by Sophie Stern
I didn’t expect her to say that.
I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t that.
It wasn’t that this was a mistake.
It wasn’t that this was wrong.
I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, a lot of wrong things, but this wasn’t one of them. For the first time in a very long time, I made a decision felt completely, totally right. While Lara was in my arms, the world felt whole. The world felt safe. I want that feeling back again. I don’t want this thing between us – whatever it is – to be over.
“It’s okay,” I say, and I start to reach for her, but Lara shakes her head and reaches for her purse.
“I’m sorry,” she straightens her clothes and tries to fix her hair. “I appreciate you meeting with me today and listening to my troubles, but I don’t think this is going to work.”
She’s going to walk out of here.
She’s going to walk out of my office and out of my life if I don’t do something about it.
Luckily for me, my entire job revolves around reading people and knowing how to respond to them, so I muster every ounce of lawyer skill I have, and I speak again.
“Lara, leaving now would be a mistake.”
“What?” She turns back to me, surprised. “What are you talking about, Ronan? We just totally made out in your office like horny teenagers,” she lowers her voice, like someone is going to overhear. “That’s totally wrong. You don’t need a client who behaves so unpredictably and unprofessionally.”
“I don’t think it’s your place to tell me what I don’t need, little human.”
“What?” Her mouth forms a perfect “o” as she looks at me in surprise. “Why did you call me that?”
“That’s what you are, sweetheart. You’re a cute, tiny, adorable little human and you can think it’s crazy all you want,” I take a deep breath because I’m all in. There’s no backing out now. There’s no going back. There’s no erasing this moment. I’m going for it. “But you’re my mate, Lara, and I think you feel it, too.”
Chapter 5
Lara
We’re mates.
Mates.
As in, destined-to-be-together.
As in, the world predetermined that we were meant for each other.
As in, there’s nothing we can do about the fact that we’re supposed to love each other.
We can go for it or we can fight it, but the world will be so much simpler if we just accept that we’re destined for one another.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” I tell Ronan because right now, I’m so confused. My head is spinning and everything feels strange. I was completely overcome with emotion, with arousal. That’s never happened to me before and I’m not sure how to handle the feeling.
“Tell me you’ll give it a shot,” he says. “Tell me you’ll be brave.”
“What do you want from me?” I whisper, shaking my head. “I came here because my neighbor is a psycho. I expected to give you money and have you represent me in court. I didn’t expect for you to say whatever it is you’re saying. What are you saying, exactly?”
I need to hear the words because I’m going to freak out. I’ve lived here long enough to know what wolves do to their mates. I’ve lived here long enough to have seen the scars, to know about the mating process, to understand the utter importance of mating. When you mate a wolf, they bite you and you bite them. The scars are a visual reminder to the rest of the pack that you’re taken, that you’re spoken for.
I’ve been here long enough to see that.
I’ve been here long enough to know that wolves mate for life.
It’s not like when you date someone and you might get tired of them and break up. Wolves don’t do that. When you mate, it’s forever. End of story.
Is that what he really wants from me?
“I want you to be mine,” he says, and Ronan’s eyes burn into mine. I should say no. I should be rational. I should be normal. The problem is that all logic and reasoning seemed to flee the moment I laid eyes on him. The problem is that I feel like I’ve known Ronan forever. I feel like he’s someone I’m connected to. He doesn’t feel like a stranger.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“I think it’s an incredible idea,” he says with a smile.
“Ronan, we’ve only just met.”
“Tell me you don’t feel this connection between us,” he steps close. He’s too close. He’s almost touching me, but not. He’s invading my space perfectly without laying a damn hand on me.
“Of course I feel it,” I say. “But it’s not real. It can’t be real. It’s too…intense.”
“It’s because we’re destined to be together, Lara.”
“I don’t believe in mates.”
“Destiny doesn’t care whether you believe in it or not.”
I should leave because if I don’t walk out of this office right now, I’m going to melt in his arms. Ronan is the biggest, sweetest man I’ve ever seen and I really, really want to give in to him.
I really want everything he’s saying to be true, to be real.
I really want him to be the one.
For so long, I’ve had to be strong. For so long, I’ve had to fight the world all on my own, and here he is. He’s offering me something I’ve never had before. He’s offering me strength and compassion and kindness. He’s offering me himself. He’s offering me his future.
He’s offering me everything and I want to say yes.
I want to take it.
I’ve never wanted anything the way I want him right now, but I can’t. I just can’t. I need to stay in control of the situation, of myself.
“I’m sorry,” I say firmly, but my heart sinks as I say it. “I just don’t know if this can work. It’s too much, Ronan. It’s too much, too soon, and I just…I need some time, okay? I’m sorry.”
I hurry quickly out of the room and down the hall. Fee, Lyon, and Joyce are all standing in the foyer talking about something. They stop as soon as they see me and they look at me with curious expressions on their face.
“Excuse me,” I whisper as I scurry past them and out the door. Thank dragons I manage to wait until I’m outside before I start crying. I can tell it’s going to be a big, fat, ugly cry and it’s really something I’d rather do alone.
It’s not that I mind crying in front of people. I’ve cried in front of my friends many times, but this is different. These are strangers, and they’re Ronan’s friends, and I’m pretty sure they know I just crushed his dreams with my rejection.
It’s not fair.
I get in my car right as the floodgates open and I start crying. “Sobbing” would be a more accurate description. I sob and bawl and cry in my car in the driveway until I swear the front door to the house cracks open, and then I get it together and pull out of the driveway. The last thing I want is someone to come talk to me, to try to console me. The last thing I want is one of Ronan’s friends to come see what my problem is, to see what I’m out here doing.
I drive straight home. I don’t even stop for food. I just go home and park in my driveway and head up to the house.
“Hey!” A voice calls out as I fumble for my keys, but I ignore Lester as I try to unlock my door.
He’s literally the last person I want to see right now, the last person I want to deal with.
“When are you going to leave?” He shouts. He’s in my driveway now. Why the hell can’t I get the door open? “I want you out of here, human. You’ve got no right to be here. This is our town!”
Finally, I manage to get my key in the lock and I turn it. Then I push the door open and step inside, slamming it shut just as Lester reaches my porch. He keeps rambling on outside and even rings the bell, but I ignore him. I’ve gotten good at ignoring him. I even have a routine.
The first thing I do is make sure everything is locked up tight. My front door is dead-bolted and the backdoor is locked, too. Then I get a big glass of wine, my headphones, and go to
my room. I down the wine. I should sip it, but I don’t. Who has time for that? The glass goes on my nightstand and I plug in my headphones. I have an entire playlist of loud, emotional music to listen to on days like today.
I lie back on my bed, close my eyes, and just let the music play. The beat pulses through my body as I cry, reminding me that there are worse things than taking a chance on love.
There’s always being alone.
And it’s kind of the worst thing of all.
Chapter 6
Ronan
“What happened?” Fee walks into the room.
“Thanks for knocking, fucker.”
“Answer the question,” he glares at me. The bear is tall and muscular: exactly the opposite of what I imagine a bear should look like. When I think of bears, I think of short and round and clumsy, but that’s not Fee at all.
“She left, okay? You obviously saw her leave. What do you want from me?” I reach for the whiskey, but Fee gets between me and my bottle. “Don’t push your luck,” I tell him. “This is really none of your business.”
“No? Whose name is on the deed to this house, Ronan Casa?”
I glare at him and push by, reaching for the alcohol. Once again, he steps in my way, and this time, I growl at him.
“That’s right, wolf. It’s my name. It’s my house and it’s my rules and right now, I’m telling you to fucking start talking.”
“She doesn’t want me, okay?” I spit out. The words are harsher than I like, harder to swallow than I want them to be. I’d like to say I found my mate and she immediately accepted me, but that’s not what happened, is it? I’d like to say I found the woman of my dreams and we’re going to live happily ever after, but that’s not our destiny.
Nope. Instead, I’m mated to a scaredy cat. I’m mated to someone too afraid of me to even try.
“Is that what she said to you?” Landon Fee isn’t the type of shifter to shy away from what he means to say. Nope. He calls people out and says exactly what he intends to, especially when he’s with his friends.
“No, that’s not exactly what she said. That’s what she meant, though.”
“When I was in here with you two, the sexual tension was so thick, you could slice it with a knife,” Landon says. He crosses his arms over his chest and looks me up and down. Landon Fee might be the only person in the world who can make me feel like a little cub again just by looking at me.
“Sexual tension is great, but it’s not what relationships are built on.”
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he says. “Sexual tension is exactly what relationships are built on.”
“No, dumbass. They’re built on mutual respect and trust and admiration. They’re built on common interests and communication.”
“And all of that stems from sexual tension,” Landon says with a curt nod. “Sexual tension is the core of any relationship. If you aren’t attracted to someone, you aren’t going to have a good relationship, no matter how much you both like to read romance novels.”
“I do not like to read romance novels,” I say, not wanting to let him get that dig in, but Fee just raises his eyebrow and glances nonchalantly toward my desk.
“Are you telling me that if I open that top drawer, there won’t be any books in it?”
“Of course I keep books in my desk. I’m a lawyer, in case you’ve forgotten. I need books to reference cases.”
Fee just chuckles and shakes his head.
“You’ve got it bad, buddy.”
“She’s my mate,” I whisper, defeated. Suddenly, the weight of the world is too much to bear and I just sit down in one of the chairs. I close my eyes and wonder what I should have done differently. I shouldn’t have let her walk out of the office. I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have tried harder, been better.
I should have done anything but what I did.
I should have been braver.
I should have been bolder.
“Then your time isn’t over,” Fee says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Look, brother, I know today was unexpected. I know it was difficult. It’s not the end, though. Think of it this way, all right? She’s human. She’s a sweet, adorable little human who just encountered her first big, bad wolf. That can’t be easy.”
“I’m not a big, bad wolf,” I protest.
“You aren’t going to devour her? Because it sure looked like you were eating her alive with your eyes.”
“That’s different. I wasn’t going to do anything bad to her. I just want her.”
“Of course you do. She’s your mate. You can’t let your first encounter be what determines whether you make it or not. So she isn’t quite ready to accept your destiny. That’s fine. Ease her into it, brother. Be patient. Use some of those courtroom skills you hold so dearly. I’m sure you can figure out a way to get her to see your side.”
“And if I can’t?”
“You can,” Fee nods. “Because even when you don’t believe in yourself, Ronan, I believe in you.” Then he leaves the office, closing the door behind him. Suddenly, I’m alone with myself, alone with my thoughts, alone with worries about my mate.
The truth is that I’ve always wanted a mate. I’ve always wanted someone I could call my own. I’ve always wanted someone to share my life with.
Oh, there are plenty of single shifters. There are plenty of wolves who never marry, who never find mates, and they’re perfectly happy.
I’m not one of them, though.
I remember how happy my parents were together. When I was a cub, they were always hugging and touching. They were always laughing together. They were always so content just to be together, and I always wanted that. Even as a kid, I knew that one day, I’d want a mate.
And now I’ve found her.
Landon is right. I can’t just give up because we got off to a bad start. I can’t just give up on the fact that Lara is supposed to be mine. She’s supposed to be my wife, my bride, my mate. I can feel it.
My inner wolf is howling, and I know I need to find her, need to talk to her. I need to find Lara and show her that I’ll protect her, that I’ll take care of her.
And even if she still rejects me, even if she says she isn’t interested in having an animal for a husband, I’ll still protect her.
I’ll start with solving her case.
Her neighbor sounds like a real prick, but I’m convinced we can build a case against him and turn his accusations around. He thinks he can sue Lara for harassment? We can file a counterclaim. We’ll go to court as planned and we’ll win because Lara is in the right, but even if she wasn’t, I’m a damn good lawyer.
And I’m going to win this one.
I’m going to win it for my mate.
Chapter 7
Lara
The next few days are a blur. I wake up, go to work, come home, and go to sleep. Lester waits for me every day and hurls insults as I walk from my car to the house. I’ve stopped trying to sneak into the house. I record his words on my phone in case the police ever decide to do anything. At the very least, I can bring the recordings with me to court when I have to face the judge.
I try not to think about Ronan. I try not to think about the way he made me feel alive, about the way he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I try not to think about the way he made me feel special.
I’m just emotionally vulnerable right now, I reason. I’m emotionally weak and open to feelings that don’t make sense. I need to get some more sleep, some more rest. I need to make it through the next few weeks. I need to survive until my court date and then everything will be over.
It’ll all be over.
Either I’ll move or he will. I don’t know. Somehow, this weird problem between us will be resolved, but late at night, when I’m alone, sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth fighting. Sometimes I wonder if any of this is worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just give in to Lester and move. At least then I’d be able to get on with my life. Oh, I’d have to co
mmute to work or find a different job. I’d have to make new friends and probably be on a tighter budget than I already am, but I could make it work. I’m a survivor. I’m good at living through terrible situations. What’s one more?
Joyce called me twice to try to schedule a follow-up with Ronan. I didn’t answer the phone, but I listened to her voicemails. Apparently, he thinks there’s a good chance for a positive outcome. Ronan believes I’m not in the wrong. He believes I’m right and that Lester is just harassing me. More importantly, he thinks he can get the judge to drop the charges against me and in turn, sue Lester for his terrible behavior.
Ronan calls me, too, but again, I don’t pick up the phone. I just don’t have the emotional energy for it. After dealing with kids all day and administrative paperwork, by the time I get home, I’m completely beat.
I listen to his voicemails, though.
I listen over and over and over and I think about that deep, sultry baritone. I think about his words, about how he told me he wanted me. I think about how he said I’m his mate.
And I wonder if I made a huge mistake running out of his office.
There’s no doubt in my mind that’s what I was doing: running. I got scared, so I ran. He asked me to step out of my comfort zone and I just couldn’t do it. Why couldn’t I do it? I feel like I should have been able to go out on a limb for Ronan because something tells me he’d do it for me. Something tells me that if I called him and asked him for help, he’d come running.
That’s what he’s doing right now, isn’t it?
He’s helping me with my Lester problem.
He’s helping a stranger who can never afford to pay him.
He’s helping a random girl who isn’t even a shifter.
He’s helping me.
And I’m hiding in my house, too afraid to even do yard work because I think my neighbor is going to go crazy and hurt me. Lester hasn’t been violent yet, but it’s still something that scares me: the idea that he might hurt me. I keep telling myself I’m safe. I keep promising myself he can’t come inside. I keep whispering that he can’t get to me, that I’ll be okay.