by Mary Wood
‘Lettie, sing? Ha, we’ll make a good pair, then. I could play sommat, if you and Lettie could help me to the piano; and if Lettie knows owt as I play, she could sing. Me piano’s in the parlour.’
Ruth hadn’t played for more than a few minutes when Lettie began to sing. It was a popular tune that Ruth had learned from Josh. The words Lettie put to it, and the sound of her beautiful voice, tightened Ruth’s throat. ‘Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound . . .’
None of them had heard the parlour door opening, but they all heard the deep groan that came from just inside the door.
‘Eeh, Nora – Nora, don’t take on. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have played. I should’ve known it would hurt you.’
‘Naw, lass, it were beautiful. It just made me think of our Josh. He loved that piano and he loved teaching you how to play it. He said as you could play in them concerts, if you could learn the music. It was going to be his next job, to teach you to read and write.’
There were more tears. Nora came over to Ruth and bent over, taking her in her arms. Ruth felt a breaking of her heart at this – at the loss of Josh, and the guilt she felt at bringing all she had down on him and his ma.
The two girls allowed them their grief, comforting them as best they could. It was Ruth’s cry of pain that stopped it all. The holler came from her without her bidding it, as the pain shot across her back, then clenched her stomach as if a vice had clamped on her.
‘Ruth – eeh, our Ruth, what is it?’
‘I don’t know, Amy, but . . . Oh, dear God. Oh, help me!’ Sweat stood out on Ruth’s face as the pain washed over her again. Holding her stomach, she doubled over.
Lettie took charge. ‘Let’s get her back to bed.’
As they tried to support her, another pain built inside her to unbearable proportions. This time she uttered a scream that echoed back at her, as Amy cried out in anguish, ‘Ruth, Ruth.’
‘Amy, stop that! Come on now, lass. Help me get Ruth back to her bed. Pull yourself together, we have to help her.’
The shout from Lettie did the trick. Amy calmed down and helped Lettie get her sister to her bed. As they did so, another pain seized Ruth and with it came an urge to draw up her knees and push.
‘My God, it looks like lass is having a babby! Ruth, are you pregnant?’
‘Naw, naw, I – I . . . Oh God, help meeeee!’
‘She is, she’s having a babby. Waters have broke. Get kettle on, Nora. Eeh, sorry, Missus, I’m Lettie – I’m a friend of Amy here, as I think you’ve met afore. I’m a nurse of sorts. Don’t worry: me and Amy’ll sort this. You get some clean towels and sommat to wash babby with, when it comes out.’
‘Aye, I gathered who you were. But a babby! Ruth?’
‘It’s not unheard of. By the sounds of things, your Josh was a man to be proud of. Well, it seems he’s left his mark on the world. Hurry, now.’
‘Oooh, oh God!’ The pain rose again. That was the only way Ruth could think of it: as rising. Starting badly, but rising to a peak she could hardly bear. Screams and curses came from her, and spittle ran down her chin.
But through it all, she felt a joy, because what Lettie had said could be the truth. It was nine months since she’d first lain with Josh. She’d not seen her bleeding since, but she had put it down to all that had happened to her. And she’d noticed that her belly had rounded, but again it could do that with the way they had starved her. At this, another horrific thought came to her: what if her babby were harmed . . . maimed, like her? It was more than a possibility, as no care had been given to it. ‘No. No. Please God, noooo!’
‘There’s worse things than having a babby, lass. Now, stop worrying and get on with bringing your child into the world.’
This, from Lettie, made her angry. ‘I’m not praying not to . . . Aghh!’ With the scream that came from Ruth at the next pain, her whole being bore down.
‘It’s coming, it’s coming. Eeh, our Ruth, I can see its head. It’s . . . Oh, Ruth, it’s here!’
There was a moment of relief, a moment of silence, then another scream shattered the air – a babby-scream, the like of which Ruth had heard many a time back home with her ma.
‘By, he’s a good pair of lungs on him, I’ll say that.’
A boy – oh, my Josh, we have a son. ‘Is he . . . is he all reet, Lettie?’
‘He’s a smasher. A bit small, but little ones have a habit of growing into giants. And he has a todger on him that’ll keep many a lass happy.’
‘Lettie! Ha-ha. Eeh, Lettie, you’re a one.’
This, from Amy, and her infectious laughter took the edge off the shock Ruth had felt at Lettie’s remark and she joined in the laughter. She had a boy . . . a son. She and Josh had a son.
‘Lass, lass, I don’t knaw what to say.’
‘I know, Nora. I’m in shock meself, but it’s a nice shock, eh? And, if it’s alreet with you, we’ll call him Josh, shall we?’
‘Aye, me Josh would have been so proud of him, and you. By, lass, we have our Josh back. Well, at least a big part of him, we do.’
As Lettie passed Ruth her son, all wrapped up in a huge towel, the tears flowed, but this time as she looked down at the little red and swollen face of her child, they were tears of joy. Nothing could have healed her like the love that now gushed from her. She’d go through it all again – the threat of burning, the starvation, the . . . Well, she’d not think on the rape, but the trial. Everything. Aye, she’d go through it all for this moment, which was making all of it pale in comparison. For little Josh had made her a whole person again, just as his dad had.
‘Reet, lass, hand him to his grandmother. We’ve still work to do. I’ve to help get afterbirth away, as it don’t seem to be coming on its own. You know about that, don’t you? It’s what’s been feeding babby, but you have no use of it now.’
‘Aye, I know. I helped at all me ma’s births from when I were nine years old.’ This brought Ruth tears of real sadness – cloying sadness that she couldn’t control.
‘Cry it out, lass. Every new mother does, whether they’ve sommat to cry about or not. It’s just a reaction. Now, let’s see how we’re doing.’
32
Ruth & Frederick
Time to Say Goodbye
They were on their third cup of tea and little Josh had already suckled at Ruth’s breast when a knock at the door stopped them all in their tracks. Ruth instinctively knew who it was and embarrassed herself by asking, ‘Do I look alreet? Is me hair tidy? Is—’
‘Well, I don’t know who you’re expecting, but aye, you look a picture. Glowing, you are, and Amy’s done a reet good job with that tangled mess you call hair!’
This had her laughing again. Eeh, that Lettie! I don’t know about being a singer, but she could be a comedienne for sure.
Hearing Amy exclaim, ‘M’Lord, is owt wrong?’ got Ruth’s heart thumping. If she had colour in her cheeks from the effort of bringing her son into the world, she felt it deepen to a crimson, knowing for sure it was him. What will he think of it all?
‘Oh, Amy, hello! I’m just as surprised to see you here. I called to see how Ruth was doing, and if she and Nora were settled in now.’
‘I’m on me days off, M’Lord. I just got here this morning and I go back tomorrow. Lettie’s here an’ all.’
‘Ah, I see. Well, how you made it here I don’t know, but if you must be back tomorrow, I can help with that. Lady Katrina and I are travelling home in the morning. You can travel with Annie, as she is following us in the luggage carriage. There’s plenty of room.’
‘Oh, that’d be grand, M’Lord. Ta.’
‘Well now, can I come in?’
Ruth held her breath at this. The hope that had flipped her heart had already died when she heard him saying he was going back to Northallerton tomorrow.
‘Well, there’s sommat as you have to know, afore you go in to Ruth.’ Amy’s next words lifted Ruth again, as the way she put it, it all sounded natural and a good thing that had happene
d. ‘Our Ruth’s just given birth to hers and Josh’s son. So it’s a happy day we’re having, and you’ll find our Ruth full of joy. A good day to visit, I would say. Though she’s a mite tired. Come on through, M’Lord.’
The expression on the Earl’s face told Ruth of his feelings. Astonishment vied with pain, but he didn’t put any of this into his voice. ‘Ruth, it is so nice to see you sitting up. And this is your son? I didn’t know. I – I had no idea. How . . . ? I mean, why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I didn’t know, M’Lord. Little Josh here arrived not an hour since, and hadn’t announced his coming at all. How he’s survived, I don’t know, but he has. His coming were a shock – so much so that poor Nora has had to go and lie down. I can call her if—’
‘No, it is all right. Well, well! I haven’t heard of that happening before. Maybe it is for the best in this case, because knowing would have made everything much harder for you, if that was possible. And look at him. Even though no one has worried about him, he looks very well. What about you: are you all right?’
‘Eeh, I’m feeling grand, M’Lord. Them at the cottage hospital looked after me a treat. Thank you – and thank your wife for me, for looking after Amy and seeing she was reet. She’s a grand lady. You’re lucky to have her.’
Frederick’s eyes always searched for hers, but she didn’t like looking at him. She couldn’t. Things that could never happen visited her when she did, so a swift glance was all she managed every now and again.
‘Yes, I am lucky to have her, thank you.’
This reply held more politeness than conviction. It fuelled Ruth’s hopes, but she doused it with her own common sense. Never in a month of Sundays could owt come of the love they felt for one another. Because she was sure he still loved her, even though he’d never spoken of it since that time in prison. The thought of that place made her shudder.
‘Are you all right? You haven’t got a chill?’
Everything and anything, other than what we want to say. Well, this had to be the way of it, she knew that, so she sought to change the subject. ‘Have you news on me affairs? Josh’s will and everything, M’Lord?’
‘I have, and on other matters concerning Josh, too. The court has ruled that he was murdered, but it is proving difficult to pin it on Whalley Bradstone, the main suspect. Yes, it was his cleaver that was used to kill poor Josh, but Whalley denies doing the deed. He is saying someone must have picked it up, when the crowd called at his house to get him to join them. He swears he didn’t take it with him, or hit Josh with it. He’ll do time in prison, as will all who were involved, which is good, but it isn’t the justice you wanted Josh to have. I’m sorry.’
‘It can’t be helped. I didn’t see what happened, and if anyone did, they won’t say. Nothing can bring Josh back – well, not proper; but little Josh here is bringing him back. Carrying on for him, so to speak.’
‘Yes, the child is Josh’s legacy and a good one. Nothing he could have left you could be better than his own son. You will be fine now, I’m sure.’
‘Oh, aye, I will. I intend going into business. Nora and me, we have plans.’ The Earl didn’t interrupt while she told him what they had been discussing. ‘So, soon as I’m well enough, I’m going to be seeking a job that will help me to know the ins and outs of how the mills work. And I will study at night to get me reading and writing skills.’
‘Good Lord, you have thought this through! I wish you all the luck in the world with it.’
But he hadn’t said he would help her. ‘M’Lord, Nora and me, we were hoping you would help us. Tell us which small factory to invest in, and help me to get a job.’
Looking away from Ruth, the Earl asked Amy and Lettie to leave them for a moment. After they had gone, he brought a chair up to her bed and sat down. ‘Ruth, I cannot. I – I . . . We have to go forward. We cannot carry on being in each other’s company or having any contact.’
‘But I need your help with this. I don’t know where to start, and I can’t . . . I – I mean, please, M’Lord, just this one last thing?’
‘I’m sorry, it isn’t possible. Besides, I know so little myself and am still learning. Send a message to your solicitor. Tell him to come and see you, and discuss everything with him. He is a good man. He admired Josh very much, and has a good deal of respect for Nora, as I am sure he will have for you, when he meets you. I have already instructed him to deal direct with you from now on. I am sorry.’
Her throat tightened. He’d looked hurt, when her only reaction to him saying they should have no further contact was to beg him for a little more help. It hadn’t been how she’d felt, but she had seen the Earl helping her as a way of keeping him near her.
‘Ruth, my . . . Ruth, it has to be. Your solicitor will give you good advice. And as for learning the trade, you should educate yourself first, then study books on the subject of cotton mills and their workings. There are a number around – I have been learning from them myself; but it is out of the question that you go to work in a mill. You would never last in that environment. They would crush you. Anyway, you have your son, so you will need to be at home for a few years. Nora couldn’t cope with him.’
‘What about Amy, she—’
‘Amy will come and stay with you on her leave-days. I will see that she can get here. She wants to live with you, I am sure, but I think she should continue her education. She is doing so well – and, well, my wife is also expecting a baby.’
The gasp that escaped from Ruth on hearing this held her pain. Even though Amy had told her, hearing it from the Earl had far more impact on her. It was the confirmation of the Earl and Lady Katrina making love that hurt. But then, what was the matter with her? Of course they would. But she couldn’t think about it, and to her horror a tear trickled down her face.
‘What we want cannot be, my love.’
The endearment cut through her rather than comforted her. ‘I – I knaw.’
‘Amy is training to be the baby’s nanny.’
‘Aye, but it ain’t . . . I mean—’
‘It’s not what she wants to do? Yes, she has told me. Her heart lies in helping others. I am thinking up ways of doing the same, and of having Amy help me with the work. She knows that. But just in case she changes her mind, it is good for her to be trained in a vocation. She will soon be attending elocution lessons – learning how to speak properly, as it is necessary that she does so, for our child’s sake. And that, too, will help her in the future. It won’t change who she is, but the way she is perceived and received.’
Ruth couldn’t argue with him. It was what her ma had wanted for Amy – for her to get an education. Ma had known that Amy was the bright one.
‘Things have changed so much for you, Ruth. You are part-owner of a cottage, which will become yours eventually. You can afford to educate yourself and study the music you so desire to learn. You’re protected by the law, as ordered by the judge. And now you are looking to the future and have good prospects, not to mention having become a mother. Let change happen for Amy, too. Encourage her to follow the plan I have for her. She has a lot to forget and put behind her, and she is doing that. Don’t change the course of her life so that she is in your shadow, working for you and—’
‘She would never be that! I wanted her to be in partnership with me. She’s more brains in her little toe than I have in me whole head. We could go places together, me and Amy. I could learn the practical things and she could be the business mind.’
‘I see. Yes, well, put like that. But she needs life experience first. Leave her where she is for a while. Let her gain her education, begin work, and then maybe I could take her into the office in the Arkwright mill. She could learn the business there. But remember, this is Amy’s life we are talking about, and she has the last say.’
Ruth thought about what he said and could see the sense of it. In his office Amy could learn so much they would need to know. Anyroad, however she looked at it, it would be a couple of years before she could be r
eleased from full-time care of Josh, so she’d have to shelve everything for a while.
‘You’re very quiet, Ruth?’
‘Aye, I was thinking. And you’re reet: I’ll not put pressure on Amy to come and be with me, but will you promise to get her into your office as soon as you can?’
‘I will. I will speak to Lady Katrina and her father about it. It won’t be until our baby is walking, as Lady Katrina will need to place a helper with Amy, who could take over once our child has learned his or her early skills. But in any case, it will take you a few years to get to the stage when you are needing Amy with you. Hopefully by then your other prospects will have risen. In the meantime, have you anyone who could come in and help you? Josh will take a lot of care, and you’re far from well.’
‘I have Nora.’
‘Nora’s quite frail herself. She won’t be able to help you much. And I know that she was hoping you would care for her, once you were up and about. I worry about you both. You have strong minds, but neither of you is in good health.’
It occurred to her then to ask if Lettie could stay with her, but she didn’t. Though it was a good idea, it was something to discuss with the girls first. Amy depended on Lettie a lot, and it might not be right to take that prop from her. ‘I’ll sort sommat.’
There was silence again. The Earl was the one to break it once more, and what he said cheered Ruth so much that she almost forgot her problems. ‘Changing the subject, I’ve other news for you. The boys, your brothers – they both arrived safely in Australia.’
‘Oh, thank God! Will they be alreet?’
‘They will. They’ve to work hard and will be apprentices, then employees, to an engineering firm. They won’t have it easy, but from what I saw they’re strong lads, so I’m sure they will fare well. I’ll send news of them from time to time, and will work on them being allowed to send a letter to you and Amy, once they can read and write.’
This gladdened her, and yet in his telling she sensed something wasn’t quite right. It was as if he was trying to make the lads’ prospects sound good, just to cheer her. And then there was foreboding in her that the Earl was tying up all the loose ends, and this was his goodbye. That knowledge left her heart feeling heavy. Oh, she’d always get news of him from Amy, but it wouldn’t be the same. Still, she had to help him go. They both knew it had to happen.