by Dolly
At the mention of my sweet Ethel's name, I blazed out in sudden fury, and the intensity of my passion helped to throw off the last vestige of his dominating will. I advanced a step nearer him.
" Have a care, Rawdon," I said hoarsely. " You have me more or less in your viperous toils; but by the God in Heaven, if harm comes to Ethel, I will never allow myself a moment's rest so long as you are in this world, if I have to drag you down to hell in my own arms! "
I was at bay and desperate, and he cowered away from the menace in my eyes, sinking back limply on the seat. Man to man, I was vastly Arnold Rawdon's superior in physical strength, and he knew it. He knew too, as I was beginning to feel, that for the time his power was in abeyance, crushed down by the strength of my passion.
For the moment I was master of the situation, and while I still could do it I turned swiftly and made my way blindly out of the gardens, and along Broadway to my home.
I reached the house sanguine and cheerfull Surely in that struggle I had at last broken away from the spell that had been cast over me. Already I saw my life, that had been so grimly lurid, opening out in new vistas of peace and happiness. Oh, was ever the divine gift of freewill dearer, more precious than it seemed to me at that moment, after thinking I had for ever lost it!
Looking back, I see now with what resiliency the mind is apt to spring back to hope and buoyancy the instant the pressure is removed. Crushed though the spirit appears beneath the weight, at the first respite it is ready to leap up and fancy that because the sun is shining and the stars invisible, they do not exist.
Rawdon, I remembered with a thrill of thankfulness, had been plainly cowed by my threatening demeanour. He would not dare now to goad me further to desperation.
As day after day passed, and my will remained my own to guide my actions as I chose, I was filled with deep gratitude for my release from the talons of this fiend in human shape. Thus I soothed my soul with specious comfort, nor dreamed that my tormentor was but fostering his dissipated mental energy.
I did not gauge the black depths of Rawdon's malignant soul. I did not know how dear to the hypnotist was his power, so dear as to make him wish to exercise it at all risks. But I was to find out. My God! I was to find that in the midst of my fancied security I was as heavily fettered at if bound with visible chains !
A few days before my editor had called me into his room and recommended me to take a brief holiday. He had noted my harassed looks, had noticed, too, the discrepancies in my work, that of late had become too glaringly frequent, and concluded that the strain of the last few weeks—we were in the middle of the Japanese war—had been too much for me.
" Take your wife down to Hong-Kong and back," he had said kindly; "we can spare you, I think, for three weeks, and you will return all the more fit and ready to do two men's share."
I had thanked him and declined. I did not want to go. In truth, I could not have gone had I wislied. But now everything was different. I told my chief that I intended to avail myself of his liberality, and would take a trip to Chefoo. He looked mildly surprised that I should choose to go North instead of South. It was still early in the year, and Chefoo would be much too cold to be pleasant. However, he acquiesced readily in my wish for a holiday, so we made all preparations, my wife and I, to go up by one of the Butterfield boats.
The day before we sailed I received a note from Rawdon. I read it through, then put it away with a smile. I was so confident in my new strength that I did not care a rap what he had to say or what he did.
" I am glad," it said, " that you propose taking a holiday at Chefoo, and hope it will be a long and enjoyable one, though I sadly fear you may find it convenient to return long before the expiration of the allotted period.—Yours very sincerely, A. Rawdon."
Long before we reached our destination the words of the note had begun to haunt me with the ominous and now familiar presentiment of coming danger; yet at the time of its receipt I read it through and tossed it carelessly into my desk, for I could afford to smile then at his vague innuendoes.
And so we left Shanghai for Chefoo in the steamship Hunan, I, poor fool, cheerful at my release and confident in my newly-recovered strength ; Ethel, with quick womanly sympathy, noticing my altered looks, equally rejoiced at my obvious improvement in health.
In the wisdom of after-knowledge I wonder at myself for thinking that the reptile could so easily have allowed his power to slip from him. I see now that those vague premonitions of approaching disaster that towards the latter end of our journey assailed me, were a warning that this old man of the sea was still clinging tenaciously to my shoulders, riding me to destruction, though for the time he had apparently relinquished the curb and forborne to use the spurs. I see it all so plainly now, and it makes it all the more bitter to look back upon. There is nothing more pitifully sad than to look back, as we rise bruised and broken, at the pit over which we have stumbled, and see how plain it was had we but looked.
It was the commencement of the foggy season. The typhoons had made way for the blistering north-east monsoon, which in turn had yielded place to the dreaded fog, and the harassed sailor could look forward, with what resignation he might, to two or three months of constant groping and creeping out of the darkness astern into the darkness ahead, with nothing but the fog whistle of the passing steamers, braying like frightened animals out there in the blackness, to assure him that earth and sea yet existed.
We had our full share of it. Off the Shantung promontory it shut down like a pall that made either end of the ship melt away and vanish; but while the captain and the officer of the watch anxiously paced the bridge, or leaned over the rails as though trying to get just a foot or two nearer and to catch the welcome shriek of the lighthouse syren, I stood on the deck below, positively glorying in the fog. It was to me as a solid wall that shut me out completely from the world and the force I had begun again to dread. We rounded the promontory guided by nothing but that weird shriek, that commenced in a gurgle and died away in a groan, and as we bore up in the direction of Eddy Island, the og continued as impenetrably dense as before. To my wayward fancy, it seemed like the hand of a protecting Providence hiding my tracks from the ken of my malevolent pursuer.
We reached Chefoo and put up at the cosy little Beach Hotel; and here for two days life ran smoothly, and I was happy and at ease. On the third I got up early and went alone for a stroll along one of the prettiest stretches of sandy beach the China coast can boast.
It was a glorious morning; the fresh sea-breeze blew in upon me with a sense of freedom infinitely soothing to my oppressed spirit. Far out, the Kutai Islands were waging their passive war against the encroaching sea, as it boiled and seethed angrily around the rocks on their shore, in its mad endeavour to sweep in on the ships lying so snugly at anchor in the harbour.
I had intended walking right out to the wall that crests the hill beyond the bay, but soon after passing the schools I stopped in indecision, and stood looking back along the curving sweep of the yellow sands that terminated in the bold headland of Tower Hill, with its shades of green and brown, backed by the sunlit blue of the sea. And as I looked at the few ships that, anchored farther out than the others, peeped coyly round its base, I turned and, hardly aware of what I was doing, commenced to retrace my steps. Upon passing the French ViceConsulate, instead of continuing along the beach as I had come, I turned to the left, going by way of the fields to the custom house jetty in the town.
Here I paused, gazing restlessly out toward the Bluff and the open sea, until a Japanese steamer, with the " blue-peter " flying at the fore, caught my eye. A jet of steam was issuing from her forecastle head as she hove short her cable, and still blindly obeying the sudden impulse that had brought me thus far, I hastened down the steps, and, jumping into a sampan, directed the boatman to pull with all speed to the outgoing steamer.
Once on board, I had no need to ask of the astonished captain where she was going. I knew. How could she be bound for any place but Sha
nghai, since that resistless force had drawn me on board of her ?—drawn me as easily across these four hundred and eighty miles as if I had still been at Shanghai.
I engaged my passage on board, and tearing a leaf out of my note-book, scribbled a few hurried lines to my wife, telling her I had been recalled to town on a matter of the utmost importance, and directing her to collect our baggage and follow me down by the first steamer. I gave the note with directions to the sampan man who had brought me off; then, as the steamer began to move out from the roads, I went below to the cabin that had been hastily cleared out for my reception, overwhelmed by a shuddering terror I dare not attempt to depict.
This was the meaning of that note of his. The fiend! He was dragging me back, fight against it as I might, to the bondage I feared and loathed. Dragging me back as surely and relentlessly as the cat, with one cruel paw, claws back the wounded mouse that is trying to crawl beyond her reach.
I sat down on the settee and cried like a little child. It was the first time I remembered to have shed tears since I entered upon boyhood, but I wept now with the feeling of utter helplessness of a child in the dark.
I believe, in the numbness of my despair, I would have flung myself over the ship's side and so have ended all. A dozen times during that short voyage, the wish formed itself in my mind and crystallised into resolution, but I dared not carry it out. It was not the constraint of fear, for who would fear a welcome visitor with freedom and rest in his gift ? I had to go to Shanghai, and go I must. Even the last grim remedy, which all Humanity holds itself free to grasp when the burdens of life have become too oppressive to be borne, was denied me.
The horror of it! That haunting conviction that I was no longer a free agent—that I could not even seek death without another's permission ! Insanity itself would have been a relief. I thought, enviously, as we swung past the Saddles, of a lunatic I had once seen, to whom the cares of the world were but shadows, who, laughing ever, lived but in the glorious present among joys of his own conjuring.
And so we turned into the Yangste, and catching a convenient tide at Woosung, reached Shanghai that same evening. It was growing dark before we passed the bar signal station, and the red lights hoisted on the flag-staff looked to my shuddering sight like the glaring orbs of an Argus-eyed monster, gloating luridly over my recapture, as they blinked at us from astern.
On reaching town, I drove at once to the house and let myself in with the latch-key. The Chinese boy who had been left in charge was unmistakably surprised at my unexpected return—a surprise not unmixed with chagrin, for he was dispensing liberal hospitality in the kitchen to a crowd of admiring friends, who had taken up permanent quarters there during our absence.
And now, curiously enough, the compelling force that had drawn me here lessened in intensity and ceased altogether on my arrival at home. It left me in a state of mental perturbation, drifting waywardly to and fro, like the boat that, whirling down the rapids, finds itself drawn suddenly into the comparative calm of some backwater, lacking the guiding hand that had once urged it to the descent.
It seemed to me next morning incredible that I should have been brought down to Shanghai, and then permitted to lie quietly in my own bed, making an attempt, however futile, to sleep.
What new horror lay in store for me from that reptile ? I asked myself as I rose, shivering from the effect of apprehension working on disordered nerves. This day would show—at least, I should know the worst.
But no. The day passed quietly away. I stuck methodically to routine work, and would vouchsafe no reason to the rest of my staff for my speedy return. Once a horrible thought seized me. Why had I been made to return without my wife ? Had I been permitted to consult her, she would certainly have accompanied me. Great God! could it be
possible that that fiend ? I dared not allow
my mind to frame the ghastly thought. But I took the first opportunity of finding out where Rawdon was. To my relief, he was still at Shanghai. I cannot write down the horrible fear that assailed me.
Two days later Ethel followed me down from Chefoo. She was looking frightened and distressed at my abrupt departure, but there was no look of reproach in the lovely eyes as she greeted me. Her sole anxiety had been for me. What was the matter of such urgency that had called me away without giving me time to say a word of farewell to her ? But I could only answer evasively that it was business of the utmost importance.
It was on the evening after her return that Rawdon, the parasite, again took possession of my body to work it as he willed. In our little drawingroom were some cherished specimens of old English tapestry, such as the ladies of the early part of the century had loved to work. They had been commenced by Ethel's grandmother and finished by her mother, who had made a present of them to my wife. There was nothing in the whole house that she cherished with such reverent affection as these examples of bygone industry, and Arnold Rawdon knew of them, and knew the value she set on them—at least he must have known ; yet no, perhaps he did not: I cannot tell. I have long since given up all attempt to discover what the man saw with his own eyes and what with mine.
We were sitting together in the room, as was our wont. Ethel was at the piano playing to me the airs she knew I loved, when my eyes, roaming over the walls, came ultimately to rest on the tapestries. I sat looking fixedly at them for some time, then rose and walked toward them and began deliberately to tear them down. Ethel heard the rustle and flutter, as one after the other came to the ground, and stopped playing.
I felt her eyes turned on me with that old look of apprehension, and I felt the brutal cruelty of what I was doing. Yet I coolly picked up one of the pieces that lay at my feet, and rent it deliberately in two. The stuff was rotten with age, and yielded readily to my efforts. Then I took each half separately and tore it across again and yet again, until a mass of shredded cloth was all that remained of the tapestry my wife had loved. I picked up the second piece; but here Ethel, stung into action at seeing this ruthless destruction of her treasures, rose in agitation from her place and crossed to my side, imploring me to desist. I shall never forget that look of pleading, grief, and fear I saw in her eyes, as I stood for a moment coldly regarding her. She uttered not a word,—there was no need for words, with looks so eloquent.
And I understood clearly every expression that flitted across her face. I realised perfectly the pain I was causing her. It was all so clear to me, yet disassociated from myself, a sensation apart, that had nothing to do with my actions. After gazing at her like this for a second or two I laughed harshly, and seizing her roughly by the arm, led her back to her place and returned to my hellish work.
I was destroying the last piece, gloating as I did so over my work, when I commenced to experience again that feeling of change that had come over me before in the public gardens—that indescribable something that told me my muscles were coming under the control of my own volition again. As before, too, my soul sprang eagerly forward to regain possession of the evacuated citadel, and almost before I was aware of it, I was myself, my own free-thinking self, standing there, looking stupidly down at a piece of tapestry I held in my hands.
I glanced across at Ethel. She had left her seat at the piano and had thrown herself face down on the couch; I could see the dainty shoulders heaving as she struggled to repress her sobs. As I crossed to her side to ask her forgiveness, to try and explain, I stopped abruptly as the bitter question formulated itself in my brain: What explanation could I offer ? What could I tell her to excuse such an act—that someone at a distance had compelled me to do it against my will ? Would Ethel understand ? Would she not rather think her worst fear was confirmed—the fear that I read so plainly in those clear, horror-stricken eyes—that I had lost my reason ?
No, the thing was hopeless. I must let her think what she would. Explanations would but make it worse. And so, with head bowed in utter hopelessness, I crept softly from the room and up to our bedroom.
What was to be the end of it ? I asked
myself. on the morrow. Then I too went upstairs. Ethel had fallen asleep, and I stood looking down at her .with a thrill of gratitude to Heaven for having blessed me with such a wife.
The pure young face was turned slightly from me, and I could see the line of the dark lashes that touched her cheek and swept upward again.
One bare, rounded arm was thrown upward in curves of graceful beauty, until the little hand was lost in the loosened coils of fair hair beneath her head.
Her whole attitude, in its youthful freshness and repose, whispered a witchery more thrilling than the charm of her waking moments. But as I stood watching the placid heave of her bosom, the fond smile faded from my lips, and I set my teeth; for a diabolical plan had commenced to insinuate itself into my mind—an impulse that made me quiver with terror and fall back a step as I fought frantically to thrust it aside. I knew perfectly what it was, knew too whence it emanated; and with the knowledge came the ghastly conviction that it was useless to struggle against the growing dominance, that I must obey or, what was worse, yield up my body to the force, that it might work its will.
Not one detail of what occurred within the next twenty minutes was hidden from me; I could no more have concealed from myself what I was doing than I could have averted it.
XII.
Let me hurry through it, and tell it as briefly as I can, for it is not a subject one cares to dwell upon with too great minuteness of detail! I shall pass over that miserable day at the office—when work was impossible to my maddened brain, and when my thoughts travelled but in the one groove of horror, worn deep and smooth now with constant usage—and come at once to the night.
I had taken home with me some manuscript that required revision, or rather re-writing, before it could be available as copy. It was the report of an outport contributor, and what news it contained was so garbled as to require a large amount of licking into shape before it could be made presentable. Feeling unequal to the task during office hours, I had determined to rewrite it at home and run it in in the next day's issue.