by Lauren Royal
“I’m sorry,” he’d told Ford when they’d closed the book last night.
“I always knew this was a possibility. Criminy, the mere idea of making gold was too good to be true. I’m sorry you wasted so much time on it.”
Rand had shrugged, even that small movement hurting his aching head. “You know I’m always up for a good puzzle, and I enjoyed this one thoroughly. Besides, it gave me a sound excuse to escape all the construction. Kit should be finished by now.”
Now there was no reason for Rand not to go home to Oxford.
Except Lily.
Today, sunlight sparkled off the Thames, and the fresh air felt good in his lungs. Pounding along the banks, his feet seemed to be saying, show-her, show-her, show-her.
He laughed at himself; what a pathetic case he’d become. His next breath was a huge one, drawn in through both nose and mouth, meant to cleanse his body and head. But with it came a faint scent that made alarm slither down his spine.
Fire.
He stopped and turned, scanning the horizon. There it was. Slightly inland and to the west, dark smoke puffing up to smudge today’s clear blue sky.
Trentingham was over in that direction, he realized with a jolt of panic.
A moment later he was running faster than ever in his life.
YESTERDAY LILY had awakened with the sniffles and a scratchy throat, so she’d stayed home while Mum and Rose went out calling. Today, she’d awakened coughing and sneezing and could barely drag herself downstairs to tend to her menagerie. After completing her chores and nearly nodding into her breakfast, she’d crawled back into her night rail and collapsed into bed for a much needed nap, half expecting not to open her eyes again before dark.
But now she lay teetering on the brink of wakefulness, vaguely wondering what had roused her from sleep. She was tired, so tired her whole body ached, and she could tell from the color behind her closed lids that it was still midday. She rolled over, intending to drift off again, to seek more healing slumber—
Shouts. The stench of burning wood. Her eyes popped open, and she leapt from the bed and rushed to the window, her knees trembling.
Smoke billowed into the sky—light gray, dark gray, menacingly black—and below that, red and orange flames licked upward, rising from what looked like the soon-to-be-roofless barn.
Her animals were in there. Her heart racing, she grabbed a wrapper and struggled into it even as she ran for the door.
TWENTY-ONE
“YOU CANNOT GO back in there, my lord! It’s about to collapse! They’re only animals! Not worth your life!”
Rand ignored the frantic stable hand’s warning, waving him toward the long bucket brigade bringing water up from the river. Coughing, he set down the badger and quickly scanned the small collection of dazed creatures.
The hedgehog, the fawn, a rabbit, a weasel…Lily had said she was planning to release the rat, and he prayed that she had, because he hadn’t a chance of finding anything that small in the blinding smoke. But he’d seen a shadow in the grayness…the fox cub, he suddenly realized. The fox cub with the broken leg.
This one cannot run, he heard Lily say in his head. This one couldn’t survive without him.
He’d originally raced into the blazing barn because he’d needed to make sure Lily wasn’t in there. But once inside, he’d remembered her face, her gentle hands as she cared for her strays. He couldn’t leave them to die. Not the ones he’d already saved, and not the fox cub, either.
To more cries of “No!” and “Stay back!” he charged once more into the conflagration. What air remained was hotter than his first two trips, and drier, searing his lungs. Flames thundered, their orange, white, and blue tendrils licking up the wooden walls. Billowing black smoke threatened to blind him.
He stumbled toward Lily’s makeshift pens, coughs wracking his body as he peered through the haze, his eyes blurred with burning tears. Frantically he searched the enclosures, finding nothing. The blaze roared all around him, the sound filling his head, battering his senses.
Heat lashed him in scorching waves. He couldn’t see; he couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t stay in here a minute longer.
This one cannot run…
He pictured Lily saying the words, kneeling beside a pen, right there. Sucking in acrid air, he reached down blindly, his fingers encountering soft, trembling fur.
And then he was on his way out, the cub a gasping, hot bundle in his arms, both of them searching for cool, healing air. Just as he cleared the door, a mighty crash sounded behind him, and for one terrifying moment he seemed surrounded by raining sparks.
Then there was light, and he could breathe, and someone was pulling the cub from his arms. “Oh goodness, oh goodness, oh goodness,” someone cried, whacking him on the back. It made him cough more, and he tried to twist away, to run away, but he only stumbled. His eyes were still streaming and he couldn’t see, but whoever it was followed him.
“You’re on fire!” she screamed, and it was Lily’s voice, and he stood still and let her beat upon his back until at last she stopped.
“Oh goodness,” she said again and took him by the hand to pull him farther from the flames. They both collapsed to the ground. Rand rubbed his eyes, feeling grit, his head swimming in a haze of smoke and unreality.
He blinked until his vision cleared. He and Lily gazed at each other, ash and soot drifting around them and settling slowly to earth like a dark, eerie snowfall.
“You saved my animals,” she whispered, quiet tears rolling down her cheeks.
“You saved me,” Rand croaked through his raw throat. Still coughing, he reached a hand behind to touch his back, but it didn’t hurt enough to be burned.
“It was your hair.” Lily coughed, too. “Your hair was on fire.”
He reached higher then, to the ribbon that bound the queue he wore when he ran, and it was still there—but the hair below it felt wiry and crumbled in his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” she said, coughing some more.
He shrugged, still feeling dazed. “It hardly matters. It will grow back.” They both coughed together. “Did the smoke get to you, too? Or are these sympathy coughs?” he said with a weak smile, then frowned, peering closer, finally noticing how she looked. “You’re wearing a nightdress. You’re ill, aren’t you? Rose is at Lakefield now, as usual, but she failed to mention your illness. You shouldn’t be out here—you’ll catch your death.”
Her cheeks flushed pink. She took the dressing gown clenched in her fingers—the one she’d used to beat out the flames—and draped it over herself. Once white, it was streaked gray and black from his hair. “You shouldn’t be here, either,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“I was running and saw the smoke.” His head cleared, and suddenly he realized the fire was still raging. “Go inside, Lily. Lie down. Your animals are safe.” Even now, a couple of women were busy moving them to the stables. “I need to help here.”
He pushed to his feet and came face-to-face with Lily’s mother.
She laid a gentle hand on his arm. “You should go inside, too. You’ve done enough.”
“But the barn—”
“It’s hopeless, and the rest is under control.”
Rand turned to see. Although the bucket brigade was still operating full force under the direction of her husband, the men weren’t fighting the fire, instead drenching the surrounding area to prevent its spread. The barn itself—or what was left of it—was burning merrily despite their earlier efforts.
Lady Trentingham forced a wan smile. “It was old and needed replacing. So long as no one’s hurt, it’s no great loss. Come inside. I’ll fetch some water so you can rinse off the soot.” Without waiting for his agreement, she hurried toward the house.
His hands were coated in black, and he wanted to wash his face as well. He reached to help Lily rise. The sunshine was dimmed by the veil of smoke overhead, but not so much that he couldn’t see a faint outline of her form through her thin white nigh
tdress. He thought it wise not to mention that, however. She sneezed twice during their slow progress to the house and looked even worse than he felt.
Well, her poor red eyes and nose did, anyway. The rest of her was as lovely as ever.
By the time they stepped indoors, Lady Trentingham had a basin and towels set up in the drawing room. She ushered them both inside, handing Rand a clean white shirt and Lily a fresh dressing gown and a pair of shears. “I must see that ale is brought to the men—I’ll be back to check on you two in a few moments!” she said before rushing off.
Lily hurried into the dressing gown and belted it tightly at her waist. Exhausted, Rand slowly unwound the ribbon from his hair, then looked down at his grayish shirt, noticing all the tiny black holes where sparks had singed it and marked his skin. Wincing, he began to strip it off.
Her mouth dropped open, but she didn’t avert her eyes.
He paused, remembering he was supposed to win Lily by demonstrating the depth of his feelings. But surely a bit of temptation couldn’t hurt, either?
Hoping she’d find him tempting, he pulled the shirt over his head and turned to the water.
TWENTY-TWO
LILY’S GAZE WAS affixed to Rand’s back, watching the way his muscles moved as he scrubbed all the black soot off his hands and arms, then his face and neck. She’d never seen a man’s bare back, unless she counted Rowan’s, but he was still just a boy. And Rowan’s back didn’t look like Rand’s, either; it looked rather like her own or Rose’s. Rand’s tapered from wide shoulders down to narrow hips, and every muscle was defined beneath the dewy skin—sweat-dampened, no doubt, by the intense heat inside the barn.
Feeling her own temperature rising, she dropped onto a chair.
Drying his face with a towel, he turned. “Why did she give you scissors?”
“Hmm?” Swallowing hard, she tore her gaze from his chest and looked down to where her fingers, white-knuckled, gripped the shears. “I suppose she thought you’d want to cut off the burned part of your hair.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” His voice sounded husky—from the smoke, she imagined. But whatever the reason, his deep, guttural words seemed to vibrate through her bones. He tossed away the towel and grabbed her father’s shirt. “Will you cut it for me?”
“Me? Cut your hair?” Her breath was coming short. He dropped the shirt over his head and tugged it into place. Though it was a bit small, it did cover him sufficiently.
She couldn’t decide whether she found that a relief or a disappointment.
“Well, I cannot cut it myself, not and make a good job of it,” he said reasonably, shoving the bottom of the shirt down into his breeches. “Most of it’s on the back of my head,” he added.
“It? Oh, your hair. Yes. I suppose it is.” She began to clear her throat, but when that hurt, she coughed instead. “Sit down, and I’ll do my best to cut it.”
“I cannot.” He indicated his filthy breeches and the cream-colored upholstery. “Can you stand?”
She did, though her knees felt shaky. Her illness must be worsening. Her arms felt weak when she raised the scissors and began snipping off the scorched hair. It smelled awful and looked even worse.
“I’m so sorry,” she said from behind him, mourning the gorgeous mane.
He shrugged, the shirt stretching across his wide shoulders. “It was my only vanity. It’s probably as well that it’s gone. I’ll have more time for my work now that I won’t be caring for it.”
He was obviously jesting, and she laughed at the mental image of a valet combing out Rand’s hair and rubbing sweet-smelling oils into it, as Lily’s maid did every night.
She was glad he wasn’t angry. And her animals were safe. Her heart swelled as she carefully snipped. “Why?” she asked quietly.
“Why what?”
“Why did you risk your life to save them?” She watched his face in a big gilt-framed mirror on the wall. “You don’t even like animals.”
“I don’t dislike animals, and I’d certainly never want to see any creature suffer. Just because they’re not the center of my existence doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
“Oh.” It sounded so simple when he put it that way. So reasonable. So Rand. And she wanted to say that animals weren’t the center of her existence, either. That though every life had worth, people—especially deserving people like him—were dearer to her than all else.
But she shouldn’t be saying something like that, because he might get the wrong idea. And then she might be tempted to break her promise to Rose, and then—
“But if you want the real truth,” he continued, “I wasn’t thinking of the animals when I saved them. I went in looking for you, afraid you might be trying to save them yourself. And then, when you weren’t there—” He swallowed, then grimaced and massaged his throat. “When I rescued those creatures, I was thinking of you, Lily, and how you’d feel if they perished.”
She stopped snipping and began coughing again. It was one thing to have risked his life for her animals, quite another to have done it for her. He couldn’t…she couldn’t…
“Lily?”
“I’m almost finished.” She cleared her throat painfully and made a few more cuts. But it was hard to concentrate, because she was afraid she’d just fallen in love.
She hadn’t seen him in a week—a week she’d spent alternating between guilt-ridden tiptoeing around Rose and equally guilt-ridden daydreaming about Rand. A week in which she’d grown more certain of her feelings with each passing day, while her sister only grew more desperate.
By now it was clear to everyone but Rose that her cause was hopeless. Rand was never to be hers.
And Lily had a terrible fear that after this—this impossibly selfless, wonderful thing that he’d done for her—her own cause was similarly doomed. Just as the illness was draining her strength, Rand’s kindness was eroding her resolve. She felt her supposed commitment to family loyalty weakening amidst an onslaught of powerful feelings. Gratitude, admiration, longing, and others too tangled to discern. Was Violet wrong about the human will? Was it only a matter of time before emotion overcame rationality?
When Rand suddenly turned and met her eyes, Lily had to lock her knees to keep them from buckling.
“Are you finished?”
“I think so.” She sneezed, and then coughed, and then gave a long, deep, miserable sniffle. “Yes, I’m finished.”
“You should go to bed, then. I’ll walk you to your chamber.”
“Rand, you cannot.”
“Of course I can.” He took her arm and began marching her toward the staircase. “You’re ill and I’m exhausted. I can assure you nothing untoward will happen.”
Truth be told, she was glad for his support as she trudged up the steps. Beatrix appeared and followed behind. “Thank you,” Lily said primly when Rand had delivered her to her door.
“Go on, get in bed.”
Supposing he wouldn’t leave her alone until he saw her settled, she sighed and picked up the cat, then climbed under the covers, still wearing her wrapper. “Thank you,” she said again.
Rand remained standing on the threshold. “May I come in?”
Lily’s pulse skipped, and Beatrix began hiccuping. “That would be quite improper.”
“Your mother left us alone.”
“She does things like that. Mum has never been overly concerned with propriety.” When she sneezed, embarrassingly loudly, Beatrix leapt to the floor. “At least so long as others are not around to observe.”
“Ah,” he said, “I remember. The Ashcroft motto. Interroga Conformationem, Question Convention.” He glanced down to where Beatrix was ribboning between his legs, rubbing against his smudged boots. “What on earth is she doing?”
“She likes you.”
“Why?”
Lily shrugged. “Why not?”
“I’m a dog person.” In an attempt to get away, he sidled into the room, apparently forgetting that Lily hadn’t granted permission. Bored
by his disinterest, Beatrix scampered out the window to join Jasper on a tree branch right outside.
Rand immediately strode to the window. “There’s ash drifting in,” he said as he slammed it shut. When he turned, he stood stock still and looked around.
Lily followed his roaming gaze, trying to envision her bedchamber through his eyes while she dabbed her stuffy nose with a white-on-white monogrammed handkerchief.
A plush white carpet covered much of the dark oak floor. Her bed was hung with white lace panels and piled with plump white pillows. More white lace draped the windows. Her dressing table and washstand boasted white marble tops.
“It’s very white,” he finally said. From his tone, she guessed white actually meant something else. Immature, maybe. Babyish.
She blushed, then grimaced, knowing her cheeks now matched her red nose and eyes. She watched him wander to the mirror above her dressing table. It was framed, of course, in white.
He stared at himself, skimming his fingers along the bottom of his hair, which now ended short of his shoulders. “Do I look bad?”
“No. Only different. You…I suppose you could wear a periwig,” she added, hoping he wouldn’t, although most noblemen did.
He turned from the mirror. “Absolutely not.”
She nodded, absurdly relieved. Even now, Rand’s hair was too pretty to cover up, all those shimmering colors mixed together, strands of it sticking to his still-sweat-slicked brow.
Goodness, what was it with her and sweat, all of a sudden? The substance was wet and sticky and uncomfortable, and she’d never had any positive feelings toward it before! But there was something about a sweat-coated Rand that was just so…
Manly. There was no other word for it.
Lily chewed her lip. In point of fact, he was—damp or dry, long-haired or short—magnificent. So magnificent that her throat tightened just looking at him, and it was sore, so that made it hurt, and anyway, she couldn’t tell him how magnificent he was, because that might give him the wrong idea.