“Good timing. The bin is nearly filled,” Leo said, grinning as if they were at the mill heckling each other.
Adam clenched his fists, wanting to wipe the satisfied grin off Leo’s face. “Stop doing my work. And stay away from my father.”
“What?” The grin slid off Leo’s face like a sheet of snow off a roof. “I was just helping with chores.”
“Well, you’re not helping. You’re barging in where you’re not welcome. My dad already has a son. He doesn’t need another one. If you want a dad go live with my Uncle Cyrus.”
The instant the words left Adam’s mouth, he regretted saying them.
Leo staggered back as if Adam had slugged him in the gut. “I have a father, but he doesn’t want me.”
Before Adam could apologize, Leo stepped around him and carried his last load of wood inside.
Shaken by his own cruelty, Adam fumbled at the woodpile and could only manage to carry a small armful inside. What he’d said was unforgivable. He wouldn’t blame Leo if he never talked to him again. But Adam couldn’t do another thing until he apologized.
Sick inside, he climbed the stairs, knowing there were no words to undo his meanness.
When he got to Leo’s door it was open and Leo was sitting on the bed hunched over Benny, who was sleeping.
“I messed up, Benny-boy,” he whispered, brushing his brother’s hair away from his cheeks. “We’re going to have to leave your little playmate.” Leo’s chin dropped and he rocked as if holding the boy in his arms. “I wanted to help so we could stay here, but I ruined everything,” he said, his voice breaking. His tears dropped onto the blanket. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...”
Stunned, Adam backed down the hall, unable to face the devastation he’d caused.
When Adam saw Rebecca in church he mouthed the word willow.
She nodded to let him know she would meet him at their special tree after the service.
If ever there was a day he needed to talk with her, today was it. His harsh words to Leo circled his mind until he was dizzy with regret.
He hadn’t meant to be cruel. But he had been.
The minister’s voice filled the church, dragging him away from his gnawing thoughts.
Each Sunday the congregation was encouraged to help others in their community, but at Christmastime it seemed the commitment to help out intensified.
There were folks needing food, some needing clothing and warm boots, others needed wood for their stoves. Elderly folks needed their porches and walks shoveled.
The Grayson family was doing its part to alleviate some of that need by rebuilding Cavneys’ house. Adam was glad to be part of that effort. So why was it so hard for him to extend that spirit of goodwill to Leo?
Shame rolled through him and he wished he could take back his hurtful words. He knew how awful it felt to think your own father didn’t want you. In his case it hadn’t been true. In Leo’s case it was a fact.
The minister asked each parishioner to give a little extra this season. Adam figured he could fit in some shoveling between his other chores and helping his dad and uncles on the Cavney house.
But his first act of compassion should have been at home.
As the service ended, Rebecca signaled that she would need to change her clothes before she could meet him. He would, too. He gave her a slight nod and followed his family out of church.
Once outside, Leo went straight to Cyrus and Tansy.
Adam watched as they greeted him with a warm smile. A few seconds later Tansy’s face lit up and she pulled Leo and Benny into a hug.
Adam’s heart sank. He had pushed them out.
“It’ll be all right, son,” his dad said. “They’ll give him a good home.” His dad’s one-armed hug that always made him feel so good made him squirm in shame. For all his desire to become a Grayson man, he was failing miserably.
Thirty minutes later he stood beneath the Willow tree at the bend of Canadaway Creek halfway between Rebecca’s home and his own. He heard her approaching their secret meeting place where they came when one of them needed to talk.
Today it was his head that was filled with nettles. With every thought of Leo, he got stuck with prickly stinging barbs.
She ducked beneath the hanging branches of the tree and slipped into their safe, private world. The instant her beautiful face came into view his heart skittered sideways. The sight of her would always move him.
“I can only stay a minute,” she said, leaning against the thick trunk of the willow. “Is something the matter?”
He sighed, all mixed up inside and dreading the look on her face when he made his confession. “I need to talk about Leo. I... I really like him,” he said, trying to find a place to start a story he didn’t want to tell.
Her eyes lit up and a smile broke across her beautiful face. “I knew you two would become friends. That’s wonderful, Adam!”
“No, it’s not. It just makes everything worse.”
Her smile drooped. “Why is it bad to like the boy that might become your brother?”
“Because I don’t want him to be my brother.”
Her brows furrowed and she studied his face for an uncomfortably long time. “What’s so bad about that?”
The question made him feel small and stupid, but it didn’t change the way he felt. “I don’t like sharing my father with them.” He huffed out a breath. “I know it sounds stupid, and you probably won’t understand because you’ve always had a dad, but I just got mine.”
Rebecca tilted her head and gave him a sweet smile, a habit of hers he adored. “I have two noisy brothers and a little sister who is too cute for words. I have to share my dad with them, and it’s not always fun. Sometimes I want him to myself, so I understand how you feel. But no matter how many children are in our family, my dad will always have time for me. Your dad will have time for you, too.”
He knew that was true because he was already sharing his father with his little sister Cora. But Cora wasn’t taking over his chores and having man-to-man talks with their dad. Rebecca was secure in her family because she was born into it. Adam wasn’t.
“Last Saturday my Aunt Tansy and Uncle Cyrus asked Leo to live with them,” he said.
Surprise flashed in Rebecca’s eyes. “Does he want to live there?”
“He thinks Benny should be able to play with Cora.”
“Maybe he’s right. They like playing together.”
“I know. They probably should live in the same house.” He sighed, feeling like a selfish idiot. “But Leo decided to move in with my aunt and uncle. He and Benny went with them after church this morning.”
Confusion filled her expression. “I thought he wanted to stay with you?”
“He did. But this morning I told him to live with my uncle if he wants a father.”
Rebecca gaped at him. “You said that?”
Face burning, he could only nod.
She stared at him, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I feel sick about it.”
“Oh, Adam...”
Those simple words filled with so much disappointment brought a lump to his throat. As he stood there choking on his regret, she said, “You need to fix this.” She gave his hand a quick squeeze, then slipped between the hanging branches of the willow and left him alone with his roiling conscience.
Chapter Six
Adam had to walk past his aunt Tansy’s house on the way to school. He left early Monday morning, hoping he could catch up with Leo and apologize on the way.
When his aunt answered the door, he couldn’t remember ever seeing her so happy. He knew Leo hadn’t told her what had caused him to accept their invitation. Knowing would only dull her joy—and increase Adam’s shame.
Leo had already left for school, so Adam walked in alone. Leo didn’t acknowledge his greeting.
After school, Leo and two neighbor kids walked with him and Rebecca and her brothers. Rebecca was able to talk with Leo,
but when she included Adam in their conversation, Leo didn’t say a word.
Finally, Adam spoke directly to him. “Uncle Cyrus dropped those slabs at the greenhouse. I thought we could do some cutting and sanding today, if you want to.”
“I need to check on Benny,” Leo said, no sign of friendship in his voice. “I’ll be over after that.”
Rebecca cast a sideways look at Adam and gave him a slight smile.
He knew she was encouraging him to apologize and make things right, but it was a conversation he and Leo needed to have in private.
An hour later, Adam had filled the woodbin in his parlor, shoveled three of his neighbors’ walks, and watered the herbs in the greenhouse, and there was still no sign of Leo.
The slabs lay on the floor in the greenhouse where his uncle had left them. He debated starting, but this was a project he and Leo were doing together, and that’s how it was going to happen. He tossed the handsaw onto an empty pallet and went to talk with Faith.
Twenty minutes later he knocked on his aunt Tansy’s door.
When she saw him holding Cora, she leaned out the door and planted a loud kiss on his cheek. “Adam Grayson, you are such a thoughtful boy!” She swung the door open. “Get that little one in here before Benny soaks his brother’s new shirt.”
Adam stepped inside and saw Leo holding a fussy Benny in his arms. Before either of them could speak, Cora shrieked and reached for the little boy.
Benny’s weeping turned to giggles and they both wiggled free. As Cora and Benny played, the sound of their laughter filled the parlor.
Adam had never felt so low in his life. Leo was right about Benny and Cora needing to play together.
His aunt put her arm around him. “Would you like some hot cider, Adam?”
He shook his head. “No thank you, Aunt Tansy. Would you mind if Cora stays with Benny while Leo and I do some work at the greenhouse?”
“That would be wonderful, honey. You boys go ahead. Leave these little scamps with me.”
He waited to see if Leo would bow out, but he headed to the foyer, took his new jacket off a hook, and pulled it on.
“I’ll be home by supper,” he said to Tansy.
She plucked his knit hat off another hook and handed it to him with such a warm, motherly smile it made him flush. “Don’t forget your hat, dahlin’. You’ll need this to keep your ears warm.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” Throwing a guarded look at Adam, he tugged his hat over his ears, opened the door and said, “Let’s go.”
Outside, Adam fought a grin.
“Shut up,” Leo said, his scowl daring Adam to tease him about Tansy’s fawning.
Yesterday Adam would have been unmerciful. Today, though, there was nothing funny about the break in their friendship.
He released a hard sigh as they headed to the greenhouse. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”
Leo nodded, but walked beside him, silent and unyielding.
“What I said... it was... I didn’t think before I opened my big mouth.”
The thud of Leo’s footfalls was his only response.
“If you’re so mad, why don’t you just punch my stupid, unthinking skull,” Adam said, feeling he deserved it. Getting slugged would be less painful than Leo’s silence.
Leo kept walking, his big fists jammed deep in his jacket pockets.
Adam grabbed his sleeve and jerked him to a stop. “Will you at least talk to me?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you accept my apology.”
Leo shrugged him off and took a step back. “Apology accepted.”
For several seconds they stared at each other as if waiting for the other to speak.
Finally, Adam broke the strained silence. “I’m sorry. I wish I could take back what I said.”
Leo frowned and wiped his nose. “It’s all right. Let’s forget it and go get those blocks made.”
It obviously wasn’t all right, but Adam followed along, wondering what else he could say to fix things.
All week after school Adam and Leo worked shoulder-to-shoulder sawing and sanding slabs into various sized blocks. Tansy was watching Cora each day while Faith worked in the greenhouse and helped Anna and the Grayson women with their quilting projects.
Each evening Adam would walk home with Leo to fetch Cora, but they didn’t talk much.
By Friday evening they had created a small mountain of finished blocks together, but without any of the fun banter they once shared.
“Are you ready to work at the mill tomorrow?” Adam asked on their way to Leo’s new home.
“Sure,” he said.
“I’ll try not to let you get yourself killed tomorrow,” Adam joked, knowing Leo’s concern with the ever present danger of working around saws and timber.
A half-smile lifted Leo’s mouth, but there was no laughter in his eyes.
In that moment Adam knew he had broken what might have been a lifelong friendship.
He had been unforgivably selfish. He knew how it felt to be desperate, to be grateful for any scrap of kindness, but now when it was his turn to lend the helping hand, he’d pushed Leo and Benny away. That truth ate a hole in his gut.
He wasn’t worthy of the Grayson name.
He wasn’t worthy of Leo’s friendship.
So much for Peace on Earth and goodwill to men. He hadn’t promoted either.
Heartsick, he walked beside Leo, feeling empty.
On his way back home, Cora filled his ears with her childish blabbing, which he usually found funny, but there was no laughter inside him. The sound of buzzing saws filled them the next day at the mill, but nothing filled Adam’s heart.
At noon on Saturday, he boarded one of three wagons piled high with lumber. For the next six days, except Sunday, the mill would operate with only two men so the rest of the crew could help rebuild Cavneys’ house before the holiday. They would begin today and finish the day before Christmas Eve.
Adam thought Leo might ride with him to Cavneys’, but he climbed onto the seat beside Cyrus, who was driving one of the wagons. Before Leo’s backside hit the seat they were engrossed in conversation.
As the wagons rolled out of the lumberyard, Adam sat beside his father feeling like he’d lost a leg.
“You unwell, son?” his dad asked, his eyes full of concern.
“No, sir.”
“Something on your mind?”
“No, sir.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, sir.”
“All right then.” With an exaggerated yawn he inhaled deeply and put his arm around Adam’s shoulders. “When you’re ready to talk about what isn’t bothering you, let me know.”
Adam snorted at his father’s perceptive teasing. At fourteen he should be embarrassed by his father’s hugs, but having spent most of his life without a dad, he savored these moments.
“Have you ever made a mistake you wish you could undo?” he asked, knowing his father wouldn’t pry or push the conversation to a place he didn’t want to go.
“More than I care to remember.”
“Really?” He met his father’s eyes, surprised to see that he was serious. “Like what?”
“Like the time I decided to ride my toboggan off the barn roof. That was definitely a mistake.”
Normally, Adam would have appreciated his dad’s humor, but today he needed a serious man-to-man talk. “I guess I meant a mistake that hurt someone else.”
“I see.” His father clucked to the team and headed out Webster Road behind the other two wagons. “Yes, Adam. I wish I hadn’t hurt your sister when she needed me to stand by her. I wish I hadn’t questioned your integrity and accused you unfairly out of my own frustration. If I could, I would undo those mistakes.”
It was the first time his father had mentioned their past and their journey to becoming a family. Duke had been the solid one, the man of integrity, the one they had all depended on. To think he made mistakes and had regrets was shocking.
> And oddly comforting.
His father’s one moment of unfairness was but a single snowflake in the flurry of love and kindness he showered on them daily. Adam barely remembered that instance, and had long forgiven his dad for being unyielding while trying to hold their family together.
“I guess everyone can mess up,” he said, realizing that making a mistake didn’t necessarily make a person bad.
“That’s right. But we need to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.”
“I won’t, sir. Not ever,” Adam said, meaning it to his bones. He would never again turn his back on someone in need. If he could be a true friend to Leo every day, maybe those hours would add up and someday obliterate his one moment of selfishness. Maybe then they could rebuild their friendship—the best friendship Adam ever had.
“Look, son.” His dad pointed to the wagon in front of them. “Your uncle Cyrus sure is enjoying that boy. I’d wager they’re talking about music and guitars.”
Adam nodded, his throat too tight with emotion to answer. Leo would make the best of his situation—for Benny’s sake. But what did Leo want? Was he genuinely happy with Cyrus and Tansy? Or did he want Duke Grayson for a father?
Either man would make a great dad. Both men were of a caliber Adam hoped to one day become himself. But even thinking about his high hopes and dismal failures made his head ache.
He wished he could be alone with Rebecca beneath their willow tree and share his thoughts with her. Being with her was like coming home to a warm woodstove after a day of working in the frigid winter wind. He loved her warmth and couldn’t wait for the day he could marry her and hold her beside a slow burning fire in their own parlor.
His father’s gentle nudge brought him back to his fourteen-year-old self and the painful reality that it would be years before he and Rebecca would experience those moments he longed for.
“Are you dreaming about Christmas morning?”
“No, sir.”
“No?” His dad leaned to the side to better see his face. “After last year, I thought you would be eager for Christmas.”
Last year was the first Christmas Adam had received gifts—and he’d received a lot of them. He had gotten his dog Scout and a new gun. But best of all Duke Grayson became his legal father.
A Christmas Promise Page 6