But if Halli didn’t know—if she was going to find out new information at that board meeting, just like I did—then wasn’t it the right thing to try to delay that vote, and buy Halli some more time?
And what if—this was my worst episode of tossing and turning, by far—what if I’m wrong? What if I can’t undo it? What if Halli is lost or dead, or if I just can’t undo this whole thing? Then what?
Then it’s me. Me here. Only me. And this is my own future I’m working toward.
I had to get out of bed on that one. Pace around the room. But then I was afraid Jake might hear my footsteps and think I was up, and he might think I was hoping he was up, too—
So I made myself go back to bed.
And that’s when I thought, please. This can’t be how I spend the rest of my life. I’m not saying it’s awful—I mean, Halli obviously leads a very privileged life—but it’s not the life I want.
It’s been too long since I thought about what I, Audie Masters, actually want. I mean aside from getting out of this mess. My real life seems so far in the past now, it’s hard to remember what I used to care about.
My mom, obviously. My friends Lydia and Will. Getting Will to love me. Those are some of the daily basics right there.
But I also cared a LOT about getting into college. Columbia University, specifically. It’s why I’m here now, in this universe—because I just had to keep trying to come up with something that would outshine my grades and convince Columbia they should let me in.
And now, it just seems so insignificant. Completely irrelevant. I know I used to obsess over it, worry about it night and day, but now I just can’t seem to care.
It must be like that for anyone who has to face a genuine crisis in his or her life. You have this list in your head of all the things you think are important, then BOOM, some tragedy or shock comes into your life, and suddenly all you care about is surviving and being with the people you love.
Which then led me to this: who is there to love over here? Halli isn’t here, so she’s out. Halli’s parents are horrid, so they’re out. I suppose I could create a new circle of friends out of the few people I met on that island and actually liked: Ferguson, Celeste, Jake. Jake’s parents, Oscar and Olivia. Maybe I could run away with Jake’s family. Convince them to leave Alexa behind, and ask them to come set up a new household with me.
Is there anyone else? Not really. That’s a pretty pathetic number. Then again, is it any different in my own, real life? There’s just my mom, occasionally my dad, Lydia, Will, and their mom Elena. That’s it. Either way, my circle of love is intimately small.
So we’re really just talking about a trade. Five people for five people. Halli would have made it six.
As the night wore on, I realized there were a few more people to add to the equation: Professor Whitfield on one side, Daniel and Sarah on the other.
And me. I was one of the people. One of the people I’m missing over here.
I haven’t really thought much about that. I’ve felt sorry for myself because I miss my mom and my familiar life, but I haven’t really noticed I miss me.
It gets tiring to be someone else. I have moments where I feel like I’m doing an okay job pretending to be Halli, but I’d much rather do an expert job at being myself. I remember one night when I was talking to Daniel—that night when he showed me his own biography—and I said I felt so underachieving and inadequate compared to Halli.
And what did Daniel say? That he liked me better. Yes, Halli had done all these exciting things with her life, but he wanted to be with me, not her.
And then my stomach really started hurting. Because what kind of a person am I? A guy says something like that to you, and you forget about him and start making out with the next guy who comes along?
Granted, Jake is . . . irresistible, if I have to be honest, but a good person—a strong person—would resist.
Especially when that person knows very well that Jake is not in love with her.
And by then, the sun was already starting to come up, and I don’t think I’d accidentally fallen asleep at all.
Which is why I’m now finding it so hard to concentrate while Mr. Chilton explains to me all the wonderful things they do at this fabulous London facility.
“Are you familiar at all with photosynthesis, Miss Markham?”
“What? Oh. Yeah.” I blink myself awake. “Photosynthesis.”
Biology was never my favorite subject. I was tense all year, thinking we might have to dissect something.
“We consider this a type of replicated photosynthesis,” Mr. Chilton says. “Using sunlight and your parents’ hydro-catalytic process to split water molecules and generate hydrogen.”
He smiles to himself. “Sorry—probably more technical than you’re interested in. My wife is always telling me to speak English. Let’s just say your parents have discovered a way to use the same amount of water in that cup of coffee you’re holding to provide enough power for this entire building for a day, or to fuel that jet you flew over on last night.”
Now I’m a little more awake. I was curious about that movie Halli’s parents showed at the beginning of the board meeting, but then I never got to find out more—so much else happened after that. But now here’s my chance.
“How does it work?” I ask Mr. Chilton. “I really don’t understand.”
“The chemistry is fairly advanced,” he says. “I’m not sure you’d be interested in all the details. I could show you a film that provides an overview—”
“I think I’ve already seen it,” I say. “And really, I would be interested in all the details. If you don’t mind.”
Mr. Chilton and Jake exchange a look. Jake shrugs.
“I’m afraid . . .” Mr. Chilton looks over at Bryan, who’s been filming us this whole time. “You see, it’s proprietary information, Miss Markham. Top secret, if you will. Only certain people . . .”
Bryan lowers his binoculars. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I’ll wait outside. I have to return a few calls anyway.”
He’s just about to step out alone when I have an idea.
“I just want to make sure he’s . . . you know, okay about the whole thing.” Without waiting for Jake or Mr. Chilton to answer, I quickly follow Bryan out of the room.
“Can you do me a favor?” I ask him. I turn around to make sure Jake didn’t follow me out. “I was wondering . . . could you maybe contact that producer we were talking about yesterday? Sam Wheeler.”
“Sure,” Bryan says. “You want to talk to him?”
“No, no—I won’t have time. But if you could . . . maybe give him a message? Tell him where we are today, and see if maybe his children might want to meet us later for dinner or something.”
“His children?”
“Yeah. They’re my age. I kind of know them a little. It would be fun to see them. I think you’d like them.”
I wonder if Bryan can hear the tension in my voice or see the sweat starting to bead up on my lip. I smile and try to seem normal.
“Sounds good,” Bryan says. “If you don’t mind me asking them some questions—broadening out the interview.”
“Oh. Okay. I guess.” I’m not sure what else to say. It seems like a fair request, coming from a reporter—especially considering that’s the whole reason he’s here with me.
“Miss Markham?” Jake asks from the doorway.
“Right. Coming.” I turn back to Bryan. “Nothing big,” I say. “Just if they’re not busy or anything.”
Then I run back into the room to learn some chemistry.
Knowing I’ve just set into motion a whole chain reaction of my own.
33
“Halli Markham!” Sarah’s voice rings out over the lobby, hours sooner than I expected it, but some assistant came and found me and now I’ve just walked through the door on the far side of the building, out onto the marble floor, afternoon sunlight streaming in through the windows, and I can’t believe how completely relieved and over
joyed I am to hear Sarah’s voice and see her blonde hair in the distance and see the guy walking next to her until she takes off at a run and leaves him behind so she can throw herself at me and hug me so hard it’s a good thing Halli is so strong or her bones would have cracked.
Sarah is breathless. “You’re monstrous! You unforgivable sneak! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?”
I look past her to the smile on Daniel’s face. Obviously he never told her about our conversation the other night. Either he wanted to surprise her if I did come, or not disappoint her if I didn’t.
“And Red!” Sarah says, letting go of me and crouching down to shower the dog with love. “How are you, you handsome boy?” Red’s tail couldn’t wag any harder.
I watch Daniel as he walks the rest of the way. He’s still limping slightly from that ankle sprain in the Alps, but the rest of him looks as good as it ever did. He’s wearing dark pants and a charcoal sweater that looks really nice with his light hair, and he’s shaved since the last time I saw him in the mountains.
He has a nice face. Open and honest, with warm brown eyes that really look at you when you’re talking, and this kind of smart-aleck smile that lets you know he’s on to you when you’re lying, like I tried to do when we first met and I claimed to be Halli’s cousin. Not only did Daniel see through that, but he had facts to back himself up. He busted me as soon as we were alone, but he was nice about it.
And then I had to accidentally vanish right in front of his eyes and almost give the poor guy a heart attack.
But he took it. He’s smart and he’s quick, and he could understand the science once I explained it to him, and no matter how many weird things kept happening, he always took it. I could count on him to be calm and rational. Which I think is why I always felt safe around him. I never really thought about that before, but now I do. Because I feel safe right now, just seeing him again.
Which is why I know I can’t stick to my original plan. I was going to wait until we were alone. Tell him gently, gradually. Give him time for it to sink in.
But forget it. I can’t. He’s just going to have to take it.
So I close the distance between us, don’t wait for him to get all the way, hurry to him and hug him—harder than he was ready for, because I’m Halli, after all, and he and Halli are just friends—and I keep holding on as I bring my mouth up to his ear and whisper, “It’s me. Audie. Don’t say anything. It’s me in here. Halli’s missing. I’ll tell you everything later.”
He pulls away and holds me at arm’s length and gazes into my face. Looks at me hard in the eyes. I look back at him as deeply as I can so maybe he can see it’s me in here, and I nod.
He isn’t smiling anymore. Not one little bit.
But now the others are around us: Sarah, Jake, Bryan filming it all. Mr. Chilton, waiting patiently to see if I need anything more from our visit here today, or if I’ll be leaving.
Which I think he’d like very much to happen, considering how our last few hours together have gone. He was expecting a young woman with no background or interest in science. But he got me instead. I might prefer physics, but I’ve still had three years of advanced chemistry, and that causes a person to ask a lot of questions when she’s shown the kind of technology Halli’s parents’ have invented. Questions Mr. Chilton wasn’t always comfortable answering.
“You’re staying with us,” Sarah tells me. “You know that, don’t you? You’re sleeping in my tiny bedroom in our parents’ unreasonably tiny house, and I don’t care if you have to leave the most luxurious, colossal lodgings to do it. I will not be ashamed, I will not be deterred. I refuse to let you out of my sight. Do you understand me?”
“Who could ever argue with you?” I smile. And it feels like a relief. Because it’s almost like I’m home. Like I’m back amongst my people. Even though Daniel still looks seriously shocked, I feel better than I have in days.
“And these gorgeous men are . . . ?” Sarah asks.
I introduce her to Mr. Chilton, Jake, and Bryan. And if I’m not mistaken, Bryan has already taken a special interest. He’s put down his camera binoculars now and is looking at Sarah with his bare eyes. And he seems pretty happy with the view.
I steal a look at Daniel. He still hasn’t said one word. He’s watching me, though, no doubt trying to see for himself that what I said is true.
“No Audie?” Sarah asks me.
“Uh, no,” I answer quickly, “she couldn’t make it this time. Everyone, this is Daniel, Sarah’s brother.”
He gives them all a silent nod.
Now I’m really getting worried. I shouldn’t have told him that way. He’s not going to be able to just act naturally about it, the way I’ve had to do. I should have waited. That was stupid of me.
“I’m certain what you’re doing here is very important,” Sarah tells me, “but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave with us now. Daniel and I have made certain preparations, and you’re wanted elsewhere.”
She turns to Mr. Chilton. “Sir, I know you must think me the most impertinent girl, but these are very special circumstances, and I’m afraid I can’t explain more. So please forgive us, but we must steal this person from your presence.”
“Miss . . . Markham?” Mr. Chilton asks me.
“It’s fine,” I tell him. “I’m going to think about what you showed me, and if I have any more questions, Jake can bring me back. Thank you for your time, Mr. Chilton. I really appreciate it.”
He gives me a slight bow, then shakes Jake’s hand and takes off at a rapid pace like he wants to disappear behind a door before I can change my mind.
“It’s all arranged,” Sarah says. “You’ll have to come with us now. Your friends are welcome to join us, of course.”
I wish she hadn’t said that. But I guess it’s natural, and polite.
“It’s . . . probably going to be boring for you,” I tell Jake. “We’ll just be catching up, talking about people you don’t know—”
“No, I want to come,” Jake says, smiling at me.
“I’d like to come, too,” Bryan says, his gaze still glued to Sarah.
“Done!” she says. “Off with us. Daniel and I took transit, so if you have a private car at your disposal, we wouldn’t dream of snubbing it. Would we, Dan?”
“Halli?” he says. “May I speak with you?”
“Um . . . sure. Why don’t you go get the car?” I say to Jake. “We’ll meet you outside.”
He looks from Daniel to me. “I’m sure the car is there. We can all go out together.”
“Halli?” Daniel repeats.
“Sure. Here. I’ll be right back.”
I walk with Daniel as far away as I dare without making Jake think there’s something going on. He probably already thinks it. When I glance back, he’s watching.
“We can’t talk about it here,” I whisper.
“It’s really you.”
“It’s really me,” I say.
“Was that you speaking to me on the comm a few nights ago?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” he asks.
“People were listening. And they’re watching right now. I’ll explain everything later. But I just—I had to let you know.”
“Audie, this is . . . it’s—”
“I know,” I tell him. “Believe me. I’ve been living like this for days.”
“But how did it happen? What did you—”
“Come on, then!” Sarah calls out to us. “Where’s your sense of urgency?”
“Please,” I whisper to Daniel. “Just wait. We’ll talk about everything as soon as we’re alone. But for now you have to pretend nothing’s wrong. Can you do that?”
“No,” he says, “I can’t.”
“Try,” I say. “And smile. I’m your good friend Halli, and you’re happy to see me—right?”
“Where do you think she is?” he asks. “And where is the rest of—” He gestures at Halli’s body. “—you?”
I slap him on the arm and say loudly enough for everyone to hear, “It’s good to see you, too, Daniel. Now let’s go do what your sister wants.”
“Finally!” Sarah says. “Someone is speaking sense.”
As we turn around and head back to the group, Daniel lays his hand lightly against my back. It’s just a gesture, something small, but I see Jake notice it. And then he looks at me.
I step away from Daniel.
This is going to be just as hard as I thought.
34
It’s a small gathering, just the five of us and two of Sarah’s friends, and at least there’s enough conversation going on that no one expects Daniel to say much, which is good, since he’s barely said five words. He reminds me of me, that morning on the plane last week when my brain was so busy processing everything, I couldn’t come up with even the smallest of small talk. Daniel and I need to go somewhere alone—soon. That’s all there is to it.
We’re at a kind of café, someplace cozy and out of the way, so even though people are looking at me, there aren’t too many of them. I’ve boosted my caffeine with three more cups of this dark, rich coffee, so maybe that’s enough to get me through the night.
Because I have the feeling it’s going to be a long time before I get some sleep. Daniel and I have a lot of figuring out to do.
Jake has made sure to sit close to me—not so close that people would think we’re an item, but close enough that he’s reminding me of that—and I can see Daniel sees that, too.
I’ll tell him it’s all part of the act—me being Halli. Although I’m not sure he’ll believe it any more than I do.
“Where did you go to school?” Sarah is asking Bryan. “Somewhere in the States?”
“No, I’ve been apprenticed since I was young,” Bryan answers. “Cameras, holofilming, sound production, locations—my dad’s done it for years, so he got me in.”
And that’s the first time I’ve thought of it: I’ve been so absorbed by my own situation, I never really paid much attention to what was going on with Jake and his siblings.
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