by J. K. Wise
“No, I don’t want to see that ugliness.” My stomach already hurts too much to eat the sandwich Mom packed for me.
“Well, after the dude who started the fight was arrested, his buddies went on TV and said that they wouldn’t stop fighting until all of the illegals were out of the country. But those people in the store weren’t illegal.” Corrina rolls her eyes. “There are brawls starting all over the country. CNN is running it non-stop. I mean, should I be scared? I don’t want to get attacked because my family’s from Guaymas, you know?”
“I don’t know. Everything seems the same around here.” Around the quad, lunch goes on. A boy wearing headphones hands one earbud to a girl standing next to him, and they both bob their heads to the music inside their ears. A group of kids are eating Taco Bell in the shade under a tree. Nothing screams revolution at Pima today. High school is a snowglobe. Our world gets shaken, and we float down to normal as quickly as possible.
Above the courtyard, I see Jared walking down the stairs that lead into this kiva. I turn sharply away from him. Corrina looks up in his direction and looks back at me.
“Seriously, Mel, what is going on with you? You’ve been weird for days. I mean, you’re always weird, but you’re super-secret weird this week.”
“I need to talk to you, Corrina, but I don’t want you to judge me.”
“Me, judge you?” She rolls her eyes at me, and I take a breath and spill it all.
“I got high at the Reynolds party and passed out. I’m not sure what happened except that Alec and Jared got into a fight. I feel like it was my fault, and then I spent the night at Jared’s. Now I just want to stay in bed or swim laps for the rest of my life so I don’t ever have to see another boy ever again.”
Corrina stares at me, her mouth open, beyond shock.
“Wow.” Her eyes are wide, and she stares at me for a few more seconds. “I mean, WOW. That may be the most I’ve ever heard you say about yourself. And wait, you spent the night at Jared’s?” Her voice pitches higher. I try to shush her, and right then, arms reach around Corrina’s waist.
Whitney turns Corrina around and gives her a kiss. Whitney nods at me and flips her head to swing her long layers out of her face. I have to fight hard not to roll my eyes. Whitney and I are just barely cool with each other.
“What’s going on?” Whitney asks as she dumps her large backpack onto the table in front of us.
“A lot,” Corrina says. “The world is exploding into, like, a war or something.” she says. “And Melanie has a secret life…” Her voice raises louder at the end of her sentence, and I have to shush her again. “Seriously though, Mel. You got high? And there was a fight? Over you? How am I just hearing about all of this? How is this not all over school?”
“It is,” Whitney says. “I heard that Jared and Stina broke up after that fight, and you were all over Alec and then all over Jared.”
The sun feels too bright all of the sudden. “What? Where did you hear that?”
She shrugs. “Everywhere.”
Corrina shakes off Whitney’s arms, and she puts her arm over my shoulders. “People just need something to talk about, and with the earthquake and every other ugly thing going on, they’d rather talk about a juicy story even if it’s bullshit than anything real.”
I have to get out of here. I pick up my bag and start to head out of the courtyard. The girls walk with me toward the covered hallways. I feel like everyone is looking at me again. I’m sure I’m imagining it, but I hate it anyway.
“I mean, it is bullshit, right? You weren’t with Alec Newton or Jared Portillo, right?” Corrina ventures.
I shake my head, trying to get back to the truth. “Angie had weed, and I smoked it with her and Hannah. I’ve never done anything like that before; I just felt so out of place and dumb. Then I got really dizzy, like I couldn’t catch my breath. Everything went grey, and then I don’t really remember anything until I was back in Alec’s Jeep. And then Jared was there, and he beat up Alec.”
Corrina grabs my hand and stops me. “Why are you just telling me this?”
“Why did Jared pound Alec?” Whitney asks.
I really don’t feel like explaining anything to Whitney, but I answer her just to keep the peace. “He thinks that Alec was on me or something, but I can’t remember what happened.”
“I saw Newton’s face all messed up. I figured it was from football. Wow, good for Jared,” Corrina says. Then, she frowns. “But weird, right?”
“Well, after that, Jared took me to his house to get cleaned up, and I fell asleep in his chair. I slept there until the sun was coming up, and I snuck back into my house. I was sure that my parents would have the National Guard out looking for me, but they were sleeping. They haven’t even asked me about that night.”
“So, have you talked to Jared? Or Alec?” Corrina asks.
Whitney yawns, and I know she’s over this drama. Talking about the whole thing does make me feel better though. Last weekend feels less like an ugly secret and more like a chapter of the everyday gossip I never understand and will be forgotten soon enough.
“I haven’t talked to Jared. I have his shirt that I need to give back.”
Corrina and Whitney raise eyebrows at each other.
“But Alec…he stopped me in the hall last hour and asked if I was all right. When I asked him about his fight with Jared, he said that Jared was an asshole and that they have bad history.”
“Melanie.” Jared’s deep voice stops us all.
My heart lurches as I turn and see him coming up behind us. Corrina tries not to giggle.
“Speak of the devil,” she says too loudly, but Jared doesn’t blink.
“Hey,” he says, out of breath, as he reaches us.
Before I can say anything, an announcement sounds over the loudspeaker: Due to current state of emergency in Pima County, the Governor has asked that all schools close until any structural damage can be assessed. Classes are suspended until further notice. The campus will close within the hour, and all students are advised to go straight to their homes. Buses will leave in twenty minutes.
We stare at each other. I turn to Corrina. “Maybe there really is a race war starting in Tucson?”
She shakes her head. “Now I’m freaking out.”
Whitney looks through her phone for clues. “I don’t see anything. No one knows what’s going on. Why would they set us up at Pima and then close two days later?”
Corrina won’t stop looking between Jared and me. Stop staring, Corrina!
“Why would they care if we went straight home if it was about structural damage?” Jared says, frowning.
“It doesn’t make sense,” I agree.
“Do you guys want a ride home?” Jared asks.
Corrina’s eyes open wider, and she winks at me so fast, I hope that Jared doesn’t see.
“We’re taking SunTran across town to my aunt’s. Thanks, though,” Cor answers.
“Be careful. Who knows what’s really going on out there,” I say, and she nods.
She and Whitney nod and skip up the rest of the stairs and out of sight. Jared looks up at me, and I feel the flutter again, that same uneasiness I felt when he looked at me in his basement.
“Mel?” he asks again, and I nod. We walk out to the parking lot, and once we’re inside his car, I exhale. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath. He looks at me strangely. “You okay?”
“Sure, Jared. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Why would anyone be okay? Doesn’t it amaze you how easy it’s supposed to be? Eight hundred people are dead, probably more. And tons of people are hurt. Damn, we don’t even
really know if anyone from Northside died. We all just keep walking around like zombies or something.” He twists the key hard in the ignition, starting the engine and stomping on the gas in neutral, revving the engine.
“Did you and Christina break up?”
He plays with the small rubber football that dangles from his keys in the ignition.
“No.” he says, but then, he exhales too. “Well, maybe. I need to talk to her.” We drive in silence another block. He glances over at me and then back to the road. “Why?”
“She looked at me like she wanted to rip my head off. And people are talking about me…and you.” I flex my toes and point them, working out the soreness in my feet from all those flutterkicks yesterday.
He nods. “Because I drove you home after the party. Listen, Christina is just looking for someone to blame. She knows we’re done.”
“I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault.”
He checks me out with his dark brown eyes. “Why? You didn’t do anything.”
“I just, since the earthquake, I feel like I’m always in your car.”
“You want to get out of my car, Mel?”
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.
Jared shrugs. “Don’t worry about Stina. None of that has anything to do with you.”
Of course not. I’m so stupid. Now I do want to jump out of the car.
We drive past strip malls with dry cleaners, karate studios, pizza places on every corner, some of them open for business, others caved-in and closed. They’ve finally put a chain link fence around the Circle K that looters have already emptied.
I clear my throat. “That’s what Alec said to me today, about you and him and your fight. He said it had nothing to do with me.”
Jared turns the wheel sharply to change lanes. “Why were you talking to Newton?”
“He stopped me in the hall.” I watch the woman in the car next to me ash her cigarette out a crack in the window.
We drive in silence the rest of the way. When we pull up in front of his house, he turns his key in the ignition, but he doesn’t get out of the car.
“I need you to know something. About our parents. The other night, you said that you saw something strange with your dad and my mom?”
“Yeah?”
Jared continues. “This morning, I left for school, but then, I realized I left a pack of smokes on my desk downstairs.”
“I thought you said you didn’t really smoke.”
He shakes his head impatiently. “When I got back home, I happened to look out that sliding glass door in my room, you know? I saw my mom and your mom in the back by our guest house.”
I sit still, not wanting to hear the rest of what Jared has to tell me. He looks nervous.
“They were arguing. And your mom was crying.”
I feel my stomach tighten. “Everyone cries all the time since the earthquake.”
“Mel,” Jared says, but his eyes are glued forward, his mouth set in a straight line. “They were fighting. I’ve never seen them fight before. Like, never.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands.
“Why did you tell me about what you saw? Because you thought something weird was going on. And I think so too.” He tightens his hands on the wheel. “I’m going to talk to my mom, and I thought you should know.”
“It could be anything, Jared,” I repeat, my voice small in the silent car.
It could be anything. But it isn’t. I know what I saw, and Jared knows what he saw.
My throat closes tightly, but I won’t cry until I’m swimming my set. Once I’m in the pool, no one will be able to see my tears. For now, I swallow them and set my face in stone.
When I walk into the living room, Dad’s slouching on the couch with a beer balanced on the arm rest and a baseball game on the flat screen.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” he asks, but he doesn’t sit up as his eyes watch the green field on the big screen.
Before I can answer, a special report interrupts the ball game. It’s the stuff that Corrina was streaming earlier at school. Videos of violent mobs and shattered glass store fronts replace the quiet rise and fall of baseball sounds, and Dad reaches forward and presses the mute button. He leans back into the thick leather of the couch. “I can’t believe all of this nonsense,” he says with his eyes closed, and I’m pretty sure that he’s talking about the news, but who knows?
“Classes were cancelled, and an announcement told us to go straight home. Jared next door gave me a ride.”
“Jared Portillo?” he asks.
Duh, dad.
“Yeah.” I wait for the words to magically happen in my head, but nothing is coming. “Jared and I were talking.” I know that I’m fidgeting, twisting my fingers around each other. My mouth is dry. “He saw Mom this morning, out back. She was crying. Isn’t that weird?”
Dad frowns. “In our backyard?”
“No, in his backyard, I think. Mom was talking to Mrs. Portillo.” I push forward, my stomach twisting up. “Why would Mom cry while she was talking to Mrs. Portillo?”
“There are a lot of bad things happening right now, Melanie.”
I wait for more, but he doesn’t continue.
“Like what, Dad?” I need to hear that I’m crazy or that I’m right.
Dad looks at me sharply.
“Like what? Melanie, have you been living in this house for the past six months? People are out of work and struggling, I’m fighting to keep my business going, and that was before the earthquake. Now, there’s so much damage, I can’t even open the doors, and who knows when insurance will pay out with the whole city on fire and crazy. Do you need for me to explain any more for you?” His face twists, flushed.
I feel paralyzed in this chair. “Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you have to yell at me.” I don’t mean to sound so pathetic, but what have I done wrong? “You know, I was in the Safeway the other day when all those people went crazy. I got stepped on and pushed into a bread shelf. I know that things are crazy,” I fire back.
His eyebrows pinch together, his face hardening even more.“What? When? Why didn’t you say anything?”
I push forward. I didn’t have any words before, but now, I can’t stop myself. “And that night, I went to a party, and I didn’t get home until sunrise, and you and mom didn’t even notice.”
Dad sits straight up and tries to talk, but I cut him off.
“I know bad things are going on. I’m not blind, and I’m not stupid. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on, because you and Mom are too wrapped up in yourselves to explain.”
Dad stares at me like I’m a stranger.
“On the night of the earthquake, you were holding Mrs. Portillo’s hand, and when she saw me, she pulled away from you. She looked guilty. Why would she look guilty, dad?” I lift my eyes up to Dad’s.
“What do you think, Melanie? We’ve been neighbors all of your life.”
“I don’t understand why she looked at me like that.”
“Melanie, that night…well, no one knew what was going on that night. An earthquake? None of us had ever gone through anything like that. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean that I always know what to do. I don’t think anyone in Tucson knew what to do. We were all just reacting.”
I’m starting to breathe again, remembering Dad in the hallway, frozen by indecision.
“Why was Mom crying, then? With Mrs. Portillo?”
“Maybe Jared thought he saw something. Like you d
id that night out back.”
Everything is upside down. It’s hard to know what is real and what is shaken up. Like with Alec. How could he and Jared have such different ideas about what happened at the party? I look back at Dad, and I feel so awful.
“Dad…”
“Melanie, I love you and this family…” He stops talking, and he looks past me. I turn around, and Mom stands in the doorway.
“Why are you home, Melanie?” Mom asks, but her voice is vacant.
“School was cancelled.” Mom’s face isn’t right. I can’t look away from her. She looks frozen. “Are you okay?”
She doesn’t say anything to me, but she doesn’t look away from me either. Right under the surface of her face, a storm brews.
“Instead of telling our daughter how much you love this family, Scott, why don’t you tell her the truth?” Mom says, her voice mostly even except for the hint of tremor on her last word, truth. And my heart stops.
“Lara,” Dad says. Her name is a warning.
“You’re a liar,” she whispers.
The earth stops spinning.
“Dad?”
He sits up in his chair but keeps his eyes down. Silence.
“Dad?” I stand with nowhere to go. Mom stares at me instead of him from the entrance to the room.
“Mom?” My words are the only air in the room.
This time, the disaster is silent and still, and we are shaken all apart.
Chapter Twenty
Standoff
I pull on my running shoes, down a bottle of water, and grab my ipod. I’m grumpy from sitting around too much, and I actually miss having football practice to grind me up every day.
Instead of running my usual desert route, I head down to the pedestrian path that runs alongside the traffic. A banner that reads Thank you First Responders flaps in the wind in front of the collapsed gas station. Music screams in my ears, pushing me forward one mile at a time. By the time I turn on the side streets that will wind back to my house, my lungs and my legs are screaming too.