Finally, she nodded.
“Have you taken all memory of that from me?”
She was still, and then nodded again. “I did it out of love for you.”
Oddly enough, he believed her. She sounded like a mother—like she could be his mother.
“Taking away my freedom, my choice—that is not love. I appreciate the care you’ve shown me, but you cannot extract my life as payment. Love doesn’t demand payment, Lady Catrin,” He said softly. “Love doesn’t deny choice, or the freedom to live as one wishes. You must return my memory of who I really am to me. You must allow me to make my own choices.”
He could hear a muttering growing behind him, but he concentrated on Catrin. She watched him closely, intently. Then she sighed, and shook her head. “I must let you go, mustn’t I?”
He nodded. “Have I disappointed you thus far?”
Catrin smiled, a rueful smile, and again, he thought of what he imagined a mother to be like. “Other than your devotion to this girl, no. You deserve better.”
Hadden put out an arm to stop Thea. He knew she was close to bursting, but her anger wouldn’t help things now.
Catrin sighed again, and then she waved her hand.
Nothing happened. Hadden looked around, and then—
—Everything was dark—
—Then all was light—
—Then there was a tremendous force on his neck—
—Then pain, pain as he’d never known before—
—Then Catrin, healing him—
—His neck itched, itched horribly he wished it would just fall off—
—He needed to get to Thea. She wasn’t safe—
—Had to kill the knight, the poor man. All he wanted was his love—
And he looked up, and saw all around him.
Catrin, as he’d remembered her just before he’d gone to get the oranges. She looked nervous.
“Why would you treat me so?” He asked. He remembered. Remembered his life as Hadden, growing up with Maddox, and Roysten, and his time in the army. “Hadden? Was that real?” He whispered. The enormity of two lives rushing in at once nearly overwhelmed him.
“Lord Maddox?” The man was walking towards him. “What is real, Catrin? What or who am I? This solves nothing!”
Grizelle had been silent but now spoke. “Catrin, you must return them all.”
Catrin whipped her head around. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Casimir? Hadden? He didn’t even know how to think of himself, much less what to think.
“What is real?” He whispered. He staggered a bit, leaning towards Thea.
“Oh, Casimir!” She said raggedly, and pressed herself to him.
While he liked her, and felt he would probably like her more, he understood now what she’d told him when he was Hadden. Something wasn’t there. He looked up, looked to Catrin, and was about to open his mouth when Grizelle held up her hand.
“I know what Melasine took,” She said. She looked at Catrin and nowhere else.
“I cannot know, nor is there anything I can do.”
“Do not lie to me, girl,” said Grizelle. “You may be stronger, but I have been alive for a long time. I have it, right here. Return it to its owner.”
She held up a small leather pouch. There was nothing remarkable about it, but Catrin seemed to know what it was. She visibly recoiled from it.
“How did you get that?” She asked Grizelle.
“I too am known to those of our kind. Something you seem to have forgotten. Now return it.”
“You can do it,” Catrin sneered.
“No, I cannot. What you have undone, even through the actions of others, you must right.” Grizelle’s face was stony. “Catrin, it is time. You have carried this on your heart for what? Scores of years. What has it gotten you? What have you achieved?”
“What do you know of anything I’ve done?” Catrin asked.
“I am here, am I not? How do you think Hadden came to be here? I set him on this path, gave him the idea, showed him what was possible, and helped him.”
“What? This was not yours to interfere with!” Catrin was furious.
Grizelle seemed to grow taller. Hadden—Casimir, he reminded himself—looked around. The hall was quiet, riveted on the scene playing out before them. People looked scared. Well they might. Magic, which this was on a very large scale, while accepted, was not part of daily life. And two such enchantresses—he had been changed right before their eyes.
He put aside all the trouble that was going to cause to focus on the two women in front of him. “Did you enchant me as well?” He interjected, directing his question at Grizelle.
“I would not do so. If you were to do this, you had to decide to do so of your own free will. Free will,” she emphasized, glaring at Catrin. “That thing you claim to prize so! I guess you only see the value to you, rather than to others. No, dear boy, I would not enchant or manipulate you. I offered you a chance. What you did from there was entirely on you.” The smile dropped from her face, and she focused on Catrin.
“How dare I? How dare you behave in such a manner? Show yourself!” Grizelle made a throwing motion at Catrin.
Nothing happened.
“How have you managed it? With all the harm you’ve done, how you have managed to keep from—”
“Being ugly?” Catrin sneered again.
“Dying,” Grizelle said quietly.
“I have done a great deal more good than anything else. Which you would know if you’d allowed me to heal myself. That’s what I did, you know! I healed myself!”
“Catrin! We can discuss this later! Give it back!” Shouted Grizelle.
No one moved. He doubted anyone even dared to breathe. Thea nestled close to him. It was nice, but he was more interested in the two enchantresses.
“He is fine without it,” began Catrin.
Grizelle cut her off. “No! They were taken unfairly, and you know it! You sent him there a-purpose! You knew what Melasine would seek out! Return them!”
Catrin slowly took the pouch from Grizelle. Opened it, and upended it into her hand. A fine, sparkly dust poured into her hand. She looked at him, and she blew the powder in his face.
“NO!” Shouted Aland, rising from his throne.
“My lord, be seated!” Grizelle called to him. “No harm will come to the prince or your daughter!”
Aland didn’t listen. He moved towards them, and Grizelle waved her hand. He stopped, and slid backwards until his knees hit the chair.
“I beg you, please sit, my lord.”
Unlike Catrin, who moved things with a mere flick of the hand, Grizelle was sweating with the effort of keeping the king away.
Hadden looked at Catrin. She was fuzzy due to the dust she’d blown right at him. He coughed a little and then—
—he doubled over as though struck in the mid-section.
“Casimir!” Cried Thea. “Help him!” She yelled.
All of it—all of it came back. What was first in his mind was his love for Thea. The overwhelming love he had felt—how had it not been there before?
He held his stomach, gasping as he caught his breath. With Thea’s arm about him he stood. “What did you take from me?”
“She took nothing. Melasine took your best memory. It is back.” Grizelle answered him.
What would his best memory be? It came before he even finished asking himself the question. It was when Thea and he had admitted their love for one another. Now, as then, he was overwhelmed with the strength of his feelings for her.
“How could you let her take that?” He asked. He was crushed. This was part of who he was. This defined who he was! She’d let it be stolen without a second thought.
“I was trying to keep you safe,” she said quietly. She looked away, and he could see she was struggling not to cry.
“You cannot save me. You cannot save anyone,” he said to her, equally low. “You can only save yourself.”
“How is justice to be served, then? Are tho
se who thwart it just free to live an unencumbered life, leaving the wreckage in their wake?” For the first time, she didn’t look like the controlled, poised woman he had known. She looked young.
“What good has seeking justice done for you?” Grizelle was also quiet. “Now we stand among the children of those who hurt you, and they hurt through no fault of their own. What does that serve?”
Catrin looked at her, but didn’t respond.
Grizelle went on. “Thea is not her father. Or her mother. She is her own person, and she did not deserve this, even for the offense you made sure she committed. It was not a just punishment on your part. Sebastian—Sebastian, Bryce’s son, just behaved in a way that would have put the most noble, most chivalrous man to shame. He is not Bryce. And Casimir? What has he done? There is not even the excuse of his parent, Catrin! Markellus had nothing to do with this, nothing at all.”
“No, he was the opposite,” Catrin said. She spoke as though she were far away.
“Indeed. Or you would not have protected his son from birth,” Grizelle said softly. “Catrin, this is over. We must go.”
The words startled Casimir. Catrin had protected him because he was his father’s son? What did that mean? He wished Markellus was there to answer that.
Catrin just looked at her. Then she looked at Casimir, and as Thea had done earlier, she reached out and touched his cheek. She ignored Thea’s recoil. “You are the most noble and honorable of men.” And she turned away.
“No! Stop her! Catrin! You will not walk away again!” Aland stood, apparently released from his throne, and Ceridwen stood with him. Even the normally placid queen was angry.
But it was not Catrin who spoke. Grizelle turned to the pair of them. “You will sit down, and you will do nothing. Had the pair of you been more honest in your dealings with a young, impressionable, trusting girl, who did nothing other than give you her sincere friendship, we would not be here, decades later. That is your justice. Living with your part in this.” Unlike moments before, her face had not an ounce of compassion.
Aland and Ceridwen both stared at her, and Casimir noted that the queen’s mouth was opened in a small ‘o’ of shock.
“I said, Your Majesties, you will sit down!”
Slowly, carefully, they sank back to their thrones.
Grizelle turned her back to them. She put her arm about Catrin, and they began to walk down the center of the hall. With each step, they grew fainter, as if becoming obscured by clouds. By the time they had reached the middle of the hall, they had disappeared.
Casimir—for he was indeed Casimir—turned to Thea. Gathered her in his arms, and kissed her soundly. In front of her parents, sisters, and the entire court.
He was back.
Epilogue
“Stop fidgeting,” Roysten said, irritation plain in his tone.
“I can’t help it! I keep feeling that something is about to happen!” Casimir inspected himself again around the figure of Roysten in the mirror. He was dressed in the colors of Ethion with trimmings in the colors of Gallivas. Behind him, he could see his father and Lord Maddox.
“How do I look?” He asked them.
He could see pride and love in the faces of both.
In the weeks since he found himself again, as he termed it, his two lives—or rather, his memories of his lives—had presented a problem. In his head, he knew that Hadden, and the memories of who he was, how he’d lived, all of it—were false. Even though others shared the same memories, they were not real.
He’d spun himself into a knot trying to sort out what was real and what wasn’t. In the end, it had been Thea and Adelaide who had solved the problem for him.
“Why not be both?” Adelaide asked. “You’ve been both. You have the memories of the lives of both. So you are Casimir and Hadden.”
“I am happy to marry the both of you,” Thea said, with a smile.
He smiled at the memory. He’d not seen her smile for so long—not since her father announced the engagement to Sebastian. Now, there were no shadows in her smile, no secrets. She had no reason to hide anything.
They had presented it so simply. Yet they were right. He was both Hadden and Casimir. The essence of who he was had stayed with him regardless of what his name had been.
He had spoken to his father and mother, and informed them he was changing his name. He would be known as Prince Casimir Hadden of Ethion. While he was thrilled to have himself back, he didn’t want to lose Hadden.
That meant he was able to keep Roysten and Maddox in his life. As Hadden, he remembered Maddox as his father figure. After the weeks of going around like an ass on a leading string, he’d done as Thea and Adelaide had suggested, and embraced them both. Which meant he was fortunate to have two amazing men as fathers.
He didn’t voice it, but he wondered, at times, which one was real. There was an equal argument that either one could be something Catrin had planted. He didn’t express this thought, merely accepted there were now two men who would be there for him.
“I’m sorry her majesty could not be here,” Maddox was saying to Markellus. “This is a proud day for us all.” He looked at Casimir, and beamed. Markellus watched the other man watching his son, and a fond look moved across his face. Casimir could tell that Maddox was fast becoming a favorite of his father’s. The thought pleased him. It meant he would not have to choose, not have to divide himself. There had been enough of that already.
“She’s a lucky one, your perch,” said Roysten. He hadn’t given over feeling Thea was cold, but what with her in line for the throne again, and in front of a king and Maddox, he wasn’t ready to be so bold in his speech.
Casimir laughed. “What you don’t know is fine with me, old man! I’d rather everyone thought the same way.” He shook his head, thinking of all the suitors Thea had garnered. And lost. He felt a pang for Ulric.
Not for Sebastian, though. He’d returned home, and every kingdom near to Laurycia had felt the storm of Bryce’s wrath. He’d wanted the throne of Gallivas for his son, and he was determined to get it.
In a show of strength that made Casimir like Sebastian as he’d never done before, he’d resisted and outlasted his father. He refused to seek Thea’s hand. Casimir had heard about it from some of the nobles of Laurycia who’d travelled to Gallivas. They’d felt they needed to escape. Their king was angry and extremely irrational. Casimir had also heard from Sebastian, who was back in Gallivas as well. Courting again, although it was rather low-key, given the state of his relations with his father.
Adelaide had never been happier. Of all Thea’s sisters, she was his favorite. He’d cared for all of them before he was Hadden, but her kindness to him as Hadden had earned him a special place in his heart. He was delighted that she would be getting the love match she deserved. It might take a little longer, but he felt confident.
He’d heard nothing from, or about Catrin since she and Grizelle had disappeared from the hall. Initially, both Bryce and Aland had been desirous of pursuing her, and tossing her in a dungeon somewhere.
It had been Thea who’d put an end to it. Bryce had traveled to Gallivas, to attempt to salvage the broken engagement and to encourage Aland to assist in finding Catrin. She’d insisted on sitting in on all of their meetings. Casimir had been very proud of her. He knew that behind her façade of always doing right, she held her father in high regard, and found it difficult to stand up to him. More things had changed in the past year than just his face.
“Why did this happen in the first place, Father? Your Majesty,” She looked at Bryce. “Grizelle mentioned the both of you as reasons for Catrin seeking justice. One normally only seeks justice when one feels wrong has been done, to one’s self, or to those one loves. Why does Catrin feel you owe her justice?”
Casimir had never seen two kings so equally stumped. Neither wanted to answer. Ceridwen, who was there as well, lost her patience. Casimir had never seen that before either. Not in all the time he’d spent in the court of Gallivas.<
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“Catrin was angry because of how we all –all of us!” She glared at both men, “Myself included, treated her. What the lady Grizelle—”
“Lady? Lady of what?”
“Catrin is a princess, just as you are, Thea,” Ceridwen said sadly. “Her father, Garrick, was the old king of Nandrenay. Her mother was Roslyn. Actually, I believe Roslyn still lives. Catrin was an only child, and Grizelle was sister to Garrick’s father. That’s neither here nor there. But the Lady Grizelle is most definitely a lady.” She looked down. Casimir could see Ceridwen was reluctant to share the story.
Eventually, it all came out. He and Thea had listened in near silence as first Ceridwen, and then Aland had related the events of Catrin’s coming out festivities.
“Mother, you were both most unkind. And you, Your Majesty, were dreadful.” She looked at Bryce with disdain.
Casimir thought Bryce might strike her, so angry was he. As king, he was not used to such talk.
“We were. We were paid well for our arrogance and our lack of concern,” Ceridwen said sadly. “I would not give up one of my daughters, not ever, but every time we had another child, and it was a girl, the whispers ran rampant. We wanted to spare you the pain of our mistakes. I am sorry, Thea. I am sorry that all this has happened.”
“I do not blame you for any actions other than your own,” said Thea softly. “You behaved badly, but so have I. Not one of us was kind to Catrin, and she took action that made us pay for our behavior. But Catrin alone is responsible for the things she did. I can’t understand how you have no resentment for her.” She turned to Casimir as she spoke.
Bryce, impatient with a conversation that did not focus on him, threw up his arms. “Who cares what the old bat is about? I won’t stand for it! You’ll marry my son, and we will find the old witch and extract our own judgement!” He stepped close to Aland, nearly shouting.
“No, you will not.” Thea drew herself up. “Had you been less of a boor, Your Majesty, perhaps this would not have reached the fever-pitch it did. Nor do you get to come here and vent your spleen over losing my mother.” She grinned at him, and Casimir was surprised to see a truly fierce look on her face. “You will step back from my father, and you will comport yourself as a king ought to, as much as you can.” She crossed her arms and glared at him.
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