“Hang on!” Dusk still had that stupid fish impaled on one of his claws. Its body weakly flapped against my ear. The [Messenger’s Pet] wrapped his tail around my neck. I choked on water and slammed into something again.
The three players were shouting something behind me. I couldn’t hear them with water in my ears. More rocks connected and the river’s flow tried to pull me under. We were swept along for a few minutes before the water fed out into a giant lake.
The current carried us straight to shore. I pulled myself onto land while heaving my guts up. The other three players came in right behind me. SheHulk was being carried along by Edward and TinkerHell. She lay on her back groaning. Her heavy armor had not been kind during the trip.
“Where are we?” Edward asked. “I don’t recognize this part of the dungeon.” He was the first of us to recover. He had also just staggered to his feet to walk around while Elane lay there panting in agony.
“I don’t know, this place isn’t on my map.” TinkerHell shuddered violently. Her face looked blue and extremely cold. Even I felt the chill.
“You okay, Elane?” I asked.
She raised one hand weakly and flipped me the bird.
“Okay. Okay. You’re alright.” I nodded.
“Edward, can you scout?” TinkerHell sent the pale man off. He nodded and started stumbling away. I looked around. We seemed to be in a basin for the underground river. There was another level up higher. Edward was partway up a smooth incline.
I pulled myself up and tugged at Dusk. His eyes were closed and little mummers of noise escaped him. Gargling sounds came from deep within his throat and steam issued forth from his mouth. After a moment of my prying, he looked around and chirped. He was clearly doing better than I. Hopefully soon, there would be a visible health bar for him that would let me better gauge his progress.
“Really, I mean, I hope you’re proud of yourself.” I coughed up my own mouthful of water and phlegm. If this game had full pain sensors that little joy ride would have put me in a coma. The smile on the Dusk’s face was answer enough. Failing that, above his head, a pleased yellow smiley face was floating in one of those stupid thought bubbles.
“You little savage.” Dusk, who had claws deeply embedded in the now still fish, set about happily eating his latest prize.
My eyes rolled and I collapsed backward in the same pose Elane had. The brief respite was interrupted quickly as Edward came cruising back down in a panic.
“Guys, up here, but be quiet.” Edward was whispering and gestured with both hands to stay low. A leftover groan from the Age of Carver escaped as I rolled to my feet. [Morrigu’s Gift] came out of my inventory. Holding it made me feel better.
“What is that?” TinkerHell whispered as we scaled the ramp upwards. Elane stayed on the beach to recover while Edward was ahead leading us.
“A cane?” I shrugged and crept further along Edward’s trail. He reached near the top and gestured for us to stop. Something up there had a fire or other light source. The flames danced across the edge of Edward’s face. He turned and pressed one finger over his lips.
I tried not to roll my eyes. Edward wanted us to be quiet. This was the same man who had come screaming in a tizzy about ‘The Ooze’ just a few minutes ago. I wouldn’t even be following these players except for my uselessness outside [Haven Valley]. Attempts at being quiet resulted in a pop-up message about [Silent Step] skill demonstration. Demonstration alone wasn’t enough. My feet missed a step near the top. Continue Online graced me with a message.
Edward went ashen and just screamed.
“Kill them before they kill us!” He leapt up over the edge.“AHHHHHHHHHH!” Edward had metal on his hands that reflected light from over the ridge.
“What?” I asked.
“Oh, Jesus.” TinkerHell stood up. She ran past using my head to propel herself further. “SheHulk! He’s doing it again!”
As I rolled downhill a kind message displayed regarding my failure to hold the high ground. Elane groaned below us. Her armor clinked as the woman staggered to her feet. She was complaining about Edward while grunting. I stood and tried to be sneakier on the way back up.
“What?!” SheHulk tried to yell but ended up coughing violently.
“Gobblers, the orange ones!” TinkerHell leaned over the ledge and shouted down at Elane. “We’re doing a stack and smash!”
Moments later she was focused on the attacking creatures. TinkerHell had taken position right at the ramp’s top. She used the butt end of her staff to scribble into the dirt. A grim line sat on her face. I pulled myself further up and saw Edward fighting a mess of creatures.
“Voices.” That was not a fire. I tried to use [Identification] and barely got anything useful. They were glowing creatures called [Gobbler]s. More details required a higher Rank of my skill.
Edward swung his arms at monsters while announcing his successes.
“Backstab successful!” He shouted. Both eyes were wide and the mustache on his face quivered in excitement. “Critical hit! Another!”
“He’s a bigger idiot than you, Grant.” Elane stomped by me. Her hand shared a similar disregard for my ability to stand and shoved me back down the ramp as she passed. Another system message happily informed me of failure.
“Die fiend!” Edward’s shout kept me company as I rolled downward again.
Not this again. At least there wasn’t a giant tentacle dragon ink thing, stuff, screaming over and over. One hand pinched my nose to stop both eyes from watering. I tried to stand up using Carver’s cane. Only weeks of practice gripping it overcame the penalty. The daze wore off quickly.
Upwards I went, again. At the top of the ramp’s ridge, I saw a mess. SheHulk was slamming her shield into monster faces. There was a grim happiness each time she got close enough to hit one with the huge piece of metal. The glow was almost the same as HotPants’. Why did they seem so similar? Was it a side effect of being in a game world?
“Tink!” Elane yelled.
“Almost!” TinkerHell was busy scribbling out the last of a giant circle.
“I’ve been hit!” He yelled. “Hamstrung that one!” The damage didn’t slow him down. He seemed to be going from creature to creature and slashing at their legs. The action was too fast for my mind to keep up correctly.
“God dammit, Edward!” Elane threw up a hand and a light spilled outward. I could see the health bar on Edward go up as whatever she did healed him. Was she a paladin? Or something similar? Sweat dripped down her face.
I had no clue where to fit into this. This, this was madness. It was worse than my trip as William Carver. They had hours to figure out working together. I had ten minutes. Two of those involved a wild river ride.
Okay. Okay. I could do this. Those creatures looked more like giant walking opal golem creatures. There, Edward was like a damn [Coo-Coo Rill] and just all over the place. SheHulk was getting swarmed on one side.
“Done! Five seconds!” Two circles started glowing. First, one under TinkerHell formed around her runes and lit up with an ice blue that started fogging the air. A second larger one appeared under all the damaged golems.
“Edward! Find cover!” SheHulk yelled while slamming back another one of the opal colored golems. It spun out of control backwards and crashed into others. They fell in a heap into the second larger circle. Their feet almost froze suddenly.
“Dodge!” His voice had an annoyingly musical lilt to it. He leapt over one of the creatures and across the way over the ramp’s edge. Moments later he was sitting next to me with a wild grin on his face.
“Fancy meeting you here.” He said.
“Grant, down!” SheHulk yelled. I was staring at the circle under the golems. It grew brighter.
“Best do it, mate.” Edward smiled and wiped at his head with one hand. He nearly stabbed himself with the claw attached to his hand.
SheHulk pulled in tight between her tower shield. Her feet were on the edge of the giant circle. Ice spikes started rapid
ly forming in the center and swallowed up some of the creatures.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Edward hummed to himself.
The pile of ice was huge. Glowing was visible from where the monsters had been swallowed up. There was a snap and one crack, followed by a second as the ice pile started to bulge.
Oh.
I finally realized why everyone was taking cover. Even TinkerHell was behind Elane. As the cold snap style spell shattered I pulled my head back behind the ledge.
My eyes cast downward while hands went above my head in cover. Shards of ice and broken Gobbler thing went flying over our heads. Edward had a smile on his face. TinkerHell squeaked. Dusk, still down below on the lake’s shore, jumped as a chunk of monster landed next to him.
The [Messenger’s Pet] set about sniffing the dead monster in the aftermath of an explosion.
“Anything to clean up?” Edward shouted up the ramp.
“All clear.” TinkerHell whispered back. I peeked over the ridge again. It looked like an ice bomb had gone off. All the health bars of our, their, enemies had successfully reached zero.
TinkerHell tapped on Elane’s shoulder. The woman was a mess and looked beaten, exhausted, and pleased. Her teeth were gritted together.
“Camp?” TinkerHell asked. Elane nodded.
“Great. I need to step out for a bite.” Edward smiled and there was a loss of color to his face as the autopilot took over.
“Tink, you okay on watch?” Elane, SheHulk, whatever, asked. Knowing a player’s real life names was confusing me.
“Yeah.” TinkerHell was knocking off dust waving her hands at the air. She was probably getting rid of system messages. “How about your boy toy?”
“Grant can go fuck himself for all I care.” Nice to know I was needed. Elane too lost color as she logged out. TinkerHell looked over at me. She smiled helplessly and gave a shrug.
“I’ll…” Follow Elane’s suggestion I guess. I needed a restroom break and real food. Maybe they would be gone by the time I got back. Dusk could probably lead me to the exit just fine without the other players. Plus Elane seemed really strained when talking to me.
I clicked the logout button and let my session in Continue Online end for a little while.
Session Twenty Three – Lost, in Earth
Being inside the ARC numbed most sensations from the physical body. My trip to the bathroom and the resulting relief told me that I had needed to go for quite some time. I fired up some music and scarfed down hastily made microwaved food. Ten minutes out here, forty inside the game.
One day I would learn the science behind how the Continue Online provided a time compression. There were a few theories, but Trillium hadn’t provided any public answers beyond ‘Magic’. I knew, from my excessive hours under their hulls, that a number of the parts read brain waves. Other pieces sent out sonar-style pulses and other waves to muddle human senses. Maybe it was a hypnotic sensation?
The preset alarm went off. It was time to shove such silly questions aside and step back into the digital world. I laid back and tried to catch a glimpse of the ‘magic’ happening. My mind fuzzed out before anything became apparent. I only wondered because of this silly timed quest. There were roughly two days to get through the dungeon. After that was one more day to hike to [Broken Mountain Pass] and retain my [Messenger of the Voices] title.
And Dusk had led me into the depths of some strange Dungeon that I understood nothing of. Such thoughts kept me busy as I logged in, stepped through the Atrium and plopped back into my Continue Online avatar.
Almost immediately I was assaulted.
“Grant! What in the good god damn is this?” SheHulk was shaking me with one hand, a thin parchment in her other. My vision blurred as I tried to focus.
“What?” I chattered.
“Your autopilot gave me a quest!” She shook the paper some more.
I braced myself a bit better and tried to escape from her grip. Her character’s [Brawn] had to be insanely high compared to mine. The rattling back and forth continued another ten seconds while one of the other players said something. TinkerHell probably. It was hard to hear as my ears rang.
“We all got one!” Elane said.
“Mine’s an airplane!” Edward happily exclaimed and pointed towards the lake. A small piece of parchment was floating in the dark waters. “The distance was terrible, can I have another?”
“Can I see?” I put out a hand to the shorter woman. She grumbled and shoved the paper into my hands. The paper’s rough texture was familiar. Those edges, the ink style. This was one of the messages from up above. Had my autopilot fished these out of the tube?
And what did it say?
Crud. My mission to make it through the Dungeon had somehow been altered slightly and shared with the other people. Why did my autopilot trust them at all? Elane I only knew through my sister and two terrible dates. These other two were beyond me. Plus it said that traveling from where I was now, to my destination, was basically an impossible feat.
A leftover Carver groan escaped me.
“Seriously, Grant? How did you do this? We’re not even in a party!” Elane asked. She looked upset and I backed up a few steps. The broken table from our second date had been caused by her. She had swung it at my head and managed to hit the wall instead.
“Ummm…” The first rule of NPC club was to not talk about NPC club. “It’s a weird skill I picked up.”
“Anything to do with that fancy title on your character sheet?” Edward asked with an amused twitch of his mustache.
“Maybe?” I had no idea if the [Messenger of the Voices] title was on my sheet or not. Inspecting my name was secondary to looking at all the abilities and Ranks I picked up.
“Neat trick, mate. Let’s have another.” Edward came over and jabbed me in the side with his elbow. “You got a quest for guessing women’s sizes? I can complete that one right now.”
“Seriously, Edward? What did I tell you about using that skill on me?” TinkerHell said. She held out her jeweled staff towards the man. His mustache twitched as he looked down his nose at it.
“I believe you said, don’t peek, then threw some rocks at me, and told me I’d wake up without my balls if I did it again. Then we had a fine afternoon…”
“Shut up!” Tink cut off whatever Edward had planned on saying.
“Oh god, Tink, not you too.” Elane started rubbing her forehead in exasperation. “I thought we made a rule about this.” The shield and mace were both put up so Elane didn’t make the same brilliant mistake I had with [Morrigu’s Gift].
“I was drunk.” Her defense was delivered with entirely too much cheer.
“I thought we made a rule about that too,” Elane said.
Meanwhile, my mind was busy trying to calculate the odds of success on a complete bailout. Maybe this whole question could be avoided by hauling over the bridge to the left then up that tunnel.
“Don’t even think about it, Grant. I’m sure Liz would be more than happy to provide me your address.” Elane was probably right, they were friends from somewhere. That was how Liz had hooked me up with Elane in the first place.
“I wasn’t going to do anything,” I said.
“I’ll bet not, you’re too chicken shit.”
“Really, Elane?” I took some offense at that. Being polite was not the same as being ‘chicken shit’ by any definition.
“Really? You know you still haven’t looked anyone in the eyes?” She retorted.
Oh. There was no defense against that statement. Looking people in the face was kind of awkward for me. It had been for years. My therapist had pointed it out to me and even provided a suggested fix. Look at people, and simply answer one question. What color are their eyes?
“Yeah. Still being a wounded puppy.” There was a series of items crashing to the ground. I could see Elane’s shoulder guards being removed. The rest of her armor stayed on. “I’ll bet you can’t even tell me what color my eyes are.”
“Yeah. That’s what I thought. Tink, we’re done here.” The armor vanished off of the ground, likely into Elane’s player inventory.
“Brown.” I muttered.
“Try again.” She said.
I shrugged. Her eyes had been brown during our few dates. The memory stuck with me after I mentioned it out loud. Why? Because brown was not the same color as Xin’s. My response irked the short Spanish woman.
“I fucking hate you, Grant.” Two terrible dates and Elane was a woman scorned. The whole attitude she seemed to carry, like I was the only person with problems, was starting to get to me.
“We haven’t talked in over a year, Elane. Move on.”
“That’s rich, asking me to let go of things.” Elane was up in my face with all the anger she could muster. I counted myself lucky that she hadn’t pulled out a chair from player inventory to swing at me.
“Excuse me, ladies.” Edward spoke up. “Do we want to help with this quest? Or should we just go our separate ways?”
“I want to keep watching. I bet they have makeup sex on a rock.” TinkerHell said with a smirk. What was with women in this game? Was there something about the digital landscape that let them remove mental filters from the real world?
“Disregarding your strange voyeuristic tendencies, I’m voting yes.” Edward said while raising a finger in the air.
“SheHulk?” Tinkerhell had a hand out on the shorter woman’s shoulder. I tried to remember my exercise questions, what color were TinkerHell’s eyes? Her eyes were green, and her face was freckled. There was more to the woman than just clothing, more than the items in her hands. Not just a robe, not just a jeweled staff, but an entire person. One possessing a gutter mind.
“Fine. We’ll try to get you out.” She turned away. Short hair, Elane had short hair in the game. How had I missed that? Her head turned my direction briefly before looking at the other male in our party. “You can stand in the back. Edward, scout us a way out.”
“Right then, onward, upwards!” He practically skipped off across the way. I didn’t have time to see his eyes. That ponce style mustache was rather all consuming when I looked at him.
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