by Sparling,Amy
If Alex Blackwood wanted to insult me in front of the entire school, the least he could do was get the word right. A more accurate definition of what happened on our date would be something like:
Zoey Caplan: Rejecter of unwanted advances
Freaking asshole. I am not a prude. I am not afraid of sex. Just because I’ve never been in a real relationship that could have led to sex doesn’t mean I’m afraid of it. I’m totally down for sex.
You know, with the right guy.
I mean, I guess?
Maybe it doesn’t even have to be the right guy. Maybe I could just have sex just to do it. Who cares, right? I’m not a prude. I could totally have sex with whoever I wanted and it wouldn’t be a big deal.
And why haven’t I taken the leap into losing my virginity? Am I just too goody-goody and rule-following so I never branch out of my little orderly world and find someone to sleep with?
My chest lifts as I draw in a deep breath. It hits me now, like a freaking freight train, that I’ve been missing out on everything else that normal high schoolers do. I don’t date, I don’t have sex, I don’t do anything fun. All I do is homework and chores around the houses I live in, and help Dana cook stuff.
Maybe this stupid Dis List is the catalyst I need to become a person who has a better life. All I need is a fire lit under me, the determination to prove Alex and every other idiot who believes that list wrong. I am not a prude and I’m not scared of sex. Sex actually sounds fun, if it’s with the right person. Any maybe I just never find that right person because I’m too busy being a boring person.
That ends tonight.
I will prove Alex Blackwood wrong and I will break out of this self-imposed shell of niceness. I’m going to have fun with my life, and if that means dating other guys and breaking rules and doing what everyone else does, then so be it.
A giddy thrill runs up my spine, settling in my stomach. It makes me grin like a lunatic. I picture going on more dates, holding more hands, kissing guys. Right on the lips.
I don’t even know what’s been holding me back all these years. Apathy, maybe.
I draw in a deep breath and look over at my vanity mirror across the room. I’m a little shadowy in the near dark of my bedroom, but my eyes are wild, excited.
This can be fun. I can do it.
When my phone finally does light up with a text from Dana, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
Dana: You’re better than every asshole who makes that stupid list, Zoey. Come to school like you don’t have a care in the world tomorrow. That’ll really piss them off.
I can’t help but grin wickedly as I write her back.
Me: No worries. The Zoey who would have cared about that list is dead to me. I am a new person. :)
Chapter 7
Something happens overnight.
All of that rah rah I’m going to be an awesome new person power I felt last night just disappears when I wake up. I’m all sluggish and starving from skipping two meals yesterday, and all that awesome stuff I felt last night is just gone, gone, gone.
I heave a big sigh and throw on some jeans that fit a little too tight and pair them with a tank top. It’s not against dress code if the straps are at least two fingers wide, but I’ve never worn a tank top to school out of fear of getting in trouble anyway. So today I’m going to wear it, even though I’m feeling kind of awful about the idea of returning to that wretched place where name calling is not only allowed, it’s encouraged.
God, I hate the Dis List.
Dad’s on the phone, talking about some work related school stuff, so I give him a hello wave and then make some toast with grape jelly for breakfast. Last night felt so empowering. I need to harness those feelings again.
I am not a prude.
I will no longer be some stupid goody-goody the boys don’t like.
My lips slide into a grin as I take a bite of toast. Starting today, Zoey Caplan is a new girl.
One who wears tank tops and flirts with guys and breaks some rules. A chill runs up my spine at the very idea of flirting with some random guy. I don’t have any crushes at the moment, and although I never acted on them in the past, today will be different.
I’m going to flirt my ass off.
***
The walk into first period is a nightmare. I’m called Virgin Mary three times, and one guy even stops to ask me why I’m showing so much skin. The first time it happens I just kind of panic and look away. But I tell myself to suck it up because changing your personality overnight can’t possibly be easy.
By the third guy who calls me Virgin Mary in the hallway, I’m prepared. I grin, wink at him in this flirty way, and keep walking.
It feels amazing.
The best part is how he just kind of stands there with his stupid mouth hanging open because he doesn’t know what to say to that. In first period, Dana rushes into the pre-cal classroom just seconds before the tardy bell rings. She’s applying lip gloss with one hand and looking at her phone with the other.
Mrs. Perry gives her a look. “Phones away, Miss Caplan.”
“Sorry!” Dana says, dropping into her seat next to mine. She slides the phone into her bag and then finishes applying lip gloss. To me, she whispers, “Freaking alarm clock didn’t go off today.”
“Is that so?” I say.
She sighs. “Okay, maybe I hit the snooze button too many times.”
I roll my eyes at her but then I realize that occasionally being late to class is also something a prude wouldn’t do, so I make a mental note to remember to hit the snooze button on my phone alarm every so often.
Today we’re doing a review for the test tomorrow so Mrs. Perry says we can work quietly with a partner. Dana immediately slides her desk over until it crashes into mine. “Hey partner,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “I’m glad you came to school today.”
I shrug. “I’m not letting that stupid list bother me. Actually, it’s inspired me.”
“How so?” she asks, writing her name at the top of her test review. She adds a little heart to the end of it.
“I’m not going to be such a loser anymore. I’m going to be more outgoing and do fun stuff. I’m sick of everyone thinking I’m some prudish loser.”
She nods and considers it for a moment. “Okay, like what kind of stuff are you going to do?”
“Show more skin and not be embarrassed by it.”
She makes this weird look like she thinks I’m kind of crazy. I point to my bare shoulders.
“Um, okay?” she says.
“I’ve never worn a tank top to school before!” I whisper-yell.
She starts laughing. “Oh my gosh, Zoey. You’re adorable.”
I throw my pencil at her. “Shut up.”
She leans in, drawing little squiggles over the first problem on our review so it looks like she’s talking about school work. “You don’t have to go out of you way to impress anyone, you know.”
“I know. I’m doing it for me. I’m also going to get a boyfriend.”
“O-kay,” she says. “I will support you because we’re best friends and blood relatives and I need you in my life should I ever require a kidney or something. But don’t let yourself get hurt, okay?”
I sit up a little straighter. “Don’t worry. I am impenetrable to being hurt.”
“That’s my girl,” Dana says. “I’d be happy to join you on this quest, but I already have the greatest boyfriend ever.”
“Does he have a single best friend?” I ask with a sly smile.
Dana chuckles. “I’ll ask him.”
My smile and wink routine actually works a little bit. But then by lunch time, I feel like all of the same guys who like to pick on me have told each other what I’m doing, so it no longer works. Luckily, all of the attention isn’t solely on me, because the others named on the list are getting crap as well. Mrs. Roberts still hasn’t returned to school, and Mrs. Scott who was named Bitchiest Teacher, seems to own her title like sh
e’s proud of it. She stands in the hallways between classes, arms folded across her chest, lips puckered into a sneer while she yells at students to slow down, get off their phone, or shut up.
My feet carry me to the cafeteria on impulse but the moment I get there I want to turn and run. I’m not sure I’m ready to face the entire junior class right now. Dana spends most of her lunch period sitting on a bench outside and texting her stupid boyfriend who goes to a different school, so she’s never much company anyway.
I stop, turn around, and make the same trek I made yesterday.
I try to act like I’m not trying to find him again, not hoping he’ll ask me to watch a movie on his phone with him, but it’s no use. Spending lunch in the library is boring, and I need someone to help me feel normal.
Today I walk boldly into the library, not caring if I’m allowed in here or not. What’s the worst that will happen? A teacher will tell me to leave? Big deal. I can handle it. There’s a little tingle in my toes as I walk to the back of the giant library, anticipation filling my every limb. I go straight to the corner, trying to be all casual about it, but it’s pointless. I am excited to see Jonah Thedford and I never thought I would say that.
Too bad he’s not here.
My shoulders fall and I lean against a nearby bookshelf, feeling like a total idiot. Why did I come here looking for him? It’s not like we’re friends.
It’s not like I like him.
Jonah Thedford is bad news. Like, has a criminal record bad news.
I heave a sigh and turn around, the library suddenly feeling like its tall walls and mountains of books are closing in on me.
Like a failure, I head back to the cafeteria and go to the snack bar line, ignoring every single person who looks my way. My phone buzzes while I’m waiting behind a guy and girl who are sucking face in line.
Dana: You ditching lunch today too?
There’s something in the way she says it, like I’m some kind of bad girl who ditches class, that makes me want to say yes. That’s my goal, right? To stop being such a goody-goody.
Me: Yep. Wanna come over after school?
Dana: Totes
When the face-sucking couple is gone, I order a protein bar and a Coke and then shove both of them in my backpack and head toward the ca. Technically we shouldn’t be wandering the halls during lunch, but no one stops me and the teachers on duty are too busy talking to each other to care that a student is breaking the rules.
This is kind of way easier than I’d ever expected.
I rip open the protein bar once I’m away from any lingering teachers, and start eating as I roam the hallways. Turns out that ditching lunch is boring as hell. If I had a car I could actually leave, enjoy my freedom and get some chicken nuggets for lunch instead of the crap they sell here.
As it is, I am now a rule breaker who isn’t a prude and I’m bored as hell.
The sound of shoes smacking on the tile floor behind me hasten. I am not alone in this hallway, and if it’s a teacher asking me what I’m doing, I don’t have a good enough excuse. My heartbeat quickens as I try to scramble for what I’ll say.
I needed to go to my locker? Yeah, that’ll work.
“Ditching again?” the voice behind me says.
I stop suddenly as heat rises in my cheeks. I turn around and see Jonah wearing a smirk as if he invented the expression. “I thought you were a good girl.”
I roll my eyes but inside I’m all a tangle of nerves. “You thought wrong.”
“Is that so?” Jonah’s eyes seem to light up from within.
I give a casual shrug and stare at my protein bar. “I just need somewhere to chill away from everyone.”
“I have just the place.” He nods toward a door to the right of us. It’s solid metal with a maintenance only sign on it. It’s the kind of door you always walk past without noticing.
“Are you pointing to a door?” I ask, taking a bite of my protein bar. Inside, my heart is pounding and the urge to act as cool as possible is driving me insane. But on the outside, I’m sarcastic. “I don’t really like hanging out by doors.”
He chuckles and slides up the sleeve of his black button-up shirt. I stare at the muscles on his forearms for a little too long and then I realize what he’s doing, punching in a code on the number pad by the door. It beeps and then the door pops open an inch.
My eyes go wide. “Um?”
Jonah glances down the hallway in both directions to verify that we’re alone and then opens the door, motioning for me to go first. “After you.”
I swallow, and step into the hallway. It’s just a small space that smells musty and old like the door hasn’t been opened in a while. There’s a metal staircase in front of us that leads up to somewhere unknown. The door closes behind us and I can feel Jonah’s chest against my back in the cramped space.
I want to ask if we’re going to get caught. How much trouble I’d be in if we do. But I keep my mouth shut and grab the handrail and start walking up the stairs.
The metal echoes in the small area and I’m terrified that it sounds like a freaking avalanche of metal clanking sounds from in the hallway. But we keep climbing and no one bursts through the door to yell at us. So far so good.
When I reach the top, it’s just a blank wall that turns to the left. Jonah steps around me, leading the way.
“When the library isn’t private enough, this place works pretty well.” He turns around and spreads his arms open wide.
I gasp at the scene in front of me. This room is probably the size of three classrooms put together, and it’s filled with loud, massive machines. Air conditioners by the looks of it. Wires and lights and breaker boxes line the walls. The machines rumble and heat the air, but massive fans pull the heat away at the same time. I follow Jonah through the room, noting the dust on everything. I doubt anyone will come looking for us in a place that’s clearly never visited.
“How did you know about this place?” I ask as I gaze around at the awesome display of modern engineering.
“My neighbor works construction and he installed the keypad locks. Gave me the code. Apparently it’s the same code for every school in the district.” Jonah shrugs and walks around a massive metal box, disappearing from my view. “I’ve been here a lot and have never been found. Teachers don’t exactly get access to stuff like this.”
I follow him around the box and we walk over to a metal set of stairs that go up a few feet and stop at a door in the wall.
Jonah scales them and then turns around, his finger hovering over the keypad next to this mysterious door. “How about some fresh air?” he says with a grin so sexy it does something to my loins that embarrasses the hell out of me.
He punches in another code and the door swings open. To the outside.
We step out onto a roof that overlooks the football field. This must be the athletics part of the building that’s only one story tall.
“Whoa,” I say, taking in the view, which would normally be kind of boring if I were standing on the ground, but it’s somehow amplified a million times by the fact that I’m seeing this view in a totally rule-breaking way.
“I can’t believe you have the lock codes,” I say, gazing out at the beautiful March sunshine.
Jonah whirls around, his expression serious. “You’re not telling anyone about this.” His eyes, dark and menacing, bore into mine. “I will not go back to juvie for some girl.”
“I won’t,” I say, my voice a little shaky from his sudden demeanor change. “I won’t tell anyone.”
He turns around to face the football field, his hands sliding into his back pockets. Now when I see the muscles on his arms, they’re frightening, not sexy. “Good.”
Chapter 8
Nothing compares to the rush of walking out on the roof of the high school. Nothing. I spend the rest of the week looking for a way to feel the same kind of euphoria I felt on that white rooftop with Jonah Thedford, but with a lifetime of playing by the rules under my belt, I can’t
find a way to escape. At least, not any ways I’m willing to do.
After ditching lunch and third period with Jonah up on that rooftop, I’ve attended all of my classes like a good student should. The next day when my third period chemistry teacher asked about my absence, I’d simply said I had a headache and went home early. She didn’t even ask to see a note or anything. She just said she hoped I feel better and gave me the worksheet I missed in class.
Ditching class is awesome.
But I don’t see Jonah anymore after that day on the roof, and now it’s Friday. I’m not even really looking for him in the hallways anymore. We didn’t exactly bond and become best friends up on that roof. We just kind of sat there, staring off in the distance, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. It was nice, though. Amazing, actually, breaking the rules for the first time. Plus, it was infinitely cool that Jonah trusted me with his rooftop secret. Maybe he thinks my being a prude means I also won’t tell anyone that he knows the secret passcode.
Ugh. The prude thing.
It hasn’t gone away. I still get the stares, though some of them are from nice people who seem to pity me. I still get an occasional comment about being a Virgin Mary, and sometimes I give them a flirty smile back and sometimes I ignore it.
If my teachers know about my name being on the list, they haven’t shown it. They still pour on school work like they’re getting paid by the page, not caring at all if our personal lives are in shambles.
At lunchtime, I grab Dana at her locker. “Let’s eat outside,” I say, rushing her off down the hallway. “Let’s get the good pizza today. Not the cheap kind. I’m buying.”
“Whoa,” Dana says. The scent of her powdery perfume fills the air. “What’s gotten into you?”
Honestly, I’m kind of going crazy right now because my entire goal of becoming a new person kind of flat lined after one day. But I’m faking it until I make it, as the saying goes. So I’m telling myself I’m pumped and happy and ecstatic about my new life.