by Sparling,Amy
He pushes me up against the brick wall, his hands on either side of my head, our bodies pressing together.
My breath hitches at our nearness. “Kris—” I say, not sure what else to say.
“This is what we are,” he says, his voice a growl. He grinds up against me. “We’re friends—” He kisses my neck, his hand sliding down to the waist band of my jeans. “And we’re more than friends—” His fingers slide between my legs and then he presses up against me, dry humping in slow movements that send my body into a crazy frenzy.
I close my eyes.
He bites my neck. “But we’re not dating.”
He grinds up against me again and then pulls away, pressing his forehead to mine. “Dating is for idiots. We’re young, and we’re having fun. Isn’t this enough for you?”
“I don’t know.” I feel so cold now that he’s stepped away from me.
“Well, figure it out.” Kris walks back to the door and pulls it open. “Because you’re a fun chick but I don’t have time for you if you’re gonna get all whiney and clingy.”
His words are like a knife through my heart, hurting me and shaming me all at the same time.
I guess the pain I feel is all my fault, though. What did I think would happen when I decided to stop being a prude? That I’d find some epic romantic true love prince who would sweep me away into a life of perfection and happiness?
Yeah, right.
That shit doesn’t happen. Not for the prude Zoey and not for the non prude Zoey.
I nod and follow him back inside the school. “Sure. I get it. Sorry I asked.”
Chapter 22
Mom calls me the next day just as I finish walking home to Dad’s house. We haven’t talked since she dropped me off a few days ago, and I really don’t want to answer. Of course, not answering will land me in even more trouble, so I begrudgingly do what I should.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Mom says. She doesn’t sound pissed, so that’s a bonus. “I’m on my way over. You got some mail and I think you’ll want to see it immediately.”
I walk into the kitchen to get a snack and see Dad pulling into the driveway. He’s home a little earlier than usual.
“Okay. What kind of mail?”
“Good mail,” she says.
“I haven’t ordered anything online lately,” I say, popping open a can of soda. “So I don’t know what it could be.”
“Trust me, you’ll like it. See you soon!”
When Dad walks in the door I tell him about Mom’s unexpected visit.
“Ah,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. “Are you excited?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “What am I supposed to be excited about?”
He just chuckles and heads into the den where he likes to relax after work. I text Dana about the weirdness but she doesn’t write back. She’s probably too busy sucking face with her boyfriend right about now.
Finally, Mom arrives, and I lunge to open the door for her. “What’s this mysterious package?” I ask.
She grins and hands me an envelope. It’s the size of a sheet of paper, and it’s thick. The University of Texas logo is on the front.
“Oh God.” Both of my parents are standing here in the foyer watching me with eager looks on their faces. “I totally forgot about college applications,” I say.
“How on earth could you forget about that?” Dad says with a laugh. “It’s only the next very important step of your life.”
I’m definitely not going to answer that question. I don’t even want to picture the look he’d get if I told him that boys were the reason I forgot about college.
I slide my finger under the envelope to open it. “So the thick envelope means I got in, right?”
“Let’s find out,” Mom says. “Hurry!”
I rip into the package and sure enough, I got in. My parents beam with pride and take turns hugging me.
“We should celebrate,” Dad says, clapping his hands together. “I’m going to cook us a fancy dinner. Mia, can you stay?”
“I’d love to,” Mom says, grinning. Times like these make me wonder why my parents divorced in the first place.
Mom puts an arm around my shoulder and all of that anger she had this weekend seems to have melted away. “You know what else this means, Zoey?”
I lift an eyebrow. “What?”
“It means you’ll need something to get you to and from school in the fall,” Dad says.
“You mean like…Oh, I don’t know…a car?” I say with an eager grin.
“Yep,” Mom says. “Graduation is in a month, and then your father and I will take you to look for a car. You excited?”
“Oh wow. Seriously?” My eyes go wide and I’m so freaking thrilled I can’t stand it. “But how can you guys afford it?”
“Mia and I are splitting the cost, honey. Don’t you worry about it. We’ve been saving for years.” Dad gives Mom a knowing look and she winks at him.
And yeah, my dating life has totally sucked lately, but right now, that’s old news. I got into college, my mom’s not mad at me, and I’ll be getting a car soon.
All of this good news couldn’t have come at a better time.
***
After dinner, Mom and Dad gush about some stupid TV show and end up in the den watching it on Netflix. They sit on opposite sides of the couch, but they get along so well it takes everything I have not to ask them what the hell is their problem. They should totally get back together and we could all move into Dad’s huge house. But I keep quiet like I always do, and instead I call Dana and tell her the good news about college.
Dana plans on going to culinary school, so there was never a chance we’d get to share a dorm or anything, no matter how badly I would have wanted that. College will be a crazy new experience for me. I’ll be starting something completely alone without any friends at all. But I’ll find a way to get through it.
I leave my parents downstairs and I head up to take a shower. When I get out and am blow drying my hair, Mom comes into my room.
“Can we talk?” she says.
My stomach sinks. “Uh, sure.” It’s not like I can say no.
“I don’t want to sound like some stalker mom or anything,” she begins, and I groan. Whatever she says next can only be bad. “But I was paying the cell phone bill the other day and I noticed you sent quite a few picture messages. You usually never send picture messages.”
“I thought they were free?” I say as I comb through my hair.
She nods. “They are. But you were sending them late at night, to a number that isn’t Dana’s.”
“Oh my God, Mom.” I roll my eyes. “Why are you analyzing my text messaging habits?”
“Because they’re weird,” she says. “I don’t know who you text late at night, but if it’s a guy—”
“Ugh, Mom we are not having this conversation,” I say, rubbing my palms into my eyes. “Please just stop.”
“All I’m saying is that I worry about you. Boys will say a lot of things to get what they want from girls, and they won’t respect you in the end.”
“You probably should have told me this years ago, Mom. But I got it. I know it now, okay?”
Her lips pull together until little lines appear on her otherwise flawless skin. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret, honey. Boys are stupid at this age.”
“I know. And I’m not being stupid.”
That’s probably a lie, but my mom doesn’t need to know that. She’s in her forties. She doesn’t remember what it was like to be a teenager. Knowing my mother, with her beauty and carefree personality, she probably never had to struggle to get a guy to like her. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with me.
Later, when Mom is finally gone, and Dad’s asleep, I’m watching TV in my room trying to go to sleep as well. It’s nearly midnight on a school night, but I’m not tired. I’m too busy thinking about Jonah and how he told me to date someone else. Sure, he said he liked me, but that had to be a lie, a way
to protect my feelings from the truth—that he doesn’t really like me at all. He’d said we could be friends and then I haven’t seen him all week so far.
I swallow the lump in my throat and tell myself to chill out. Get over him. Date someone new.
I should stay away from Kris, but he’s the only guy I know and suddenly the desire to have someone, anyone, give me attention is really strong. Against my better judgement, I send him a text.
Me: Hey loser
Kris: Wrong number. I’m not a loser :p
Me: ha. What’s up?
Kris: Well I was sleeping until this chick messaged me
Me: You didn’t have to write back if you were sleeping
Kris: Well now I’m awake, so make it worth my while.
Me: I’m not coming over on a school night…it’s too late.
Kris: send me a pic
Me: Will you keep it to yourself?
Kris: of course
My heartbeat speeds up as I lie in bed. I hate the mixture of feelings rushing through me right now. On one hand, Kris is kind of a jerk. He only wants me when he wants me, and he never does anything sweet. On the other hand, at least he’s giving me attention. Jonah doesn’t care about me at all. Maybe all guys are assholes.
My phone beeps with an incoming picture message.
Kris just sent me a picture of his penis with his hand holding it up. It looks like he’s on his bed, and I know guys like boobs and all, but this doesn’t turn me on at all. I like a guy’s face, or maybe his shirtless torso. But a penis? Um, no.
I wait a while, not sure what to reply.
Kris: Now send me one. I’ll trust you not to share mine and you can trust me not to share yours.
Me: okay, give me a sec
Kris: no bra!
My fingers shake as I realize what he wants. I’m in bed, so I’m not even wearing a bra. I take off my shirt and look down at my half naked body in my bed. Can I really trust him not to send it to anyone? I guess I have the ultimate blackmail on him if he does…I’m sure he doesn’t want the whole world seeing his penis.
I turn on the lamp beside my bed to light up the room and then I hold out my phone in selfie mode. Seeing my boobs on the screen is terrifying. There’s no way I can do this. So instead, I put one arm over my nipples and kind of squish my boobs together. Now he gets a photo without a bra, but it’s still not showing anything. I snap a photo and send it before I can change my mind.
Kris: damn you’re a tease
Me: am not
Kris: I want more
Me: well I want to feel like you’re not using me
Five minutes pass before he finally replies.
Kris: fine. There’s a party on Friday, you wanna go as my “date”?
Something lights up inside of me at the question. I tell him yes, and then when he asks for another picture without my hand in the way, I decide to pretend that I fell asleep and I don’t write him back.
Chapter 23
On Friday, Kris has a sports thing during lunch so he very sadly, and with a puppy face, tells me he won’t be able to see me today. Honestly, I’m grateful. I’m kind of sick of giving hand jobs in the front seat of his truck in the back parking lot. Unfortunately, Dana is using her lunch break to get tutoring for her math class, so I’m all alone. I figure now is a good time to seek out my so-called friend Jonah.
He’s not in the library, so I head toward the back hallway where his hidden escape room waits beyond a keyed door.
Sure enough, I see him leaning against the lockers a few feet away from the door, his nose in a book. There’s a few stragglers in the hallway, all heading toward the cafeteria doors. Jonah glances to the left and then the right, his eyes widening when he sees me walking toward him.
“Hey,” he says, closing the book.
“This is a strange place to be hanging out,” I say with a coy smile. “You wouldn’t be waiting around to sneak into forbidden places, would you?”
He grins. “That depends. Do you want to join me?”
I nod. The way he watches me, like he’s taking in every little detail of what he sees, sends a little zap of excitement through me. When the coast is clear, Jonah punches in the key code and we slip inside the hidden stairwell. I follow him up the stairs this time, noting that he has a super cute butt.
We walk through the maintenance room, where Jonah grabs a flannel blanket he must have stashed there at some point, and then we head out the door to the roof. Jonah spreads out the blanket and we sit, our feet dangling off the edge. It’s a little scary being this high up, but if Jonah isn’t scared of it, then I pretend that I’m not either.
“So, I see you neglected my advice with Edgemont,” he says, chewing on this thumb nail.
“Hey, I’m just dating around like you said.”
Jonah shrugs. “I saw the shirtless photo.”
My blood runs cold. “No you didn’t.”
He nods. “Me and the entire senior class.”
I forget how to breathe. Is that why it feels like more people are staring at me in the hallways these days? I mean, more than usual after the whole Dis List thing?
“How the hell did you get it?”
Jonah snorts and shakes his head. “How do you think? Kris sent it out. He can’t be trusted.”
I purse my lips and sit up straighter. Kris promised he’d keep my photo a secret. I have a compromising photo of him after all. Maybe Jonah is lying, trying to get under my skin. “I want to see it.”
“I deleted it.”
For some reason this annoys me. “Why?” I say, crossing my arms. “It wasn’t sexy enough for you?”
He shrugs one shoulder. “It’s inappropriate. Why would I want to ogle someone who didn’t send me the photo in the first place?”
I roll my eyes then fix him with a serious look. “Were you really sent that photo? You’re not lying?”
He draws an X across his chest. “Promise.”
“Damn.” My shoulders fall. “Why do I keep doing such stupid things? I shouldn’t have let Kris talk me into it.”
He doesn’t respond. He just stares out at the empty field in front of us, kicking his feet absentmindedly against the brick wall below.
“You really deleted it?” I say after a few moments of silence.
He nods.
“I guess it wasn’t that great?”
He looks over at me. “Your face wasn’t in it. It was just a naked torso and a hand covering up part of it. That photo isn’t you.”
“So…you didn’t find it attractive.”
He sighs. “Honestly, no.”
I frown as it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. Jonah continues, “Zoey, you’re beautiful. Every time I see you in the hallways at school, you take my breath away. But I don’t need a photo of your boobs to know that. You are what makes you beautiful, not your…assets.”
My eyes get all hot like I might start crying. “Why did you have to go and say that?” I mumble, staring at the ground that’s at least fifteen feet below. I kind of want to jump and break all of my bones because the pain of the fall can’t possibly be worse than what he just said. If he doesn’t want to date me, there’s no way he meant any of it.
“Can’t you see that Edgemont is using you? You’re so much better than that.”
“He’s the only guy who even notices me. I’m just taking what I can get.”
Jonah throws his head back and groans. “If that’s what you want, then fine. I won’t tell you what to do. Just—just be careful, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter. “I won’t let him murder me.”
“That’s not the kind of careful I was talking about, Zoey.”
I check the time on my phone. “We should get back soon. I can’t miss anymore classes or they’ll start calling my parents.”
Jonah hops up easily even though we’re so close to the edge of the roof. He holds out a hand and helps me up. “So, did you ever get your date with Edgemont?”
I bite o
n my bottom lip. “Kind of. He’s taking me to a party tonight.”
Jonah looks like he’s trying very hard not to roll his eyes. I punch him in the arm. “Don’t give me that look.”
He opens the door for me and we walk back into the maintenance room. “Give me your phone,” he says, holding out his hand.
I hand it to him and he does something to it. Soon, his phone vibrates from his pocket. “Now you have my number. Call me if you need anything.”
“You mean if Kris tries to murder me.”
“I mean if you need anything at all,” he says. “Friends are always there for each other.”
“Right,” I say, feeling the weight of those words. They’re the shackles that are keeping me and Jonah from being anything more than just friends.
Chapter 24
Kris: I’m almost there. Meet me outside.
Me: Just knock on the door. My dad won’t bite, lol
Kris: Not happening. I don’t meet parents.
I frown at the text. When I told Dad I was going to a friend’s house to watch movies (aka: a party) he’d said he was excited to meet this “friend” of mine. And I guess having Kris meet Dad would be totally weird and awkward, so this is for the better. But now I have to explain it to my dad.
I do one last mirror check to make sure I look okay. I’m wearing my hair in a sleek pony tail, and I’ve only used a small amount of makeup. Dana said these parties usually involve dancing to music and hanging out outside so I’d only sweat off a ton of makeup. I trust her judgement, which is also why I’m wearing jeans and a tight tank top. It shows off my boobs but it’s not so fancy that I’ll be uncomfortable all night.
I grab my phone off the charger and head downstairs.
“I’m heading out,” I say, kissing Dad on the cheek. Here’s to hoping I can make a quick getaway.
He looks up from the football game on TV. “Where’s your friend?”