay with her. Suddenly he was offering her everything she’d wanted eleven years ago.
So what was the problem, then? Why was she so frightened?
The answer came to her the moment she posed the question; things had changed, and Clay wasn’t the only one whose heart had shifted in the time since. After two failed marriages, Jordan didn’t see things as she once had. The notion of marriage and family that she’d idealized in her young imagination had long since lost its sheen. Somehow she hadn’t yet managed to learn how to make a relationship work. After leaving Richard, she’d vowed to keep her heart closely guarded, and not to risk another upheaval in Molly’s life; besides, she didn’t think she had the strength to go through it again.
Though her heart ached to acknowledge it, Jordan knew that once again she and Clay didn’t want the same things—and there was no way she could be with him and not love him and need him with the passionate intensely she once had.
And one thing she couldn’t bear the thought of was losing Clay McAdam all over again.
* * *
The phone rang just as Jordan was packing a set of 1960s Nancy Drew hardcovers into a bag for a customer. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Adele heading to answer it.
“Enjoy these,” she told the customer, handing the bag over the counter to her.
“Thank you so much,” the woman said, beaming. “I’ve been looking for these for years. I read them religiously as a kid.”
Jordan returned her smile, genuinely pleased. “I’m glad. Come back in sometime, we might have more volumes for you.”
When she turned around, Adele was holding the phone receiver out to her. “It’s for you.”
Jordan took the phone from her. “Hello, Jordan speaking.”
“This is Sheryl, Clay’s sister,” said a crisp female voice. “How are you?”
“Oh, hello,” Jordan replied slowly. “I’m fine, thank you.”
“I imagine you’re surprised to hear from me,” Sheryl went on, her voice genial but reserved. “After all, we’ve never met, since I was living in California when you two were dating—though I did hear a lot about you. I’m sure you’re aware that this whole business with Clay is due to my prodding.”
“Yes,” was all Jordan could think to say, wondering just how much of their business his sister was privy to.
She heard a gentle sigh over the line. “I just wanted to apologize, Jordan. I’m sure it was upsetting for you. But surely you can understand why I drew the conclusion I did.”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s all over now,” Jordan said, exchanging a glance with Adele. Jordan thought she must have a peculiar look on her face, judging by the way her friend was eyeing her inquisitively.
“Clay told me he invited you to Alice’s party,” Sheryl said. “Have you decided whether to come?”
Jordan didn’t answer at first. Then she said carefully, “I don’t think I will.” She couldn’t hide her surprise. Surely Clay wouldn’t want her there after what had happened between them the last time they saw each other.
“Please do, Jordan. There’s plenty of room at our mother’s house. The kids are all sleeping outside in tents. Clay told me there’s an estate sale nearby that you shouldn’t miss. And you do like horseback riding, don’t you?”
“Very much, but—”
“Then it’s settled. You and Molly should arrive Friday evening, as soon as you can get there. She has a map with her invitation.”
Jordan couldn’t see a way out of it. “See you Friday,” she said weakly.
“See you then.”
After hanging up, Jordan stared at the phone for a moment, stunned by what had just happened.
“What’s up?” Adele asked.
“I was just persuaded by Clay’s sister to attend Alice’s birthday party this weekend,” Jordan told her dully. “At least I think I was persuaded.
I don’t think I was given much choice in the matter.”
“So you need me to mind the store this weekend?”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jordan said quickly, reaching for the phone. “I’ll call her back and tell her I can’t make it.”
Adele waved her off. “Don’t be silly. I can look after the place for a couple of days. You did tell me there was an estate sale on the island on Saturday.”
“Yes, but I was planning on sending you, not going myself.”
“You really don’t want to go?”
Jordan exhaled sharply, exasperated. “To spend the weekend at Clay’s mother’s house? Are you kidding?”
“How bad can it be?”
“I haven’t told you about what happened the other night with Clay.”
Adele moved closer, resting her elbows on the countertop, her eyes alight with interest. “You told me he apologized to you. Was there more?”
“A bit.”
Her friend’s eyebrows inched higher, prompting Jordan to continue.
“We had dinner together,” she confessed. “And he kissed me.”
Adele’s jaw dropped. “And you left all of this out?”
“I was embarrassed.”
“Then what happened?” Adele demanded, grasping Jordan’s arm.
“Nothing. I sent him home.”
Her friend stared at her, confused and impatient to know more. “Well, what now? Were there sparks? Are you seeing him again?”
“Yes and no,” Jordan said, twisting her hands together in unease. “Yes, it was a great kiss, and no, I won’t see him again. Not in a romantic sense.”
Adele couldn’t conceal her disappointment. “But you said it was a great kiss. Is there no chance of relighting that old flame?” Her cheeks were pink, her lips curved into a wistful smile. “I think it’s so romantic—recapturing a lost love from the past.”
“It’s just not a good idea,” Jordan said, irritated that she wasn’t being understood. More than anything, she was angry at herself for accepting Sheryl’s invitation when she could have easily invented an excuse. “So you can see how awkward it would be for me to go to this party, and stay at their house. I’ll bet Clay put Sheryl up to inviting me. I can’t imagine she really wants to spend the weekend with me. But then I can’t imagine why Clay would want me around after I practically pushed him out the door.”
Adele shrugged. “Who knows, you might have a good time.”
Their conversation ended when Molly bounded into the store, excitedly prattling on about the party. It was all she’d been able to talk about, and today she’d found out from Alice that Sheryl was going to invite Jordan to join them for the weekend.
“You are coming, aren’t you?” Molly said hopefully, swinging her backpack off her shoulder. “It’ll be so much fun. You said you wanted to meet Alice’s mom, and now you can. And we’ll get to go horseback riding together!”
“Wouldn’t you rather get away from your old mother for a couple of days?” Jordan suggested, although she knew she’d rarely spent an entire day with her daughter since taking over the bookstore, and Molly missed her.
The ten-year-old didn’t bite. “No. Besides, you work just about every day. You haven’t had any time off to relax in ages.”
Jordan couldn’t imagine being able to relax at this particular party, but she appreciated her daughter’s concern.
Molly went on, “Alice’s uncle Clay is going to take us kayaking. And he’s going to show us some shell middens—do you know what they are? They’re like ancient garbage piles from thousands of years ago. Did you know he’s an archeologist? He is so cool. I wish I had an uncle like him.”
“Is that so,” Jordan muttered.
Molly gave her mother a grim look. “You don’t like him, do you.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I heard you arguing outside that night he drove me home, when I was getting ready for bed.”
Jordan stared at her daughter, alarmed. “Did you hear what we were talking about?”
Molly shook her head. “No, but I was surprised. I thought you were friends.”
“We used to be,” Jordan said. “That was a long time ago.”
“But you made up, right?”
Jordan hesitated. “It’s complicated, Molly. You’ll understand when you’re older.”
The little girl rolled her eyes. “I hope my life doesn’t ever get that complicated.”
“I hope so, too.” Jordan sighed. “But I told Alice’s mother I’d come, so I suppose I will.”
Her daughter grinned, her eyes bright. “Great. We’ll have the best time, I promise.”
Chapter Five
As the ferry moved toward the dock at Fulford Harbour, Jordan and Molly leaned over the rail to take in the view. With the ocean giving way to land on either side, they surveyed the tree-lined shore that sloped gently upward, the treetops glimmering with the light of the sinking sun. At the wharf, a number of small boats bobbed serenely on the dark blue water.
“It’s so pretty,” Molly breathed. “I’m going to live here someday.”
“Not a bad idea,” Jordan agreed, the warm air lifting her hair from her forehead. She’d always loved the rugged beauty of the Gulf Islands, having visited her aunt and uncle’s cottage on nearby Galiano Island many times as a girl. Known as the jewel of the islands, Salt Spring was the largest of the group and sat nestled beside Vancouver Island, just up the coast from Victoria; north-east across the Georgia Strait was her hometown of Vancouver. If it weren’t for the knot tightening in her stomach, Jordan couldn’t have been more delighted to find herself on Salt Spring on that clear, gorgeous evening.
“Come on, we’d better make our way to the car,” she said. “We’re about to dock.”
Once off the ferry, they drove through the tiny town of Fulford and then headed north into the island’s interior. Soon they were immersed in idyllic rural scenery, with orchards, farms and vineyards rolling by on either side of the road. Molly leaned out the window to eagerly snap pictures of sheep grazing near the roadside, their pastures framed by luxuriant forest that rose to envelop the rolling hills beyond.
When they turned down the wooded road leading to the McAdam house, the trees soon gave way to a clearing that looked out on a nearby bay. The house was large but unassuming, a two-story cedar structure with high windows and a wraparound porch. Adirondack chairs were set out front by the neatly manicured garden. Jordan parked behind several other cars in the wide driveway, next to a gleaming black Lexus sport coupe.
As mother and daughter walked up to the door, Jordan found herself wondering why in the world she’d agreed to come. It wasn’t too late to back out; she could leave Molly there and return for her on Sunday. She’d need an explanation, of course, and couldn’t manage to come up with one before they reached the door and Molly pressed the doorbell eagerly.
It was Clay’s mother who came to the door, and Jordan put on her most winning smile in greeting. She’d met Lorraine McAdam when she and Clay were dating, and had liked her. An attractive woman with short blonde hair and a trim figure, Lorraine looked much the same as she had back then.
“Hello, Jordan,” she said warmly. “My, you haven’t changed a bit. I seem to be the only one who ages around here.”
“Not that I can see,” Jordan replied brightly. “It’s lovely to see you again, Lorraine.”
Lorraine smiled down at Molly. “You must be Molly. Alice has been waiting for you.”
Molly bolted into the house to join Alice and the other children, whose chattering voices filtered out from the living room. Jordan lingered in the vestibule, feeling awkward standing next to the woman who might have been her mother-in-law, had circumstances unfolded along a different path.
“Come in, make yourself comfortable,” Lorraine said.
“This house is gorgeous.” Jordan gazed around at the carpeted sunken living room and dining room, furnished in teak and fabrics of muted tones.
&nbs
p; “Thank you. Clay bought it for me a few years ago. I always dreamed of retiring here, but of course I never thought it was a possibility. You just don’t know how your fortune will turn, do you?”
“Very true,” Jordan said.
Moving into the living room, she joined her daughter and four other girls, gathered around a stack of presents on the coffee table. They were all seated cross-legged on the carpet, talking over each other so she couldn’t decipher any single conversation. Molly looked ecstatic, beaming from ear to ear as she laughed with Alice and another girl. Remembering how important her tight-knit group of friends had been to her growing up, Jordan was delighted to see Molly fitting in so well.
“Is this Jordan?”
She turned around as a woman approached from the kitchen doorway. She had long dark curls and bright blue eyes, and walked with her back arched to accommodate her heavily pregnant belly.
“Jordan, it’s so nice to meet you, finally,” she said, her smile broad but stiff. “I’m Sheryl.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jordan echoed, nodding. “You look like you’re due pretty soon.”
Sheryl patted her round belly with affection. “Two weeks.”
“Can I help you at all? You should get off your feet.”
Sheryl waved away the offer. “I’m fine. I’ll admit, it’s not as easy as it was ten years ago when I was expecting Alice, but I prefer to keep busy. Can I get you a drink? We’ve just opened some red wine.”
Jordan smiled. “Sounds perfect.”
Accepting her glass of wine from Sheryl, Jordan looked up to see Clay on her other side, his hands resting casually in the front pockets of his jeans, his gaze assessing her coolly. As their eyes locked, at once she felt her heart stutter and her knees threaten to buckle.
“Glad you could make it,” he said evenly.
Jordan smiled, wondering what he was really thinking. Was he truly glad to see her or silently ruing his impulsive invitation?
“I don’t have to stay long,” she said, taking a long swallow of wine.
Where the Heart Lies Page 5