by Ju Ephraime
When the drink came, it was not too strong for her, although she didn’t drink strong alcohol. She very soon found out the drink was deceptive because, by the third one, which she had only taken a sip of, she could feel her head spinning. She didn’t want to let Liam know she couldn’t handle her liquor, so she kept sipping, and by the time they were escorted to their table, she was smashed.
She was grateful for the food because she began to feel a little better as she ate some of the Nikujaga, which was a popular dish of Japanese home-style cooking made of meat and potatoes. Liam had some sushi, which looked like several different little servings of appetizers to her. She did not eat sushi; she liked her food properly cooked.
As the evening progressed, she began to relax as she sat back to observe some of the couples who were moving to the throbbing beat on the dance floor. The sound seemed to have gotten louder.
They ended their meal with another cocktail. This one was very minty, but she liked it. She was so busy observing the other couples that she was a bit surprised to see Liam standing in front of her with his hand out to take her to the dance floor.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked.
She was not a dancer, although she’d liked the way dancing made her feel the few times she had tried it.
“I’m not a very good dancer,” she told him.
“That’s okay, he replied. “You only have to follow my lead, and you’ll be fine.”
She found the movement made her head spin even more than it was spinning already. Liam must have sensed her discomfort because he took her back to their table, settled the bill, and they made their way out of the restaurant. The cool air felt good on her face, and she immediately began to feel better.
“Do you want to go to my home to watch a movie?” Liam asked as she leaned her head back with a grateful sigh.
“Oh, okay,” she’d replied.
Up to that point, Liam had made no move to touch her romantically. Now he reached over and gave her a very passionate kiss. She was so not prepared for the kiss that she just sat there like a fish, struggling to take in air. She vowed to do better next time. She didn’t have much experience, but she believed she could do a kiss more justice than she’d just done.
It appeared he didn’t live too far from the restaurant because, in no time, they were pulling up to a row of houses that most of the residents and doctors at the hospital appeared to favor.
He took her hand as he reached into his pocket for his keys. As they stepped through the door, he reached for her again and gave her one of his passionate kisses. This time she was ready and returned the kiss, running her tongue over the edge of his lip. He was a fairly good kisser, and she found she liked kissing him.
They’d sat on the couch for a bit before he got up to fix himself drink. This time, she refused and asked for a drink of water instead. He brought her the water and pulled her up to bring her flush with his body. She could feel he was aroused, and it started an answering heat between her legs. So when he kissed her and reached the top of her dress and pushed it completely off her shoulders, exposing her breast to his gaze, she was a bit uncomfortable and made a move to fix her dress.
“Leave it,” he’d told her. “I want to watch you.”
He didn’t know how he could be watching her because he had yet to turn on the light. He had been moving around by the light of the two night-lights he had on, one in the kitchen and one in living room. Other than that, the place was in total darkness, and it made her uncomfortable.
When he began kissing her again, she was a bit turned off and didn’t return the kiss.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Do you want to leave?”
“Yes, I do, if you don’t mind,” she responded. “I feel a bit uncomfortable.”
“I don’t mind at all,” he said. “Give me a sec and I will take you home.”
He walked into what she assumed was his bedroom and closed the door. He came out after five minutes, wearing a different outfit than the one he had on for dinner. She had gotten madder and madder sitting on the couch in the dark living room. Something was terribly wrong. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.
He dropped her off at her door and didn’t bother getting out of the vehicle. She was never so glad to see the inside of her apartment. After being in Liam’s darkened apartment, it felt like daylight in her apartment.
She didn’t spend much thinking about the disaster of a date, but every time she thought of the way he’d exposed her breast she couldn’t help but feel grateful that there had not been much light in his apartment.
Six
The following morning she went into work with the usual spring in her step. She had not given much thought to Liam or the night before. But as she walked into the ER, the atmosphere immediately became cold. Everyone was watching her. She would walk into a room and all conversation would immediately stop. Liam was not around; turned out he had taken two weeks’ vacation and had not even told her. Not that she cared, but it was the principle of the thing.
The whispering went on for several days until she confronted one of the other doctors. And what he told her had her running screaming from the hospital all the way to her apartment.
As he told it, Liam had made a bet with the other doctors that he would have her on her back within a week. He was so certain of it that the night they had gone out to dinner he had arranged for his friends to witness his take-down of her. They’d all been in the apartment, and that was why he hadn’t turned on the light. When he saw that she was not very receptive to his brand of lovemaking, he quickly lost interest and took her home. The humiliating part in this entire event was that he’d exposed her breast to all his friends. If she had not stopped him, he would have had her naked in his house in front of all her co-workers.
She didn’t know what she had done to Liam to deserve this treatment from him, but she believed it was because she had not fawned over him like the other women in the department. She wanted to see him to ask him why, but in the end, she decided to just let it go. But she couldn’t help but think what a cruel and infantile thing that was to do.
It took her several days to work up the courage to return for her vehicle that she had left in the parking lot of the hospital when she’d fled the place after learning of Liam’s duplicity.
She never returned to her job in the ER. She applied for a job as a private nurse to a seventy-five-year-old client in her neighbor. She gave up her apartment and moved into his home to take care of him twenty-four hours a day. On her occasional day off, she would pick a different part of the state to explore and have some time to herself. Other than those days, she was with her client.
She had grown attached to her elderly client. She was devastated when he’d passed away peacefully in his sleep. That had been two months before she’d responded to Damien’s ad for a personal assistant. She thought she would never find a position to equal her last job. She’d been so comfortable there, and the job had been easy. She’d been given a small staff that consisted of a part-time cook and housekeeper her own staff and a complete suite of rooms. She had been made to feel a member of a family.
She did not think she would find a job to match her last job, let alone surpass it. But she’d be the first to admit this job with Damien far surpassed her old job. To begin with, she’d felt an immediate connection to Damien during her first interview. She’d found herself captivated by his mesmerizing green eyes, which had looked at her with an intensity that belied his blindness. Not only had her brain reacted, but her body temperature had immediately elevated a notch. She’d not had that feeling except for the one brief moment with Liam. It had not returned until now, four years later. But if looking at Damien could have that effect when he’d extended his hand to her in greeting, the effect was even more powerful. His grip was strong, his hand warm and work-roughened. When their palms connected, it had awakened an awareness in her that started deep in the pit of her stomach and pooled between her legs. She h
ad to squeeze her legs together to stop the sensation that was so powerful it had left her breathless. She’d hoped Damien had not noticed. She wanted this job, and she didn’t intend to do anything to jeopardize it.
Thus far, it had been going smoothly. But, to her dismay, Damien’s effect on her had not lessened as the weeks went by. If nothing, it appeared to grow in intensity the more time she spent in Damien’s company. She was at a loss on how to proceed because it appeared Damien didn’t like her. He avoided her as much as possible, and when he did interact with her, he was very abrupt. This left her spending more and more time with Jake and only the absolutely necessary time with Damien.
He appeared to be constantly irritated with her. Nothing she did was to his liking. She had just made up her mind to discuss the matter with Jake when he’d grabbed her as she was checking in on him. She could no sooner hide the way she felt as she could stop breathing. Now the situation between them had taken a turn with which she had no experience, and she had no idea how to undo the damage they had done. She was now standing next to Damien on feet that were not quite steady, and she didn’t know whether to leave or stay. She was leaving the next move to Damien; after all, he was the one who’d started this.
Seven
Damien was mortified by his behavior toward Lisa. It was only when she was finally standing on the side of the bed that he released his breath, which he had not realized he’d been holding. Part of him was angry with himself, and part of him wanted to keep doing what he’d been doing with Lisa. It felt so wonderful.
He sensed her standing there, and it frustrated him to no end because he couldn’t see her face to judge what she was thinking by her facial expression. He knew she had not been turned off by being kissed and caressed by a blind man because her response to him had been explosive. He’d been thrown for a loop. He was so out of practice he did not know how far to take it, or if he even could take it anywhere, given the fact that it was his first foray into that arena since his accident. How did a blind man go about making love to a young, attractive woman? He had no doubt she was attractive, though, had someone asked him how he knew, he wouldn’t have had an answer. He just knew.
After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only minutes, he heard her move away from the bed, and without a word, she walked to the door. Then he heard the door close with a soft click as the lock slipped into place.
Oh boy, I messed up. I messed up bad. How am I going to fix this? He was at a loss. One thing was certain. He had Lisa in his blood like a drug, and like an addict, he needed to have her or he would die. And from her reaction to him, her need was just as strong. What am I going to do?
So many things had to be addressed before he even contemplated exploring this thing that seemed to have sprung up between them. To begin with, he didn’t believe in love, let alone love at first sight, which would most certainly not apply in his case because he had no sight. But there was no denying the way he felt about Lisa had cost him many a sleepless night.
Damien would have given anything to connect with her on a more leveled playing field, one in which he had his sight back. That way he could look into her face when they talked, and he could see her reaction. He sucked in air and let it out in a rush. The not knowing was riding him like a monkey on his back.
He did not ignore the possibility that his attraction to Lisa could simply be a result of him having not been with a woman in God knows how long. Before the accident, his hormones had always been in overdrive, and he had a pretty active sex life. But after the accident, everything had changed for him. True, some of it could have been the reaction of his girlfriend at the time, Shelly Sarretti. He refused to think about Shelly now, but there was no denying she had done a number on his self-esteem. He thought it, along with his sex drive, was damaged along with his other senses, until Lisa.
From the moment he met her he’d been trying hard not to imagine making love to her--having her in his bed and doing everything possible to her. He wanted her naked under him, around him, on top of him, beside him. Goddammit, he just wanted her, with a want that was threatening to unhinge him. He wanted to take her slowly then rapidly then slowly again, plunging into her with the force that had been riding him from the moment he shook her hand. He had created a visual image of her with his mind’s eye. Her body was pale, her skin soft and smooth, and her breasts heavy and supple. At that thought, he could feel his cock throbbing, reminding him how long it had been since he’d been with a woman.
The next morning, he avoided Lisa and spent the entire day with Jake going over figures just to keep himself busy. He had hoped this would be enough to distract him from thinking about how good Lisa had felt beneath him the night before, but it was a losing battle. Her scent haunted him with every breath he took. He had to ask Jake to get him a shot of whiskey because he knew he would need something strong if he wanted to get any sleep when he went to bed.
Damien knew that his drinking might have come as a surprise to Jake. Jake had never seen him drink strong liquor, not even before his accident. But the demons he was dealing with would not quit. They had taken over his body and had concentrated in his groin. Every night thereafter, he would lie awake hoping to get a whiff of Lisa when she came to visit him before she retired for the night. He waited and waited, night after night, but she never came. Finally, after three weeks of that hellish torture, Damien could not stand it anymore and asked Jake if he had told Lisa to stop visiting his room at night. Jake did not know what Damien was talking about.
“I’ve not had any discussions with Lisa about that particular aspect of her job,” he informed Damien.
“Oh,” responded Damien, “maybe I am sleeping more soundly now, and I no longer hear when she makes her rounds.”
“Maybe,” Jake responded, looking inquiringly at Damien.
Damien knew his behavior was confusing Jake. One minute he did not want Lisa in his room at night, and the next minute, he was wondering if Jake had requested that she discontinue her nightly visits.
He hoped Jake did not mention any of this to Lisa because he did not want to frighten her away. She was just getting the hang of the job, and Jake was finalizing his plans to leave for his visit to Scotland. He needed her to be comfortable in the job before Jake left.
He decided to let things be. Unfortunately, things did not get any better for him. He got out of bed in a foul mood most mornings, which was really every morning. And it only got worse as Lisa continued either working alongside Jake or alone in her office. Damien was alone all day. He spent that time feeling sorry for himself. Although his isolation was self-imposed, it didn’t help matters that his disability made his isolation even more difficult to handle. He missed the interactions with Jake, and most especially with Lisa. His self-imposed isolation was eating him alive. Something had to give, and soon.
He got even more irritated when he observed the relationship developing between Jake and Lisa. He would sit silently listening to them clown around with each other. Jake had never joked around with anyone else who worked in his household so far as he knew, but he and Lisa seemed to have hit it off.
As Damien sat in silence, he was consumed with jealousy. They were so relaxed with each other, so comfortable. He was not familiar with this playful side of Jake. Why did he have to choose to reveal his playfulness to Lisa, and why did she respond to him that way? He wished he could see them to judge Lisa’s reaction to Jake. One thing for certain, she was very at ease with Jake, not the way she was with him, and that made him angry. He felt so helpless, so useless.
He really had no business envying Jake and Lisa’s fun time because Damien knew he was not fun. He could not do with her the things she was doing with Jake. He could not even see her, for crying out loud. He was just a poor, handicapped man. Telling himself this did not make him feel any less like a prick, but he could not shake off the self-pity, which seemed to be consuming him every day now. He could not help thinking of how he was before the accident, the women he’d had,
and of one woman in particular, Shelly Sarretti. He did not want to think about Shelly today. It had taken him a long time to move past his experience with her, and he was not going to go back there today…no, he was not. He swung his chair around and returned into the privacy of his office. He did not want to hear Lisa and Jake banter with each other. He found himself looking forward to Jake leaving. It was ironic. When he’d first learned of Jake’s desire to leave for Scotland, he’d been in a panic. Now, he could not wait for him to leave.
***
Lisa had plenty to keep her busy because, in addition to providing Damien with personal care, she had to get a handle on the accounting. She did not mind it because it kept her mind off Damien and their interlude.
She had spent the days following her episode with Damien trying to convince herself that their interlude had not been nearly as magical as it had seemed.
But that didn’t stop her heart from racing and her temperature from going up a couple notches whenever she saw him sitting at his desk or doing his morning exercise. It was more difficult at night when she had to check in on him. She had purposely moved the time she visited him to two hours later. She also did not go too close to his bed. Her visits were brief and done in less than one minute. She did not linger in his room as she used to before. Yet, that didn’t stop her from having those erotic dreams about him. On more than one occasion she woke up with the sheet tangled up between her legs and her body filled with a pleasant haze from the residue of her dream.
She felt sad that he found it necessary to shut her out completely, but she loved her job and didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. So if that’s the way Damien wanted it, then who was she to complain? But it was bitter being so close to him yet so far away because of the barrier he had erected.
***
Damien had requested that Jake go over the paperwork with him for the supplies that were delivering that morning. It was one of those gloomy days, cloudy and overcast, with a hint of fall in the air. She was looking forward to cuddling up with a good book and her favorite cup of coffee. Lately, she had been drinking more coffee than usual. She needed the caffeine to stay awake during the day, and the caffeine kept her awake at nights. So, there was no easy escape for her.