“Get out!” Olga shouts at him, herding him out through the doorway of the café, into the plant part of the building. Daniel and I hang back, watching in amazement as this small woman completely bullies a man twice her size.
But I understand Olga’s passion: she isn’t protecting Daniel or me, she’s protecting Christine from whatever vibrations the man’s camera might be giving off.
There’s a crowd gathered amongst the flowers and trees, and they aren’t all customers. There are more people out there with binocular cameras to their faces, trying to catch some glimpse of Daniel and me.
Someone in the crowd must have tipped them off. I didn’t even think about it at the time. Any of those customers could have seen Daniel holding my hand as we entered the store, or watched us having an obviously intense conversation off by ourselves. Then all it took was a comm call to right person, and suddenly there are all these reporters.
I scan what faces I can see, looking for Bryan. I wonder if he’s out there.
I feel a hand tugging on my arm. “Come on.”
It’s Daniel, and Christine is tugging on him. She pulls us both back into her office and closes the door. Then she points to another door at the other end of the room.
“Go upstairs,” she tells us. “It’s our apartment. There’s another door from there out onto the street.”
“Thank you,” I tell her. “I’m so sorry for all the trouble—”
“I’ll help you,” she says, “if you need me. Let me rest for a few days. But maybe by then you won’t need my help. What I do isn’t special. My mother has a gift, but I’m ordinary.”
I start to protest, but Christine goes on.
“She taught me. Since I was a little girl. She showed me how to concentrate. I can see things because I open myself up to them. But I don’t like to do it anymore because it makes me too sensitive to everything else. I didn’t use to mind so much, but it’s gotten worse over the years. But maybe you’re not like that. Not everybody is. You should try.”
“How?” I ask.
“Focus,” Christine says. “Concentrate. You know where to go now, so open yourself up to it. Rise above the waves, like my mum said. Wait until you feel the right one, then dive down.”
“You make it sound easier than it is,” I say.
“It is easy,” Christine says. “I could do it from when I was three. I bet either of you could do it any day. You just have to try.”
“I could, too?” Daniel asks.
“Why not?” Christine answers. “I’m telling you the truth: I’m nothing special. It’s like learning to play the piano. You practice till you know the notes.”
Olga sticks her head in through the door. “There are more coming.” Then she says something in her own language that I’m pretty sure is a curse word.
“You should leave,” Christine tells us. She opens the door leading up to their apartment. “Come back if you need me, but try not to need me. Please.”
I nod. I understand. I can’t believe this total stranger has done so much for me already.
I reach for her hand to shake it, but she pulls back. I understand that, too. Enough contact—and everything that comes with it—for one day.
“You remember,” Olga tells me, pointing at Daniel. “This one, not the other.”
Daniel gives me an amused look.
“I’ll remember,” I mumble, just to keep her from saying more. She’s done a lot for me today, too. The least I can do in return is show her proper respect.
But I don’t need matchmaking, thank you. What I need is a dark, quiet room where I can concentrate. Because Halli is waiting for me right now, I know it.
Now all I have to do is find her again.
55
The apartment looks like what you’d expect: plants everywhere, lots of windows to allow in natural light, the same kind of tamped down, muted quality to the air like in the shop downstairs, making the whole place feel completely peaceful and quiet.
I can see why Olga and Christine would want to live here. I could live in a place like this, too. It’s like Halli’s house in Colorado: not too much furniture, plenty of books lining the walls, rugs and pillows and other furnishings in colors that feel good on the eyes, like soft greens and muted rose.
It’s tempting to just stay here. Park myself on their couch and take a break from my life. Close my eyes and see if I can find that wave Christine was describing. Just try it right here and now.
“We should go,” Daniel says.
“Yeah,” I say, “we should.”
But we both still stand where we are for another minute. Daniel obviously likes it here, too.
“Are you all right?” Daniel asks me.
“Yeah. Why?”
“You seem . . . tired.”
“I am tired,” I admit. In fact, I feel slightly wrecked. “But it’s fine,” I say. “We’re so close now. I just need to find somewhere where I can be alone so I can try to contact Halli again. Any ideas?”
“Yes, a perfect one, in fact,” he says. “Come with me.”
We find the door leading outside and step out into the shadows of the afternoon. Red bounds ahead of us, racing down the stairs.
I see why.
His favorite stick-thrower is here.
Daniel mutters something under his breath.
“How did he—?” But of course I know. Jake’s standing there holding his tablet. He’s been tracking me. He must have access through Halli’s parents. It was helpful to me at one time, but now it’s just irritating.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Daniel. “I’ll go tell him we’re busy.”
“Halli Markham is very popular today,” he answers.
Jake is standing next to the car that dropped me off last night. That same driver is inside.
Jake and Red are having a fine reunion, with Red leaping and spinning in place. Jake fluffs up his ears, pats his sides, generally returns the happy greeting.
As soon as Daniel and I are near, Jake straightens up. “Everett,” he says.
Daniel gives him a nod.
Jake smiles at me. “Do you have a minute?”
“Uh . . . not really. We’re kind of in the middle of something. Can I talk to you later tonight?”
“Just a minute,” Jake says, opening the door to the car. Red hops right in.
I bend down to get him out, and see that there’s someone else in the car. Bryan.
“Can I talk to you?” he says.
I look back at Daniel. He simply stands and waits, letting me make the decision for myself.
“Don’t leave,” I tell Daniel. “I’ll be right back.”
I slide in. Jake slides in after me and closes the door. It’s a roomy back seat, but three people and a huge dog are pushing the limits.
“I got a call this afternoon,” Bryan says. “Can you guess who from?”
“Uh . . . not really.”
“My producer. Can you guess why?”
Yes, I can guess. All those reporters, and Bryan not among them.
“Your parents gave me an exclusive, Halli. Do you understand what that means?”
I don’t appreciate his tone. He’s speaking to me like a child. If he knew half the things I’ve seen—today alone.
Maybe he can tell from my face that he’s going about it the wrong way, because he sighs and leans back and starts again.
“They can fire me for this, you know,” he says. “I’m supposed to be with you all the time, grabbing coverage, intimate moments, the ‘real Halli Markham.’”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”
“What’s the story with this guy?” Bryan asks, gesturing toward Daniel standing outside. “Was I wrong about you and Jake?”
“Can we discuss all this some other time?” I say. “I have something else I need to do right now.”
“Is there something going on?” Jake asks me. “I told Bryan no, but if you can’t even answer the question—”
“There’s
nothing between Daniel and me. He’s just a friend. But he needs help with something right now, and I promised I’d help him, so if we could just talk about all of this later—”
“When, later, Halli?” Jake says. “I don’t understand what you’re doing. We were supposed to be over here touring your parents’ facility, and now you’re doing . . . what? Going to flower shops—”
“And rival history organizations,” Bryan adds.
“—and having reporters follow you and ask you questions about that guy out there—”
“And they’re not going to stop,” Bryan says. “We found you first right now, but it’s not going to take them long to track you down. They know what Daniel looks like, and they’ll find his house and his school—”
“Enough, all right! Enough!” I shout. Red wags his tail nervously. “What do you two expect me to do?”
“Your parents sent me over with you to look out for you,” Jake says. “They’re going to wonder why I let you get away. How’s it going to look when they see you and Daniel show up on some history program tonight?”
“Exactly,” Bryan says. “Your parents gave me the exclusive because they knew I’d make you—and them—look good. I can’t do that if you won’t let me in. Look, I was willing to give you and Jake a break last night—tell it the way you wanted it told. But now you’re making it awfully hard to tell that story anymore. Not if you’re out there in public flaunting it with some other guy—”
“I’m not flaunting anything! This is ridiculous. I don’t care what my parents think or your producer thinks.”
“Do you care what I think?” Jake asks.
“Yes, but not when you’re wrong. I have friends here. They need my help right now. I’m going to do what I want.”
I open the car door. I’m feeling very Halli all of the sudden—and very unwilling to be bossed around. Maybe it’s because I’m so close to turning this life back over to her. I don’t want to deal with any of this other garbage anymore if I don’t have to.
“I’ll call you later,” I tell Jake. “Come on, Red. We have to go.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Bryan says.
“I make them all the time,” I answer. “I’m getting really good at it by now.”
I make sure Red’s tail is clear, then I slam the door. And turn to Daniel.
“Apparently the other reporters aren’t going to give up,” I tell him. “They’re going to camp outside your house until we both confess we’re secretly married.”
“Sarah will love the attention, I’m afraid. Even though she’ll wonder how I could ever cheat on Audie with you. She won’t like that one bit. Very romantic, that girl.”
I press my head between my hands. If Jake is watching, he probably thinks it’s my old head injury acting up. I drop my hands so he won’t think he needs to whisk me away to a doctor.
“Suggestions?” I say.
“Come with me,” Daniel says. “I still know a place. They may find you there, but they won’t get in.”
I let out a breath. “Good. Perfect. Because if this goes on much longer, I’m going to have to hit someone.”
“Preferably not me,” Daniel says. “You may have noticed you’re considerably stronger than you once were.”
“That’s right,” I tell him. “And don’t you forget it.”
56
We are back at History 14, where Daniel promises me the reporters will never get past the reception desk. His parents are in on it, too, and assure me that even though a reporter might dare violate Olga and Christine’s sign and try to bring a camera into the café, there’s an unwritten rule among the history organizations that none of them breach each other’s security. Daniel and I will be fair game once we step back out onto the street or even go back home to his house, but within the walls of the studio, we’re safe.
Daniel leads me up to the third floor.
“No one is ever up here this time of day,” he says. “And I’ll stand watch outside just to make certain you aren’t disturbed.”
“Thank you, Daniel.” There’s a reason why I’ve always felt so safe with him around.
He opens the door to one of the rooms. It’s small in here—maybe a quarter the size of the recording booth where Olga had her session. And there’s just one piece of furniture: a black mound on the floor that sort of looks like a bean bag chair.
I sit down and sink into it. There aren’t beans in there, but some sort of gel instead that molds itself around me and makes me feel almost weightless. It’s like floating in a bubble bath, without the wet.
Red stretches out on the floor beside me.
“Do you need anything else?” Daniel asks, his hand already on the door to leave.
“Yes,” I tell him. I didn’t know I was going to ask him before this moment, but now I realize I’m right. “I’d really like you to stay in here with me. I think it would help.”
Daniel hesitates. “But won’t that interfere?”
“I don’t think so. And to tell you the truth, I don’t really want to do it by myself. I don’t think it will work.”
“Why wouldn’t it work?”
“I don’t know, I just . . . it’s just a feeling.” And it’s one of those things you don’t realize is true until you hear yourself saying it out loud. “You’re part of this, Daniel. You were there when Olga and Christine and I found her, and I think you should be here now. And I know you won’t say anything or try to ruin my concentration—you’re not like other people.” Like Jake, for instance, who would see it as the perfect opportunity to make out with me. “Just . . . sit with me, Daniel. Please. Trust me on this.”
He hesitates a moment more, then gives in. I make room for him on the chair. It takes a little maneuvering until the gel conforms itself to our new shape. But even now, even with us so close, I can tell Daniel is trying to keep some space between us.
“You can touch me, you know,” I tell him. “It’s not like I’m not used to you. Come closer—I don’t care.” I pull his sleeve toward me and make him settle in more comfortably. Then I lean my head against his shoulder.
And it’s what I want right now. Just something—someone—cozy and safe and kind. Someone to protect me. Not someone who’s going to gang up on me with some reporter and try to get me do something I don’t want to when I’ve already said I’m busy and need to call him later, but Jake never wants to take no for an answer—
“Audie?” Daniel asks. “Are you all right?”
I’ve got my hand over my eyes, trying to block out my life. But that’s not going to work. I need to go find my other life first, then I can give Halli this one back.
I reach down and grab onto Daniel’s hand. I’ve gotten used to that lately, in times of stress. I like the feel of it—the warmth and solidity of it—and right now it feels like the right thing.
But not for Daniel, apparently. He pulls his hand away.
“What is wrong with you?” I ask him. “Why don’t you like me anymore?”
“Like you?” Daniel twists himself sideways so he can look at me. “Audie, I love you—I thought I made that clear. But you are not Audie right now. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel right being . . . intimate toward you. Not when you’re like this.”
I can’t help it. I have to laugh. “You mean you think you’re cheating on me? With me?”
“You may be accustomed to wearing that body,” he says, “but I can’t be. You’re Halli. I want Audie. So please go and find her.”
Now I’m not laughing. Because I understand what he means.
“So you just want the way I look,” I say. “It doesn’t matter that this really is me inside.”
“No, I want the way you were,” Daniel says. “With me. Not with Jake or anyone else.” He starts to get out of the chair. “I should go. This can’t be any help to you—”
I pull him back into the gel. “Don’t go. Please. Just . . . stay.”
We both lie back again and let the gel re-enfold us.
&nb
sp; I turn on my side so I can look at him. “I understand,” I say. “And I’m sorry. I know it must be hard for you. But please—” I reach down and take his hand again and lift it up between us. “You and I are in this together now. We’re the only ones. So please—at least be my friend.”
“Of course I’m your friend,” he says. “I’m always your friend.”
“You promise?” I ask.
“Audie,” Daniel says. “Come here.”
He pulls his hand away again, but this time it’s so he can slip it underneath my back. Then he brings me closer, lets me curl my knees up, rest my head on his chest and fit myself against him. Like he’s another feature of this chair, holding me and surrounding me in his warmth and comfort.
He kisses the top of my head.
“Will that do?” he asks quietly.
“Yes. Thank you,” I whisper back. And I know it’s wrong, but I wish so much he would kiss me right now on the lips. But I know that’s not possible. Daniel has too much integrity. Which makes me wish even more that he would kiss me.
But we’re not here for that. We’re here to get me back. Then that girl is the one who can reclaim her boyfriend.
So I close my eyes. I breathe deeply.
And begin searching for Halli’s wave.
57
It’s an interesting thing, to forget about time, and instead try to view it like an ocean. To see it in ripples and whitecaps, imagine a decade over there, a century over here, today in this one splash, last week just an arm’s length away.
But that’s how I coax my brain to see it. To stop thinking in linear terms, but instead look at all of time as a whole.
I imagine myself floating above it, like a sea gull riding the air. My wings outstretched, giving a flap or two to hold my position, but just relaxing here and taking it all in.
And I wait for the feeling. That same feeling I had before, when Christine and Olga and I held hands. This time it’s Daniel I feel breathing beside me, but it’s really the same thing. Maybe what Christine said is right, and she isn’t special, and anyone can do this. We just have to learn to concentrate. To find our anchors here in the real world and meanwhile let our minds journey free.
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