“It’s obvious he still loves you,” he said, looking at the slate tile in her small foyer. “He wouldn’t act that way if he didn’t care.”
There was a time when she would have lit up at the suggestion that Colt loved her, but she’d lived enough to know that love, sadly, wasn’t enough.
“His demons are chasing him,” she said, thinking of no better way to explain why she and Colt couldn’t be together. “I think he’s going to let them catch him.”
“Uh…” Her cryptic explanation had obviously confused him, but Dave was too polite to ask what haunted her ex. “I really didn’t come here to talk about him. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. That you’re not…”
“Regretting what happened last night?” She sighed, watching Dave set her suitcase down. He was such a good man. He’d have been the perfect boyfriend. He was kind, a loving dad, even-tempered, a good friend. Too bad he didn’t give her butterflies the way Colt did. Linking her arm through Dave’s, she led him into the cozy living room she’d recently redecorated in soft gray and blue. “No, I don’t regret it. Do you?”
“I thought we could have had something great,” he said, turning to face her. “Given a little more time.”
She closed her eyes before forcing herself to look at him and say the things she’d been trying to deny since they’d started dating. “Chemistry doesn’t really take time to develop though, does it? It’s either there or it isn’t.”
He rested his hands on her shoulders, dipping his head. “Look, keeping my hands off you is a struggle, so believe me, there’s no problem on my end.”
Which only made her feel worse that she wasn’t feeling it too. “I want someone like you in my life,” she said, resting her hand on his solid chest. “That’s why I tried so hard to convince myself this could work, but you shouldn’t have to talk yourself into having feelings for someone, should you?”
“No, I guess not.” He shook his head, breaking Gabby’s heart with how sad he looked. “I just…” He closed his eyes briefly. “It’s not easy to find someone who makes you think about the future, and you kind of opened the floodgates for me. Made me think about things I hadn’t thought about in a long time. Marriage, maybe more kids.”
Gabby was stunned since they hadn’t even been intimate. When people asked about her relationship with Dave, she insisted they were keeping it casual, but he clearly didn’t feel the same way. “I’m sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.”
“I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of scaring you away, I guess.” He chuckled. “I guess the fact that you weren’t willing to sleep with me should have tipped me off that we weren’t on the same page, but I told myself that after your divorce, you wanted to be sure before you took that step.”
“You’re right. I do want to be sure. And I didn’t want to lead you on, although I realize now that’s what I may have done. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He kissed her forehead, letting his hands fall to his sides. “I have no regrets where you’re concerned, Gabby.”
“Me neither.” She was glad they could end their relationship as it began—as friends.
“I guess I should get going.”
She should have offered him a drink, but she really wasn’t in the mood for company. She needed time alone to think, maybe to journal.
If her best friend hadn’t been on her honeymoon, she would have shown up on Sage’s doorstep with a bottle of wine and a plea to get drunk. But Sage’s life was moving in a different direction. She had a husband and a son now, and they came first.
As she walked Dave to the door, he hesitated before reaching for the door handle. “Can I ask you a really personal question?”
Uh oh. “Um, I guess that depends what it is.”
“Have you been with anyone since your divorce, you know, intimately?”
Gabby could have told him she’d rather not answer that, but the truth would help him move on. She wanted that for him. “Only Colt. Not last night, but…” He didn’t need to know the details, she reminded herself. “He was the only one.”
He nodded. “I figured as much.”
She rolled forward on her toes, giving him a hug. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry, Dave.”
“Don’t be.” He kissed her cheek, sighing. “Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how much we want them to.
Ain’t that the truth!
Chapter Five
Colt was moping over a beer at Rusty’s, the local watering hole, when a hot little redhead who looked vaguely familiar claimed the bar stool next to him. She sat there for a minute, apparently waiting for him to acknowledge her, but he just didn’t care.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” She stirred her drink with a straw before sinking her teeth into the plastic as she looked at him out of the corner of her eye.
He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to get plastered and cab it home. “No, should I?”
“We went to high school together. You were a couple of years ahead of me though.”
His only response was a grunt as he polished off his longneck and tapped the bar for another. If he was going for effect, he should have asked for a whisky, but that was the old man’s poison of choice. Colt couldn’t stand to hear himself order it.
“I have to admit I had a huge crush on you.”
“Huh.” He didn’t give a shit about her adolescent crushes, but he had a feeling he was going to hear about it, like it or not.
“But you were so into Gabby back then. No one else stood a chance.”
“Some things never change,” he muttered, nodding when the bartender delivered his fourth beer. A few more would help numb the pain. Six more should be enough to make him pass out and forget that Gabby was with another man, one who was probably in love with her and hell-bent on convincing her that she belonged with him.
“Oh, so you guys are still together then?”
“No.” I wish. Colt realized how stupid he’d been to think he could come back to Vista Falls and have a casual relationship with Gabby. If he’d had a brain, he would have realized that would never be enough for her before he’d uprooted his life.
“But you want to be with her?”
“Look,” Colt said, turning his head to look at her, “I’m not really in the mood to talk.”
“What are you in the mood for?” She bit her lip as her eyes drifted over his body.
Her question was obvious: your place or mine? And for half a second, Colt actually considered it. Sex had always been his go-to when he needed a little stress relief, but he knew no matter who was under him tonight, he’d only see one woman’s face.
“That’s probably not a good idea.”
“Why not? Because of her?” she asked.
“You don’t want to be with me, not tonight.” He was furious, and that meant it would be hard and fast with one goal in mind—release.
“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?” she asked, scooting her stool closer to his as she curled her arm around his neck.
Before he could respond, Rush appeared at his other side. “Hey, Bren,” he said to the redhead. “You mind givin’ us a minute?”
Wes’s kid brother always did have impeccable timing. Colt would have to thank him later for saving him from another stupid mistake.
“Can’t it wait?” Bren asked, pouting as she looked from Colt to Rush. “We were kind of in the middle of something. Weren’t we, honey?” she asked Colt.
“Uh, no.” Colt peeled her arm from around him. “Like I said, not a good idea.”
“Fine.” She squeezed Colt’s bicep as she slid off the stool, adjusting her short, tight black skirt. “But I’ll be over by the pool tables if you change your mind.”
Colt watched her walk away as he tipped his beer back. Nothing could erase the image of how sexy Gabby had looked when she’d stripped down for him.
“What’re you doing here?” Rush asked, leaning over the bar so he was in Colt’s face. “Didn�
�t you tell me you were spending the day with Gabby?”
“Yeah, I spent the day with her.” Colt took another deep swallow of the cold beer, trying to wash away his bitterness. “And she’s spending the night with someone else.” He gestured to his half-empty bottle. “So you wanna know why I’m here? That’s why. What’s your excuse?”
Rush sighed as he sat beside Colt, gesturing to Colt’s bottle as he held up one finger to the bartender. “Taylor had a grief meeting at the church, so I drove her in for it. She’s sometimes upset after those things, and I didn’t want her driving.”
“Yeah, I heard about what happened to her. Man, that’s rough.” Colt couldn’t even imagine what Rush’s girlfriend had endured, losing her husband and two children in a car accident.
“Yeah, it is. But I think she’s getting a little better every day. I’m doing what I can to help her through it.” When the bartender set his beer down, Rush muttered his thanks before asking Colt, “So who’s helping you?”
“I don’t need any help, buddy.”
“Is that what you keep telling yourself?” Rush took a sip of his beer before giving Colt a long, hard look. “My brother told me you’ve been shutting him down every time he reaches out to you. You think you can push him away too, make him stop caring about you?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Bullshit.”
Like his brother, Rush had no problem calling it like he saw it. Colt usually admired that quality in his friends… but not tonight. Tonight he wanted to go on pretending that everything was fine. That he was fine.
“If you expect me to try and convince you—”
“I expect you to get your head out of your ass and quit lying to yourself, man.”
“You don’t know—”
“What I know is that you have friends who care about you and an amazing woman who may be willing to give you a second chance. That means you should be hitting the ground and thanking God for your blessings, not sitting here getting drunk.”
“I’m no good for her.” Colt rested the mouth of the bottle against his lips, thinking he would give anything if it could be Gabby’s mouth instead.
“You don’t get to decide that. She does.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes when you love someone, you have to save them from themselves.”
“So you admit you love her?”
“I…” Trying to deny it, to Rush or himself, was pointless. “Always have, I guess. Probably always will.”
“Taylor taught me a really important lesson through her loss.”
Colt had to assume that the lady’s loss had taught her a lot of hard lessons. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”
“That we don’t always get a second chance.”
Colt sucked air in through his teeth. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where his friend was going with this. “And you think I should be grateful that Gabby is willing to give me one? Yeah, I heard you the first time.”
“No, I don’t think you did. ‘Cause if you’d heard me, your ass would be in a cab on your way to her place by now.”
If only it was as easy as Rush made it sound. “It’s not that I don’t want her. Believe me, I do.”
“Then what’s stopping you?” Rush asked, frustration lacing his voice.
“I’m not a good guy, you know.”
“What?”
Admitting the truth to people who thought they knew him, especially those who considered him a friend, wasn’t easy for Colt. “I’ve done some bad things, hurt a lot of people. Physically, emotionally. You name it, I’ve done it.”
“I’m listening,” Rush said, folding his arms. “Tell me why you don’t deserve Gabby. Who knows? After I’ve heard it all, maybe I’ll agree.”
Colt didn’t know how he’d feel if his friend concurred that Gabby was way too good for him. Maybe it would make him feel worse, or maybe it would validate his decision to let her go. “I’ve used a lot of women. Made them think there was a chance I’d come around to their way of thinking about a relationship even though I knew the chances of it getting past sex were slim to none.”
“Haven’t we all?” Rush asked, smirking. “Go on. What else have you done that’s so terrible?”
“Beat the shit out of guys who probably didn’t deserve it.”
Rush smiled around his beer. “Uh huh. Welcome to the club.”
“I’ve lied, cheated, betrayed people who cared about me.” Listing his sins made him sick inside.
“You ever cheat on Gabby, lie to her?”
“No, but—”
“You ever betray her?”
“No, I haven’t.” Except maybe when he left without explaining why he had to go. Twice.
“How about my brother? You ever lie to him, betray him?”
“No.”
“Then you are capable of being honest and trustworthy when it’s someone you love?”
“I don’t know, man.” Colt pressed the pads of his thumb and forefinger into his burning eyes. “I don’t know much of anything anymore.”
“But you know you love Gabby?”
“Yeah, that much I do know.” It was one of the few things he was certain about.
“Then why aren’t you willing to fight for her?”
“Because I don’t have the right.” His mind raced with all of the thoughts he’d had before moving back to Vista Falls, all the nights he’d imagined spending with Gabby and things he wanted to do with her and for her.
“Does this have something to do with your father?”
Colt always felt a tightness in his chest whenever he thought about Colt Sr. The fact that he shared that bastard’s DNA and his name made him sick. “I guess you could say that.”
“You’re not him, you know.” Rush’s voice was quiet as he leaned in, forcing Colt to strain to hear him. “I know he was a bad dude. I get that. But you’re nothing like him.”
“Really? Everything I just told you, all the shit I’ve done… where do you think I learned it?”
“I think you’re angry,” Rush said. “Angry because you believe you inherited his worst traits, but that’s just your fear talking.”
“You don’t know.”
No one could understand unless they’d lived with a monster like that. Colt had watched his father bully and demoralize people all of his life…starting with his own family. His temper was legendary in their small town. Everyone knew not to cross Colt Atkins Sr., especially when he was drunk.
“I may not know what it was like to live under that roof…” Rush swallowed. “I may not know what it did to you, having to face people after your father had been on drunken rampage and torn up the town. But I do know that no one ever blamed you for his actions. Not then and certainly not now.”
Colt was a mirror image of his father. No one could look at him without thinking of that menace. “I appreciate you saying that, but you don’t know what it was like to go to school on Monday and listen to everyone, including the teachers, talk about what that crazy old bastard did.”
“It must have sucked,” Rush conceded. “But I see the way people look at you now. I hear what they say about you. They’re proud of you, of all that you and Wes have accomplished.”
“I have no doubt they’re proud of Wes. He’s always been the golden boy.” Colt hated the bitterness he heard in his voice, but he always sounded like that after a few too many. All the hate he’d been bottling up just seeped out.
“You’re jealous of my brother?” Rush asked, sounding surprised.
“No, shit, no. Wes deserves all the good he’s got. The business. Sage. His son. He deserves it all.”
“And you don’t? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying.” Colt pushed himself to his feet, disappointed when he didn’t even stagger. Oh well, he had more beer at his place. “All I know is I’m sick of the sound of my own voice, and you’ve got to be sick of it too.”
“Colt.”
&nbs
p; After peeling a few bills off the roll in his pocket and tossing them on the bar, Colt said, “Yeah, man?”
“You’re better than you think you are. I just hope you realize that before Gabby decides to give up on you… for good.”
***
“Hey, Jules,” Gabby said with a smile when one of her favorite regulars walked into her flower shop. Juliette had been her friend in high school, but no one would have guessed the reformed bad girl would go on to take her father’s place as the town’s mayor. “How’s it going?”
“I’m okay, I guess.” Juliette sank against the glass counter, looking uncharacteristically glum. “You?”
“Can’t complain. But what’s got you so down? I’m used to seeing you sweep in here ready to take on the world.”
Every Monday, like clockwork, Juliette made a pit stop at Gabby’s flower shop for a special mixed bouquet—to spruce up her office, she claimed. But Gabby suspected it was just an excuse for a little girl talk since Juliette was usually too busy with work to join her and Sage for a drink when they invited her.
“I guess I’m just a little tired.” She sighed. “After taking the day off on Saturday for Wes and Sage’s wedding, I had to work all day and night yesterday to get caught up.”
“You work too hard.” Gabby knew her friend felt she had something to prove to everyone who thought she’d been elected because of the good job her father had done during his twenty-plus years on the job. “You need to take a little time for yourself every once in a while. Take a vacation or something.”
Juliette laughed, sounding bitter. “Yeah right, like that’s ever going to happen.”
“You could make it happen,” Gabby said, reaching into the cooler behind her for the small bouquet she’d made for Juliette. “You are the boss, after all.”
“What made me think I wanted this job again?” Juliette asked, her pretty face suspended in her upturned palm. “Remind me.”
Gabby smiled as she tore off a piece of clear cellophane and layered several sheets of brightly colored tissue paper on top before placing the bouquet in the middle. “You wanted to make a difference, to see the progress your father fought at every turn.”
Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) Page 5