by Mel Sherratt
Seeing Tamara earlier had been embarrassing but she shouldn’t have turned up out of the blue like that. How dare she come to her home address.
Really, Esther knew she’d been stupid letting her in. She shouldn’t have answered the intercom, pretended she was out. Then she wouldn’t feel like she did now. As if it was her fault that Jack had died, even though she hadn’t meant to kill him.
But it was herself she was most angry with. Would she always be violent around men after what happened to her? Always out of control or would it stop once she had got her revenge?
She’d tried to block out the incident so many times but things kept coming back at her, reminding her of the trauma. She’d wake up dreaming about a man attacking her, punch out into the dark shadows in her bedroom.
She’d close her eyes to stop herself crying when memories came flooding back. And now, after what had happened with Danny, everything was heightened again. It was his fault. He made her do it.
Would she ever find someone who would truly love her, be with her because he wanted to, rather than out of pity or because she had been selling herself? Be with her even after she had told him about her troubled past, so that there were no more secrets. No lies either.
She put the bottle to her mouth again and drank a large mouthful, the liquid spilling from her lips in her haste. She gasped as it burned at her throat. Tears spilled down her face: of pity, not remorse trying not to think of yesterday afternoon.
If that marble ornament hadn’t been to hand, she would have slapped Jack. He would have reacted to stop her, they would have argued, and none of this would have happened. It had been nothing more than an accident.
But she couldn’t let Jack’s death ruin things for her. She had to decide what to do next and when.
And then she sat upright as she had a thought. Maybe there was a way to take the heat from her. She thought about it for a while until another plan began to formulate. She would go to the memorial tomorrow, but first she would meet up with Tamara. She had some things to discuss with her.
She sent Tamara a text.
Will you meet me in the morning at the coffee shop around the corner from where I live, on Earl’s Court Road at 9.30? I would like to go to Jack’s memorial. We can travel on from there together. x
A message came back seconds later.
Yes of course. x
Esther laughed. Good old gullible Tamara.
She pulled herself from the settee and went through to the bathroom. Kneeling down, she removed the tin from behind the bath panel and took out her insurance policy.
Danny’s gun.
Wherever she went, whatever she did, that was coming with her. She didn’t need it to set him up any longer but it could come in useful as a bargaining tool.
Because she still needed revenge on one person, and she was still going to go through with that. She couldn’t let all this be for nothing.
She would just have to do it a little earlier now, before the police figured everything out.
THE COFFEE SHOP
Today
Esther had thought it seemed a good idea last night to blackmail Tamara but now she wasn’t so sure. Was it wise to make up more lies? It would always have to be an accident. She couldn’t say it was anything else. And Tamara would have people to protect her, money for good lawyers to get her off with anything. Esther had no one.
Come on, Esther, she chastised herself, get back into character.
‘I suppose we’d better be making a move to the memorial.’ She popped her phone in her bag, watched as Tamara ran a hand over her hair and flopped it down to her side afterwards. Her eyes had blurred over, her shallow breathing making Esther wonder if she was about to pass out.
This was perfect, she thought. Tamara obviously knew she wasn’t strong enough to overpower her.
‘I think it’s clear to me,’ she added, her recent wobble packed away again. ‘You killed Jack because you were having an affair with him and he wanted to finish it.’
Tamara sat forward. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. That isn’t what happened.’
‘Don’t you try and make me lie for you,’ Esther said. ‘Because if the police come round again, I’m going to tell them what really happened.’
‘I didn’t make you lie for me. It’s the other way round.’
Esther shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. I shall tell the police that you were having an affair with Jack, that you had an argument and pushed him down the stairs. And then you told me to say that I was there.’
‘No!’ Tamara clenched a fist in frustration.
‘You threatened me and said if I didn’t lie for you, you would come after me. You would wreck my life.’
‘The police won’t believe you because it didn’t happen like that!’
Esther threw her an icy stare. ‘So why did you lie?’
‘Because you panicked and then I panicked and before I knew it the police were there and I was telling them exactly what you told me to say. And then it was too late.’
‘But they didn’t believe you, did they?’
‘They did!’
‘They’ll believe me over you because of your history.’
###
Tamara stared at Esther. What the hell was wrong with her? She was warping everything to get herself out of trouble and to put the blame on her. And because she had already lied to the police, Esther had the upper hand.
‘I thought you were my friend.’ She spoke quietly, still in disbelief of the situation she was facing.
‘I am.’
She shook her head. ‘Friends look out for one another. They trust each other.’
‘But I trust you.’ Esther laughed. ‘Don’t you trust me?’
Tamara didn’t know what to say to that. If she said no, how would Esther react?
‘I’m not quite certain what’s going on with you right now,’ she said anyway. ‘Maybe it’s the grief talking, I don’t know, but I helped you out on Saturday and I wished I hadn’t.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m not so sure you didn’t have anything to do with what happened. No one’s mentioned that he was pushed. You said he fell.’
‘He did.’
‘But why mention that? Did you push him down the stairs?’
‘No!’
‘How can I believe you when you said it was an accident?’
The way Esther was looking at Tamara now, with a triumphant smile, seemed to have all been an act. Esther wasn’t grieving for Jack. She was upset because she was going to get found out.
Tamara made to stand up but Esther reached across the table and grabbed her wrist.
‘You’d better be very careful, or else everyone will know about your secret affair.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘I’ll tell everyone that you were sleeping with Jack.’
‘I wasn’t!’ Tamara pulled away to free her hand.
But Esther clung on to it. ‘Well, that’s your word against mine, isn’t it?’
Tamara pushed back her chair and got to her feet. She put on her jacket with trembling hands. She wasn’t sure if she would get through the memorial service but she had to. Esther was right. It would look suspicious if they weren’t there. And she did want to pay her respects. Then she would go to the police.
Esther pushed past her and then turned back sharply.
‘Remember, we both need to be on our best behaviour. And I think you should flag down a taxi. You don’t want to be getting all flustered on the tube, do you? You look enough of a mess as it is.’
Tamara held back her shock at her cruel tone. ‘I need to use the bathroom first.’ She walked to the back of the room, thankful her legs would carry her. To her dismay, the door to the ladies’ led to two cubicles.
Once on her own, she glanced in the mirror. Her face was devoid of colour. She got out her phone and was about to go into a cubicle when the door opened and Esther appeared. She knocked the phone out of her hand and reached for her ha
ir.
With one swift move, Esther pushed her into the wall, her head connecting with the tiles. It wasn’t enough to stun her but it was enough to shock her.
‘You think you can play with me?’ Esther seethed, her face only an inch away from hers. ‘One false move from you and I will break every bone in your body. Do you hear?’
Tamara couldn’t speak but she nodded her head. Esther’s eyes were wild, pupils dilated. Her grip was iron and she wanted her to let go.
‘Good.’ Esther smoothed down her dress after doing so. ‘Now, out, where I can see you.’
Tamara walked with Esther close on her heel. The situation was impossible. What exactly had Esther done?
She had thought this morning that she should go to the police, but they wouldn’t believe her if Esther went through with her threat. And Tamara had lied to cover up for Esther. She would be under suspicion straight away when she changed her story. And with no evidence to back it up, she could end up in real trouble. She’d read of cases of injustice, through circumstantial evidence. Esther was clever enough to lie to pin it all on her.
Tears pricked at her eyes. She had no one to turn to. No one to help her. She was stuck in this nightmare. She would look like a liar either way, trying to cover up what she had done, when in essence, she hadn’t done anything at all.
One thing was clear, though; she had chosen the wrong person when she was in need of a friend.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
St Bartholomew’s Church was almost full by the time Esther and Tamara arrived. They managed to squeeze in at the end of a pew at the back, close to the aisle. There were people Esther recognised – Simone and her agent, Arabella, Tamara’s parents, several of the book buyers and sales representatives she’d been liaising with over the past few weeks, as well as staff from Dulston Publishing. There were lots more that she didn’t know too. How had he become so popular?
But she knew the answer to that. Even though she had hated his touch, he’d had charisma, a charm that made people warm to him. By far, Jack Maitland had been the most pleasant man she had ever set out to screw, in both senses of the word. She wasn’t sure what would have happened if Jack had looked and acted like Oscar, or Ben.
She still would have gone through with everything though.
She craned her neck to look through the crowd. If she moved a little to her right, a photograph of Jack came into view. It stood proud on the easel that she suspected had also propped up the images of Simone and her book at the launch of Something’s Got to Give. A warm, friendly image with the smile that used to light up any room … the Jack that everyone knew. Not the one that Esther had taken from them.
Not the one who had let her down all those years ago.
Music came through the speakers. Esther heard mourners gasping as ‘I Will Always Love You’ filtered through. She wondered what songs would be played at her funeral, though she wouldn’t be having a memorial like this. There would hardly be anyone attending to play music to anyway. Her mother might come, if she heard about it. She’d like that.
Everyone looked behind them when the family walked in. Natalie was first, her arms wrapped around her boys, standing on either side of her. They looked so much like their father it was a shame to see them crying. She had lost her father too; she knew only too well the pain they were going through.
She thought back to the last memory she had of him. They had been to the cinema, to see Erin Brockovich. It had been a rare treat to get all three of them together then. If she was in the house, she would be in her room, wanting to be on her own. But this night, they were a family and she’d had a glimmer of what the future might be like if she could get over her ordeal.
Two weeks later, he’d suffered the first of two strokes. It was then she knew she was being punished. To take her dad away after all she had been through wasn’t right.
As the vicar addressed the crowd, she held her head high again, concentrating on the task in hand. He said a few words and then everyone stood up for the first hymn, allowing her time to look around again.
Usually she enjoyed people watching, but, this time, she was wondering if anyone was second-guessing what had happened. She could see the back of Oscar – was he wondering what had really gone on? She could see Ben next to him, a woman clinging on to his arm. Did he assume it was a tragic accident? Esther supposed no one there would be any the wiser really.
Tamara sniffed and Esther turned to face her, watched her wipe at her eyes. She could hear the shake in her voice as she tried to sing the hymn.
Tamara must have felt her stare, as she looked her way. Tears shimmered in her eyes. Excellent! This had been her idea all along. Everyone would blame Tamara and she would be able to do what she’d set out to do and then make a quick exit.
It was perfect really. Esther might have confided in her about some of the secrets of her past but she wouldn’t be able to work out the truth from the lies. Tamara didn’t know the half of her life. How far she would go to get her own way, ensure her safety and escape.
The service was over in half an hour. As they waited for the family to leave, Esther put down her head. When Natalie walked past again with her sons, a wild roar made her look up quickly. Natalie lurched at them, arms flying.
‘How dare you show your faces here,’ she bellowed, her hand catching the side of Tamara’s face. As she was being pulled away by her father, Natalie continued. ‘You know more than you’re letting on! Why were you both at my house?’
Esther planted a look of shock on her face but inwardly she was smiling at the sight before her. She had brought Natalie to tears, her family ruined. Their tight-knit quartet had become a trio with a life-long gap of unfilled dreams and missed opportunities. It was better than nothing, she supposed.
As Natalie was led away, Gabrielle Maitland walked behind. Reggie Maitland’s arms were wrapped around her as she clung to him, an expression of disbelief. The veil on her black hat had fallen crooked slightly in the kerfuffle but Esther could see her eyes were puffy from crying, make-up blotchy.
Well, well, well, there was some justice at least. Everyone was feeling as much pain as she had felt all those years ago.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Tamara sat down on the pew and waited while everyone left the church. She wasn’t sure she could face anyone who was hanging around outside. Everyone would be consoling Natalie and she didn’t want her to make a scene again. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them.
It didn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. Tamara knew she was ruined. No one would want to work with her now after this, even if it wasn’t her fault. Natalie blamed her. Everyone had seen what she had done and said, and mud sticks.
And all those people she’d met recently, did they blame her too? Her cheek stung where Natalie had slapped it hard. She pressed her hand to it, feeling it burning. It wasn’t the only thing – she was so humiliated.
Esther, who was sitting next to her, had her head down, looking at her phone. She was scrolling through something on her screen. Tamara spotted the Facebook logo.
‘How can you pretend that nothing has happened?’ she said.
Esther looked up with a frown, and then smiled. ‘I’m not. I’m looking to see what people are saying about Jack online.’
‘I did say we would make things worse by coming here.’
‘You did!’ Esther smiled. ‘And we have. You should have seen Reggie Maitland’s face. Poor man.’ She giggled again. ‘And his stuck-up wife.’
‘Please show some respect.’ Tamara shook her head but Esther wasn’t listening. She was back to her phone again, as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Just how cold was she? After talking to her at the coffee shop, she wouldn’t believe anything she said now.
She had to go to the police, even if she would be in trouble for perverting the course of justice. Maybe she would get a caution at the station, perhaps because the real truth would come out and then everyone would know she had nothing to do with it.
But what if Esther orchestrated it to seem as if she had done it? That Tamara pushed Jack down the stairs to his death. If she then lied, Tamara would be in even more trouble. She knew from experience how manipulative Esther could be. She wasn’t sure if she trusted the police to believe her over Esther.
Her shoulders drooped. She didn’t know what to do for the best.
Esther popped her phone into her bag and stood up. She stretched her arms over her head before looking down at her.
‘I think it’s safe to leave now, don’t you?’
Tamara nodded. All she wanted was to get out of there.
Outside the church, there were still a few mourners but most were making their way to their cars. She kept her head down, avoiding anyone’s eye as they hurried past a few groups of people.
Needing some space, she verged off to the left and walked to the back of the church. Hidden behind the building, away from any prying eyes, she rested her hand on the wall and bent over. Vomit poured from her as it all became too much.
Images of being locked in her room every night, trying to get professionals to believe that everything was fine, began to crowd her again. It had taken a whole six months before anyone had believed she was well enough to leave. She couldn’t trust the police yet. She couldn’t trust anyone; she had no one to turn to. But she had to find a way to clear her name before all this came down on her.
She turned to see Esther behind her. ‘Leave me alone.’
‘What’s up now?’ Esther was by her side. She rested a hand on her back. ‘Got a case of the nerves?’
Tamara shrugged it off and took a step away from her. ‘Can’t you see how much damage you’ve done?’ She glanced up at Esther, a look of innocence on her face, but she recognised it now for what it was. She’d seen it so many times over the past few weeks, but had thought it was a stubborn streak she had. Only now was she realising just how clever Esther was at playing the lying game.