“Does she look like me?” I asked Mariann, when we recently went back and watched this first juice vlog. It’s a question I ask frequently when an old video or photo of me appears. As hard as I try, I can’t seem to find myself in the reflection looking back.
“What do you mean she?” Mariann responded. “That’s you, honey. And you were really cute.”
And yet I couldn’t find me in there—in her rounder face and fuller cheeks. I’ve questioned if it’s that I don’t want to find me there, as if there’s something I should be ashamed of. But that doesn’t resonate with me. When I look back at that old video—or at the countless videos from my high school and college days—I just think of how much my heart has changed ever since my body has.
Or perhaps I’ve got that backward: Maybe what has actually changed is not me, but everyone else.
What I do know for sure is that during that first juice fast, I began a long journey that I’m still very much on, of cleansing my palate, expanding my mind to the idea of starting with fresh ingredients to match my fresh start, and altogether shifting my focus.
It all started with juice.
day 6
One of the best side effects of being on a juice fast is that, because you are consuming such a narrow category of foods—fruits and vegetables—you start to develop a healthy obsession regarding them. You also develop a hankering to find out about new ones, just to add a bit of variety to your life.
Take purslane. On day six, I found some at the farmers’ market in Union Square and, having read about it online, I immediately had to have it. Purslane is an odd thing. It’s actually considered a weed in the United States and is frequently found in the wild. When Mariann was a kid growing up on Long Island, she says, purslane was everywhere—growing out of the cracks in the sidewalks. It was a weed that was pulled up and thrown away, and yet we now know that it’s extremely nutritious, and loaded with health-promoting omega-3 fatty acids—more than any other green vegetable.
When I learned this, I found it astonishing how easy it is to just cast aside something that is so good for us, something that is just waiting to help us heal—and simply call it a “weed,” a nuisance. At the same time, we’re feeding kids milk and cookies, setting them on the road to heart disease and diabetes. When did we forget how to feed ourselves, and instead learn to listen to the lies of the food industry?
Purslane is an extreme example of a super-healthy food that just got left off our plates, but you can easily see how the same thing applies to the overall mind-set of consuming vegetables. Though it’s widely accepted that we need vegetables to get healthy, I was gradually coming to realize the full breadth of their healing properties—their ability to actually prevent and even reverse disease. The potent phytochemicals found in all vegetables and fruits are incredibly powerful, and consuming them in the way that I was doing when I juiced was, I was sure, dramatically accelerating my body’s ability to heal. And yet this is information that is, like purslane, unknown, unappreciated, and regularly overlooked as unimportant.
It suddenly dawned on me that, contrary to my former experiences there, when I found the farmers’ market too crowded and mildly pretentious and annoying, I now loved it, and I felt particularly virtuous and wholesome as I strolled from stand to stand, fussing over my purslane, carefully examining the beautiful, multicolored peppers, and just reveling in the glory of all that good, healthy grub. Once you really get into your fruits and veggies, farmers’ markets are a feel-good experience. I found it to be intensely satisfying to roam from stand to stand, finding out what was new, seeing what was in season, and stocking up on piles of brightly colored veggies. I noticed that right across the street from my favorite apple stand was a Starbucks, and I was pleased when I noticed I had (almost) no craving for my go-to grande soy latte. The vegetables that filled up my tote bag and my afternoon plans were making me feel truly satisfied, and the folks all around me with greens spilling out of their own tote bags and passion equal to mine made me feel like part of a community. These days, I continue to look forward to my farmers’ market sprees—even though they are still too crowded for my taste, and often pretty expensive, and, let’s face it, frequently a bit pretentious.
That said, I most certainly do not eat locally all the time, nor do I think it’s necessary to do so in order to get delicious or high-quality produce, which you can find in most supermarkets. Also, when I juice fast, I enjoy consuming nonlocal produce, too, since I am a voracious fan of goodies like pineapples, oranges, and mangoes, all of which make absolutely mouthwatering juice. So, just as with organic food, I try to include a balance of locally produced foods and some tropical delights that I wouldn’t be able to get otherwise. They’re all incredibly good for you, and each has its own special mix of nutrients to enhance your physical well-being. No matter where I am shopping, I love the very process of picking up fruits and vegetables, and I like to imagine all their healing properties just waiting to pour through me.
So I grabbed my purslane with glee, along with as many other vegetables as I could carry, and hurried home to make soup. Yes, soup. (Radical, I know.) I was far enough into my juice fast that the idea that for “dinner” I was about to make a “soup-type juice”—which Mariann and I would eat with spoons and not straws—was making me absolutely giddy. I wasn’t into the idea of planning my juices far in advance, so I read a few recipes online and then decided I had enough of an idea of how to make a juice-soup to throw caution to the wind and try my very best. Even more exciting, I decided to put cilantro in there. (I adore cilantro. I know some folks are horrified by it and think it tastes like soap. That aversion to cilantro is actually genetic—you either love cilantro or you don’t. I’m so sorry for those who don’t. But, more for me, I suppose.)
One more note about day six: The fatigue was getting better, for both me and Mariann, who had been even more tired than I was. But we both still felt that our stamina was on the low side. Even getting up the one flight of stairs to our second-floor apartment was sometimes exhausting. So much for the vibrant energy that other juicers spoke of! Apparently, that jolt of energy just wasn’t going to happen for us. But, while neither of us was up to running a marathon, we were both able to get through our days without any real problems, as long as we didn’t overdo it.
day 7
In the morning, I was still dreaming of the previous night’s juice-soup, which was truly, if I do say so myself, spectacular. I hadn’t realized how tasty tomatoes, which formed the basis for the soup, would be for juicing. I’ve never really liked tomatoes, but suddenly I craved them, especially with the delicious blend of cilantro, kale, lemon, purslane, and an apple to help sweeten it up. In the back of my mind, I knew that just one week before, I would have found my juice-soup to be odd, or tasteless, or even unpleasant. I was amazed that my tastes had changed so quickly, and that I could be satisfied, even thrilled, by foods that for my whole life I would have rejected. This was one of the most important lessons of this first juice fast: Tastes change.
I was also still ruminating on my most recent farmers’ market experience and about the fact that it really was pretty pricey. Even produce in the grocery stores, if it was any good and there was any kind of variety, was on the expensive side. This started me thinking about privilege, and, in my vlog for that day, I talked about it:
I’m doing a juice fast as a means of healing myself, and all the while I’m abundantly aware that there are loads and loads of people who really need to be doing this, but can’t afford to. Their insurance companies don’t cover things like fresh fruit and vegetables because [these companies are] too busy pumping people full of drugs and things that mask the symptoms and perpetuate the problem. So many doctors and pharmaceutical companies are ignoring the fact that the best way to overcome myriad diseases like high blood pressure and high cholesterol and certain cancers and obesity is by the diet—and by adopting a healthy, plant-based, vegan diet. Even the A
merican Dietetic Association has come out saying that—more than once—a healthy vegan diet is the best possible way to be.
And it’s not just that a healthy diet can help you “overcome” health problems. When Mariann and I had sat down a few weeks prior and watched Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, the film that started us down the juice road, I realized that even healthy people can get a great deal out of a juice fast. You don’t actually have to be fat, sick, or nearly dead to reap the benefits. And yet, for so many people, produce is a huge expense—especially for the amount of produce needed to juice fast.
I found that fact incredibly frustrating, and it’s clear from my vlog that I was actually becoming pretty furious: “Pharmaceutical companies are too busy spending the millions and millions of dollars on things like steroids and other drugs when they could be putting it into campaigns to raise awareness about the importance of plant-based foods,” I said. “Maybe they could even subsidize some of that.” To be completely honest, I’m still furious. Something about that mind-set was eerily familiar, making me recall with disdain and sadness my unfortunate experiences being wrongly medicated at the hands of doctors who did not look deeply enough at my situation, finding it easier to throw an inappropriate dose of a “mood-stabilizing” medication my way than to properly assess and care for my depression.
I am certainly not throwing these medications—or other pharmaceuticals—under the bus here. Even now, since my grandmother died, I carry around a bottle of Klonopin, which I take perhaps two times a year when my anxiety becomes extreme—and I find great solace in the fact that these little pills are there for me if and when I need them. I’m simply saying that our culture has become entirely used to the idea that “there’s a pill for that,” and totally divorced from the possibility that there might be a more systemic issue going on, and perhaps a more holistic means of dealing with it. Not to oversimplify, but there is absolute legitimacy in the healing power of plant foods—a loaded subject area, which only a select few doctors will touch. I guess the medical industry and the pharmaceutical industry are a bit too entangled in the sheets: too busy rolling around in the sack to enter into a productive dialogue. (I’ve known couples like that.)
In the video, I also expressed outrage regarding how animals raised for food are treated, and I started thinking about how my own veganism intersected with my juicing—or whether it intersected at all. My whole reason for going vegan in the first place was because I realized that animals matter, they suffer, they are capable of loving their lives, and it’s completely unnecessary to consume them or their by-products. Though people come to veganism, or lean further into veganism, for a variety of reasons, I am vegan because I think that the way animals are treated is an atrocity. I embraced this way of plant-based eating and living because I see absolutely no way of ever justifying, rationalizing, exploiting, commodifying, or abusing them for our own pleasure or profit—not ever. For me, veganism is a moral imperative.
Juicing, on the other hand, is motivated by something completely different—the desire to reclaim my health. I am, obviously, a huge proponent of and participant in juice fasting, and I am loud and proud about my positive experiences with it. But I don’t see it as any kind of moral mandate. After a lifetime of trying every single weight loss scheme, program, rumor, and radical tactic imaginable, when it came to getting my health back and losing weight, it is regular juice fasting that worked for me, and stuck. I am eager to tell everyone who wants to hear it (and some who don’t) all about my experiences with juice fasting, on the chance that it might help others reclaim their health as well, and so I will continue to offer my own insights from my own experiences. I hope that people try out juice fasting and find the same successes that I have, and that Mariann has. I hope they ultimately reclaim their health through the power of juice.
I think this contrast between the reasons I am vegan and the reasons I juice is a hugely important distinction. They are both investments. Juicing is an investment in our personal health and I hope everyone who is struggling with health issues tries it and decides whether it helps them. Veganism, I think, is an investment in the future of our planet, and an investment in our moral code, in our karma. I hope that people go vegan (or at least go more vegan, to start) not just because they see the positive experiences that I and countless others have had, but because they discover the truth about what is going on behind closed doors for animals. I hope that people discover the abundance, accessibility, and deliciousness of veganism—and that they see it as a means of voting with their dollars.
day 8
Today we ran out of produce, even though we had just gone on a major food-shopping trip. It occurred to me that another privilege issue involved in juicing was the cost of a great juicer. Both our first one—that weathered Jack LaLanne—and the secondhand juicer given to us from a random Facebook acquaintance worked moderately well for inexpensive machines, but the better the juicer is, the more juice you manage to get out of your produce. In other words, you end up with very, very dry vegetable and fruit pulp, having squeezed out every last drop of moisture. The result is that, in the long run, you save money on produce by having a better juicer. (Mariann and I eventually invested in a Breville—a new one, at that.)
After running to the grocery store for the somewhat slim organic pickings there, I settled down to record my vlog. Thinking back, I realize that the vlog was an incredibly helpful tool for me. It kept me accountable, and it forced me to think about things like privilege, and vegetables and nutrients, and then to organize my thoughts in a coherent enough way to talk about them. And, most important, I was absolutely loving the amount of support I was getting from people who were cheering me on—random Facebook acquaintances and YouTube users who were searching for others doing juice fasts, as well as asking me questions and offering me (mostly) useful information. It kind of reminded me of the support that my mother used to get from her Weight Watchers meetings. There is indeed something to be said about the power of community.
The interest and enthusiasm I received through my vlog also made me think about how to figure out a way to get people that jazzed about animal rights, and it dawned on me that juice fasts were an opportune time to encourage people to look deeper, not only into the healing properties of plants, but also into the horror of animal production—from a health standpoint, but also from an ethical one. It’s been my experience that a lot of folks shy away from, or get defensive about, thinking about these issues. But just as we don’t want toxins that shouldn’t be there clogging up our arteries—so we need to release them—we also don’t want misinformation or ignorance causing us to have a toxic relationship with food. When we’re juice fasting, we’re already not consuming animal products, so I’d love to come up with a way to encourage people to take advantage of that mental detox by not only learning about what they are putting into their bodies, but thinking about what they’re not.
day 9
This blew my mind: Now that I was nearing the end of my first juice fast and starting to think about food again, I was actually craving very healthy foods—“which I hope isn’t my body bullshitting me; I hope it’s the truth!” I felt like, once I stopped juicing, I wanted nothing more than to base my eating around whole foods, hang out at the local macrobiotic restaurant, Souen, and incorporate more raw foods into my diet. Who was I?
“Maintenance” is the bugaboo of any weight loss program, and I was terrified that, even though my attitude and motivations were different from what they had been in the past, I would follow the old routine of sticking to the plan for a bit, and then sliding right back into the way I had always eaten. But those cravings for steamed vegetables really did make me feel like something might be different this time.
For the time being, I wasn’t really thinking about the long term, but was instead focusing on the plan for the five days immediately after the juice fast, in order to slowly acclimate my body to eating again. One of the resources I was looking t
o for guidance was the website Reboot with Joe (rebootwithjoe.com), which is an extension of the film Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead and offers meal plans for coming off of a juice fast, with very “simple” and “clean” foods. I planned on still incorporating juicing into my life in addition to eating a mixture of lightly steamed and slightly cooked foods. Following any juice fast, I learned that it’s important not to jump into eating heavy foods again—even if they are nutritious. If you do, you run the risk of just diving right back into old, probably negative, eating habits—not to mention putting all the weight right back on (you will inevitably gain some weight anyway, since food will be reintroduced to your colon).
The period of “refeeding” is perhaps the most important phase of any cleanse, not only physically, but also mentally. During my first juice fast, it was a challenging time when I needed to step up to the plate and implement all I’d learned about how to eat, and how not to. This might sound intimidating, but it was a more organic process (pun intended) than you might think. I found myself craving healthful, vegetable-centric dishes. This leaning in toward the wholesome has stuck with me during each and every fast since. When I come off of my juice cleanses, I always want to eat food in its most whole form—it’s like magic and like clockwork all at once.
I looked at the suggestions on the website and thought about how it was going to feel to have apples or pears, raw or maybe even baked (hooray for the prospect of hot food!), for breakfast. Later in the day, maybe I would try a cucumber salad with baked sweet potato, a vegetable soup, a large green salad, or roasted Brussels sprouts. All of it sounded utterly delicious. I couldn’t wait.
At the same time, I was terrified to step out of the rigid confines of juicing and give myself the freedom to pick and choose foods. I knew myself too well. While I was truly craving health-promoting foods, I knew that there was also the echo of my lifelong cravings for “the other foods” as well. I knew those cravings were “more on an emotional and social level,” as I reported in my vlog, but I had been using food to satisfy my emotional needs for a very long time, and lifelong habits are the toughest ones to break.
Always Too Much and Never Enough Page 21