by Mary Wood
With this question, she realized how she’d changed. Not many weeks ago she’d been so young – a normal fifteen-year-old helping her ma at home and working on the farm alongside her da. Life hadn’t been easy, and she’d been facing the prospect of having to leave soon to find paid work, because her da had said that, although he’d kept her at home longer than most, they needed the extra money she could bring in. He’d said in his kindly way, so as not to make his words hurt, that the family had missed out on any extra coming in, with Ruth being unable to work. Poor Da, if he knew what was happening, he’d be so sad. He tried to keep his family fed and warm, and worked from dawn till dusk for us.
Funny, but the trek across the Bowland Hills to the big town of Blackburn had taken over from the heartache of losing him and had helped her to cope with the grief of his loss. It had felt like an adventure to her. She hadn’t been able to wait to see what Blackburn was like.
Well, she knew now, and it were no big deal. She preferred the country, with its fresh smell – not that you got much of that when you went near the cowsheds! But still, it had been home, and for the most part she’d been happy and carefree. Now she knew what it felt like to be alone, and facing a lifetime of being so. Fighting the despair of her situation and the plight of her brothers, Amy told herself: I have to face it, I have no choice. Aye, and I’ll have to take up the Earl’s offer and go into service. Me life’s mapped out for me by circumstance. The thought didn’t sit well with her, for she’d hoped to work in an office, or to take up teaching young ’uns. She could do that, with the learning she had, and she knew she could take in as much knowledge as she needed to, so that she could qualify. But now she had to think of how being in service would provide a roof over her head and keep her belly full. Aye, and keep her that busy that she’d have less time to think. Less time to grieve. She had to be grateful to the Earl, for looking out for her welfare and for all he’d done for Seth and George.
Amy knew what life in service would be like, as she’d had a taste of it in Lord Bellinger’s home. His housekeeper had set her to work at helping with all and sundry. She’d hated most of the chores that the girls of her age did: dunking laundry in the yard, cleaning and setting the fires and, worst of all, emptying all the piddle-pots.
Looking up at the ceiling, Amy felt a thought shuddering through her: Eeh, naw – don’t let that be me fate!
‘Come on, out of there!’
Shock at hearing this said in a sharp, commanding tone rendered Amy speechless for a moment. She looked down to see a court official standing at the bottom of the steps leading to the gallery. ‘I have to stay, Sir. The Lord Rollinson, the Earl of Harrogate, is coming back for me.’
The court official gave her a disbelieving look. ‘That’s as may be, but the court sessions are over for the day, and I’m charged with locking up. You can wait outside.’
‘But if the Earl comes back, you will tell him where I am?’
‘Aye, if I see him. But you’re best to wait by the desk out there in the corridor. If this Lord Rollinson is coming, that’s most likely where he’ll ask for you.’
Amy wriggled. The bench she was sitting on in the corridor had made her bottom hard. A good hour must have passed, and the building was emptying of people, and still the Earl didn’t come. What if they’ve taken the lads elsewhere, ready for their journey? Oh God, please bring the Earl to me.
‘We’re locking up now, Miss.’ The voice of the court official came to her again. ‘And I’ve checked outside and there’s no carriages in the courtyard. Your Lord has long since gone. So, let’s have you on your way now.’
‘But he said he would come back. I have to wait.’
‘He’s not in the building, and the prisoners have been taken away. There’s only me here, and I’m ready for the off.’
Shocked to have her worst fears confirmed, Amy stood. The stiffness in her limbs pained her, but she held herself steady. ‘Where would they take the prisoners, Mister?’
‘Back to their prison cells at the police house, until their punishment can be carried out. Them for the gallows will be hanged at midnight; them for prison sentences will be sent on the morrow to different prisons; and them for deportation will be on their way to the docks at Liverpool.’
‘What, already? Naw, they can’t. I have to see me brothers.’
‘Them two as were up last? They’re gone. I saw them taken out to the prison wagon with the rest, about thirty minutes since. You’ve no chance, lass.’ He guided her towards the doors and gently pushed her through. ‘Get off home and be quick about it. There’s some reet rogues come out at neet around these parts.’
Outside, the cold didn’t just sting Amy’s skin, but whipped into the very heart of her, cutting right through her thin coat. It brought to the fore her hunger and thirst. Remembering that she still had the halfpenny the housekeeper had given her, to get a mug of tea, she looked longingly at the glow of a brazier further along the road. A tattie-man. As she came up to the blazing fire, the heat of it seeped into her. One of the shadowy figures huddled around it called out, ‘Eeh, lass, what’re you doing out in this? Come and have some hot tea. Only a farthing a mug, and it’s good stuff an’ all.’
‘Aye, I will, and I’ll take one of them tatties, if you’ll take another farthing for one.’
‘Glad to. There ain’t many folk about, so I’m cutting me prices to get rid. Here you go. Sit on that box there.’
The hot mug warmed Amy’s hands and the steam rising from it blurred her vision. Putting it down, she took the hot tattie handed to her and had to juggle it, as it threatened to burn her hands. When it had cooled a little, biting into it gave her the taste of creamy potato and smoke-burned crispy skin. Delicious! For a moment she forgot her troubles, as she filled her belly and allowed the low chatter of the group to lull her into a comfortable place.
The sound of the distant rumble of a carriage along the cobbled road brought her back to the real world and the pain it held. She hoped, with all that was in her, that it meant the Earl had come back to bring her some good news.
Looking back in the direction of the courthouse, Amy saw that a glow of light still surrounded the building. The silhouette of a horse and carriage drew her towards it. Lifting her mug and taking a last gulp of the tea, she rose and, still clasping her tattie, ran towards the carriage. ‘I’m here, I’m here . . .’
A gentleman alighted and looked towards her. She could see, from his height, that it wasn’t the Earl. Her pace slowed with the disappointment this brought her. Then some hope rose in her again as she saw it was Lord Bellinger. Maybe he had a message?
‘Ah, so you didn’t give up, I see? Well, come along. Lord Rollinson had an engagement and, by the time he’d sorted out an arrangement for you, he couldn’t wait around to tell you what had happened. He charged me with delivering the news to you, as I was coming back into town.’
Coming up to him, she saw that he had a smile on his face. And he’d used a pleasant voice to her, which hadn’t been her experience of him when she’d heard him barking orders out to his staff. But then most folk did have a good side, and maybe he was showing his now. ‘Has the Earl said as I can see me brothers, M’Lord?’
‘He has, but everything has to be paid for. Girls like you know that. So first I am going to take you to a house that I know. They will teach you how to pay for whatever you want. And I will be your first tutor.’
‘I don’t want to go to naw house. I’ll go back to the kitchens till—’
‘You’re no longer welcome there. I am not prepared to house one of your kind. Your brothers are paying the price for you getting off scot-free, and I don’t want to stand the cost of keeping you. You owe me already. Now, get into the carriage, and hurry up about it.’
‘Naw. Please, M’Lord, tell me about me brothers and I’ll be on me way. I’ll not go back to naw house. I’ll take care of meself. I’ll get a job in mill.’
‘Not if I have any say in it, you won’t. I own thr
ee of them, and I can influence those who own the others. Now, do as you’re told. It is freezing out here and it’s not much warmer inside the carriage, so we need to get going as quickly as we can. Come along. This is the best solution. You’ll enjoy what goes on there and will be well looked after. There’s a few who are partial to young ones – myself included. I’m looking forward to the treat of taking you. And after I’m done, I will tell you what you need to know about your brothers and will pay you well.’
Panic gripped Amy. Looking back along the street, she saw that the light from the brazier had lessened and those who had been standing around it had gone; most had shifted as the carriage approached, no doubt fearing it was the police. As she looked in the other direction, she saw nothing but a blanketing darkness. She’d take her chance with the brazier; at least there’d be some warmth for a while. Turning, she ran towards it.
‘Your choice, but a stupid one. I’ll tell the Earl I didn’t see you.’
Tears stung like ice on Amy’s cheeks as she sank down on the pavement next to the dying flames of the brazier. Oh, Ma . . . I want me ma. Ma, help me, help me.
11
Ruth & Amy
Contrasting Destinations
‘Eeh, lass, give over. There’ll be nowt left of table top – you’re scrubbing the layers off it.’
Some of the tension in Ruth released as she laughed at this, from Nora. She’d been here four weeks now and had settled well. She and Nora had a good relationship, one that pleased Josh and comforted Ruth.
‘That’s better. Now wipe them suds away while I make us a brew. Then you can sit a mo and rest your bones. And stop glancing at that clock. Josh will be here when he gets here and you can’t make a difference to that, no matter how much you will it.’
‘Aye, I know.’ Admitting Nora was right didn’t stop her wishing that Josh would walk in the door this very minute; but beyond that, she hoped he’d have good news. And just maybe, if her prayers were answered, he’d have Amy and Elsie with him. Josh had left the day before, after setting his rams with the sheep that had reached their oestrus cycle. She smiled at his reaction, when she’d known that he meant they were coming on heat, though he was always pleased when she showed her knowledge of farming matters.
He’d told her that he had learned the term by reading Farming Weekly and had liked the sound of it. She’d learned it from the vet who’d had to come out to a sheep that was struggling to give birth. The vet had thought the sheep was lambing far too early, and had asked when the ewe had had her oestrus cycle and had been serviced.
Josh had laughed again when Ruth told him how she’d been really dumb, thinking the vet was referring to a pedal cycle, until he explained. She’d joined in the laughter and it had been another moment to seal their friendship.
In such a short time Josh was becoming like a second skin to her. He was that easy-going and hadn’t spoilt anything by making a pass at her or anything like that, and she was glad of it, as she wasn’t ready for that. A voice inside her tried to say it would be different if it were the Earl, but she quietened it. It was daft to think like that.
Finishing her tea, Ruth realized she needed to be somewhere on the road so that she could see Josh approaching. It would be like she was doing something to help him get here more quickly. Her chores were all done – twice over, if the truth be known – but keeping herself occupied helped.
The boulder she sat on had warmed a little, with her staying in the one position, but the wind howled just as strongly as it had done since she’d arrived up here, and chilled the very bones of her. Nora had made her bring a blanket with her, when she’d not been able to persuade Ruth from trying to meet Josh on the road. ‘It’s a daft idea, lass,’ she’d said. ‘You’ll be cut in two, out there on the brow. And though you’ll get it quicker, news’ll be same, whether you hears it ten minutes earlier or not.’
Giving in to Ruth, after seeing how determined she was, Nora had filled a billy-can with some hot broth and had insisted on the blanket. Both were welcome. Sipping the last of the broth, which was no longer hot but still comforted, Ruth pulled the blanket tighter around her and scanned the horizon. Prayers swam around in her mind – some pleading, some bargaining and, in amongst them, a few threatening ones. None of them eased her worry.
At last she saw Josh in the distance. Her heart thudded, but as he came nearer, her anticipation left her. He was alone.
‘By, lass, what’re you doing up here? Though I shouldn’t ask, as I know the answer.’
It wasn’t just the cold that stopped her answering. Part of her didn’t want to know – the part that dreaded the worst.
‘It ain’t all bad, lass.’ At Josh’s telling of the lads’ fate, Ruth’s life seemed to end. ‘Naw. Naw!’
‘Don’t take on, lass. It were the better option, and part of the pardon bargain that the Earl of Harrogate made.’
‘But I’ll never see them again!’
‘He didn’t have many choices open to him as to their fate, thou knows, lass. A pardon from the gallows is probably all he could get for your brothers. He managed a full pardon for your sisters. And I reckon it were only your fear made you think he were going for the police, to hand you in that day.’
‘Aye, happen. I hadn’t looked at it like that. But what of Amy and Elsie?’ The news of the lads had ripped Ruth apart. Now all she had to cling on to was her hope that he had news of what had happened to her sisters.
‘I didn’t get any news on Amy. She were seen in the court, but not again afterwards. And they hadn’t heard of her at the two convents I visited, but there is sommat I found out.’ Her heart sank at his next words, and its thumping slowed as fear trembled through her. ‘I have some bad news, lass. I’m sorry. Look, let’s get up to the house.’
‘Naw, tell me. I – I have to knaw.’
‘Awe, me little lass . . .’
The endearment compounded her fear. Josh had never expressed his feelings. Now, in the moment when he had a burden he didn’t want to give her, it seemed that he needed to. Turning, he tethered the horse to the rock next to her and then, opening his coat, put out his arms to her. Her body moved into his, willing that she would find all that he’d said – and still had to say – was not the truth.
Holding her close, with his coat wrapping her into him, Josh became her crutch. ‘Me lass. I don’t know how you’re going to cope with this, but Elsie – well, she—’
The howl that started up in her was akin to an animal’s cry. It started in her wretched soul and twisted each part of her into a painful knot of tortured agony, as Josh told her of Elsie’s death. When the sound released itself from her, it took with it all that she was, and left Ruth feeling that she’d nothing more to live for.
Still Josh held her, his silence allowing her to vent her pain. His strength, her prop. She clung to him, digging her nails into his flesh. Her spittle mingled with her tears, soaking his shirt. Tears stung her cheeks as the wind lashed them, turning them ice-cold. They weren’t wrung from her; they flowed like a river, a torrent of despair. She’d lost everything: her ma and da, and her brothers and Amy, and she herself would be arrested if they found her. But never to see precious little Elsie again was the catalyst for her to bleed her grief for them all.
‘Come on, lass.’ Lifting her, Josh knew that his heart was full of her. Every part of her was him. He had to show her that he was someone she could depend on, and this set up a fight inside him with the part of him that would take her here and now. But the taking wouldn’t be how he wanted it. She was looking for comfort, for something to hang on to, and that’s all he must be at this moment.
It wasn’t the time to give in to the burning desire that her closeness provoked in him. Or even to take the chance to kiss the soft skin or lick her salty tears, as every part of him wanted to do. Instead, he carried Ruth over to the horse and lifted her into the cart. There he laid her on some sacks, before fetching the blanket to cover her. When they reached the gate to the yard, he he
ard her call out to him. Pulling the cart to a halt, he turned to reassure her. She’d lifted herself onto her hands. He looked into her dark, swollen eyes and read a different distress in them – one she couldn’t find the words to express. Although she tried, all that came out was a whimper.
Pulling on the rein, he told his horse, ‘Hold still, my girl.’ Aggie snorted. She didn’t like this weather and could smell her stable and all it promised, he knew that, but she quietened when he gave her a lump of sugar from his pocket. ‘Good girl, I’ll not be a moment. You can give me that, can’t you?’ On the horse nodding her head, he rubbed her nose and walked back to Ruth. ‘What is it, me little lass?’
Close to her now, he could make out her words. Her sweet breath brushed his cheeks in little puffs, as she sobbed out that she couldn’t face his ma. ‘N – not yet. I – I need a little time.’
‘I’ll take you into me work-shed and light the stove in there, lass. It’ll soon kindle, as I allus keep it ready for when I need to work on mending sommat, or need to get away from me ma.’ Ruth didn’t join his attempt at a laugh, at this. His heart swelled towards her with wanting to lift her sorrow – wanting to put her lovely smile back in place and, aye, wanting to hold her and give his all to her. He loved her. As sure as spring followed winter, he loved her.
The shed gave some shelter from the wind, but little else, until he lit the kindling and the flames jumped into life. They flickered soft shadows around the small area that wasn’t taken up with benches and tools and part-projects that Josh was working on. He laid Ruth on the bales of straw that he kept at one end, to sit on and enjoy a brew in peace – not that his ma was a nag, or had too much talk, but at times he needed his own thoughts and this was his haven for them.
‘Reet, lass, I’ve to see to Aggie and will go and put Ma’s mind at rest, as she’ll have seen us enter the yard and I don’t want her agitating and coming across here in this wind. She’ll catch her death.’ This thought increased his worry for Ruth, as it was likely she’d take a knock to her fragile health and, God forbid, there was a chance of pneumonia, from the exposure to the elements and the shock she’d had. ‘I’ll not be a mo. Try to close your eyes.’ She didn’t speak, but he read acceptance of his plans and thanks in her eyes, just before she closed them. Tucking the blanket around her, he allowed his hand to stay a moment longer on her body, gently rubbing her back. She didn’t protest. Her breathing slowed and deepened, and he knew she was near to drifting off. He hoped it would be a healing sleep, and that she would wake able to cope with her lot. Eeh, lass, you have been sent more of a burden than most, but I’m here for you and if I can lighten your load, I will. He wanted desperately to say the words aloud, but now wasn’t the time.