In a couple of minutes, the roaring dies down. Jimmy crawls over me and out of the culvert, inch by inch. I follow. We stand up. The only sound is of rain falling quietly. I look back to where our car was. It’s not there anymore. I look all around. I don’t see it anywhere. The tornado’s gone, too. All the corn in a field next to us is knocked straight down. A big piece of wall from a house or building is lying in the flattened corn. I follow Jimmy up to the road. I think we’re too shocked to say anything. The farmhouse we were running toward doesn’t look quite right. It’s lopsided or something. We walk a ways farther. A cow lies in the ditch on its side, mooing. Its legs are all crooked.
“What do we do?” I say to Jimmy when we see it.
“Keep walking.”
We walk and walk. In places, the land looks ripped. We walk some more.
Chapter 24
Penny Counts Her Blessings
Dear Diary,
Sometimes a person just has to open herself up to change and adapt to what the world has to offer. At the beginning of this summer, I couldn’t have imagined my life without Dad, without the daily guidance of him and the church. I couldn’t have imagined living on a farm with a bunch of people I’m barely related to. I can’t believe how much has changed in such a short time. For a while there, I honestly thought I was going to develop a tumor or ulcer from all the stress, but it turns out I didn’t. I’ve really matured physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m glad I kept this diary.
You might think I’d be nervous about starting school in a new place, but I’m not. I’ve already got June Bug as a best friend and, by default, all her other friends have to like me, too, including Rachel, whom I haven’t met yet, but I’m sure will like me since her first name is the same as my middle name.
The big commotion in the last week has revolved around the tornado that nearly killed Percy and Jimmy, this attractive boy who lives down the road. Excuse me if I don’t go into great detail about it as everyone here is beyond bored with Percy mentioning the tornado at every opportunity. Here is an example of a conversation you might have with Percy:
You: (Smiling nicely.) Hello, Percy, how are you?
Percy: (Looking uneducated with missing front tooth.) I almost died last week from this deadly twister, so basically I’m just happy to be alive.
You: That’s great. So what do you think of (fill in the blank)?
Percy: (Totally ignoring your question.) This deadly twister was, like, right on top of me, but I was holding on to Jimmy and hiding in a ditch so we wouldn’t get sucked up like most normal, weak people would’ve if they were there.
You: Uh, cool.
Percy: Yeah, basically no one has probably ever been inside a twister like that and survived, so I’m like one in ten million.
You: (Trying to send a message via body language that you wish he would change the subject.) That is great.
Percy: Uh-huh, you should have seen this thing! (Getting excited at his own words.) Blah, blah, blah … deadly twister … blah, blah, blah … deadly twister … blah, blah, blah … believe me, I was right in the middle of this thing … blah, blah, blah … deadly, horrifying, man-eating, annoying twister.
Honestly, he could go on for hours, and he has. I don’t mean to insinuate that I’m not happy he survived or anything, but I, for one, wish he could be a little more humble about the whole episode. If I had escaped death, I would probably just be enjoying every minute of life thereafter, smelling flowers, listening to nature, looking deep into a horse’s eye, and pondering all of the complexities of life, and wondering at this universe we’ve been placed in.
In other news, yesterday, June Bug and Sheryl took Percy, Pauly, and me on a tour of our new school. I’m very excited to be attending a regular school, and I know all the homeschool lessons Mom put me through will pay off. The school here is just a small place with one building housing all twelve grades. That’s where I met Mr. Dalton, the English teacher who’ll probably help me get my diary published. Mr. Dalton is gay, which you can kind of tell by the nice clothes he wears and his neat hair and fingernails, a stark contrast to most of the men around here who wear dirty jeans and don’t shave unless they’re going to a steak house for dinner. The old Penny would have looked at Mr. Dalton and worried about how and when to tell him his lifestyle is a big sin and that he would go to hell if he didn’t change his ways. But the new Penny doesn’t think or act with such judgment anymore. Sometimes, when I think about how judgmental and righteously indignant I was when I first got to Stretch’s farm, I feel ashamed. Sometimes, I even feel like I should apologize to some people.
Mr. Dalton gave me a book to read called The Good Earth, by Pearl S. Buck. He said I’d like it, especially since the author was a lot like me. Her parents were missionaries, too. And her mother was a nurse who ministered to women and children. Apparently, Mr. Dalton must know all about our situation, compliments of Sheryl, no doubt, who can’t help but blurt out every little thing that crosses hermind. But, Sheryl’s big mouth does work in my favor sometimes, too. For instance, because Sheryl’s a blabbermouth, I happen to know that Mr. Dalton has a partner who is a man and that they adopted a pair of twins who were born addicted to crack and who were the colicky-est babies ever and almost drove Mr. Dalton and his partner crazy.
Mr. Dalton was nice to Percy and Pauly, too, but he obviously had the best connection with me. I was really curious about his partner and their adopted girls. He had a photo on his desk of all of them sitting on a porch swing looking like a regular family you’d see anywhere except both the parents were men. I asked him if it was a lot of work raising twins. He smiled at me and said that I would know better than anyone. I told him I could babysit sometime if he wanted to have a night out with just him and his partner.
Sheryl put her arm around me and gave me a big squeeze into the side of her big breasts like she was real proud of me.
In the school hall were photographs of every graduating class. In one, I saw Mom there, smiling and wide-eyed. She looked really happy. She used to look like that sometimes while working with the women in the villages, but almost never when she was with Dad. Stretch’s graduating class was two years before Mom’s and therefore two picture frames over. He looked pretty much the same as he does now except he’s got a few more wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead. I’m sure he got those when his son died and his wife abandoned him. But his eyes looked happy and mischievous then, and they look pretty much the same now. Sheryl hasn’t changed one bit since high school—though I didn’t realize she was ten full years younger than Stretch. She looked happy and bouncy (if a little bit dumb) then and looks pretty much that way now. But I guess I’ve come to see that some people are smarter than they look.
If I didn’t know what was really going on, I’d also guess for sure that she’s had a boob job since high school, but that’s not the case. Turns out, we’re going to be having a baby around here in about five more months! We found out yesterday afternoon when Stretch called a “family meeting” in the living room. Percy tried to get out of it before it even started, but Stretch yelled at him and said if he didn’t get into the living room right then, he was going to make Percy regret it. Sometimes, when Stretch yells, it’s very intimidating.
Anyway, the meeting went like this:
Stretch: All right, everyone. Sheryl and I got some news for ya. (He looks at Sheryl, smiles, and then uses his thumb and his pointer finger to smooth his moustache.) You want to tell them, honey?
Me: (Honey? Gag.)
Sheryl: (Wearing a supershowy tank top and smiling big.) Sure. Well, kids, we’re going to have a baby!
Pauly: Whoa, cool!
June Bug: (Squealing and running to hug her mom.) I’m so happy for you!
Me: (Looking from Sheryl to Stretch with confusion.) What?
Percy: You mean, like, a real baby or an adopted one?
Stretch: (Reaching over and patting Sheryl’s belly, which doesn’t look pregnant yet.) Oh, it’s a real on
e in there. Just like you were.
Me: (Staring at Sheryl’s boobs and finally understanding that she hasn’t been flaunting them around because she liked to. Understanding that she really couldn’t help it. They were just growing and popping right out of everything she wore because she was pregnant.) Congratulations. (Deciding to put a little more emphasis into it, getting up, and going over to Stretch and hugging him.) Really, Uncle Stretch. (Looking up and seeing that his eyes are glistening, which make my own eyes start to glisten.) Congrats.
Pauly: Aw you cwying, Penny?
Percy: What a crybaby.
Sheryl: (Getting up and wrapping her arms around both Uncle Stretch and me, her boobs mashing into us, but me not even caring because I am so overwhelmed by tears of I don’t know what. All kinds of feelings that are partly joy, partly sadness, partly relief, partly confusion, partly growing up, partly missing Mom, partly missing Dad, partly sad for Pauly, who will never know his natural mother, partly happy that Pauly has us, partly sad for the death of Roland, partly happy just seeing grumpy old Stretch looking so happy.) Penny’s not a baby. We’re very happy to share this with all of you kids. We love you. (Sheryl really gets on my nerves sometimes, but when she hugs you, you can really, really feel that she loves you.)
Stretch: And we’re gettin’ married come October.
June Bug and Pauly: (Screaming. Whooping. Jumping up and down.)
Me: (Still crying but then starting to laugh at the same time.)
Percy: Oh, I get it. Because of the baby.
Stretch: It’s not just the baby, Son. I’d been tinkerin’ with the idea of asking Sheryl to be my wife for a while now, before we got news of any baby comin’.
Percy: Can I name it?
Pauly: I don’t think that’s a vewy good idea.
Percy: Shut up, Pauly.
Despite Percy’s childish comments, everyone hugged and talked and shared their excitement for a while. It was a nice moment, and one of the first times I’ve felt “at home” anywhere in a long time. After we got done talking, Sheryl made an enjoyable dinner and we had rhubarb pie and ice cream and then all watched TV together.
It’s hard to believe I get to be a bridesmaid! It’s hard to believe Sheryl and Stretch are going to have a baby together! I thought Stretch was wayyyy past fatherhood age, but I guess not. Stretch and Sheryl said they’re going to have the wedding on the farm. At first, I thought this was a bad idea (um, dirt, grime, and bad smells everywhere? On your wedding day?!). But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve gotten used to it. Now it doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea.
Even more than that, though, I’m superexcited for the baby. It’s sorta like that baby belongs to all of us because when it’s born, it’ll be joining the family we already have here, and it won’t know any better. Like, it won’t know that I’m only its cousin or that Pauly’s not even blood-related or that both its mom and dad had children with previous partners. It’ll just think that Stretch, Sheryl, June Bug, Percy, Pauly, and me are its family. It won’t even have to work to be part of its family. I’ll just be its family automatically.
Dear Mom,
No, Percy did not save Jimmy’s life from the tornado. Jimmy saved Percy’s life. I don’t know why he told you that he did the saving. Yes, it is wonderful that Percy did not get sucked up into a funnel cloud and flung halfway across the state of Minnesota. I am very happy for him.
Thanks for the money for new school clothes. Not that it matters, but how did you get money in jail? Anyway, I don’t need much. June Bug and I have moved into the same bedroom to make room for a nursery and so we just kind of end up sharing clothes, too. It’s all right. Though a lot of her things are yellow (?!), she has some nice stuff that isn’t too tight or short or inappropriate. Best of all is she’s pretty good to talk to about lots of things. She’s not at all judgmental or anything. I can’t stand people who are judgmental.
I’m really happy to hear that your appeal might go through, and you may only have a short time left to serve. I can’t wait to have you back with Percy, Pauly, and me. And I think you’re going to like living out here on the farm. I can’t wait for us all to be together.
Penny
Dear Dad,
Percy did not save Jimmy’s life from the tornado. Jimmy saved Percy’s life. I don’t know why Percy told you that he did the saving. Yes, we are all thankful that Percy survived the deadly, menacing, monstrous, chilling, humongous, frightful, terrible twister.
Well. I’m not surprised to hear about Peggy. I would’ve warned you if you’d asked for my opinion before you took up with her. But I’m sure you’re hurting right now, and for that, I’m sorry. I think it would be really nice if you came and took us out for dinner. Just give us a call, and we’ll be waiting for you. It’s too bad that Peggy took all the money for the new church, but you’ve always been pretty good at finding ways to start up new churches, so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You always said that the Lord works in mysterious ways.
One mysterious way that the world works is that I’ve had to abandon the list of banned books for the youth ministry program. I’ve read quite a few of them, and I have to say, they aren’t at all wicked or evil. Some of them are pretty dumb and have thin plots and too many cliches, but those qualities don’t make them sinful to read. Mostly, those books are a fun and exciting escape from the stresses of the real world. A lot of kids and even young women like myself need an occasional escape from their lives, even if it is with trifled, silly writing and not serious literature.
Sincerely,
Penny
Dear Jesus,
I should let you know up front that I haven’t made up my mind about God or you, but I do believe that you lived and were a really good person. So on the merit of your speeches and amazing miracles that everyone says you did (though I’m not convinced), I want to talk to you about my brother Percy and thank you for saving him from the tornado, if you had anything to do with it. A lot of times, I act annoyed with Percy. He often bugs me, occasionally hurts me (both physically and emotionally), and he’s not as good to talk to as I’d like him to be. But we’ve been through some trying times in the past year, and I’m pretty sure I’m spiritually closer to him than anyone else in the world. So if you did have anything to do with saving his life from the tornado, I’m really, really thankful. And even though I know he’s probably going to do something today to bother me, like spy on me or say something really dumb or do something mean to Pauly that is going to permanently scar him, I would be truly devastated if he were not here.
Amen.
P.S. If you are real, and your father is real, why don’t you just go talk to him and ask him to not send down any more tornadoes to Minnesota? If you would do that, it would probably be a lot easier for me to believe in you. Maybe you could send me a sign like the rainbow you sent to Noah after the ark and flood business was over. If not a rainbow, at least something definitely nonviolent. Do not send a plague!
Two Months Later …
Chapter 25
Percy the Survivor
Perseus Pribyl I Esq.
Descriptive Essay
Mr. Dalton’s 8th Grade English
“How I Survived the Twister”
The deadly twister was large and in charge, people. It looked like seven tornadoes in one and it smelled like a dirt pie and it tasted like a dirt sandwich and it sounded like a scary band with lots of drums and it felt like something bad. A bad storm. The twister was deadly believe me all right?
First Jimmy who is really good at basketball and is a cool guy too was wearing this really cool shirt with Bob Marley on it that day of the deadly twister. It was green and it smelled kind of bad and it looked very wrinkly but yours would too if you didn’t fold it right when you put it in your bag before you took a trip. Trust me it was still cool. We were driving home from the state fair when all the sudden a cop made us go the wrong way at a traffic stop. A big cop so you had to listen. You might get a ticket i
f you don’t listen or you might get thrown in jail. Stretch my uncle says it wasn’t the cops fault but he sometimes blames the wrong person, believe me because I know about this kind of thing. Truly.
Secondly the deadly twister. All the sudden it came at us though you could barely see out the window anymore, just hold on I will get to that part. The deadly twister would of killed us easy if we would of kept on driving. No doubt. Jimmy said to me to get out of the car and run for yor “life!”! Or something like that I cannot remember exactly. He probably said to get out of the car “dude” and run for your life or something cool. He is always saying cool things like dude or something like that.
Next I was running for my life and the deadly twister right behind, seriously believe me I was there. In a ditch we found shelter. From the deadly twister roaring overhead. Jimmy told me last week when we were talking about the deadly twister something he didn’t tell me before which was something quite embarrassing. He took a crud in his pants! That is how scary this thing was! I didn’t take a crud in my pants though.
Fourthly after the twister. It took a long time for us to look for Jimmy’s car. We never did find it. We walked for a bunch of hours searching but there was nothing around except for a messed-up cow which I would of saved if I had time or a doctor’s kit. We didn’t even know where we were. It ticked off Jimmy that we could not find his car. He wasn’t mad about the car because it is a bad automobile but he was mad about all these good CDs he had in there that he would have to reburn and also his guitar which flew who knows where. All I lost was a football which can be replaced and a duffel bag with some clothes in it. I don’t even care about that. No big deal. We got picked up by this old guy in a truck who took us to a police station.
Horse Camp Page 17